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Author:
Gene Este
Shade
Major Samantha Carter looked around herself, wondering how it had ended up like this. It was only supposed to be a routine recon mission. Colonel O'Neill, Teal'c, and Daniel were all on vacation, so she had taken over SG-11. When they had gotten through the gate, the Goauld had been waiting for them. Driven into the woods and finally into a rocky clearing, her team had been picked off, one by one by the now approaching Jaffa. It was only supposed to be a routine mission, she thought again, as she looked around at her fallen team, not knowing whether they were dead or alive, and not being able to find out without giving away her position. She would do no good to her team dead. She herself had a wound on her forehead, the blood running from it into her eyes and down her cheek. No, she thought, I need to get back to the stargate, send through a message for help. It didn't matter about her, but she cared too much for this team to let them die. She picked herself up off the ground where she had been laying, determined to at least to get back to the stargate. But as soon as she had gotten up, a zat blast from an unknown source hit her leg, making her fall hard onto the ground. Must have been using the invisibility technology, she figured, just before a Jaffa knocked her unconscious.
~
\Three Hours Later\
"Unscheduled Off-world activation." The klaxons blared as Colonel Jack O'Neill, having just gotten in from his vacation, ran to the control room. "Tok'ra signal confirmed, sir," Simmons said to General Hammond, who was already there. With a nod he said, "Open the iris," and motioned to Jack to go with him to the gate room to greet their guests.
However, it was only Jacob who came through the event horizon with an almost sorrowful look on his face.
"George, Colonel," he said, looking at both. "We need to talk."
~
With Teal'c and Daniel having joined them in the briefing room, Selmak took over, relating the reason he had come. "About half an hour ago, we received a transmission from one of our Tok'ra operatives in a Goauld prison camp. The operative told us that after a battle with Apophis's guard, Samantha was taken there. She was the only one they captured."
Stunned, and obviously troubled, Daniel looked at Jacob, "Did you receive any other information? Was she injured?"
Jacob, now in control again, shook his head. "The transmission was short. The operative was only able to give us a time and description of the guards. But I seriously doubt that Sam would have gone without a fight."
Jack spoke up, after being unusually quiet. "We need to get a team together, sir, go after them."
General Hammond shook his head, "First things first, Colonel. We need to go to
P4X-365 and recover the rest of the team. Then we'll devise a plan to go get Major Carter. Jacob, what do you know about this prison camp?"
~
Jack stood in the middle of the aftermath of the battle, and for the hundredth time that day, cursed the goauld.
"Colonel O'Neill." At the call of his name, he turned to find Dr. Frasier kneeling beside a soldier who was sitting against a rock. She motioned to him.
"Yes?" he said, going over to stand next to her. "Lt. Sanders here was hit by a staff weapon, he's been out for a while, but he's able to talk. He has quite a story to tell, sir."
The young soldier looked at the Doctor briefly, then Jack, and started to talk. "Well, sir, when we came through the gate, it was like the Jaffa were waiting for us. I mean, they looked like they were just standing around until we got there. When Major Carter saw them, she ordered us to take cover, but they were already firing their staff weapons at us. Jacobs went down first. Then Easton. The Major ordered me and Grey to get the guys, then retreat. So we did, into the woods. We held up for a while, but we were outnumbered, and they just kept coming, so we kept retreating. There was nothing else for us to do." The soldier had a faraway look in his eyes, as if he were reliving it. "We finally got into this clearing, and one of the Jaffa took out Grey. I took cover behind this rock, but when I came back up to take a shot they were all gone. It was like they had disappeared. I could see Major Carter from here, but I don't think she could see me. She must've fell on the way here, because she had a cut on her forehead, and it was bleeding pretty badly. She stayed where she was for awhile, but when she saw that there were no Jaffa, she got up and headed back to the stargate, the way we came. Then a staff blast came out of nowhere; hit her in the back of the leg. It looked fairly bad. Then a Jaffa- Oh, I don't know- decloaked, I guess you could say, went over and knocked her out with the bunt of his staff weapon. I stood up to shoot them, but I guess another one decloked behind me and shot me, because that's the last thing I remember," he said, coming back to the present.
"Thank you, Lieutenant," Jack said.
Bothered by something, he turned to Frasier. "Are all the men accounted for?"
"Yes sir," she replied.
Frustrated, he looked around. "Why the hell would they just leave you here, alive? Why didn't they want you for hosts? Or at least information?"
"That's what we'd like to know," Daniel said as he and Teal'c joined them, having talked to the other soldiers.
"Permission to speak freely, sir?" asked Sanders. With Jack's nod, he continued, "That's just it, sir. They didn't want us. The only person they wanted was Major Carter. And now they have her."
~
"My only question is, why her? Why not any of the others?" Jack asked, again to no one in particular. They were back at the SGC, gathered around the conference table in the briefing room, with everyone, minus Jacob, who had gone back to the Tok'ra council to get more information on the prison camp.
"Think about it, Jack," Daniel said annoyed. "She has Jolinar's memories. That alone is really good reason for the Goauld to want to capture her. She also has almost unlimited information about the SGC and Earth, and I don't need to remind anyone how valuable that information is to Apophis."
"I know that, Daniel. Besides, that's not what I meant. I meant that since Jolinar died, the other team members know just about as much as she does about the Tok'ra. And there's really nothing that Carter could tell them about the SGC or Earth that the team couldn't tell them. So I ask again. Why only take her?"
He looked around the room, at General Hammond, Teal'c, and finally Daniel, trying to find answers. He found none.
"I've seen to it that all the SG team access codes have been changed, and that no one goes through the gate until we get Major Carter back. We cannot risk this happening again, for whatever reason it did." Said the General, breaking the silence.
"So what do we do now?" Daniel asked, fearing the answer.
"Now we wait for Jacob."
~
Sam woke up in a dark, damp cell. She didn't know which hurt the most, her head or leg. Scratch that, she thought, Leg definitely hurts more. Moaning, she pulled herself up into a sitting position and looked around. She couldn't see her surroundings, which ruled out surveying for escape routes. She noticed that all her gear was gone, including her GDO. Damn. She closed her eyes.
"Hello? Are you alright?" an unfamiliar voice called from somewhere close to her.
"Who's there?" she asked, wearily.
"It's alright. I won't hurt you. Is it alright if I sit beside you?" - he asked quietly. His voice was soft and welcoming in the silence. She felt surprisingly comforted by it and against her military trained will she felt an urge to trust the voice.
"Alright." She tried to move over, and gasped at the pain it caused her. But suddenly she felt a rough hand on her forehead, a strange coolness inside her head, and then no pain at all. And as suddenly as the hand had come, it was gone.
"Is the pain gone now?" the man asked.
"Yes. Wow…what was that?" she asked, amazed.
"It's a…talent, you might say, that my people have. The wound is still there, but you will feel no pain from it, at least for a while."
"Thank you. How does it work?"
"Let's just say I gave the pain portion of your brain a block from your wounds. The pain signals can't make it to that part of the brain. I'd explain it in more detail, but I get the feeling that you're not up for it right now."
Smiling, she nodded. "I think you're probably right. How long have you been here?"
"Too long."
Taking the hint, she decided to end that line of questioning. "How long have I been here?"
"Several hours, I think. You're never too sure about the time around here."
Nodding, then realizing that he couldn't see her she said, "I can imagine."
"What is your name?"
"My name is Major Samantha Carter. And you?"
"I have several names. But my friends and my people call me Shade."
"Nice to meet you. Do you happen to know where we are?" she asked.
"Unfortunately, no. The goauld are extremely secretive when it comes to this place. There are many resourceful people here, and they are afraid that if anyone were to know anything about this place, prisoners would escape."
"They would probably be right." If only I knew something about this place…anything.
"It is no use Samantha. They will tell you nothing, and you will find out nothing on your own."
"How did you know…you're telepathic?!" she asked, fairly surprised.
"Yes. But I can only hear your thoughts if you trust me and allow me to. It is a rule among my people."
"So I guess I trust you then?"
"You must, if I could hear your thoughts."
She sighed. I wonder if he can hear everything…
"Yes, but again, only if you allow me to."
She smiled to herself. Then a thought suddenly occurred to her. "Can you hear a goauld's thoughts? Do they allow you to?"
"They don't know I have this ability. They would have to know I could hear their thoughts before they could let me. Even if they did, however, because of the mental discipline of the parasite, I would be unable to anyway."
Damn. That would have been very useful. Sighing, she laid her head back on the wall.
All of a sudden, a door she hadn't even known was there opened. She squinted at the light, her unaccustomed eyes stinging.
"Tauri, you will come with us. Now." Said one of the two Jaffa standing there.
Shade's voice sounded in her head, it will be better for you if you do not resist. Tell them what they ask, do not hold back. It will be better for you.
Surprised, all she could do was nod before she was dragged out of the dark cell.
~
/One Hour Later/
"Ok, listen up." Jack said, to get the attention of SG-1 and SG-3. Seeing that the gate room was quiet and that all eyes were on him, he continued.
"From what the Tok'ra has told us, the prison camp on P2X-485 is highly guarded. The plan is to get in, get Major Carter, and get out. We will not engage the goauld unless we absolutely have to. We don't want anyone to know we're there, so cover your tracks, is that clear?" after a chorus of "Yes Sirs" and nods from Teal'c, Daniel and Jacob, "Good. SG-3, you take point. Everyone, watch your sixes." With that, they went through the gate.
~
"There's nothing here!" Angry, Jack let out a long stream of curses and looked around at the barren countryside. He turned to Jacob.
"Jacob, no offense, but just what the hell is going on?"
Jacob shook his head, bewildered. "Based on the Tok'ra Intel, it should be here. Dammit!"
"Is it at all possible that your Tok'ra operative, isn't Tokra?"
Jacob sighed and closed his eyes in frustration.
~
"Jacob, are you telling me that this was a hoax?" asked George, disbelief on his face.
Jacob nodded. "Yes. I think it's safe to say that our operative was found out by Apophis and killed. The goauld are responsible for the misinformation. They did this to show their superiority. They could have left us grasping for straws." He got up out his chair, too angry to sit. When he finally talked again, it was quiet and laced with fury. "They wanted us to know that we wouldn't find her. They rubbed our goddamn noses in it."
George leaned back in his chair, but didn't speak.
Jacob spoke again, this time anger was replaced with something else. Something far more menacing. Grief, for a daughter he was afraid he would not find alive.
"I…" Jacob bowed his head, letting Selmak take over, unable to continue. The grief and sadness, however, was mirrored in Selmak's words. "I suggest, General, that you modify anything that Samantha would have known. Codes, computer programs, procedures…"
Daniel stared. "Wait a second! What exactly are you saying?"
Selmak stared back, his glare intense. "The goauld are ruthless, Dr. Jackson. This you know. I do not have to remind you of the torture that all of you went through when we were in Sokar's possession. Apophis's methods of acquiring information are much worse. Especially if she holds back the information he seeks," he looked at George, "That is why I am asking you to change any of her knowledge that pertains to the SGC. I am hoping that she will know this, and tell them what they want. She may survive long enough for us to find her." Jacob regained control. "Please, George. I know this is a lot to ask."
"Jacob, you're right. It is a lot to ask. But I'll do it."
~
/Meanwhile/
Sam screamed again from the hand device that was being used on her. After they took her from the cell that she shared with Shade, she was led down a dark hallway into a room. There she was restrained in chains that came down from the ceiling, which left her just able to touch the floor with her feet. But she had no more energy to hold herself upright, and relied heavily on the chains.
"What are the weaknesses of the iris that protects the Chaapa'ai?" asked one of the Jaffa, after he was finished with the hand device.
"I don't know." She panted, and almost immediately she felt the pain from the device again.
"I don't know!" she screamed again, close to sobbing. Oh god…just let me pass out…
No Samantha, Shade answered, if you do that, you may never wake up.
Shade?
Yes, Samantha, I'm here.
Am I crazy? Is this even possible?
Yes. Do you not remember before, in the cell?
I was sure I had imagined it…
No. I told you to tell them everything. Why haven't you heeded my advice?
Because I can't. My people would be in danger…
Thinking that Sam had been ignoring their questions, the angered Jaffa heightened the intensity of the hand device, shooting pain through her that was infinitely worse than before.
Oh god…
Hold on Samantha, urged Shade, it will be over soon. Should I tell you about where I come from?
Now? Please. Maybe it will take my mind off this…
I hope so. I live on a beautiful world…
Oh god…
Samantha, concentrate on me.
I can't. This hurts…
I know. Concentrate on what I'm saying. Do you understand? It will be over soon…
Ok, Ok. I'm trying. What were you saying?
I live on a beautiful world with waterfalls and hills that go on forever…
~
After what had seen like hours, with Sam talking mind-to-mind with Shade during her torture, the Jaffa finally took her back to the cell. She collapsed on the floor where they threw her, laying down on the cool surface staring into the dark. Her head was killing her.
"Shade? Are you here?" she asked, afraid of being alone when she was so vulnerable.
"Yes Samantha, I am here."
"Good," was all that she could say. She lay there, shivering from the cold floor and air. She heard Shade moving towards her, and then his hand on her back. She flinched at his touch, reliving the time she had just spent with the Jaffa.
"It's alright. Are you cold? You're shaking."
"Yeah, a little."
"So am I. Would it be all right if I held you?" he asked, hesitant.
She thought a moment, "Yes."
He helped her into a sitting position, and then put her head to his chest and his arms around her. Settled, and warmer, Sam closed her eyes.
"You know, you never told me about your family. I know about your world, but you avoided talking about anyone you loved. Why?"
"I don't know. I suppose I just get homesick. But I will talk of them if you'd like."
"Yes, I would."
"Alright. My wife, Allay, is wonderful. She's one of the most loving people I know. The first time I met her, it was at her sister Kyte's wedding. I was a good friend of Kyte's husband. Our society is very traditional and spiritual, so there were certain clothes we have to wear at the bonding of two people. She was wearing a deep blue skirt and a sky blue wrap. I remember every detail of my first sighting of her as if it were just a moment ago. We were married along with them that day."
She smiled, a bit astonished. "But you had just met. You didn't even know each other. Did your families approve?"
"You forget, Samantha, that my people have the ability to hear thoughts and feelings. We knew everything about each other in that first moment that we would ever need to know. And we fell in love. Our families knew this. Have you ever loved someone so much that you would accept them, all their faults, pains, memories, just so you could be with them?"
Pressing her eyes closed more tightly, she thought of a man, whose name she would never be able to say aloud. Big Mistake…
"You have felt that kind of love. Who is this, Colonel O'Neill? And why do you hide your feelings?"
"It's forbidden." She thought of everything that was keeping them apart, because it was easier than saying it aloud. Regulations, his past, my past…
"I see. I also see that he feels the same way. You know, love is something that you are blessed to receive. I can't help but feel that it's a horrible thing to not rejoice in that gift."
"The regulations are there for good reasons. Besides, I'm not even sure it would be a good idea anyway…" she stopped, knowing that he knew of her lie.
"I guess it's easier to say that it's a better idea to ignore your feelings than to confront and do something about them."
She smiled again. "I guess you have a point."
"The subject makes you uncomfortable. Why don't you get some sleep?"
"Good idea," she said, and drifted off to sleep.
~
Jack couldn't sleep. And on entering the commissary Jack saw that neither could Daniel.
"Hey, Danny," the man looked up at him from his cup of coffee on the table, "Don't you ever sleep?"
"Couldn't tonight. I keep thinking about Sam." He rubbed his eyes, sighing. "I keep thinking that we should have been with her. She should have been with SG-1. Why didn't she wait till we got back? Or why didn't she just go on vacation?"
"You know Carter, Daniel. She has a weird sense of fun." Jack sat down across from Daniel. "You know, if you're going to be up in the middle of the night, you should eat something instead of just drinking coffee."
"I'm not hungry."
"Daniel, you're gonna waste your energy and then you won't be any use to anyone."
"Fine. I'll have…toast or something." Daniel looked at Jack. "What are you going to have?"
"Coffee."
~
Samantha, wake up.
"What?" Sam got up off the floor and realized that she was alone.
Samantha.
Shade? Where are you?
I'm with the Jaffa, in the room I'm assuming you were taken yesterday.
Are you-
Yes.
I'm sorry.
Why? This is not your fault Samantha.
I know, but still…
I'm sorry to wake you, as I know that you need your rest. But I need someone to talk to, it helps me endure this…
It's all right, I understand. When did they take you? I didn't even know…
I have learned that it is better to let them take you than to resist.
I see. Why are you here Shade?
Because the goauld want to know where my planet is. When I was captured, I was traveling, visiting an ally. They want to make my people slaves, so they can use them to know their enemy's plans and thoughts. They think that we can just automatically hear it. I keep telling them that is doesn't work that way, but they won't listen. They still want me to betray my people…I have been here for seven months. I have been here too long…I miss my family, my wife, my unborn child…
Your wife is pregnant?
Yes. She will give birth in a matter of weeks…
I'm so sorry…
I am coming back Samantha. The goauld are finished with me.
Sam leaned back against the wall. She couldn't imagine being here that long. But she couldn't imagine a way that the SGC could find her, either. And if the goauld kept being so secretive about this place, she would never find a way out herself. God, she thought, I hate this place…
~
/One Month Later/
How long has she been gone now? A month? Jack rubbed his eyes. They had looked everywhere. Talked to everyone they could meet and think of. They had found out nothing. Absolutely Nothing. He got up from his desk where he had been catching up on paperwork to go see off SG-9. The teams had been allowed, though on alert, to go off world last week. He found Daniel standing near the door in the gate room, having read his thoughts. They had been doing that a lot lately.
Jack walked to Daniel's side. Daniel glanced at him, "You know, it just doesn't feel right without her."
"I know." Seeing as Daniel wasn't going to say anything else, he went on. "Jacob's coming through the gate today, to update us on any news," Hoping that it would put optimism back into the archeologist's face, but deep down knowing it wouldn't.
"The only news we're going to hear is 'There's no news.'" He replied.
Jack sighed. He couldn't be mad; he knew Daniel was right. If the SGC couldn't find anything, he doubted the Tok'ra would have much luck either. The gate opened, and hearing a go from the control room, SG-9 stepped through. SG-1 themselves were on standdown until one of three things happened; One, they found her, Two, they found her dead, or Three, They didn't find her and they have to find a replacement. Neither of the latter options were really options to him. But then it didn't matter what he wanted. He didn't want Carter to be captured, but she was. He wanted to find her, but they hadn't. And he wanted to tell her how much she mattered to him, but he couldn't. God, he thought, I hate the Goauld…
~
How long have I been here? A month? A month. That means November's gone. It's… December. Yes, December. How could I forget? Christmas will be coming soon. Mark is going to be mad…
"Mark?" Shade asked, not familiar with the name.
"Mark is my brother. I haven't told you about him?"
"No, you haven't."
"Oh. Well, he's four years older than I am. He and I have always had a rocky relationship. He was pretty angry when I joined the military."
"Why?"
"My mother died when I was young. Dad was supposed to meet her but he didn't make it, she made her own way home and had an accident. Mark blamed Dad. Then when I joined the same line of work as him it was like I was saying it's okay. We worked things out about a year ago but before that…We were supposed be spending some time together soon. He's going to be really mad when he finds out I'm missing. Especially since Dad can't tell him why."
"Why won't your father be able to tell them what's happened to you?"
"The Stargate program is classified. The public doesn't know anything about it, and the government tries to keep it that way."
Sam knew the goauld would be coming for her soon. The Jaffa and her had worked out a schedule. She would wake up in the morning; eat the slosh that they gave her to keep her alive for the torture, then the Jaffa would come for her. They'd torture her, and then bring her back when they were finished. That could be hours, it could be minutes. It all depended on how the Jaffa felt that day. She would have the rest of the day to sleep, talk to Shade, and think about home in their pitch-black cell. Just then, it occurred to her that she had no idea what Shade looked like, and that Shade didn't know what she looked like. They had spent a month in close confines, he had held her, she had told him everything she could about her world and family, but they didn't know what the other looked like. Sam started to laugh. She heard chuckles coming from Shade's side of the cell.
"What a ridicules situation," Shade said, but his laughing stopped when he heard the door opened, and the Jaffa stepped in. She was getting up to go with the awaiting Jaffa, wincing as her still-injured leg burned with pain, when she saw something flash in the corner of her eye. She saw Shade move into the light from the doorway. Normally, he avoided the light when she was taken, and when he went she was usually asleep. But here she was now looking at the kindest, handsomest face she had ever seen. He was tall, with dark skin and brown eyes. He just vaguely reminded her of Cuba Gooding Jr. She smiled at him, and at what he had done for her.
He looked at her, puzzled. "Cuba Gooding Jr.?"
Her smile widened as she tried not to chuckle. "I'll explain later," she replied, and then limped out the door with the Jaffa.
~
"Hey, Jacob. Any news?" Jack asked has he entered the briefing room, stealing a quick look at Daniel. He had the distinct feeling that this meeting wouldn't go well.
"No, there isn't. The Goauld have kept a tight lid on where she is. No one we've talked to has seen or heard anything." Daniel shot Jack an I-told-you-so look from across the table. Jack just shook his head; still trying to shake the feeling of foreboding that he had had ever since he had come in. But the feeling seemed to be justified as General Hammond came through the door and sat down at the head of the table, bearing a very pained expression on his face.
"Before I go on I just want to say that I fought this as hard and as long as I could, and that I tell you this in greatest possible sadness." He paused, and looked at the people now around the conference table. "My superiors have informed me that Major Samantha Cater has officially been designated as Missing In Action, and that we will no longer be permitted to take any teams to look for her. I'm sorry, Jacob. I tried everything. There's nothing I can do." Jacob nodded, hating the situation but understanding George's position. Jack, Janet, and Daniel were furious, however. And they all chose to express it at one time.
"What? We can't do that"-
"They're just going to give up"-
"Sir, What if she's still out there? We can't just"-
George raised his hand, and they all went silent. "Like I said before, I argued as much as I could. And believe me, I know how much she means to you," with that he looked at Jack, "But there's nothing anyone can do now. I'm sorry." He sighed, got out of his chair and headed toward the door. "Dismissed." Daniel leaned back in his chair, just staring at the table. Janet was fighting tears, and finally after several minutes left the room to be alone. Unable to help his friends at that moment, Jack left Daniel in the briefing room and walked, not caring where he was going. He found himself in the gate room, staring at the inactive stargate. He didn't move for a very long time.
~ ---------------
/Later That Day/
The memorial service was simple; the members of the SGC gathered in the gate room. Jacob said words for Sam; Jack had declined to speak. He hated the decision to stop looking for her, and he supposed it was his way of saying that he hadn't given up. That he wouldn't give up. Jack shook himself, having missed Jacob's speech, and turned his attention to General Hammond, who took the podium after Jacob had finished.
"Major Carter was an invaluable asset to the SGC. In her years here she accomplished things that we had never dreamed of before; got us out of situations that we thought hopeless. She saved the lives of many people in this room, including myself. She was a friend to all, and one of the best Air Force officers I have had the pleasure to know. She will be missed." The stargate, on cue, activated, leaving a blue hue cast on everyone's faces. Moments later, as a reef was sent through, the officers snapped to attention and saluted until it vanished and the Stargate deactivated. The people slowly filtered out, heading to their homes, since everyone was on stand down for the next week. SG-1 itself would probably be on stand down for a while longer, considering how soon a replacement was found for Sam's place on the team. Now they all had to deal with the business of breaking it to Sam's family. General Hammond and Jacob had struggled with what to tell the family; they had decided on the truth. Or at least as close to the truth as they could get with out actually telling the truth. Jack and Daniel met up with Jacob who was rubbing his eyes, looking extremely tired.
"How are you Jacob?" Jack asked him, looking a bit worried.
"I'm fine. I'm just not looking forward to telling Mark." Jacob sighed.
"You haven't told him yet?" Daniel asked, slightly surprised.
"I wasn't sure what to tell him. George and I only just decided how to handle it."
Daniel nodded, understanding.
Jacob suddenly looked uncomfortable. "I have a favor to ask the both of you."
Jack and Daniel exchanged looks. "What is it?"
"Mark's here…in Colorado. Him and Sally…that's his wife, they're staying at her folks place. I'd like you to come with me to tell him about Sam."
"Uh…sure. Any reason why you want us there?"
"You know about the bad blood between Mark and me. We only just patched things up and now…this. He blamed me for his mother's death and he hated Sam's decision to follow in her old man's footsteps. He's going to need someone to blame for this."
"And you think that if we're there he'll contain himself?" Daniel asked.
"Yes." Jacob said, straining a thin smile, "Even with Selmak, I don't have the energy to deal with him." Jack nodded, glared at Daniel, who nodded too, "I understand. We'll come."
~
Jacob, Jack, and Daniel stood outside the house of Tim and Sandra Reed, Sally's parent's house. Jacob threw them a look equivalent to "Brace yourselves" and knocked on the door. When the door opened they were looking at a tall, red-haired man.
"Hello, Mark." Jacob said, forcing a smile.
"Hey Dad. What are you doing here?" He asked, as he motioned them to come inside. They were led into the living room, with light blue carpets and beige walls. Sitting on the couch, was a woman in her mid-thirties with dark hair and a beautiful smile, watching two young blond children, a boy and a girl, who both seemed excited to see their grandpa, the girl reminding him for some reason of Sam.
Avoiding the question for the moment, "Uh, Mark, I'd like you to meet some friends of mine. Colonel Jack O'Neill, Dr. Daniel Jackson, this is my son Mark, his wife Sally, and their two kids." Jack smiled slightly and muttered a 'Hi, how ya doin', and Daniel just said hello quietly.
Mark and Sally returned the greetings, and Sally smiled.
"It's good to see you Jacob. I don't suppose you brought Sam with you? I've been looking forward to talking to her for forever…" she trailed off, seeing the pained looks on their faces. "Jacob? Where's Sam? What's wrong?"
Sighing, "I need to talk to the both of you," and seeing the children, "Alone."
Eyeing Jacob, Sally went to the kids and told them to go play in their room, where they went.
"You might want to sit down." Jacob said.
"Dad, if it's bad news, then just get on with it. It won't be any better for me sitting down or standing up."
Jacob nodded. "Alright then. About a month ago, Sam went on a mission. Somewhere along the line that mission went wrong, and Sam went missing."
Mark was quiet. His gaze was intense, and it went form Jacob to Jack to Daniel, and then back to Jack. "What happened? Is she all right? Where is she?"
Jacob took a deep breath. "On all three, we don't know. We don't know what happened, or at whether she was hurt or not. And we don't know where she is. Yesterday she was declared Missing In Action."
Shock registered on Mark and Sally's face. Anger then took over Mark's. "Why weren't we told sooner?"
"Because the Air Force wanted to do all it could before she was dabbed as MIA. They didn't want anyone to know what was going on, because the mission was considered classified. And it still is."
Sally spoke up, her face showing the pain that she was in. "They don't have any idea where she is? I mean, there has to be something somewhere that they could go on. Did they even look for her?"
Jack spoke up, his voice cool. "I assure you, Mrs. Carter, that the Air Force did look for her. We care for her and have more respect for her than to just ignore the fact that she's out there somewhere. She's given too much to the Air force than to do that."
"Yes, she has given too much to the Air Force." Mark and Jack glared at each other for a moment, and Daniel gave Jack a look, a silent warning not to lose his temper, and then Mark broke the stare. He looked at his father. "Excuse me." He left the living room and went down the hall into his study, where he shut the door, none too quietly. Jacob sighed. Sally looked at him, sympathy and understanding in her eyes. "Jacob, go on. Explain it to him. He'll listen eventually." She smiled sadly, and then frowned. "I'm sorry, Jacob."
He nodded, and went after Mark. That left Jack and Daniel uncomfortable in the living room with Sally, who had moved to the window, looking out.
"I apologize Colonel, for saying that you didn't look for her. It implies that you didn't care for her, and I have no doubt that you did."
"It's alright. And call me Jack." She nodded at the window, and then turned around to face him. When she began to talk, her voice was shaky, as if she were trying to control tears. "Alright, Jack," she paused, looked down, and then looked back up, having decided what to say. "Is there any way that you could tell me where she was when she disappeared?" Jack shook his head. "No. I'm sorry."
She nodded her head, "Can you tell me what she was doing?"
He sighed, and then shook his head 'no' again.
She nodded again, and this time it was anger that shook her voice, not tears, and her next words were said slowly and with much emphasis. "Sam was my best friend, my husband's sister, and my children's Aunt. We all love her very much. Is there any chance, even in its smallest possibility, that she's alive?"
Daniel looked at Jack, wondering what he was going to say next. They both knew that after this long in the Goauld's hands, there was literally no chance that Sam was still alive. He had come to terms with this, and with that came the worst thing he had ever experienced in his life; the loss of all hope in good things. Jack caught Daniel looking at him, and held his gaze for a moment, and then looked back at Sally. "I don't know."
She bowed her head, and hugged herself.
"I was praying you wouldn't say that."
~
They stayed until that night, Jacob finally coming out of the study after talking with his son for an hour. After Jack's talk with Sally, she had gone in the kitchen and cooked dinner for all of them. Jack and Daniel had just sat in the living room, not talking to each other. They had nothing to say. So this, he thought, is what's become of SG-1.
~
The next week went in a blur for what was left of SG-1. They had all returned to the base, unable to go to their empty homes. They were afraid to be alone, because then they'd think of Sam, and all their grief and guilt would come back full force, and none of them wanted that to happen. The end of the week came; and with it the new member of the team.
Teal'c, Daniel, and Jack had gathered in the briefing room, waiting for General Hammond and the new member. They didn't have to wait long. They all stood up as Hammond and a tall, muscular man black hair and olive skin. Hammond waved to them to sit down, and introduced them to the man.
"SG-1, This is your new team member, Major Jose` Perez." Hammond then explained his qualifications; Perez was an astrophysicist, as Sam had been. Jack sensed himself getting angry, not at Perez or Hammond, but at the situation. If only Sam hadn't gone on that damn mission…He stopped himself. It wouldn't change anything to think that way, or to be angry. But he was anyway. He sighed.
"Colonel," Hammond said, getting Jack's attention. "Your next mission will be today at 1300. You'll be going to P7X-844…" Jack tuned out again. This is going to be a long day…
~
SG-1 stepped out onto a desert planet. At least there are no trees… "Okay, Daniel. Where are the inhabitants?"
Daniel pointed to the dune in front of them. "The village should be visible when we get to the top of that dune."
"Fine. Let's walk." They all trudged up the dune. Jack was getting massive amounts of sand in his boots, which did nothing for his mood. He hated sand. But then again, there wasn't a lot he didn't hate these days…
Now atop the dune, they were able to see the village, and people going about their business in black robes. "Let's go meet and greet. Teal'c you take point."
Closer now, Jack realized that what he thought were black robes were a strange kind of uniform, worn by the male-dominated residents. Now noticing they were there, a man in uniform called out what Jack assumed was a name, for right after a man came out of the tent nearest them. He stood there for a moment just studying them, then walked slowly up to them.
"What is your purpose here? Why have you brought a Jaffa through the Chaapa'ai?" he asked, weighing Jack up, and staring at Teal'c. Jack stole an alarmed glance at Daniel, but before Jack could say anything, Daniel spoke up. "We are peaceful travelers from a place called Earth. I am Daniel Jackson, this is our leader Colonel Jack O'Neill, Major Jose` Perez and the Jaffa is Teal'c." When the man said nothing, Daniel looked at Jack, who shrugged, and then back to the man. "I noticed you used the word Chaapa'aii," he pointed to the direction of the stargate, "Do you know the Goauld?"
The man looked as if he was deciding whether or not to tell them, and then apparently made up his mind. "Yes we do, very well. We are an army forming against the false gods. You have not answered my question. Why have you brought a Jaffa here?"
Teal'c walked forward. "Then we have something in common, for we also fight the Goauld. I am here with these men because I wish to free my people from them."
The man nodded. "I have heard stories of a Jaffa who fights with the Tau'ri, and when I first saw you I suspected you were that Jaffa, but I was not sure until now. You are welcome here, Teal'c," he turned to Jack and Daniel. "As are you, Colonel Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, and Major Jose` Perez."
Jack spoke up. "Uh, Jack, Daniel, and Jose` will do fine."
The man nodded again. "I am Teran. I have heard of all of you. You are responsible for Ra and Hathor's deaths."
Daniel smiled. "Among others, yes. How long have you been fighting the Goauld?"
Teran looked out over the village, and started walking, motioning them to walk with him. "Since the Goauld took my people as slaves, long ago. We have only succeeded in defending ourselves against more raids, but I fear there are few of us left. Many have been killed and captured."
Daniel looked at the sand, remembering. "So have our people. We didn't become slaves but believe me, the goauld tried."
Teran led them into a tent full of what seemed like maps of some kind. there were also papers with unrecognizable writing strewn across a desk.
On the desk beside the papers were several small devices, small enough to fit the palm of someone's hand. Teran swept the room with his hand. "My people were once great. Our technology advanced; our children safe. But one night, the Chaapa'aii activated and strangers poured out. We had no chance to defend ourselves; there was no warning," he paused and sighed. "A small band of us, I was but a child at the time, escaped unnoticed. More of us gathered as we went from city to city, warning of what was happening. We call ourselves 'The Insurgence'. There were many willing to fight when we first began. This is all that is left."
Daniel was quiet for a moment. "What happened to your families? Your cities?"
Teran motioned them to sit in chairs that were brought in while he had been talking. Once seated, he answered. "The Goauld took our families. Where? I do not know. They did not even bother to stay and relish in their victory. They merely destroyed our buildings, took our resources, and left. They come back periodically to mine Naquada from various parts of our world. We can sometimes keep them from it; but often not."
Daniel then related their story to the man. Their trip to Abydos, their other many dealings with the Goauld. The last thing he told was of Sam's capture and subsequent disappearance. The man stood up quickly; stuck his head outside of the tent and talked to one of the soldiers in a language Daniel couldn't understand. Then he turned and looked excitedly at Jack and Daniel.
"Forgive me, Colonel, but for several months now, my people have been watching a planet of endless dark. The Goauld have been stationed there; they come and go with many people every day. We have reason to believe that this is where many of our comrades have been taken, so they can be imprisoned and tortured for information. I have many scouts on different Goauld-occupied planets, but this is the only one we've found to be so full of activity. Perhaps this is where your friend has been taken as well."
~
"I don't know, Daniel. It just seems a little too convenient." Jack said, sitting in the briefing room.
Daniel shook his head at Jack's lack of enthusiasm. "Come on, Jack. We haven't come across anything since Sam disappeared. I think this could be the break we need."
Teal'c nodded at this. "As do I, General Hammond. Having spoken with them at length, I find them to be very trustworthy."
General Hammond acknowledged Teal'c with a nod. Then he turned to Perez. "What do you think Major?"
Perez shifted in his chair. He looked reluctant in giving an answer. "I think I'm going to have to agree with Colonel O'Neill on this one. It does seem a little too convenient. The goauld have already tried, and succeeded, to trick us once. It's possible that they think in giving us the chance to go after Major Carter, they'll be able to capture us as well. For example; they used the word 'Chaapa'aii'. If they hated the Goauld so much, why use their language?"
Daniel blinked at Perez. "Sir"-
"Dr. Jackson," the General warned, knowing what that look meant. "As much as I hate to say this, Major Perez and Colonel O'Neill are correct. I don't like the scenario you'd be faced with if this were a trap. I can't allow you to risk your lives when we don't have any kind of information other than it may be where Major Carter is." Hammond gathered the reports that lay on the table. "I will, however, continue communications with the- The Insurgence. They may prove to be a valuable ally. Dismissed."
Daniel got up quickly, angry with everyone in the room, except for maybe Teal'c. He made it to the hall before he heard Perez call his name. He turned around, ready to tell him off, but stopped himself when he saw the look of regret on Perez's face.
"What is it?" he asked briskly.
"Doctor, I didn't know Major Carter. But I have heard great things about her. And since it's obvious that you, the Colonel and Teal'c believe that she's still alive after all this time, she was a resourceful and excellent soldier."
Unhappy, Daniel shifted his weight. "Your point is?"
Perez gave a small nod. "My point is, that if what Teran said is true, and he does have people on that planet watching a prison, it's just a matter of time before the Goauld slip up and give him some reliable proof of it. And when they do, I'd just like to say that I'll be the first one to volunteer to go get the Major back." With that he turned and walked off.
Jack shook his head, having witnessed the exchange, thinking that maybe he had been wrong to discount the kid so quickly. Daniel came beside him. "What?"
Daniel stared at him. "Is it true?"
Jack shook his head, confused. "Is what true?"
Daniel sighed. "Do you believe Sam's still alive?"
Jack leveled his gaze sideways at Daniel. "Yes, I do. I can't not believe it. She's been through too much, Daniel. We've all been through too much together for one of us, especially her, to go down like that. Killed by the Goauld, alone, while the rest of us were living it up on vacation. It'd be such a damned waste if she were dead." His words were angry, mirroring the constant rage he harbored at the thought of Sam's death.
Teal'c appeared in the hall beside Daniel. "I concur with O'Neill. Like Major Perez stated, she is a very resourceful warrior. She would not allow herself to die with no serving purpose at the hands of the Goauld."
Daniel looked between them, and sighed again. "Do me a favor?" He asked, glancing at Jack.
"What?"
"Don't close your mind to this."
Jack rubbed his neck. "I'll make you a deal. If there's a chance in hell that Carter's on that planet, regardless of proof, I'll go. I just won't expect it."
"I'll make do with that. I just hope Sam keeps herself alive until then."
"So do I, Daniel."
~
Sam's leg hurt like hell. It was stiff, and she could barely bend her knee. She figured that the zat blast must've damaged her muscles and tendons, and the lack of treatment and her forced use of it probably was just making things worse. At least she had somehow avoided infection, which was amazing considering the filthy state of her clothes and the cell. The pain from her leg had steadily gotten worse over time, though Shade's pain blocks were helping considerably.
"You are welcome," he said from the other side of the cell.
She grinned in the dark. "You really enjoy doing that, don't you?"
"I must find some way of passing the time in this place. Even if it means teasing you." He said affectionately. She knew he had a smile on his face too. They had grown closer in the past weeks. They knew practically everything about each other, and had had some good conversations. The opening of the cell door and the Jaffa motioning to her to get up and go with them shattered the relaxed mood. She leaned heavily on the wall, trying to keep her weight off her right leg. "Yeah, I'm coming." Moaning at the pain standing caused her; she walked with them out the door and towards the room where she would be tortured.
~
Somewhere in the dark, a man in a black uniform stalked across the forest, keeping low and hidden, until the right time came to show himself. He saw the ring through the trees, and his opportunity to save his captured comrades. He ran across the field that held the ring in front of the aliens who guarded it. He was amazingly fast for a man so drained of energy. Alerted to his presence, they ran after him, using a communication device given them by their God to tell others of his incursion. Little did they know they had just triggered the first step in a plan of many more…
~
The Jaffa had been particularly cruel today, the hand device on the highest level that would do everything but kill her. She was hanging from the chains, too drained, as usual, to do or say anything. It was strange that Shade hadn't struck up a conversation mind-to-mind yet, for he more often than not talked to her as soon as the torture started. She was worried that something might have happened to him.
Samantha, you're being tortured and you're worried about me? You really do have a wonderful heart.
Not really. It was a selfish worry. I wanted you to talk to me to take my mind off the pain.
I knew that. But mostly, it was worry for me.
A siren-like noise ended their conversation and the Jaffa's torture. They looked out of the door and saw Jaffa running by, and left Sam suspended in the chains to go see what was going on. Several minutes went by and they still didn't come back. She started to feel the headache and nausea lessen.
Samantha, the guards of our room have left! Something must be happening outside.
This is probably a stupid question, but is the door unlocked?
I will see…Yes! It is!
Why would they leave the door unlocked if it was going to be unguarded?
I don't know. They left quickly, as I said there must be something going on.
Shade, you have to go, take advantage of this while you can!
I will not leave you, Samantha.
You have to! Go, now, before they come back!
I am coming to get you, Samantha.
Shade, there won't be enough time! They're going to realize that the prisoners are unguarded, and if they find you they'll kill you!
No they won't, Samantha, I am too valuable. I am the only one of my kind they have. The discussion stopped for a moment.
There are no Jaffa in the passageways, there should be no problem getting to you. Wait a moment.
Sam didn't have anything else to do but wait. True to his word, about a minute later Shade entered the room and walked straight to her. He looked at the shackles that bound her, and then turned around and went to get the object the Jaffa use to lock the chains. When she was free, she slumped against him, little energy to walk on her own. Without speaking they made there way to the doorway. Seeing the hallway stretch in both directions she looked up at Shade. "Which way do you want to go?"
"The cells are that way," he said, pointing to the way he had come, "and it stands to reason that the goauld would not put a possible exit by the cells should there be an escape." Looking right, he hesitated. "However, I do not know where that way leads."
Sam shook her head. "Either way, the odds are about the same, no matter which way we go. So I pick that way." She pointed right, and they set out.
They traveled past many different corridors that went in all directions, but they walked the same hallway, hoping that they would get lucky. And when the hallway curved to the right, they found it. An exit lay there in front of them and it was devoid of any Jaffa. They could see a forest just beyond it. They knew that once they got out, things would get tough, because there was a good chance that all of the Jaffa were out in those woods. But there was no telling exactly how many 'all' was. Two people against an indefinite amount of Jaffa in woods that they weren't familiar with, with no idea where the stargate was or what they would do once they got there wasn't exactly the best game plan Sam had ever come up with, but it would have to do considering the circumstances.
Taking a deep breath Sam looked up at Shade. "Let's go."
~
Jack had been asleep, dreaming of dark woods and the smell of fear when the klaxons sounded. He sat up straight in bed, cold sweat covering his body. He got up and got dressed, and then headed to the control room. He met up with Teal'c and Daniel, who never seemed to sleep anymore, in the hallway outside his quarters.
"What's going on?"
Daniel shrugged. "I'm not sure. I was in my room reading when I heard the klaxons."
They found themselves in the control room just in time to hear Simmons tell the General that they were receiving a transmission from P7X-844. Jack stole a glance at Daniel. "Isn't that…?" Daniel nodded before Jack could finish. "Teran's world, yes."
A voice came over the intercom. "Colonel O'Neill, are you there? Doctor Jackson"-
Jack leaned over and pressed a button on the console. "We're here Teran. What's going on?"
"We have received information from our scout on the planet of endless dark. He has put in motion a plan to save our comrades. We'll have the element of surprise, for the Goauld won't know we're there. I thought perhaps you would be interested in joining us."
The General raised an eyebrow at Jack. "Uh, why don't we get back to you on that?"
"Very well, Colonel. But don't take long. Time is of the essence." And with that the transmission cut off.
"Sir?" Jack looked at Hammond, hoping to get permission to go.
"Colonel, why don't we go into my office?" He said, and then led Jack out of the room. Once in his office, the General sat down in his chair and regarded Jack for a moment. "Colonel, we talked about this."
Jack shook his head. "Sir, It would only be Myself, Daniel, Teal'c, and possibly Perez, if he volunteers. We don't need a lot of people for this one. It would be a covert op."
Hammond leaned forward in his chair, exasperated. "Jack, there's literally no chance that Major Carter's alive. You'd be risking your life and your team. Give me one good reason I should let you do this."
Jack's gaze was steady and intense. "This is our last chance, sir. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we didn't take it. I have to know."
Hammond stared, and then sighed. "I know I'm going to regret this. All right. I want you to take care out there colonel. Understood?"
Jack nodded. "Yes sir."
Sighing again, Hammond nodded back. "Dismissed."
~
"Do we have any idea where we're going?" Sam asked, out of breath from half-running and half-walking all the way.
"As far as I know, we do not."
Sam nodded against his shoulder, and then moaned at the pain emanating from her leg. Shade took a fleeting look at her face. "Do you need to stop?"
She laughed shortly. "The way I see it, it's going to hurt like hell whether I'm moving or not. And I'd much rather be moving."
"Very well."
Sam swallowed, trying to force down the nausea the pain was causing. She wasn't sure how long she could keep up the pace. She figured that eventually she was going to have to say goodbye to Shade, and let him go without her. She was just slowing him down, and she couldn't stand the thought of being responsible for them being imprisoned again.
"I think you forget that I can hear your thoughts, Samantha. I believe I have already made it clear that I will not leave you behind, no matter the circumstances or consequences. Now, there will be no more discussion on the matter."
She smiled in the darkness. "Yes sir." Just then, she heard shouting in the distance. She felt Shade's arm tighten around her waist as they quickened their steps.
~
The gate closed behind SG-1 and Teran's men, leaving them in complete darkness. "Which way did your man say?" Jack whispered.
Teran moved until he was right beside Jack. "It should be a mile or so, east from the gate."
Jack nodded, his eyes starting to become used to the darkness. "Let's go" he said. It was as they started to move out that Jack heard the sudden shouting.
~
I believe they spotted us, Samantha.
She heard his voice in her head, having made a silent agreement not to talk so they wouldn't give away their position.
Yes, I think they have. Shade-
Just then, a staff blast came out of nowhere, hitting Shade in the back, throwing both of them to the ground. Shade landed face first on the ground, with Sam's leg just under him, causing her to bite her lip to hold back the cry.
"Shade!" She whispered urgently.
Quiet. Samantha, you must leave me.
No!
Listen to me. I cannot move or feel my legs, and the Goauld are closing in fast. There is no use you staying here now. We would only get captured again. Don't let this be for nothing.
No! You stay for me, I stay for you. We had this worked out.
No, I had this worked out. We never decided you would stay for me. You should go now.
They'll kill you!
No, they need information from me. I'm too valuable to them. They'll heal me.
I'm not leaving you!
The shouting grew louder as the Jaffa came closer.
Yes, you are. Go! Now! As fast as you can, go!
Tears filling her eyes and spilling over onto her cheeks, she bent down and kissed him on the cheek. He touched her face with his hand, his eyes still urging her to do what she desperately didn't want to.
"I'll come back. I promise."
And with that, she pulled herself up and ran, leaving Shade lying on the forest floor, the Jaffa approaching not far behind. She sobbed at the pain from having to leave Shade behind, the pain in her leg not as cutting. She looked back, seeing the Jaffa find Shade, brutally kicking him and pulling him up. She never should have taken the time, because she realized that one of the Jaffa had seen her and now was coming after her.
"Faster!" She told herself brokenly. But she was already going as fast as she could. She seemed to be going in slow motion; which would explain, she thought, why she heard the staff go off before she felt it. She went down, clutching her side and feeling warm liquid in her hand. It had just grazed her, if that were possible, but had still done considerable damage. Gritting her teeth, she looked up at the Jaffa standing over her. Amazingly still alert, she reached up and grabbed the staff weapon, catching the Jaffa off guard, used her legs to get leverage, and heaved him over her body and onto the grassy floor. She then brought the staff weapon up, which the Jaffa had let go of during his fall, turned over, and discharged it against his chest. The Jaffa was killed instantly. She stood and stared at his body, breathing hard. She stayed there for a moment, and then ran again, forcing the event out of her head and holding a hand to her side.
~
Teal'c appeared at Jack's side. "I believe we should move, O'Neill."
"Yeah. Unfortunately, that's the way we have to go."
"Then I suggest we get them before they get us," Daniel replied, somewhere behind him.
Jack raised an eyebrow at Daniel's words, and motioned them to go.
"Ok. Quietly, people." They walked for several minutes, covering ground quickly and stealthily. Hearing what seemed to be running, Jack held his hand up for everyone to stop. He moved forward to check it out and was hit head on and knocked down by the person who had been emitting the sounds. Fumbling for a flashlight, he found himself staring directly into a very familiar face. "Carter?"
~----------------
Sam put a hand up to shield her unaccustomed eyes from the light. Her eyes widened when she realized who had said her name. "Colonel? Is that you?"
He moved forward and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her up. She winced as pain jabbed at her side. It was difficult for her to breath now; her breath short and raspy. "Carter! It's sure as hell good to see you!"
"Sam!" She saw Daniel step up behind him. He pulled her into a hug. "Daniel, there's no time. We have to get out of here."
He stepped away and nodded. Sam caught sight of a man she didn't recognize. "Who are you?"
He moved closer, becoming slightly illuminated by the flashlight, revealing a man in a dark uniform she wasn't familiar with. "I am Teran. I have a scout here that has made this possible. I have come to free my people from the Goauld"-
"Have you?" She said, cutting him off.
"Not yet, but"-
"Then you're not going to. There's no way you're going to get anywhere near the prison now. There's Jaffa everywhere. And your scout is most likely dead. I only escaped because all of the guards were out of the facility. And even then my companion was shot and I had to kill a Jaffa."
Daniel looked confused. "Your companion?"
"I don't have time to explain. We need to get moving. I'm sorry about your comrades, but we need to get moving before we all get killed." Or before I pass out, she silently added.
Teran nodded, accepting her words. "Then let us go. We must not let your rescue to go to waste."
~
"Come on," Jack said, prompting them to move. He noticed Sam limping heavily, and moved to her side. "Are you alright?" She nodded, but didn't speak. That worried him. She had a tendency to suffer in silence. But she seemed to be making good time, so he didn't offer help. But after five minutes, she finally collapsed. She scooted into a sitting position against a large rock, and coughed. Moving closer, he noticed blood trickle from the corner of her mouth. And when she shifted again and her jacket fell open, he saw her left side sopped with blood.
~
"Oh my god," She heard Jack say. She was finding it harder and harder to keep her eyes open, and she had to force herself to breath.
"Jesus, Sam, Why didn't you say something before?" Jack asked, holding a hand to her side to assess the damage. She let a groan escape her lips, no longer able to hold it in.
"There was no time before." She tried to take a deep breath, only to cough up blood. "Teal'c, you there?" She asked.
"I am, Major Carter." He moved into the light from Jack's flashlight.
"Teal'c, did you cover up your tracks? Do they know you're here?"
"They do not. And they will not."
She nodded. "Good. Then you won't be in danger. Sir, you have to leave me here."
The Colonel jerked his head up. "What? There's no way in hell I'm leaving you here"-
"Sir, you have to. It's the only way I'll survive."
"No. I'll have Teal'c carry you back to"-
"Sir, we both know that even if we get back to Earth there'll be nothing Janet can do. She'll only be able to make me comfortable while I die slowly. If you leave me here, the Goauld will use a healing device. They want my knowledge; they'll keep me alive. Ironic, isn't it? The ones who did this will be the ones to save my life." Her mind was clouding up; she couldn't seem to focus.
"Sam"-
"If you go before the Jaffa come and see you, they'll never know you were here. So they won't be expecting you. You can come back, and surprise them. But now isn't the time."
Jack shook his head. "I can't."
She raised her hand, put it against his cheek and moved her thumb up and down below his eye. "Yes you can. You have to."
Again she heard shouting, a telltale sign that the Jaffa were closing in. "Jack," she said, her voice becoming faint while she used all her remaining energy to maintain consciousness. "You have to go now."
~
Jack swallowed. Knowing that he had no other choice, he took the hand still curled around the material of his jacket, and put it against her side. "I'll be back. I promise," he whispered.
"Jack"-
"O'Neill"-
"Let's go." He said gruffly, and left without a backward glance.
~
After watching them go, she gave into the darkness. Her last thought was how beautiful the stars were that night and that she had kept her promise to Shade after all…
~--------------
Sam's leg was stiff. Somewhere between the running she had done during her near-escape and the brutal moments at the hands of the Jaffa afterward she had lost the ability to bend her knee. She figured it was the latter, considering her torture sessions no longer consisted of just a hand device. The Jaffa tended to just beat her when they felt the need now, focusing particularly on her injured leg. But she didn't worry about that nearly as much as the fact that she hadn't seen or heard from Shade since they had been recaptured. It wasn't like him to leave her alone for long periods of time, and while she knew he probably didn't have much choice in that matter, it worried her that he hadn't at least contacted her mind-to-mind. It didn't just worry her; it scared the hell out of her. What were they doing to him that he couldn't even talk to her mind-to-mind? She knew he wasn't dead; he was too valuable to the Goauld. But she also knew that there were some fates worse than death. Sighing, she laid herself down on the freezing floor. She was just too tired to think about anything anymore. Aching for Shades warmth, she fell asleep shivering.
~
"I'll see what I can do."
"Sir"-
"Colonel, I said I'd see what I could do. Dismissed."
Jack stared down Hammond for a moment, and then left his office. There he found Daniel, who had obviously been trying to catch snippets of the conversation. Jack motioned for him to follow as continued down the hallway to his office.
"What did he say?"
"He said he'll 'see what he can do'." Jack replied bitterly.
"What? Did you tell him what Sam said?"
Jack stopped. "Yes I told him what Carter said!" He snapped.
Daniel looked at the floor. "I'm sorry. It's just really frustrating. I mean, it's been two weeks and he still hasn't done anything."
Jack sighed, and then resumed walking. "I know. But he's in a bad position. He wasn't there. He didn't see what we saw or hear what we heard. He needs hard evidence before he can authorize a rescue operation. Which means he needs evidence that Carter's still alive. And that's something we don't have."
In his office, Jack threw himself into his chair and blew out a breath. He punched his right fist into his left hand and shook his head wearily. "I'm getting tired of this, Danny."
Daniel nodded with understanding, the same exasperation reflecting in his eyes.
"I know, Jack. So am I."
~
Sam was afraid to sleep. Her dreams were bathed in darkness; invaded by shadow men who would hurt her; torture her. It didn't matter that her nightmares were truth during her waking moments with the Jaffa. That was another life now. She lived two lives; One where she would sit alone in her cold, dark cell, slowly losing her mind. The second she lived at the hands of the Jaffa, where she spent an eternity. She could no longer remember what they did to her, only feeling the pain of it afterward. And she still hadn't heard from Shade, assuming he had ever been actually real. She wasn't sure anymore. It was possible that he had been a figment of her imagination, created by her unconscious mind to allow her to deal with her situation and keep her sane. To keep her of sound mind until the Colonel or SG-1 came for her. And they had. But she had sent them away so they wouldn't suffer the same fate she had these past months. So now that her mind had acknowledged that she had just lost her last chance of ever getting away from this god-forsaken place, she didn't need to be sane anymore. In fact, when she thought about it, her psyche was probably doing her a favor. So that's it. Shade was gone because he was never real. The Colonel was gone because she had sent him away. And soon her mind would be gone because there really was no reason for it to stay.
~
Jack found himself with Jacob and Daniel once again on the doorstep of Sally's parents house. He and Daniel had been invited to spend Christmas and New Years with Sam's family. He wasn't quite sure why they had agreed; it could have been loneliness, could have been for Daniel's sake, who, like him, would be alone on Christmas. Or it could have been that being with Sam's family would get them just a little bit closer to her.
Sally answered the door and introduced them to the many relatives waiting there in the house. Soon after exchanging greetings with everyone, Mark entered the room carrying his son and daughter, the latter reminding Jack a great deal of Sam. Finding that Jack had arrived, Mark fixed him with a hard stare, which Jack returned. They stood like this for several moments, much to the discomfort of those around them, and then Mark gave him a minute smile, and nodded almost imperceptively. Jack nodded back, and heard the relieved sigh Daniel let out. Jacob moved to stand next to him. "Don't expect too much from him, Jack. Mark and Sam were never close, but in the past year they've started to get to know each other. Now he's lost her again, and he's got to come to terms with it." Jacob paused, and then went on. "He hated Sam's decision to enter the military. He's angry that she gave up so much for it. He's angry with Sam; he's angry with you, with me, and most likely himself. For right now, that's all he is: Angry." Jacob sighed. "He misses her more than he'll ever let on. We Carters are like that."
Jack nodded, and added softly, "I know how he feels." Realizing what he just said, he stole a glance at Jacob's face. Jacob just gazed at him for a moment, nodded, and left to say hello to his son. Jack shook his head wearily, and moved over to sit on the couch for a while.
Just after he had settled, the little girl came over and sat down beside him and studied his face very carefully. That was when Jack realized exactly why she reminded him so much of Sam. The way she tilted her head to one side while she was thinking, the look in her eyes as she calculated something. It was all mirrored in this little girl. Jack found himself smiling the first genuine smile in a long time. He stuck his hand out. "I'm Jack."
The girl smiled and shook his hand. "I'm Annie. Did you come with Grandpa?"
"Yeah, I did."
"Grandpa really likes you, I can tell."
Jack's smile got wider. "Yes, I suppose you can."
Annie's expression suddenly became solemn. "He's sad. So's Daddy and Momma. Aunt Sammy's lost."
Jack closed his eyes and turned away. He sighed, and then turned back to her. "I know."
Her eyebrows came together in concentration. "Are you one of Aunt Sammy's friends? Daddy said her friends were trying to find her. Do you know where she is?"
Jack sighed again. He was about to lie to a child, and he hated it. "No. I wish I did though."
Annie tilted her head again. She didn't look like she believed him. Figures, he thought, she is related to Sam. Thankfully, before she could ask any more questions, Sally came over and sat in the opposite chair. "Sweet, go find your father and brother and tell them I said to wash up. It's almost time for dinner." After her daughter had left, Sally pulled her feet up on the chair and gave Jack a look.
Jack tried to look innocent. "What?"
She gave him another look. "What do you mean 'What'? What was that back there? This is my parent's house, and I'm pretty sure they don't want it sprayed with testosterone." She sighed. "Look, Jack, I'm sure you already got the lecture from Jacob, but I'm going to tell you again. Mark loved Sam very much," she stopped and gave him an annoyed look. "Not that it's something he'll ever admit. He's lost his sister, and he's grieving. And you're not helping when you encourage behavior like that. I don't need my son learning that taking your anger out on someone else is a good way of handling grief."
Jack gave her a hurt puppy-dog look.
"He started it," he said, gesturing across the room at Mark.
Sally gave him a look of affection, which surprised him. Ignoring the look on Jack's face, she chuckled. "I know he did. But you didn't have to return it." After giving him another one of her pointed looks, she sobered and leaned forward to take one of his hands. She spoke quietly, to make sure no one else could hear her.
"Jack, you can't act like this isn't affecting you forever. I know how much you cared about her. Your behavior a moment ago is a testament to that. But you can't go on like this Jack. Eventually you're going to crack. No military training or male bravado can change that." With that, she got up to herd everyone into the dining room. With another sigh, he got up and followed.
~
The Jaffa threw Sam into her cell, where she landed on her injured leg. She hurt so badly she couldn't move. This is the last time, she thought. No more. I can't take it. She sobbed quietly, and turned herself until she was lying on her back. She stared at the ceiling, praying for the joyful darkness that would take away her pain forever and finally let her some peace. She felt it coming…
"No, Samantha. If you do that you may never wake up."
She squeezed her eyes shut. She remembered that voice. The person had said that before…but no. That man didn't exist.
"Yes I do, Samantha. You remember me. It's Shade. Open your eyes, Samantha."
Her sobs got louder. Go away! You're not real!
"Yes, I am. Now open your eyes!" Shade said more forcefully.
I can't! I don't want to! I can't live like this anymore! I don't want to!
Shade became more desperate. She was slipping away, and he knew it. He made a decision. He picked her up off the floor, listening to her moans. He held her against his chest, and took her hand. Then he closed his eyes.
~
Sam felt sunshine against her face. She could smell the perfume of flowers, and she could hear the rustle of water nearby. It was all out of place; none of it should have been there. Perhaps the most amazing thing, however, was that there was no pain. Not from her leg, not from the bruises and other injuries. She felt nothing but calm, all around her. She knew her eyes were closed, but she was afraid to open them, that if she did she would find herself once again in her dark cell, that she would feel the pain again.
"It's alright, Samantha. You can open them. It won't disappear."
Hearing those words, she did. She was looking at a vast, beautiful blue sky. She sat up and looked around herself. The sight left her speechless. There were rolling green hills all around her. She found the source of the water noises in a huge waterfall near her, creating a fine mist encircling the wonderful trees. She stood up, surprised that she felt no resistance from her leg, or anywhere on her body. She moved to the edge of a cliff where the waterfall started its journey downward, which was at least 300 feet.
"This is…I must be crazy now. I've finally lost it. Not that I'm very sad about that, but…my god, this is amazing." She continued to look around, seeing multi-colored birds in the trees and bright flowers sprouting from the ground.
"You're not insane Samantha. I've brought you here. This is my home."
~
After dinner had been served and eaten, all of the relatives and friends, save Jack, Daniel, and Jacob, went to their respective homes to celebrate Christmas with their families. It was late before Mark and Sally had put the kids to bed, and even later before everyone had finished the cleaning and could sit down in the living room to rest. Sally's parents had retired with the children hours before, which left Mark, Sally, Jacob, Jack and Daniel sitting in uncomfortable silence nursing cups of coffee.
Sally stood up from her seat beside mark. "I'll be right back."
Mark looked up from his cup, curiosity in his eyes. "Where're you going?"
She just smiled an enigmatic smile. "I need something from our room. I'll only be a minute." Mark nodded, and returned his attention to his cup, trying to avoid the others. Not that any of them minded; they were all busy doing the same thing.
True to her word, Sally returned with a manila envelope in her hand, and sat back down in her seat.
She looked at Daniel and Jack. "Have I or Jacob ever told you what I do for a living?"
Jack shook his head. "I don't believe so, no."
Sally smiled. "Well, I'm a Photographer. I take pictures for magazines, newspapers, whoever want them. Sometimes I sell pictures I've already taken. It's a flexible job, allows me to take care of my children and brings in good money."
Jack exchanged looks with Daniel. He was wondering where she was taking this. He looked at Jacob to see if he knew what she was talking about, but it didn't seem as though he did either.
Catching the looks, Sally sighed. "I know you're wondering why I'm telling you this. Last year, when you and Sam," she nodded at Jacob, "Came to stay with us in San Diego for your vacation, I took some pictures." With that, she opened the envelope and took out various pictures of Sam, setting them on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. There were five, all black and white; one was with Sam sitting on the beach wearing her bathing suit under a white unbuttoned shirt, reading a book, oblivious that a picture was being taken of her. Her hair was in her face, her book resting on her bare knees. Her head was bent in concentration, and even though the sun on her hair was casting shadows across her face, he could see it clearly. She looked more relaxed there than Jack had ever seen her. Another was with Sam in Mark and Sally's house laughing with Jacob and Annie, who was sitting on Sam's lap. Again none of them knew they were being captured in a picture, and the effect was wonderful. The third she laid out was of Mark and Sam posing for the picture. Their arms were around each other, both wearing smiles on their faces. It looked as though it had been taken the same day as the one on the beach, for Sam was wearing her bathing suit and the unbuttoned white shirt, the only difference being that she was wearing a flowery tie-around skirt, and in the background was the ocean. The fourth Mark must have taken, because Sally and Sam were posing this time, and instead of smiles, they were laughing at the camera, looking as if they were sharing a joke that no one else would understand. The fifth was of Nicholas, their son, pencil in hand over textbooks on a table. Sam was sitting beside him pointing to something in the book, explaining a concept to him that he could now grasp.
There was silence in the room as everyone took in what they were seeing. Mark was the first to speak.
"I had forgotten about these."
Daniel picked up the one with Nicholas and Sam. "These are…beautiful."
Sally gave a small, teary smile. "I brought these out for all of you. I want each of you to pick one to keep. It's my Christmas present to you."
Jack shook his head. "No, we can't. These are yours, you ought to keep them."
She shook her head just as forcefully. "No. There's enough for each of you to pick one. I've already picked mine out, now it's your turn."
Sighing, Jack relented. Sally took the one of herself and Sam, and as expected, Mark took the one of himself and Sam. When Jack looked over to Jacob, he found the man softly touching the picture of himself, Sam and Annie, sadness hanging over the man like a fog. He hesitated, and then spoke quietly. "Jacob?"
Not taking his eyes off the picture, Jacob shook his head. "I'll be fine." It was obvious what his choice was.
Daniel chose the one with Nicholas that he had previously picked up, a grin forming on his lips at the sight of the Sam they all had known.
All of the other pictures taken, Jack got the one he had secretly been pining for all along. The picture of Sam on the beach was just how he wanted to remember her if he never found her; never saw her again outside of the little world that picture portrayed. He thought she would be happy with his choice.
He picked up the picture, and downed the rest of his coffee. Suddenly he felt extremely tired. He glanced at Daniel, who also seemed dead on his feet. He then turned his eyes to Sally, who picked up on their fatigue, and led them to the room they would have to share.
"I'm sorry it's not bigger, but Mark and I are staying in my old room, the kids are in my brother's, and Jacob's staying in the other guest room. You'd be welcome to sleep on the couch, but my mother wouldn't have it."
Jack smiled at her. "Oh, it should be fine just as long as Daniel doesn't hog the covers." Sally laughed, and Daniel sent him a dirty look. "Goodnight Jack, Daniel."
They returned the goodnight, and set about getting ready for bed. Daniel took the bathroom first, then Jack. After several minutes, they were both ready to sleep. Taking one last look at his picture, Jack turned out the light and went to sleep.
~
"Your home? How is this possible?"
Shade smiled, then motioned for Sam to sit on the ground where moments ago she had been laying. She did, and he began.
"You're here because I brought you here. You already know I have telepathic abilities; is it so hard to believe that within that there is this?"
Sam was confused. "This is a part of your telepathic abilities?"
"Yes. This was the only way I could completely take away your pain, at least for a moment. I did this in the form of telepathic link. This can only be achieved with someone you are closed to because the sharing of minds. I have a telepathic link with my wife Allay, which allows me to be here, to see this through her mind. She has a telepathic link with everyone else in this village, and a few outside of it. This is all very real. It's a universe of connected minds, a sort of network that keeps the vision refreshed."
"Then how am I able to be here?"
"Through me. Come, let me show you."
He held out his hand, and led her down a dirt path that took them downhill under a canopy of tree limbs, past many different kinds of flowers and the river that supplied the waterfall. The feel of the sun was sensational after being so long in the cell.
She stopped suddenly, and then turned around. "Are we still in the cell?"
Shade's smile left his face. "Sadly, yes. When we leave here, we'll wake up back in our cell just as we were before. Nothing will have changed."
"How long do we have until we have to leave?"
His smile returned. "Time is relative here. You could spend days here and only a minute passes. A minute could pass and days have gone by. When it's time to go, we will know." With that, he walked past her down the path. "Come, Samantha. It's almost time for dinner." She blew out a breath, and walked after him.
~
The houses in the village were made of a kind of wood tied together and sealed with mud. They were in a row on both sides of a street leading down to a wide clearing that seemed to serve as a park for children to play. As far as Sam could tell behind each house was a small farm of sorts off of which each family would eat. The smells of onions were in the air; it drifted from the house where they finally stopped. Somehow she knew they were coming here.
Shade turned before he went in. "You know because you are meshed with my mind. When you see my wife, you will know her as if you have known her for years. My daughter will be your daughter. My friends your friends. And they will know you as I do."
Sam grinned. "Allay gave birth to a daughter? Shade, that's wonderful! Congratulations!"
He bowed is head. "Thank you."
The door to the house opened, revealing a beautiful Allay standing there. Her skin was dark, her hair black. Its style was not unlike that of earth, long and braided in small braids tied back. She was tall and intelligent-looking. Sam knew that she could be an imposing presence if need be. She was wearing a white dress that clung to her shoulders and chest but fit loosely over her stomach and hips and fell to her feet.
Allay smiled a huge smile and laughed. "I can bring your dinner out here if you two wish, but I doubt it will be as good." Sam could feel Shade's joy at seeing his wife, and she found herself happy to see her as well.
The woman turned to look directly at Sam. "Hello, Samantha. This is your house now, so come in!" The woman enveloped her in a hug, and Sam happily returned.
They entered the house to the sound of a baby crying. "Your daughter is calling, my husband. Go say hello." After he left, Allay turned back to Sam.
Sam smiled. "You named her Anij. That's a beautiful name."
Allay nodded. "Yes, Samantha. You're getting used to this quickly. That's good. Very good. Now, there's a bathtub in the back full of hot water. Why don't you go use it?"
"You read my mind…" Sam laughed at her words, as did Allay.
"Go on, Samantha, before it's time to eat."
Sam nodded, and made her way to the back room where the tub was discreetly hidden behind a wall. Beside the tub was a table where soap and clean white clothes lay for her to put on when she was finished. She peeled off her SGC uniform, and even though she knew that when she woke she would be back in it, she was happy to have the dirty clothes off for even a short while.
She lowered herself into the warm water and laid her head back. She closed her eyes and tried to think of home, though it seemed so far away that she couldn't even remember what home was like. She felt the tears come.
"It's alright, Samantha. If you never make it back to your home, you always have ours." She opened her eyes to find Shade standing next the wall, looking concerned for her. Had he been any other man she would have been angry, or even embarrassed. But it was Shade, and it didn't bother her at all that he was intruding upon her bath.
She smiled a sad smile at him. "Thank you, Shade. That means a lot."
And it did. Shade nodded solemnly, and went back to his daughter.
If she never had her home again, at least she would have theirs.
~
Jack's sleep was fitful; and from what he felt from the other side of the bed, so was Daniel's. After several hours of tossing and turning and small amounts of sleep, Jack finally got up and dressed. It was around 5:30 in the morning, so he tiptoed downstairs to keep form waking anyone else. He shouldn't have bothered, for Sally, Mark and Jacob were already awake, and looked like they had been for a while.
"Starting the party without us?" at that they all turned, surprised.
Jacob smiled. "Course not, Jack. We're just passing the time until the kids wake up. Have a seat."
Jack complied, and sat himself down on the sofa. Sally rose from her seat and headed to the kitchen. "I'll get you some coffee." Jack glanced at the Christmas tree, where many presents lay underneath. Jack raised his eyebrows. "Santa Claus really likes you guys."
Mark shrugged. "Christmas is the only time we get to spoil our kids. We like to go all out." Mark pointed to a large, long wrapped box that was off to the side. "That's Sam's present for the kids. It's a telescope. Ever since Nicholas and Annie found out that Sam works with telescopes they've wanted one. I tried to talk her out of buying it, because it was so expensive. But she just laughed and said that she was their Aunt, and she wanted to do it. Besides, she said, this way she could be the cool one." He cleared his throat and looked at the floor. "She sent it beforehand, so we'd have it just in case for some reason she couldn't make it in time. She always did have a talent for irony." He sighed, and took another sip of his coffee.
Sally came back and handed Jack his coffee. Sensing the change in mood, she glanced from Jack to Mark and then to Jacob. "What?"
Jacob forced a smile. "Nothing. I hope the kids wake up soon, I want to open presents." Sally chuckled, and sat back down in the loveseat. "Well, I suppose we could cheat a little and just open the ones we brought for each other…Of course, should the kids ask it was all your idea." She said, grinning at Mark. Feigning annoyance, Mark shook his head. "Sure, blame it on the man. Always blame it on the man."
Sally shrugged. "Woman's prerogative."
Mark shook his head, and bent down and fetched a small present from under the tree. He handed it to Sally. "Merry Christmas." She raised an eyebrow and went about unwrapping it, revealing a black velvet box. Opening it, her eyes widened. "Oh my, Mark. You shouldn't have done this. It must have cost a fortune." In the box were two small round diamond earrings, set in silver. "They're beautiful."
Mark smiled. "Yeah, well, I had to do tons of overtime at work, and we'll probably be in debt for the rest of our lives, but I'm glad you like them."
Sally whacked his shoulder. "Shut up." With that she went to the bathroom to try them on and see how they looked. Mark bent down again and took away a medium-sized box and handed it to Jacob. Jacob opened it, and laughed. "A portable coffee machine?"
Mark grinned. "Well, you love coffee so much, and I figured with all your traveling it would come in handy."
Jacob nodded, still grinning. "Yes, it would. Thanks."
Sally was back by now, handing a present to Jack. Seeing the look of surprise on his face, she shook her head. "It's not much, but I think you'll like it. Thank Jacob, he gave us the idea."
Jack opened it and found a fishing video game, complete with line and reel. He laughed. "Jacob?"
Jacob shrugged. "Sam told me how you're always trying to get away to go fishing, now you won't have to. Uh, Murray said you never catch anything anyway."
Jack sent him a look that could have killed, but thanked him anyway. Sally tried to hide a grin. "Daniel's present will have to wait until he wakes up. I think that's all we have for now." Silence ensued once again, but this time, with the ice broken, it was a comfortable silence. Jack sat back and sipped more of his coffee. It was just a matter of time before Daniel and the kids would wake up.
~
Sam spent half an hour in the bath before Allay came and called her out for dinner. She put on the white under clothes and dress, surprised at the softness of them. She felt more comfortable now than she had in quite a long time. She walked barefoot back to the kitchen, and sat down at the table. The food had already been put on the table, and she found Shade, Ally, and little Anij waiting for her. Shade gave her another concerned look.
She smiled. "I'm fine. Let's eat." They were just about to dig in when out of nowhere Sam heard a heavy door swing open. Her head snapped up, and her eyes locked with Shade's. She saw in the corner of her eye Shade's hand tighten on Allay's, then let go. Somewhere in the back the baby began to cry. Her eyes still locked with Shade's, she felt the link between their minds start to fade, and she gasped and closed her eyes at a sudden sharp pain to her side. When she opened them, she was staring into the face of a very angry Jaffa.
~
The morning went quickly after the kids and Daniel had woken up. Daniel's present had been an electronic organizer. Jack had laughed, stating how fitting the present was for Daniel. They had spent the rest of the morning playing with the children and their new toys. After that, the day ran quickly for Jack, who spent most of the time in his own mind, out on the deck looking out to the mountains alone. He just didn't feel right. He really couldn't put his finger on it, but there was something wrong somewhere. He was half tempted to call the base to see if anything was happening, but he knew that if there were, he would be contacted. So he just sat there, and thought to himself. Daniel had occasionally come out to check on him, worried that something was wrong, but left when Jack assured him nothing was. Sally brought him lunch and dinner, but always left immediately and never asked questions. Night fell, and rather than going back inside, Jack lay back on a reclining patio chair and fell asleep.
~
The Jaffa had to drag Sam back to the cell. Before their failed escape attempt, she would at least have enough energy to walk back on her own. But now; now they had to carry her. She couldn't even walk on her own. Even if she hadn't been beaten to the point of unconsciousness, she might not have been able to walk on her own because her leg anyway, but it was still humiliating and degrading. Once in her cell, she lay on the cold floor and closed her eyes.
~
Shade didn't return until minutes later from his time with the Jaffa. He had hoped he would be back before Sam was, but when he entered the cell, with more help from the Jaffa than he would have wanted, he saw that he hadn't. Sam had already fallen asleep, on her side and in a fetal position. He lay down beside her, sliding one arm under her and the other around her waist, pulling her to him. He closed his eyes and set his head on the floor. He knew what she needed, and sent his mind out to try to do something none of his people had tried in a very long time.
~
Jack turned over in his sleep. His dreams had been interrupted by something. It was changing everything around, and suddenly he found himself on a green field beside a waterfall. He looked around, seeing hills and trees. Someone tapped him on the shoulder. Jack whirled around, but relaxed when he saw it was only Daniel.
He had a confused look on his face. "What's happening?"
Jack just shrugged. "I have no idea."
~
Shade heard Sam murmuring in her sleep. He tightened his arms around her, and completed the link.
~
Sam was back on Shade's world, and she sighed in relief. She had been having a nightmare about the Jaffa again.
She caught her breath when she heard voices behind her. She turned slowly, and felt tears come to hers eyes when she saw who was there. She moved toward them, but she was having trouble, because of her leg. It didn't matter, because the men had seen her.
~
Jack's chest hurt at the sight before him. It was Sam, but she was in horrible shape. Her hair was longer, almost gray and ragged. She was still in her SGC uniform, but it was torn and had dark stains that he feared might be blood. She was limping heavily, her right leg obviously injured. It seemed as though her knee wouldn't bend, and it was so hard for her to walk she eventually gave up. Her beautiful face was terribly bruised and cut, one eye almost swollen shut. Her hands were bloody and also bruised. She was holding her side with one hand, the other left dangling at her right side. He walked towards her, Daniel at his side, and finally found his voice.
"Sam."
~
He opened his arms, and Sam moved into them. There he held her while she sobbed. She felt Daniel's hands on her back, and it made her cry even harder. After a several minutes, she calmed down enough to speak.
"I…I didn't want you to see me like this." Her saying the words aloud must have made the difference, because when she pulled back, she looked down and she was in the white dress Allay had given her. Her hands were clean and healed, and her leg was fine. She smiled. "That's better."
Daniel had moved where she could see him now, and she took his hand and held it tightly. He studied her face. "We're dreaming, aren't we?"
She nodded. "Yes."
"But we're really talking to you? You're really here?"
She smiled again. "Yes and Yes."
Jack was still looking at her as if she'd disappear. "But how?"
She frowned. "Does it matter?"
Jack sighed. "No, I guess not."
Daniel's hand gripped her own like Jack was looking at her. They were both so afraid that she would leave, and that they'd lose her again.
"Before this," Jack said, motioning to her dress, "Was that what you really look like? That's what the Goauld have done to you, isn't it?"
Sam looked at the ground and said nothing. "Sam?"
The tears were coming again. "Can't we just forget about that right now? Please?"
Daniel sent Jack a look. "Yeah, we can. Where are we?"
"On my cellmate's world. Isn't it beautiful?"
Daniel nodded. "We're with your Dad and Mark and Sally right now."
Sam wiped the flowing tears from her cheeks. "How are they? I mean, how are they doing with all this?"
His blue eyes were sad. "They're taking it pretty hard. The kids miss you."
She nodded, crying. "How are you guys?"
Jack just looked at her, didn't say a word. His face communicated his feelings. Daniel looked away. "Not so good." He forced a thin smile.
Sam closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and returned the smile. Then she turned her attention to Jack. "They're not going to come to get me, are they?"
It was Jack's turn to close his eyes. He spoke in whispers. "No, I don't think they are."
She nodded, and her face collapsed into a sob. Jack pulled her back into his arms, settled his cheek against her hair. "I'm sorry, Sam. I'm so sorry."
"No, It's, uh…I understand. Too risky, I know."
Jack shook his head. "It's not right."
Sam replied, so quiet that Jack could barely hear her, her head buried in his shoulder. "No, it's not."
"Samantha." She heard Shade's deep voice somewhere behind her, and pulled away from Jack to turn around.
Shade had a sad look on his face. "It's time to go."
~
Jack looked from the stranger to Sam. She was very unhappy. "But we just got here!"
The man shook his head. "Time is different here, remember?"
She nodded, and then turned back to him and Daniel. "I have to go."
Jack's brows came together in confusion. "Why? Who is this guy? And what does he mean, time is different here?"
She shook her head. "I can't explain right now. But I need you to listen."
Jack nodded. She took his hand and held it; taking Daniel's in her other hand. "I want you to remember this. Don't write it off has just another weird dream when you wake up, ok?" At their nods, she continued. "And I want you to tell Dad, Mark, and Sally that I love them, and that I'm alright. Give the kids hugs for me." She was starting to cry again, and her voice was hoarse. "And look after Dad. Somehow he'll find a way to blame himself for this, and I don't want that. And I want you to promise me that you two won't blame yourselves either. There's nothing you can do. Promise me."
Jack squeezed her hand. "I promise."
Daniel nodded. "So do I."
She laughed through her tears. "And tell Janet to get a life. She spends way too much time at work and not enough time taking care of herself. Believe me, I know. Oh, and at my apartment there's a present for Cassie in my bedroom bureau, top drawer. They're my mother's gold earrings. Cassie always loved those. Give them to her for me and tell her I love her very much."
Jack nodded again. "I will."
"Samantha, we must go." She had pained look, but nodded anyway. She squeezed their hands one last time, and then let them go. She turned to Daniel and gave him a kiss on his cheek, and he enveloped her in a long hug, which she returned. Reluctantly he let her go, and she moved to Jack. She stood in front of him, unmoving, as if she was unsure of what to say. After a moment had passed she lifted her hands and placed them on both sides of his face. He moved in, his hands moving up at down from her shoulders to her elbows, and placed his forehead against hers.
"Sam…" He closed his eyes and continued to rub her arms with his hands.
"Don't. Don't do that. I'm not dead. Not yet. So don't say goodbye and don't act as if you're never going to see me again. You will. It's just a matter of time." She was angry with him for thinking it, and she was angry with herself because there was nothing that she could do to stop him.
He kept his eyes closed and shook his head against her forehead, but didn't make any other moves.
Her hands dropped slowly from his face and settled on his chest. She grasped the fabric of his shirt like it was some sort of magical hold that could keep them there.
"Just…" her voice caught in her throat, and she stepped back and stepped forward again knowing she needed to go but not wanting to. She fought to retain the little composure she had left, and when she finally spoke it was hoarse and quiet. "Just don't give up on me." With that, she brought up her right hand again and stroked his face. "Goodbye," she whispered, and then turned around quickly and moved to stand beside Shade. Jack's eyes moved with her the entire way, and found her own when she reached her destination and held them until the world disappeared.
~--------------
Jack woke abruptly to the sound of a sliding door. He knew immediately who it was. "Daniel."
Daniel came into the glow of the porch light. He was in clothes akin to pajamas. "Jack, I need to ask you something."
"The answer is yes."
Daniel raised an eyebrow. "Yes? You don't even know the question."
Jack sat up from his position on the lawn recliner and rubbed at the ache in his back. "Your were going to ask me if I just had a dream with you and Carter in it. I did."
"So I'm not wishing that it wasn't just a dream?"
'No. You're not." Jack stood up. "Come on. We need to talk to Jacob."
~
"Thank you, Shade." Sam put her hand over Shade's, which was settled on her stomach.
"You are welcome, Samantha."
"I have a question, though. How did you do it?"
"As I've told you before, I cannot create a link with a mind that's not familiar with my own. However, there are ways around this rule."
"Such as?"
"I could not include your father in the dream because of the mental discipline that comes with his symbiote, but since your Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson have no Goauld and they trust you and know you very well, and in turn you know and trust me, I could join their minds through your mind. Your natural link with them also helped a great deal."
"My natural link?"
"I have heard you describe many times how in battle there are moments where you and your teammates don't have to use words to know what the other is thinking. That ability is the link that I speak of. Were it not present, it would have been much more difficult to enable you to see each other, even in dream state."
"That seems like quite a large loophole there."
Shade chuckled. "Perhaps. Under different circumstances, it is doubtful that I would have attempted such a thing."
Sam tightened her grip on his hand, and silence ensued.
"Samantha, I must talk to you about my absence several days ago."
"It's alright, Shade. It's over now. I'm so glad you're back. I don't think I could handle anything else as bad as that again."
The cell fell silent again. "Shade? What did you want to talk about?"
There was an uncomfortable moment where Shade said nothing, but then his arms moved her closer to him. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."
~
"What are you getting me up in the middle of the night for, Jack?"
Jack exchanged glances with Daniel. "We, uh…don't think that what we're about to say is nuts or wishful thinking, ok?"
Jacob eyed them, but nodded.
Daniel took a deep breath. "We just saw and talked to Sam."
Jacob jumped to his feet. "What?"
"We were talking to her in a dream. But it wasn't just a dream. We were actually talking to her."
Jacob shook his head. Then he started chuckling, which turned into full-blown laughter. "This is crazy. You two need to stop drinking coffee before you go to bed, the caffeine's messing with your heads."
Jack glared at him. "Just hear us out, ok?"
The old man calmed down and returned the glare. "Why? You really want me to believe that you two just talked to my daughter, who's been missing for going on three months? Who you yourself, Jack, presumed dead in your report on the mission to the prison planet? After all that, you actually expect me to believe you?"
"Fine. You want proof? Her mother's gold earrings. They're at her apartment in her top Chester drawer. Now, how would we know that? Go to her apartment. I'll bet you a years pay that you'll find them exactly there."
Jacob stared at him for a moment, then started to pace across the living room floor. "Alright. Let's say, just for the moment, that you're right and that it wasn't just a dream. How the hell can it be possible to communicate with her through a dream? And why now? Why not before? God knows we needed to talk to her. And why to only you two? Why not to me too?" He stopped suddenly and turned. "What exactly did she say?"
Jack grinned. "That's better."
Daniel got up from his seat on his couch and went to the window to look out. "She wouldn't talk about much. She avoided the questions about what she was going through there in the camp. She would only talk about the stuff she wanted to tell the family and Janet and Cassie." The use of the phrase 'the family' didn't escape Jack's notice. Somewhere along the line he and Daniel had been made a part of the Carter family. And he found that he didn't mind at all.
Daniel continued, "She wanted us to tell you not to blame yourself, that she loved you and that she was fine. She told us to tell Mark and Sally the same thing." Daniel stopped, and sighed.
Jacob caught it. "What?"
Jack's words were quiet. His next words would have enough impact whether he said them loudly or not. "She knows we're not going to come get her, Jacob. She's known it for awhile, I think."
Pain flashed across the man's face as he lowered his head. "Jesus."
Jack nodded. "Yeah."
The light came on over the stairs. Mark and Sally descended the stairs with curious looks on their faces. Mark saw the three standing in the living room, and raised an eyebrow.
Sally's eyes darted from Jacob's pained face to Jack's guilty one, and the back of Daniel's head. She was cautious and slow to speak.
"What's going down here? We heard voices."
Jacob gave her a rueful smile. "Trouble sleeping."
Sally gave him a sardonic look. "Uh-huh."
Mark moved toward the kitchen. "I'll get the coffee."
~
"So, why don't you tell us why you three are really up."
Daniel shifted in his seat. "We told you. We're having some trouble sleeping."
Mark chuckled. "Ok, Daniel, let's try this again. Why don't you tell us the real, real reason why you're all up."
Jacob smiled and shook his head. "It's the truth, Mark. We are having trouble sleeping."
Sally gave him an exasperated look. "Alright, why can't you sleep?"
Jack shot a disbelieving glance at her. "I'll give you three guesses."
Daniel squinted at Mark and Sally. "Why are you two up?"
Mark actually looked sheepish. He shrugged. "Insomnia seems to be on the rampage lately."
Jack sipped his coffee and grinned. "Uh-Huh. Likely story."
Glares from Sally and Mark followed. "Yeah, well, we'll never get to sleep unless we try, I suppose. Come on, Hon, let's go back to bed." Mark got up and held out his hand to Sally, who took it and got up also. She turned back to Jacob, Jack, and Daniel. "You guys should probably go too."
They nodded. "We will. Just let us finish our coffee."
She smiled. "Alright. Don't worry about the mugs, just put them in the sink. We'll deal with the dishes tomorrow."
"Never put off today what you can put off tomorrow?" Jack quipped.
On her up the stairs to follow her husband, who had already gone up, she laughed and called back, "Something like that."
Jacob sighed. "I guess I'm next. Goodnight, Jack, Daniel. I'm still not sure if I believe about the dream, but it'll certainly be something to think about." He started toward the stairs, then stopped for a moment and turned back. "I'm going to Sam's apartment tomorrow. I have to clean it out, and I thought I might as well do it while Mark and Sally are here. You're welcome to join me."
It was Jack's turn to sigh. "We'll be there."
After a few more minutes, Jack and Daniel followed the family to bed.
~
By the time Jacob, Jack and Daniel got to Sam's apartment the next day, they found boxes already there.
"I called Janet. I thought she might want to help." Jack nodded. But he was alarmed when he saw Cassie there.
"Don't look at me like that, Colonel. She insisted on coming."
Daniel winced, and then nodded his head at Cassie, who was cleaning out Sam's desk. "How is she doing with all of this?"
Janet sighed. "I have no idea. She won't talk to me. She dodges me when I ask her how she's doing, and she hasn't said a word since we got here this morning."
Jack watched Cassie for a moment, and then turned to Janet. "Alright, let's get to work."
~
"Are you sure we should be the ones in here doing this? I feel kind of uncomfortable going through Sam's personal stuff, in her bedroom of all places."
Jack shot Daniel an amused glance. "It's ok, Daniel. I don't think she'd mind."
After a short silence, Daniel blew out a breath and answered in a whisper, "Yes, she would."
Jack almost slammed down the small wooden jewelry box Carter used to put the earrings they were supposed to give Cassie. He kept his voice tight and controlled.
"She understands, Danny. There's nothing we can do."
Daniel let out a short, humorless laugh. "If that helps you sleep at night."
Jack turned sharply and glared. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Jack, Daniel? Is everything ok?" Cassie stood in the doorway with an almost frightened look on her face. Jack's expression softened immediately.
"Yeah, Cass, everything's fine."
"I don't believe you."
"Cass"-
"What's that?" She motioned to the jewelry box he held in his hand. He looked down at it.
"It's a jewelry box. Sam's mother's earrings are in it. She wanted you to have them." He held it out to her, but she made no move to accept it.
"I don't want them."
Daniel was puzzled. "Why not?"
"I just don't." With that, she turned and left. Janet appeared in the doorway seconds later.
"What was that all about? Cassie just ran outside."
Jack sighed. "I have no idea. I'll go talk to her."
He left the bedroom and crossed Sam's living room to the sliding doors leading to the balcony. Cassie was leaning on her arms, which she had set on the railing. She ignored him when he stepped outside. He mirrored her pose beside her, and looked out on the street below Sam's apartment as he talked to her.
"You want to tell me what's up?"
Silence.
"Look Cass, I know how you feel"-
"No, you don't."
Jack shook his head, frustrated. "Then tell me."
She straightened, with one hand still on the railing, and turned to look at him. She squinted against the sun, and then looked out over the street again. "If I told you you'd be angry at me."
"Now why the hell would I be angry at you?"
She glanced at him. "You're angry now."
Another sigh. "Yeah, but not at you."
"At what then?"
"I thought I was asking you the questions."
She gave a small smile. "Answer mine, and I'll answer yours."
He sent her an annoyed look, but answered anyway. "To tell you the truth, I don't know why I'm angry. I just am." He made a small chuckle that had nothing to do with humor. "Your turn."
She fiddled with a patch of paint on the railing that was peeling off. "I'm angry because everyone's giving up. Like you, Jack, you know she's alive. But I heard what you said to Daniel. You've given up on going after her. You know she's alive, and that she's out there, but you're so sure that she understands that you can't go get her you've actually convinced yourself not to even try."
"You know I would go get her if I could"-
"Really? Please, Jack. If you wanted to go get her we both know you'd be raising Holy Hell right now," She stopped, seeing the shocked look on Jack's face at what she had said. She had the grace to look embarrassed. "Sorry. But it's true."
He made hand motions, and then just shook his head. He didn't know what to say.
"Look, Jack," her tone was softer, "I know it's not like you don't want to bring her back. But I think you're afraid of what you'll find if you do."
He shook his head again. "Maybe. I don't know."
Cassie looked back down at the street. "If that is the case, then you have to get over it. She's still out there, and I have a suspicion that somehow you know where. And for everyday you stay here doing nothing is another day she has to spend with goauld." Jack gave her a surprised look. She nodded. "Yeah, I know she's with the goauld. Mom didn't tell me, I just guessed. It wasn't very hard."
She sighed. "You want to know why I wouldn't take the earrings from you? It's because I want Sam to give them to me herself."
Jack studied the fifteen year-old for a while. "How did you grow up so fast?"
She smiled sadly. "With everything that's happened to me, it was kind of difficult not to."
Jack nodded, then put a hand on Cassie's shoulder. "Let's go back inside."
~
New Years' Eve was a big thing for the Reed and Carter families. The house was crowded with people. Jack and Daniel were weaving through the mass of them trying to get to Sally and Mark, since they were the only two people in sight that they knew.
Jack had to raise his voice to a near shout to be heard over the noise of the people and the music. "Interesting parties you guys throw. How many friends do you have? It looks like you invited half the state."
Mark looked around the room. "It does, doesn't it? I have no idea who most of these people are."
Sally laughed. "Don't feel bad, neither do I."
Mark put his hand on Sally's back and looked at Jack and Daniel. "What do you say about going outside on the deck for a while?"
Sally, Jack, and Daniel nodded. Mark moved his head toward the patio doors. "You guys go ahead. I'm going to go see if I can find Dad and the kids. I think I saw them getting some drinks." He headed towards the kitchen while the other three found a way to the doors leading outside. The air was cold, and Jack found himself glad that he had worn a sweater.
Sally grinned. "That's better. I like being able to hear myself think."
Daniel chuckled and shook his head. "So, are those people your parent's friends or Jacob's?"
Sally shrugged and mirrored her husband's earlier words. "I have no idea. A little of both I imagine. Well, scratch that, I know that at least half of them are Jacob's. If they were all my parent's friends we'd be in trouble."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "How do you mean?"
Sally's eyes took on a sparkle. "Well, let's just put it this way; compared to my parent's friends, this crowd is subdued."
Daniel gave her a disbelieving look. "Really?"
She nodded, laughing. "My Mom and Dad were great believers in living life to the fullest when they were younger."
Jack grinned back. "In other words, they were 'roadies'?"
She laughed again. "Uh-huh. Their friends are quite…unique."
Just then Mark and Jacob made it outside. Sally glared at Mark. "Where are the kids?"
Mark smiled. "They're playing with your brother's kids. Don't worry; they're upstairs in their bedroom playing Nintendo. They're out of everyone's way."
She nodded, placated. She sat down in one of the patio chairs. "It reminds me of my bachelorette party. That is, before we left the house. God, that was hilarious."
Mark raised his eyebrow. "What about your party?"
Sally gave him incredulous look. "I never told you what happened at the bar?"
Mark shook his head darkly. "No, you didn't."
Daniel was itching for a story. "So what happened?"
Sally hesitated. "I'm not sure if I should tell you. Jacob might not like it."
It was Jacob's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Why?"
Sally grew a wide grin and a mischievous look in her eyes. "Well, it involves Sam, a Navy pilot, and lots of alcohol."
Mark, Daniel, Jacob, and Jack all exchanged glances. Jacob sat down, as if to brace himself. "Alright, now you've got to tell us."
Sally leaned forward and put her arms on the patio table. She continued to grin. "Alright, but don't say you weren't warned." She looked to the upward, as if looking for a place to start. "Well, the party went pretty well until about midnight, when most of the girls went home. It was just me, Sam, and my sister Mel. We were all still pretty wired, so we decided to go to this local bar, McMurphy's. This was when Sam's hair was still long and curly, and she was dressed in this wicked tight pair of old black jeans and see-through black button-up shirt over a black tank top, so you can guess that she got some stares when we got there. Unfortunately the only table available at the time was right in front of the bar, where these guys, about five, I think, were getting pretty drunk. A couple came over bragging how they were Navy guys on leave, and asked us to dance. Of course, they backed off when they saw my and Mel's wedding rings, but they continued to hound Sam until Sam finally told them, in no uncertain terms, to shove off. They did, and we stayed for another half an hour or so, then we got up to leave. Our route to the door passed right in front of those same five guys, who were by now, falling down drunk. We had gotten past them when one of the guys said 'Hey, sweetheart. Wanna take a ride with a pilot?' with a few other choice things that are better not repeated." She shook her head, laughter in her voice. "Sam stopped dead in her tracks. Mel and I were sure she was gonna blow, but she just smiled. I swear it was one of those really evil smiles that would have gone perfect with horns and a tail. Anyway, she turned around and slowly walked over the guy and told him in this really frightening low, sexy voice to buy her a beer. By now, Mel and I were inching towards the door, and the whole place went quiet wondering what would happen. While they're waiting for the drink she leans forward and gets real close to him. Then she asks him 'You want to give me a ride?' The guy just nodded, dumfounded, and the bartender set her drink on the bar. She picked it up, took a sip, and then poured the whole thing into his lap. She put the mug back on the bar and smiled that evil smile, got up, and moved in real close to him and says loud enough for the whole place to hear, 'Why don't you just hold on to your joystick?'" Sally leaned back in her chair and laughed at the looks on the men's faces. "Then she turned around and walked right out of the place without so much as a backward glance. If I recall correctly, all the women there were applauding."
Mark shook his head. "I never knew my sister was so…devious."
Sally sent him a look. "Ha! Don't be so shocked, Mark. You weren't exactly the protective big brother when you guys were kids. I'm sorry to tell you this, but Sam was on her own when it came to protecting herself from men when she was growing up, and she learned the hard way."
Mark looked guilty, but said nothing. Sally gave a rueful smile. "Besides, when you're a woman, you use everything you have to best a man. Makes life fun."
Jacob shook his head. "I always regretted that."
Sally's eyebrows drew together as she regarded him. "What?"
He sighed. "The fact that I wasn't around enough to protect her."
To everyone's surprise, Sally chuckled. "Jacob, you know better than I do that that would have harmed her more than helped her. She had a life before her where she would have to compete with men everyday of her life. She needed to be able to defend herself more than she needed you and Mark always looking after her."
Jacob didn't look convinced. "Maybe."
Sally gave him a tender smile. "Look, Jacob, she knew that whenever she really needed you you'd be there. Just because she never actually did need you doesn't mean she didn't know it."
Jacob smiled back at her, the nodded. Jack looked at his watch. "Whoa, it's 11:56. We need to get inside, or we'll miss all the fun."
They all got up and made their way into the house and through the crowd of people to the living room where the large TV was. The children were already waiting for them with Sally's mother, who was sitting on the couch. The next two minutes were spent with people crowding into the living room, some of them forced to stand watching all the way in the kitchen because of the lack of room. At 11:59, complete silence filled the house.
When the ball started it's journey, the men and women joined in the countdown.
"10……9……8……7……6……5……4……3……2……1…Happy New Year!"
The sound was almost deafening; everyone giving each other kisses and hugs. Mark and Sally kissed each other, then their kids. Jack and Daniel exchanged hugs and smiles, and then with Jacob. Sally planted a kiss on each of Jack, Daniel, and Jacob's cheeks, and they in turn hugged her and shook hands with Mark. After a few minutes, Mark took to spreading drinks around for a toast. Then he stood in front of everyone and raised his glass.
"Thank you for your attention, and Happy New Year!" The crowd cheered at that, then quieted down when he raised his hand. "As you all know, my sister Samantha couldn't be with us." He looked down, at his feet, as if gathering himself, and then continued. "The reason for this is that almost three months ago she was on a mission for the Air Force, and disappeared." He paused, and the people looking on held looks of sadness on their faces. He smiled. "You know, when Sam came back from camp just after she joined the Air Force, she told me that she learned two things; the first was that there was nothing that couldn't be solved with high explosives. The second was not to draw fire. She said it annoyed the people around you." The group laughed, and then sobered quickly. Mark's own voice was laden with emotion that he was trying to hold back. "I have my wife, my children, my father, and some newly acquired good friends. But what I don't have, what I may never have again, is my sister. And it's a horrible thing. I miss her more than I ever thought possible." He bowed his again to compose himself, and then raised his glass higher. Tears were in his eyes. "To Sam." His voice broke, and he gulped down his drink.
"To Sam," everyone repeated raising their glasses one last time and drinking.
Jack stared at his empty glass. His voice was but a whisper, and he was audible to no one but himself. "To Sam."
~------------
Sam held Anij in the water, washing her small legs and arms with a sliver of soap. The baby giggled, playing contentedly with the washing rag. Sam talked to her quietly to keep her calm.
"Well, baby, I think we're about finished here. You know, you're pretty cooperative when it comes to baths. We're going to have to do this again sometime." Sam raised the little girl out of the small ceramic tub and laid her on a cushion covered with a towel. She dried Anij off, and grabbed a square of fabric and fashioned it into a diaper. Then she put a long-sleeved sky blue dress on her, which went down past her ankles. When she was finished dressing the baby, she held the baby to eye level and looked her over to make sure everything was the way it was supposed to be.
"Let's go find Momma, hmm?" Sam tucked Anij in her arms and went down the hall to the living room, where Allay and Shade were waiting. She smiled when she saw Anij in Sam's arms.
"You are very good at this Samantha. Anij adores you." She got up from her chair and gave Anij to Shade, and took Sam's hand. "Now it's time for you and I to prepare ourselves for the wedding."
Sam hesitated. "Are you sure I should be going to this? I don't want to intrude."
Allay raised her hand to Sam's cheek. "Samantha, you are family now. You could never be intruding."
Sam saw the true caring in Allay's eyes, and nodded. Allay smiled. "Now come. There is much to do."
~
Sam fingered the silk-like dark blue cloth that would serve as a skirt. It was beautiful; whoever had dyed the fabric had done it in such a way that the blue dye had faded into a sky blue at the bottom, matching the color of the separate cloth that would be a wrap.
She was thankful for the mind-link with Allay, for without it she probably wouldn't have had any idea how to work the cloth into the traditional style. When she had removed the white dress Allay had given her, she took the first expanse of cloth and wrapped it around her hips tightly, then knotted it on her side, making sure the light blue side was down. Next she took the sky blue cloth and wrapped it her around chest and stomach, and then twisted it and draped the two ends around her neck, crossed them, and brought them back around to her front. She picked up a pin with a white flower attached to it and anchored the fabric above her left breast. She picked up her white sandals and entered Shade and Allay's bedroom, which was next to the bathing room. Allay was dressed in the same attire and was sitting in a chair in front of a wooden trunk and a large mirror. She motioned for Sam to join her in the chair next to her.
"You look wonderful, Samantha. The color suits your eyes."
Sam smiled self-consciously. "Thanks. What are we doing now?"
"We're waiting for the holy women. When they come they will use a special mixture of plants and dye to adorn our hands and arms, and over our right eye. They will portray the very first marriage between our creators, making them one. The palms and tops of our hands will be decorated, and on a small portion of our forearms just below our shoulders. Then our right eyes will be decorated, representing the Gods watching over us. It will be very beautiful when they are finished."
"How long will it take?"
"Several hours. This is why we start so early in the morning. The wedding will be tonight, but this is just the first part of the celebration. It is a tradition of our people that we celebrate a wedding for eight days. Throughout the entire observance there will be food and drink and fellowship."
"Sounds nice."
Allay nodded. "It is." She studied Sam for a moment. "Are you alright? I feel that you are sad."
Sam looked into the mirror, pretending to study her dress. "I'm fine. I'm just a little homesick, that's all."
Allay sighed. "You are more than 'a little' homesick Samantha. I am sorry you can't be with your family and friends. I know you miss them very much."
Sam's eyes never faltered from the mirror. "Yes, I do."
"Shade told me about your dream. Your friends seem to care about you very much."
Sam nodded. She made an almost moaning sound in her throat. Allay took her hand. "Samantha"-
"I have this feeling in my chest where my heart is. It's like an ache." Her voice was quiet and shaking. "Like my heart is breaking." She closed her eyes. "It's spreading through my chest, making it hard for me to breath. It's all I feel anymore. I can't feel anything else." She started crying.
Allay put her arms around her, and held her. Sam's voice was broken and relayed her agony. "I want to go home."
Sam felt Allay stroke her hair and heard her whisper, "I know, Samantha. I know."
~
The holy women arrived with Sam still in Allay's arms. They touched her face and told her they would pray to their Gods, and that they would deliver her. She wasn't sure why, but that made her feel a bit better. She calmed herself and straightened in her chair. She wiped her face with her hand and held Allay's hand with her other.
"I'm sorry," she said, embarrassed about her behavior.
"Don't be, Samantha. You've probably needed to do that for a long time. I know you think you have to be strong, not let anything touch you, but that's not true."
Sam nodded and allowed one of the holy women to take her right hand. The woman was quite old, but her hands were steady and graceful. She had a cloth bag full of the mixture that would be used to decorate her hands and arms. She tied the top of the bag and cut a miniscule hole in the bottom where the mixture would come out in extremely narrow lines. Then she started the designs.
"How does it work?"
Allay glanced at her. "They'll work the mixture into the designs they want, and then let it set for however long it needs. When it is dry, they'll peel it off. The designs will be on your skin in the color of a deep blue."
"That's fascinating. I wonder what the ingredients of the mixture are."
Allay shook her head. "No one knows but the holy women. It is considered sacred, a gift from the Gods many years ago. They will not tell us what is in it."
The mixture was very thick and sticky, ensuring that it would not move from where the women put it. It took an hour to do each hand, the work intricate and detailed. When the ladies were done with her hands, she looked down and studied the pictures. They were amazing. Sam could make out miniature flowers and trees and waterfalls, and two beings in the midst of it all. There was what looked like streams of light streaking from the figures, as if illuminating their importance.
"Hold your hands up; do not smear the designs." Sam nodded, and kept her hands up. The woman then went to work on her forearm, just below her shoulder where Allay said she would. The women seeing to Allay had moved on to her charge's arms as well.
"This is beautiful," Sam said, making sure she didn't move, "You are very talented."
The woman chuckled. "Thank you, my child. Nellie and I have been at this for many, many years. We have had a lot of experience. I enjoy it greatly; to be apart of the wedding celebrations is a great honor."
"I imagine it is. What is your name?"
"Yaonay."
Sam smiled at her. "Does everyone get the same designs?"
Yaonay shook her head. "No. The children only get the eye designs to remind them that the Gods are looking out for them. They will not get the wedding designs until they reach the maturing age. The bride receives these designs, along with our Mother God's face on her forehead. The groom receives our Father God's face on his forehead. We do this to embody the great bond made by our Gods thousands of years ago, and to remind those wedding that they will make that same bond."
"How long will the designs last?"
"The whole of the eight days of celebrations. After that, they will start to fade until they disappear."
"What will the designs be on my arms?"
Yaonay smiled. "A marriage wreath." She glanced up at Sam. "So many questions. Are you always so curious?"
Sam nodded. "Yes, I guess you could say that I am. I'm a scientist, it comes with the job."
"Ah, a scientist. Answer me this; do you believe that everything happens for a reason?"
Sam shook her head, not understanding. "What do you mean?"
"Do you believe that there is a reason that fate has brought you to us? That someone other than the serpents carried you here?"
"I still don't understand."
Yaonay shook her head as she continued her work on the design. "Child, do you believe in Gods?"
This made Sam silent for a moment. "As a scientist"-
"Forget your science. Science does not rule your heart. It only rules your head. What does your heart tell you?"
Sam shook her head again. "I don't know."
"Then just remember this: There is always a reason for everything. A purpose to accomplish. Perhaps when you complete this purpose, the Gods will carry you home."
"I wish it was that simple."
The old woman stopped what she was doing for a moment to look Sam right in the eye. "I did not say anything about it being simple, child." She resumed her work. "Now hold still. I cannot finish my work with you moving about."
Sam did what she was told, making sure she didn't move except to breath. She guarded her thoughts, knowing that Allay and the women could here them, for she didn't feel like talking about herself anymore. She searched for more questions.
"What does the wedding entail?"
Allay smiled. She knew that Sam was trying to avoid herself as a subject, and let her for a moment. "The priestess will marry Ty and Reyna during sundown. It is believed that we are closest to our Gods when the sun meets the ground to set. Afterwards we will dine and dance around a fire. The fire is the life that burns within us, chasing out all darkness."
"Does everything represent something? Does it all hold some part in you religion?"
Allay nodded. "Yes. We see everything as a gift from the Gods. These gifts are to be acknowledged and celebrated. It is our way of thanking the Gods for being so good to us."
Sam assimilated the information. Daniel would have loved this stuff…She winced, missing Daniel painfully.
Allay stole a quick look at Sam. "This Daniel of yours, tell me about him."
"You can read my mind, you already know about him."
Allay grinned at Sam's annoyed tone. "I know, but I want to hear you tell me about him."
"I'd really rather not."
Allay grew serious. "Not thinking about them isn't going to make the hurt go way."
"Just…let's not talk about it, ok?"
Allay sighed, but nut nodded. "Alright."
"I am finished with this arm. Hold you arm up while I go get something for you to set it on." Yaonay retrieved a small table, and set Sam's elbow on the edge. "Your hands should be dry now. I will remove the mixture." She took Sam's hands and carefully, line by line, peeled the mixture off. The result was smooth and beautiful. Allay had been right, the color that had been dyed was deep blue, amazingly matching the color of her skirt. Two more women came in, joining the first two in their labor on the designs. One of the women took the arm that hadn't been worked on yet and spoke to Yaonay. "Our group has finished with the children, and we decided to divide up to help with the adults. Does this suit you?"
Yaonay nodded. "Yes, thank you. If you will complete the design on that arm I will start on her eye."
The woman nodded and began her task. Yaonay produced a stand that had a pillow attached to the top and tilted Sam's head back until it rested there. "Now, close your eyes and do not move. I do not wish too get this in your eye." Sam nodded, and she felt Yaonay squeeze the mixture just above her eyebrow.
"What does all the blue stand for?"
Yaonay talked absently while doing her work. "It is said that when our Mother God created the sky she colored it blue because she loved the color so much that she wanted to be able to see it no matter where she was. We wear the color to please and honor her. The men wear the color green, the color our Father God painted the grass."
"Ah." Satisfied, Sam relaxed. She was surprised at how comfortable the pillow was. She didn't even realize it when she drifted off…
~
"Samantha."
Sam was aware off someone's hand on her shoulder.
"Samantha, wake up. Come, child, I'm finished." Sam opened her eyes to find Yaonay standing over her.
"You're done? With everything?"
Yaonay chuckled. "Yes, child. You have been asleep for a fair time. Allay told us to let you rest, so we waited to wake you up until the time the mixture was ready to come off. That time is now."
Sam nodded. Yaonay's hands went to her eye. "Close your eyes so the excess doesn't get in it." She did, and the mixture was gone in a matter of moments. The mixture on her arms had already come off.
"Now we will fix your hair."
"Why does my hair need to be fixed?"
Yaonay laughed. "Do not worry. Your hair is unruly and in your eyes. I am merely going to pin it back."
Sam nodded, and let the woman pin back her hair. Allay reentered the room with Anij and watched Yaonay. When she was finished, she let Sam up and turned her to the mirror. Sam was stunned. Everything looked wonderful. The design on her right eye was interesting. It was many lines, piled on top of each other but still spaced enough that you could tell between them. They outlined her eyebrow and then went down to curve beside her eye, smooth and refined. Yaonay had twisted several sections of hair, mostly the hair around her face, and pinned them stylishly to her head.
She turned to Yaonay. "Thank you, everything is beautiful."
Yaonay bowed her head. "You are welcome. Now I must take my leave and help the other women with the wedding feast preparations."
Allay bowed back. "Of course." When the woman had left, Allay turned to Samantha. "Come and take a walk with me." Sam nodded, and slipped on her sandals. She followed Allay out the door and on to the street, where they walked slowly along the side. They moved in silence, save for Anij's occasional mumbled baby talk. Sam could sense that Allay wished to speak; that something was wrong. She put her arm through Allay's and spoke softly. "Allay?"
The woman looked down at her child, and sighed. "With a mind link, knowledge is something that you have if the other allows you to have it. But with emotions, they're always present. Feelings you cannot hide."
"What's wrong Allay?"
Allay sighed again. "My people are being hunted by the Goauld. Anytime any of us go through the stargate we are in danger of being captured. The very first time Shade traveled he was taken. The serpents want our abilities; want us as slaves. They do not know where our planet is, only that there is an entire race of us somewhere. But it is just a matter of time. They will come." Allay gazed unseeingly at the ground. "I need to ask something of you, Samantha."
"Anything."
"You know that I will not leave my home, even should there be an attack. But I could not bear it that Anij grow up with the Goauld."
Sam didn't like where this was going. "Allay"-
"If something like that should ever happen, I'm going to put Anij in the caves hidden behind the waterfalls. She would be safe there; the goauld wouldn't know to look there and even if they did they wouldn't be able to find her. I would contact you mind to mind, and I want you to get her and take her to your home."
Sam was shocked. She shook her head adamantly. "No, no, I can't do that."
Allay spoke quietly, but forcefully. "I would not have my daughter taken by the goauld, Samantha. This is the only way to ensure that she wouldn't."
"But what if for some reason I couldn't get to her? She would be there, alone. She could die, Allay."
"She could die with the goauld."
"It's not the same thing."
"She would at least die with dignity."
"She would die alone."
"Not if you came for her."
"But what if I couldn't? What then? What if she died? Is that really better than being taken by the goauld? Denying her life altogether?"
"She would be a slave!"
"But at least she'd be with you! Could you really stand giving her up, not knowing where she is or if she's ok?"
Allay was staring at Anij, stroking her face. She shook her head, not knowing what to say. Sam raised her hand to Allay's face. "I swear to you, Allay, as long as I'm alive it won't happen. It'll never happen if I have anything to say about it."
"I have to protect my family, Samantha."
"I know. I know you do, Allay. And the best way to do that is to keep the three of you together."
Allay nodded, hugged Anij to her and kissed her forehead. "We need to get back, the wedding will start shortly."
Sam let out a breath. "Alright." She gave a tense smile. "Let's go."
~
The tone back at the base was melancholy, everyone having returned from the holidays exhausted from his or her various events. Jack was surprised to realize that he was disappointed at having to return to work. Whether it was leaving the warm and welcoming atmosphere of the Carter family or the fact that he had to command, in his eyes, an incomplete team, he wasn't sure. He stalked into his office and sat down at his desk hoping that no one would bother him until he had his coffee. He wasn't so lucky.
Major José Perez half entered, and then retraced his steps and knocked. Jack sighed. "Come in."
The man did and stood at ease in front of Jack's desk and didn't speak. Jack motioned to the chair directly in front of the desk. "Sit down, Major."
"Thank you, sir."
"What's on your mind?"
Perez hesitated, as if he was unsure of how to broach the subject. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"
"Go ahead."
"Well, sir, I have to say I'm a bit pissed off."
This surprised Jack. "Why?"
"Because no one informed me of the impending rescue mission of Major Carter. When I spoke to General Hammond about it while you were on leave he told me that you implied that you intended to speak to me about it. I asked him why you didn't do so, he told me to take it up with you. So here I am. Why wasn't I approached?"
"There wasn't a whole lot of time."
Perez narrowed his eyes at Jack. "You don't trust me."
Jack looked down at the pen he was fiddling with, and sighed. "Look, Major, it's not that I don't trust you. It's just that I don't know you. This was a personal mission for my team."
Perez shook his head. "You mean the old team." Perez sighed, and stood up and headed for the doorway. But before he left he turned around and glared at Jack. "I'm part of this team now, sir. You can't keep leaving me out of the loop."
Jack leaned back in the chair after Perez made his exit. The Major was right; he had been leaving him out of the loop. Jack just couldn't bring himself to acknowledge Perez as Carter's replacement. Not while he knew she was still alive.
"Hell," he growled to no one in particular, and went to go get himself that coffee.
~
The wedding was held where Sam first woke up on Shade's home, on the cliff with the waterfall. The day was overcast, with dark clouds rolling in, covering the horizon as the sun set. When the initial ceremonies were over, the crowd cheered and the Bride and Groom were lead over to a blanket reserved just for them, where they would spend the rest of the night being waited on by their friends and family. Sam found that everyone else shared a space where blankets were laid side by side, allowing enough room for food and drinks. She sat with Shade and Allay, holding little Anij and watching the remains of daylight fade away. Anij was crying, for some reason inconsolable. Sam was just about to hand her to Allay when an old lullaby popped into her head. She smiled at Allay. "Thanks." Allay nodded, and Sam started to sing.
"There is a bird
Somebody sent
Down to the world to live on the wind
Flowing on the wind
And she sleeps on the wind
This little bird,
Somebody sent.
Light and fragile
And feathered sky blue
Thin and graceful
The sun shining through,
She flies so high
Up in the sky
Way out of reach,
Of mortal eyes.
Light and fragile
And feathered sky blue
Thin and graceful
The sun shining through
And the only time
That she touches ground
Is when that little bird,
Little bird, Is when
That little bird dies."
Sam looked down and found that Anij had fallen fast asleep in her arms. Allay chuckled at her drooling daughter. "That lullaby never fails to work. My mother sang it to me when I was a babe, and her mother to her before that."
Sam stroked the black hair on the little girls head. "She's so beautiful when she sleeps."
Allay nodded. "Yes, she is."
Sam sighed, and looked over Allay to Shade. He looked distant, preoccupied. He looked worried. She frowned. "Shade, are you alright?"
He jumped, startled. He put on what looked like a forced smile. "Yes, I'm fine."
"Are you sure"- Sam gasped when she felt lances of pain shoot down her leg. "Oh no, not again. Not now." She held out her hand to Shade, and he grasped it fiercely. "Shade."
His eyes held with hers as the link faded. "It's alright, Samantha."
The Jaffa were back, waiting to take her away. But they looked instead to Shade, who got up willingly. It confused her. "Shade, wait, I don't understand"-
He let go of her hand. "It's alright, Samantha," he repeated, and left with the Jaffa.
~
A nameless goauld, no doubt a servant of Apophis stood before Shade as the Jaffa held him on his knees.
Shade ground his teeth against the pain of the hand device. The goauld's distorted voice broke through. "You will."
The hand device shut off, and Shade let his head fall. "No," he lifted his head and looked the goauld straight in the eye. "I won't"
The goauld smiled, enjoying Shade's stubbornness, because it meant more pain. He laughed, and turned the hand device to a higher setting. "You will."
~
Sam had been dozing until she heard the Jaffa at the door, cursing Shade in another language, then her eyes shot wide, waiting for them to throw in Shade and take her next. She was still getting to her feet when Shade tumbled in. But instead of taking her, again, they just closed the door and threw the lock. She held her hand to the wall to help her sit back down, bending her left knee to make up for her right. It took her several moments to land herself on the floor, and by then Shade had propped himself up on the wall.
She scooted over to sit in front of him. "Are you alright?"
He nodded slowly, but didn't say a word.
"What's going on?"
He shook his head. "Nothing," he said hoarsely. "They only wished for me today."
Sam nodded, too tired to question further.
"Let's go to sleep, Samantha." She nodded again, moved into his arms, and fell asleep almost instantly.
~
The klaxons went off, and Jack, more than welcoming a break from his long-overdue paperwork, made his way to the control room. He looked to the man sitting at the controls. "Simmons?"
"Tokra signal received, sir."
Jack nodded. "Open the iris." He turned on his heels and met General Hammond in the doorway. "It's the Tokra."
Hammond nodded his head at Jack. "Very well. You can return to your paperwork."
Jack's eyebrows shot up. "Sir?"
"Dismissed, Colonel." Hammond turned around and walked towards the gate room. Well, this is interesting, he thought, and went to go find Daniel.
~
Sam woke from a nightmare to feel a hand stroking her back. She looked drowsily up at Shade. "What are you doing?"
He kept her gaze, and stilled his hand. "You were having a nightmare. I was trying to wake you up."
"Oh." She continued to look into his eyes. There was something in them. Something strange. Before she could say anything, he bent his head and kissed her. Hard. His hands tightened around her. She started to panic, and managed to break free for a moment. "Shade, stop. Please," but he cut off her words with another kiss. In the next instant she was on her back, pinned down. She searched her for a way to defend herself, but her mind was paralyzed. She couldn't think. She whimpered.
As suddenly as he started he stopped, horrified eyes looking down at her. "I can't do it. I'm so sorry, Samantha. I can't do it." He scrambled off her and against the wall. "I'm so sorry."
She stared at him, her mind unable to catch up to what was happening. The door to their cell was thrown open abruptly, and Jaffa flooded through. They grabbed up Shade and Sam harshly and dragged them out and down the hall into the room where they were habitually tortured. There they chained them both facing each other. An unfamiliar man came out of the shadows and glared at Shade. The metallic tones to his voice revealed him as goauld.
"You have disobeyed you lord Apophis. Now you both will be punished."
~
Jack paced Daniel's office, wondering what was going on and why they were being kept out of it. Daniel looked on with a half-amused, half-anxious look on his face.
"Jack, you might as well sit down. There's no telling how long they're going to be or if they're even going to let us in on it." Jack glared at him, but cleared a chair of books and papers and sat anyway. A moment later the phone rang on Daniel's desk. "Hello? Uh, actually, he's right here," Daniel looked over at Jack, "We're on our way." He set the phone down in the cradle and stood up. "General Hammond wants us to join him and Jacob in his office."
Jack nodded. "Let's go."
~
"Please, I am the one who disobeyed. She did not know. Punish me."
Shade's pleas were almost inaudible over the sound of Sam's shouts of pain. The Goauld with no name was using a pain rod on her, with Shade unable to do anything but watch. Apparently, that was his punishment.
Shade looked at her with pure anguish on his face. "Please. Please stop." She had had memories of the pain rod from Jolinar, but they were nothing compared to this. Every time the end of the rod touched her she saw orange and tendrils of pain clutched at every cell of her body. The rod exhausted her and charged her at the same time; she couldn't pass out but she couldn't move or stop what was happening either. She was vaguely aware of Shade struggling in his chains, calling out her name desperately.
"Samantha." Samantha.
Sam's response was small and strangled, even in her head. Shade…
Samantha, focus on me.
Sam moaned.
You don't need to talk back to me. Just focus on my words.
She moaned again in agreement.
Everything is going to be all right. You are still who you were. The goauld cannot break you. You will be all right. The goauld cannot break you…
~
"Run that by me again, sir?" Jack's confused eyes darted between General Hammond and Jacob.
General Hammond drew in a deep breath. "You, Dr. Jackson, Teal'c, and Major Perez will be accompanying Jacob on a mission to recover Major Carter."
"Uh, not that I'm not extremely happy to hear that, sir, but I was under the impression that there would be no more attempts to rescue Carter."
Hammond exchanged a look with Jacob. "This isn't our attempt, it's the Tok'ra's. And as far as the Air Force and the rest of the SGC is concerned, SG-1 are assisting the Tok'ra on a Diplomacy mission."
Daniel leaned forward. "Ok," he said slowly and raised an eyebrow at Jacob. "How did you get the Tok'ra High Council to agree to this?"
"I merely pointed out the large disadvantage the Tok'ra would be put in if we were left without Sam's considerable problem-solving ability and overall intelligence."
Jack sent a skeptical look towards Jacob, "Alright, then. I definitely don't have any objections. How's this going to go?"
"George can't include any more men without arousing suspicion within the SGC, so we'll be on our own. When we get through the gate there we should expect at least four Jaffa there waiting for us. Unfortunately, from there on it's touch and go. Then it'll be up to you."
Jack nodded. "I think we should keep as low a profile we can. Take out the guards quickly and quietly. What do you think, Teal'c?"
Teal'c slightly tilted his head. "I concur. It is most imperative that the Goauld not be made aware of our presence."
"Jacob?"
"I agree. George?"
Hammond thought a moment, and then sighed. "Alright. Colonel, brief Major Perez on our mission. Make sure he knows that the only reason he wasn't included here is because I wanted to make sure none of you had any objections to what Jacob and I were proposing. Dismissed."
Daniel raised his hand. "Uh, wait. I hate to be the voice of negativity, but the last time we saw Sam, Jack, she was pretty badly injured."
It was the General's turn to look confused. "What? When was this?"
Daniel glanced quickly at Hammond and waved his hand in the air. "It's not important. The point is that she's been with the Goauld for three months. I think it's safe to say she won't be in exactly tip-top shape. I mean, just consider what happened last time."
Jack glared at him. "It won't happen like last time."
Daniel sighed, vowing for patience. "Look, I'm just saying I think we should bring Janet along. There's no telling how we're going to find Sam when we get there."
Hammond nodded. It was clear he didn't like the situation any more than Jack did, but he wasn't willing to take any more chances than he absolutely had to. "Very well. Inform Dr. Frasier that she'll be joining you. If there isn't anything else?"
Seeing that there wasn't, he dismissed them again. Daniel walked past Jack, Jacob, and Teal'c and called over his shoulder that he was going to tell Janet to suit up. Jack moved to Jacob's side walking down the hall, with Teal'c striding a few feet behind them.
"So, Jake, you don't really expect me to believe all that crap you handed us about convincing the elders, do you?"
"High Council, Jack."
"Whatever. They didn't agree to this because of the intellectual loss they would suffer without Carter, did they?"
Jacob sighed. "No, they didn't."
"So why'd they agree?"
"Because I told them if they didn't back me on this I'd do it without their help, which would get me nowhere speedily. I reminded them how instrumental Selmak and I are to our cause. They believed me. They decided they didn't want to take the chance of losing us."
"That surprises me."
Jacob stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned on Jack. "Damn it, Jack, what did you expect? That I'd just overlook the chance that she's alive? She's my daughter."
"I know that, Jacob," he said softly. "I wasn't talking about that. What surprised me is that they let you go."
Jacob drew himself up, sheepish, and started walking again. "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm just a little high strung."
"You and me both."
~
The Goauld seem to have grown bored with the pain rod he was using on Sam. He stopped his torture suddenly and turned to the Jaffa.
"Take the prisoner away. I will deal with him later. As for this one," he motioned to Sam, "Lord Apophis has made it very clear what he wishes to be done. Kill her."
"No!" Shade struggled against his captors. "No, please!"
Hearing this, the goauld stopped in his tracks, and smiled as if he had just had a wonderful idea. "Wait." He moved to stand before Shade. "You care for her?"
Shade stilled. "Yes."
His smile grew wider, and then went away. He moved in close to Shade and spoke in a hard voice. "I want you to know the power of your God. I want you to watch your friend's life slowly and painfully fade and know it was Apophis who took it away." He turned; spoke to one of the Jaffa briefly, and walked out the door. The Jaffa dragged Shade out the door, and Sam turned her head to the ceiling. She closed her eyes as she felt the first blow come.
~
Geared up and ready to go, Jack waited in the control room watching Simmons dial up.
"Good luck, sir," Jack raised his eyebrows at Simmons, whose eyes never left the computer screen. "On your Diplomacy mission."
Jack held back a smile; the Lieutenant knew. But Simmons never did miss much. It was his job. "Thanks, Simmons. I have a feeling we're going to need it."
~
Shade was beside himself when the Jaffa threw Sam into their cell. His condition did not improve when he saw her. Her face was bloodied; well on it's way to severe bruising. On her bottom lip was a deep, severe cut, with the blood from it spilling down her chin to her neck. Hey eyes were already black and swollen shut, helped along by previous injuries done to them. On the right side of her forehead were many small, crumb-sized cuts and scratches on top of swelling and forming bruises that were probably the result of her head being shoved into rocky pavement. Her nose was bleeding badly, but thankfully seemed unbroken. Her left shoulder was dislocated; her arm at an awkward angle that indicated that it had been yanked behind her back. Her left arm and wrist seemed likely broken, judging by the swelling, but he couldn't be sure. When he checked her chest he found at least three broken ribs. There was no way to tell, but seeing the severity of her other injuries, it was probable that she had internal injuries. Her left leg seemed harshly bruised, but otherwise unharmed. Her right leg, however, was a different story. Her knee was uneven, as if the bones underneath the skin were broken apart and at different places. It was swollen, and matched the dark coloring of her upper leg, where the staff blast had hit and healed. Her breathing was irregular. He hoped it was not because her lung had been punctured, but that was also something that he was unqualified to judge. He understood now, that Goauld's plan. The serpent had wanted him to suffer watching his dear friend suffer. And die. There was nothing to be done.
~
The trip through the gate was quick. When they exited the wormhole they came almost immediately under the fire of staff weapons. Even though there were six goauld, instead of the estimated four, the team was able to cover themselves and take the goauld out quickly. When it was over, Jack, Teal'c, and Perez dragged the bodies far behind the stargate, and took their weapons and communication devices. They stowed the weapons and threw away the communication devices, while Teal'c covered their tracks. Jack motioned for a meeting in some bushes out of sight.
"Ok, ideas? Suggestions? Comments?"
"I believe we should keep to the edge of the woods along the path. It is most likely that it will lead us directly to the compound."
Jack raised an eyebrow at Teal'c. "Are you sure?"
"Apophis is very arrogant, O'Neill. He believes that should anyone attack him, his forces would overpower their forces. He would therefore see no reason to hide his facilities."
Nodding, "Alright. Teal'c, follow behind and watch our sixes. Daniel, you're with me. Perez, stick with the Doctor."
"Yes sir."
"Let's go."
~
It took half an hour to find the prison along the path. Teal'c had been right; there was nothing to indicate Apophis was worried about an attack. They waited for several minutes, and found only two Jaffa guarding the side of the building. They advanced quickly and caught the two from behind. Teal'c zatted them, and again they dragged the bodies out of sight. Jack was about to signal the team to continue around the building when he heard Daniel call his name softly. When Jack moved to his side, Daniel pointed his flashlight at a dark square that was about seven feet up the wall of the prison.
"What is it?"
"I'm not sure, but if I had to guess I'd say it was some kind of ventilation shaft."
"Only one way to find out," he turned around and waved Teal'c over. "Hoist me up."
He put his foot in Teal'c's hands and braced is hands on the side of the wall, balancing himself as he was raised up. Once up, he pushed at the square, which he now saw had small holes in the metal, and was grateful when it gave way. The metal covering fell inside the shaft, stirring up dust that had probably been there since the place was built. The shaft was just big enough for them to fit in.
He grinned. "Thanks, Simmons."
"What?" Jacob said, straining to see Jack in the dark.
"Let me down." Teal'c lowered him, and Daniel was on him instantly.
"Well?"
Jack grinned again. "I think we have a winner." He glanced up. "It's large enough for us to fit. We're going to have to go up one at a time, but I think it'll work."
Jacob bowed his head. When he raised it, Selmak was talking. "Now that we have a discreet entrance, what do we do once we are inside?"
Jack shook his head. "I don't know. We're assuming that it goes somewhere." Jack sighed. "I think this is as good as it'll get. Come on, let's get up there."
~
It was a small space to move in, but sufficient. They were all trying to stifle coughs caused by the dust as they scooted along, and Jack heard Daniel sneeze several times. "Daniel," he warned in whispers.
"I know, I know, be quiet. I'm working on it."
They trudged along another few feet until Jack came across another metal cover like the one they encountered on the outside. He held up his hand to signal everyone behind him to stop and be silent. He looked down through the holes present on the covering, and shined his light down into the room it was over. The light found several figures, and when he was sure they weren't Jaffa, he called out. "Carter." One of the figures looked up. Jack couldn't tell, even in the light of his flashlight, whether the figure was male or female.
"No one by that name is here." Male. "Perhaps you should try one of the other cells."
"Uh, thanks." He scooted on, hearing the noise of the others following behind him. He noticed that the man had not asked why they were there, or who they were. He wondered at that. Why would someone who had once lived here not care who it was crawling above him or her? He didn't understand. He'd ask Daniel about it later.
It was about twenty more feet before they came across another covering, and Jack shined his flashlight down. The light discovered an empty room at first, but then a Jaffa came into view, looking up at them.
"Shit." Jack whispered, and rolled to the other side of covering, so he was out of sight of the Jaffa, and signaled to the others to be absolutely still and quiet. He nodded to Perez to ready his weapons.
"Who is there? Reveal yourself!" Jack glanced down to see the Jaffa staff weapon in hand straining to see. Several seconds of tense silence followed before they heard the Jaffa's quick retreating footsteps.
"Damn," he said to himself, "So much for not letting them know we're here." He turned to the rest of his team. "We're going to have to double time it." They nodded, and continued on as fast as they could.
They came across several more cells with similar people to the man they had first encountered in them, all with the same answer and attitude. The prisoners obviously didn't care they were there, which meant they wouldn't further alert the Goauld to where they were or who they were. The block ended, and they had to go for another thirty feet or so before they found another covering. Jack shone his light into the cell and could make out a man sitting against a wall. Jack shook his head at the others. She's not here.
He was about to move on when he heard a hoarse, deep voice call up.
"Colonel O'Neill?"
He stopped and glanced sharply behind him. He recognized that voice. His eyes locked with Daniel's. From the sharp look in his friend's eyes, Jack could tell Daniel did too. He shot his flashlight back down into the cell.
"Do I know you?"
"Yes," the man paused, hesitant. "And no. There is no time to explain. Have you come for Samantha?"
Jack narrowed his eyes in his darkness. "You know her?"
"Yes. She is here. You must hurry, for she is seriously injured. She doesn't have much time left, I think."
Jack cursed under his breath. "Hell." He'd have to trust that it wasn't a trap. He hastily motioned for Daniel to help him lift the cover. "We're coming down."
Once the cover was removed, Jack lowered himself feet first to the floor of the cell. He waited until Daniel, Jacob, Janet, Perez, and Teal'c were down before he moved closer to the man. As he shuffled cautiously towards him, expecting to see Carter any second, he felt his boot hit something. He looked down, swinging his flashlight to shine on the unknown object.
He sucked in his breath. "Jesus."
Jacob moved forward quickly to see what it was that had affected Jack so. "What?" The thing came into view. "Oh, God. Sam." He knelt quickly at her side, his hands hovering above her as if he were afraid to touch her. "Oh, no."
Janet rushed to her side and started checking her out. She felt Sam's stomach and closed her eyes briefly at what she found. "She has internal injuries. I can't tell how extensive here." Frasier looked at Sam's heavily bruised face and forehead. "She also probably has head trauma." She looked up at the man, his face anguished. "How long has she been unconscious?"
He shook his head. "She was unconscious when the Jaffa brought her back, some time ago. I don't know how long before that."
Janet nodded. "Sir, we have to get her out of here. Now."
Jack nodded, and forced down his feelings. "Is it safe to move her?"
Janet looked down at Sam. "No. But we don't have much choice."
"Teal'c?"
Teal'c moved over to Sam, bent down, and picked her up gingerly in his arms.
"Be careful of her leg and knee, Jaffa." There was a hard tone in the man's voice, but he didn't question Teal'c helping Sam. "And of her shoulder and arm."
"I will."
"Listen to me very carefully, Teal'c," Janet said as the men hoisted themselves back into the shaft. "When you give her up to the Colonel and Jacob, do not jar her or unnecessarily move her in any way. Don't put any pressure on her stomach and hold her head still, alright?"
"Yes, Doctor." Jack and Daniel leaned out of the shaft as far as they could and grabbed Sam under her shoulders, being careful not to aggravate her injuries. Once they had lifted her partially into the shaft, Teal'c raised her lower back and legs as far above his head as he could so they could slide her in horizontally. It took a several moments to get her in slowly and carefully, but they managed. Janet was the last one to go up, the men grabbing her arms and shoulders.
"Wait, please. May I accompany you to the gate?"
Jack gave a frustrated sigh. Shade's pleading eyes held his. "I ask only to see Samantha to the gate, and then I'll go to my own home. It is my fault she is in such a state. Please let me make sure she makes it safely."
Jack sighed again, but reached down his hand, and Teal'c followed suit. "Fine, but we've got to hurry. They know we're here."
They lifted Shade into the shaft; he looked down briefly at Sam and touched her forehead with his hand. Then he looked back up at Jack and nodded. "I am ready."
They made their way carefully, the cramped space becoming even more cramped because of the men and Janet keeping Sam stable as they scooted along.
Jack shook his head and stopped. "This is going to take forever. Is there any way we can pick up the pace without hurting her?"
"No sir, I don't think so," Janet whispered.
"Damn it," Jack looked down the shaft. "Damn." He said again, and blew out a breath. "There's no way we're getting out of here without a fight at this pace. Come on, we have a long ways to go."
~
Even at the quickened pace Jack had set; it took them another fifteen minutes before they came to the exit outside.
Daniel squinted out into the darkness of the forest to find Jaffa. He didn't see any. "It's clear."
Jack was taken aback. "What the hell?" He looked himself, only to find nothing also. "By now there should be Jaffa crawling all over this place."
"Let's just thank god for small favors and figure out how we're going to get Sam out of here, shall we?" Jacob put in.
"Yeah," Jack said, still cautious. "Any ideas?"
Daniel glanced at Sam, troubled. "There's nothing else we can do but lower her down and hope to hell we aren't injuring her more than she already is."
Jack looked to Janet. She shrugged unhappily. "Daniel's right, sir. If we had a medical team…"
Jack closed his eyes briefly, hating the fact that they didn't. "I know, I know. Alright, Teal'c and I will go out first."
They jumped out, and reached up to catch Sam as they lowered her out the shaft. Jack let Teal'c take most of the burden, because he was more equipped for the job. He steadied her as she came down into Teal'c's arms. Once she was down, the others followed. Without a word they moved themselves into the brush alongside the path to walk the way to the stargate.
After several minutes, Jack heard Teal'c's hushed, urgent voice behind him. "Dr. Frasier." When he turned he saw Teal'c kneeling setting Sam on the ground.
Jack rushed to her side. "What is it?"
"I believe she is regaining consciousness." She was moaning weakly, obviously in pain. She couldn't open her eyes, for they were swollen shut, but she was trying feebly to move away from Teal'c.
Janet put her hand on Sam's arm. "Sam? It's all right. We're here, we're going to take you home."
"Shade," Sam cried out, barely audible. "Help me, please. Make them stop." Tears were running down her bruised face. Janet raised confused, horrified eyes to the dark man standing up on the other side of Sam.
Shade went on his knees beside her. "It's alright, Samantha, I am here."
"Make them stop. They're hurting me."
"They won't hurt you anymore. You're going home. Your friends are here for you."
"I can't make them stop."
Shade looked at Janet. "She is delirious. She does not understand."
"Of whom is she speaking? What was done to her?" Teal'c asked.
Shade kept his gaze on Sam, listening to her painful moans. "She speaks of the Jaffa," was all he said. He clearly didn't want to elaborate.
Sam's mumbling faded off, and she lost consciousness again. Jack moved away and surveyed the area while Janet checked Sam's vitals. Perez stepped to his side.
"What is it, sir?"
Jack shook his head. "I've dealt with the goauld before. In situations like this, they usually would swamp the area with guards and make it hell for us to get out of here."
"But they don't know who's here."
"They don't know who's here, but they know someone's here. That's more than enough information for them. But this, this doesn't make any sense." Jack turned swiftly, suddenly even more incensed to leave there and get back to Earth. "Doc, how is she?"
"Her pulse is sluggish and she's having difficulty breathing. I don't have to tell you that's dangerous."
Jack nodded, averting his eyes from Sam. He needed to keep his distance for the moment, so he could focus on getting them home. Killing as many goauld as he could find would not solve the problem at hand. "Alright, let's get going again. We're close to the gate, so it shouldn't take long."
Teal'c picked Sam up once again, and they formed a tight circle around him, Jack and Daniel in the front, Perez in the back, and Jacob and Janet on the sides. They made it in less than 20 minutes. They didn't bother trying to cover their tracks.
"Dial us home, Danny. Quickly."
It had been, compared to what they had expected and their other dealings with the goauld, easy. Jack told himself that he should be thankful. That they had Carter back and that it was over. But something deep within his mind knew that it wasn't over yet, and that the worst was still to come.
~
The first one to hit the ramp in the gate room was Teal'c, who promptly laid Sam down on the floor. Janet came next, kneeling once again at Sam's side. She checked Sam's vitals again, only to find that she had no pulse. With panicked eyes but a calm voice, she called out for a med team and started CPR.
When the other team members came through, they stood and stared, not quite sure of what was happening. Daniel was the first to speak.
"What's happened?"
Janet shook her head as she took a breath between breathing for Sam.
"I would think that's obvious, Daniel." Janet said, her voice catching as she continued to try and pump life back into Sam's still form.
Daniel closed his eyes, and sat down heavily on the ramp, his face in his hands.
Jacob was breathing heavily, his anxious eyes never leaving Sam's still form. Jack was just behind the old man, his hand on Jacob's shoulder, head down. Teal'c stood at guard at Sam's side, face impassive but eyes incredibly sad. Perez stood helplessly apart from them, feeling unsure of himself and out of place.
The med team ran into the room and was allowed only a moment of shock at seeing the missing Sam on the floor before they leapt to help. They inserted a breathing tube down her throat and attached a bag to the mouthpiece, squeezing at short intervals, effectively breathing for her.
"Come on, Sam," Janet whispered, "Come on, don't let go now."
When she checked Sam's wrist a half a minute later, she breathed a sigh of relief.
"I've got a pulse. Let's move her to the infirmary, quickly." They lifted Sam to a gurney, and wheeled her quickly out of the gate room, leaving the men still standing in the middle of the ramp.
~
It had been hours since Jack had last seen Sam lying on that gurney on her way to the infirmary. There had been no updates on her condition; just an eerie silence outside the room where they all stood waiting anxiously, including General Hammond. No one talked, they barely moved. He didn't know what the others were doing, but Jack was praying as hard as he could that Sam would be okay. He'd be damned if he heard the news of her death after they'd finally gotten her back He hadn't prayed in a long time, and if Janet walked out of the infirmary telling them that Sam was gone, it would be the last time.
The door opened, and Janet walked out, pulling off her surgical cap, her mask hanging down around her neck, exaggerating her exhausted appearance. The men were on their feet instantly, but she waved them back towards their seats.
"Sit down, gentlemen. It'll be another couple of hours."
She sat in a lone chair adjacent to where the men were sitting, and immediately leaned back and closed her eyes. She knew they were waiting to know how Sam was, and she sighed; she couldn't put them off.
"I can only give you a rundown of her injuries, and that she's stable for the moment. Aside from that, I can't tell you much more." Janet paused to run a hand over her eyes.
"It was obvious that Sam had sustained head trauma and internal injuries when we found her. The brief period of consciousness and then total, uninterrupted unconsciousness, her labored breathing, impact bruising on her head and stomach are all indications of serious damage. So when we got to the infirmary I ordered immediate head and abdominal CT scans and called in some local specialists. The first problem to be addressed, but not the most dangerous, was the fact that she was bleeding from her spleen. The damage was so extensive that at first look…we had to take it out."
Jacob's eyes fluttered open and shut; and he took a moment to collect himself. "What does that mean for her?"
"It doesn't change much, really. Initially her resistance to infection will be lowered, but eventually her liver will take over. It won't change her daily routine."
Jacob nodded, only slightly relieved.
"The most life-threatening is the head trauma. She's suffering from an epidural haematoma. This is usually the product of a focused blow, and the only thing I can think would have served is the butt of a staff weapon. There are two things working against Sam right now; first, the fact that it wasn't treated immediately, and second, she was in a coma before the neurosurgeon even got to the mountain." Janet's frustration showed on her face.
"The mortality rate for this injury alone is 20 percent. But added with her other injuries…" Janet shook her head. "Her left shoulder was dislocated badly, her arm and wrist are broken in several places. Her other wrist is also broken, but it seems an older injury than the other breaks. I won't know until I can take more precise X-Rays. At least four ribs are broken, one having punctured her lung. We had to put her on a ventilator. She won't come off it for quite a while. Her right leg…"
Jack narrowed his eyes. "What?"
"The injury from the staff blast has been allowed to fester for three months. It's a mess. The muscles of that leg have degenerated with lack of treatment. Frankly, it's miracle there was no infection. To top it all off, her knee has been damaged so badly it'll take at least several reconstructive surgeries to rebuild it. Even then there's very little chance she'll get fair use back, given the extensive damage to her muscles."
"Wait, what does that all mean?" Daniel asked, his eyes darting between Janet and Jack.
Janet looked at her hands in her lap. "It means that with her leg in such a state, she may never be eligible for active mission duty again."
~
"Sirs, doctors." The neurosurgeon said when he exited the infirmary some time later. He got to the point.
"She's stable for the moment, and the EDH is no longer a serious threat. But she's not out of the woods; injuries like this tend to reinstate themselves when you least expect it. She's in a coma; it's up to her to come out of it."
Janet forced a professional smile. "Thank you, Dr. Mahaffey. I'll take it from here."
He nodded and left the infirmary. Jacob walked over to the infirmary doorway and leaned on the doorframe.
"What now?"
"Sir, I'd like to recommend we move her to the academy hospital where her family can see her."
The colonel frowned. "How are we going to explain this to Mark and Sally? She's been missing for three months! What are we going to tell them?"
"Sir, I think because she has been missing for three months we have to let them see her. I don't think we can justify not doing so," she retorted.
"Who says we have to tell them anything? We'll just say it's classified. I'll think they'll accept that. They just want Sam back. I mean, there's no way we can keep her from them." Daniel said, casting them all to silence.
"Very well Doctor," Hammond stated quietly. "But I want someone with her at all times, in case she wakes up when the family is in the room. The last thing we need is for her to accidentally leak something about the SGC."
The all nodded their agreement.
"May I see her?" Jacob requested softly, breaking his standing silence.
Janet hesitated. "Alright, sir. But I can only let you in for a few minutes."
She led him into a dimly lit room. When he saw his daughter, he sucked in his breath and moved forward to sit in the chair beside her bed. He stroked the hair off of her battered face.
"Can I have a minute?" he asked gruffly, without looking up.
Janet dipped her head. "Yeah," she whispered.
Jacob managed to wait until she left the room before he fell apart.
~
They moved her two days later. Jack, Teal'c and Daniel rode in Jack's jeep behind the medically equipped van to the hospital. Jacob had gone to the airport to meet Mark and Sally.
"You think she's okay up there?" Daniel asked, his eyebrows brought together in worry.
"It's only a couple more minutes to the hospital. She's okay."
Daniel nodded.
Jack looked briefly in the rearview mirror at Teal'c. He sat silently, looking forward. He had barely said a word since they'd found Sam, and Jack was worried about him. He had a horrible feeling that Teal'c felt responsible for what happened to Sam. Jack could understand why; it made sense in a sick sort of way. Teal'c was a Jaffa, and from what they had gathered, it was his people who did the damage. But Jack knew feeling guilty wouldn't change anything and it definitely wouldn't help anyone. Jack knew by experience.
"I was thinking," Daniel said, breaking Jack's train of thought.
"What?"
"What happens when she wakes up?"
Jack's grip tightened on the steering wheel. "I don't know. I think it's safe to say she won't bounce up and become the Sam we knew before."
"I know."
"Do you? Because I know what it's like. You don't get over something like this and you never forget. I've gone through it."
Daniel shifted in his seat. He didn't want to talk about this.
"She's going to need a lot of help, Daniel."
"I know, Jack. But you and I both know this is different. Very different. It's one thing to go through it yourself, but it's another to watch someone close to you go through it. You want to tell yourself you're ready for that? Fine. But, I'm not sure I am."
"You're going to have to be. We both are."
The rest of the trip was made in silence.
~
Daniel had gone to get food from the cafeteria, which left Jack and Teal'c to sit quietly with Sam. Jack kept his eyes averted from her.
Teal'c stood stoically by the side of her bed, keeping her guarded from whatever it was he thought she was in danger of.
"Teal'c, why don't you sit down?" He gestured to the chair right next to the Jaffa.
"I am comfortable where I am," he said neutrally.
"Okay. How long has it been since you last kel'no'reem…ed?"
"Approximately a day."
"Aren't you waiting a little long here?"
Teal'c moved his eyes from Sam to Jack. "I do not wish to leave, O'Neill."
"I know," he sighed and rubbed his eyes. "But you're not going to be any good to her sick."
"I will observe kel'no'reem before I become ill. Until then, I would like to remain."
"Teal'c, this had nothing to do with you."
"I do not want to talk about this, O'Neill."
"Teal'c-"
"Major Carter is my friend. I am unhappy about what has happened. Please allow me this."
Jack gave a sighed again and nodded. He had tried.
~
Ten minutes later Daniel returned with three tuna sandwiches and three cokes.
"Thanks." Jack said, and unwrapped his sandwich.
"Your welcome."
Teal'c stared at the paper-wrapped food with hesitation. "What is this?"
Daniel smiled. "It's tuna. You'll like it."
"It looks most unhealthy."
"Hospital food always is." Jack replied, forcing a smile.
Daniel shot Jack a look. "No it's not. It's okay, Teal'c, have a bite."
Teal'c took a cautious bite, chewed, and then nodded. "It is…interesting."
Daniel smiled, taking it as ringing praise.
After a few moments, Jack sighed. "The family is going to be here soon. What do we want to do?"
Daniel looked at Sam. Her face was still black and swollen with bruises. She was attached to machines that were keeping her alive, the wires and tubes daunting to an observer, as were the bandages around her head. There was a cast almost all the way to her shoulder on her left arm, and it was in a brace to keep her shoulder from moving. Her other wrist was also in a brace, placed unmoving at her right side. As well present was a soft mound where her stomach was, where packing and bandages were marking her ribs and incisions from her various surgeries. Her right leg was elevated as much a possible, the shape of her leg unable to be distinguished under the bandages and padding protecting it.
"I don't think we should leave."
Jack was uncertain. "I don't know, Daniel. I think we would be in the way, don't you?"
"Look at her, Jack. It's hard enough for Jacob. I'm not sure he can deal with Mark and Sally alone."
"I concur with Daniel Jackson, O'Neill. I do not intend to leave."
Jack didn't look at Sam. He had been avoiding looking directly at her since she got home. He wasn't ready to look yet. So he merely nodded.
"Alright. We stay."
~
Janet had briefed Mark and Sally on her condition before they entered her hospital room, but it obviously hadn't prepared them for actually seeing her. Sally cried silently, which was perhaps more painful to onlookers than crying out loud, and sat at Sam's bedside holding her right hand delicately. Mark had left the room almost immediately and disappeared. The men, minus Teal'c, who remained stoically at Sam's side, were forced to go hunting through the hospital. It was Jack who finally found him half an hour later in a bathroom on the third floor, dry-heaving over a commode in a stall. Jack knew that Mark had noticed him as soon as he had walked in, but stayed silent until Mark decided to acknowledge him. He waited quite a while before his impatience got the best of him.
"Everyone's been wondering where you are."
Mark had arranged himself on the floor sitting against the stall wall. He didn't respond.
"We really should be getting back."
Mark still said nothing.
Jack sighed, and lowered himself to sit against the wall in front of the stall.
"She should've known better. I told her not to get mixed up in this."
Jack frowned. "In what, the military?"
Mark nodded. "It never got us anything more than bad luck. And now she's in a coma, with a goddamn machine keeping her breathing."
Jack leaned his head back to rest against the wall. "Something you've got to understand here, Mark. She loved what she did. It made her happy."
"What do you know about it? You're only her commanding officer." Mark said harshly. "You don't know anything about her."
Jack stiffened, and got up off the floor, trying not to show he was angry. "Maybe. But I do know this. She loved what she did. She loved it so much she couldn't help but to explain what she was doing to you. And you couldn't help but listen. If you knew her like that, you'd know that none of this matters because for a while, she was happy."
Mark clenched his jaw and looked down. "I didn't know her like that. I'm not sure if I ever knew her at all." He shook his head. "If I just had another chance…"
Jack moved to the door and pulled it open. He looked back.
"You're in luck. Fate's having a sale on those."
~
Two days later, Jack entered Carter's hospital room, having finally gone home some hours earlier for sleep and a shower, and inadvertently into a telephone conversation Sally was having. Jack moved to go back out, but Sally motioned an 'it's okay', so He sat down instead.
"I know, Baby. You will as soon as Aunt Sam gets better, I promise. Grandpa isn't here right now, but I'll tell him. I love you too, sweet. Why don't you put Aunt Mel back on the phone and go take a nap? Bye-bye, Honey."
Sally rubbed her forehead tiredly. "Mel? Yeah. No, she hasn't come out of it yet. I know I sound like hell, thanks for pointing it out." She paused, listening. "I know, I'm sorry, I'm just stressed out. I don't know, not until she gets better, so you're going to have to hold down the fort till then. I know they do, but I don't want the kids to see her like this. I don't think she'd want them too either. At a hotel. It's not that expensive, really." Sally winced and glanced fleetingly at Jack. "I don't really think that's an option right now. I know, but we have a little savings, so it's not that bad. I will, I promise. I will. I love you too. Bye." She hung up the phone, and collapsed into a chair on the other side of Carter's bed. At Jack questioning glance, she gave him a tired smile. "Mel was wondering whether we could transfer Sam to a military hospital near San Diego so Mark and I wouldn't have to spend so much money or time away from home. I figured you guys wouldn't be too happy with that."
Jack smiled. "I think you're right." He raised an eyebrow. "How much do you guys think you're going to have to spend?"
"Well, thankfully Mark can work from pretty much anywhere, so he's still getting paid. That, along with our savings should cover the costs."
"That's still not a number there, Sal."
She shrugged. "We'll be fine. We're thinking about renting an apartment near here for about a month. I'm hoping we won't have to be here that long, but if we do it'd be a lot less expensive than staying in a hotel."
Jack shook his head. "Don't bother. Carter's apartment is paid up for. Janet took care of it when we…when Carter turned up. Anyway, you guys could stay there."
She looked unsure. "I don't know…"
"Carter's not using it."
Sally grimaced. "No, I guess she isn't."
"Then it's settled, then. You guys'll keep the place warm for Carter until she gets up and about."
She nodded.
~
"I guess it's kind of comforting being here." Sally said, sitting in Carter's newly returned sofa in the living room, watching Mark gaze out the window.
He nodded. "Maybe a little. It feels kind of weird, though."
"I'd be surprised if it didn't. But I think Sam's would be happy if she knew you were keeping the place up for her." Daniel said, coming from the kitchen.
Sally smiled. "So do I."
Jack stood up. "Okay Daniel, let's go and let them get situated. We don't want to leave Murray alone with the hospital food for too long anyway."
Sally gave them a grateful look. "Thanks again."
Jack waved as he went out the door. "Anytime. Bye."
Mark twisted his body around momentarily to give them a nod. "Bye."
They left Mark and Sally to the apartment, and headed back to the hospital.
~
"Jack? Jack, wake up." Daniel shook his shoulder, nearly knocking him out of the chair he had fallen asleep in.
Jack groaned. He had a crick in his neck that was giving him hell for dozing of with his head hanging down.
"What time is it?"
"Six p.m. How long have you been here?"
"A couple of days."
"Any change?"
Jack shook his head. "Nothing."
Daniel raised his eyebrows, noticing for the first time the absence of one very persistent Jaffa.
"Where's Teal'c?"
"He's doing his kel'no'reem. He should be back in a few hours." Jack sighed. "He's worse than I am."
"I noticed. He's very protective of Sam."
"Yeah." Jack stood from his chair and rubbed his hand over his face.
"You look like hell, Jack. Go home."
"You're not exactly a picture of beauty yourself, Danny."
Daniel glared and motioned pointedly at the door.
"I'm going, I'm going."
"Good. Stay away for at least a couple hours. You need to sleep. In a bed, not a badly furnished chair. Goodnight."
"Sure."
Daniel claimed the chair Jack had slept in, and pulled it closer to the bed so he could take Sam's hand comfortably.
"Hey Sam. How's it going?"
Nothing but the beeping and whooshing of machines answered him. He held up his occupied hand sheepishly.
"I brought a book. Thought you might like to hear it. I'm sure you've read it before, but there's nothing like reading a good classic again. The House of the Seven Gables."
He sat the book on the bed, propping it up on Sam's still form, still holding Sam's hand. He took a deep breath, and began reading.
"When a writer calls his work a Romance, it need hardly be observed that he wishes to claim a certain latitude…"
~
Janet found Daniel later asleep, hunched over, his head resting on the bed. The book he had been reading still laid open to the side. She shook her head.
"Talk about learned behavior," she muttered, and nudged Daniel.
"I'm awake, I'm awake." He jolted up, and realized where he was.
"Daniel, do I have to give you the lecture I give Colonel O'Neill?"
Daniel rubbed his eyes. "No."
"Then go-"
"Go home. I know. I can't leave until Jack or Teal'c come back."
"I'll stay with her."
"No."
Janet blinked. "What's going on, Daniel?"
He shook his head. "We weren't with her when she was taken. We weren't with her in the prison. And we can't be with her now, not really. It wasn't supposed to end like this."
"Who said anything was going to end, Daniel?" She asked softly, her hand on his arm.
"If something happened, it's supposed to happen to all of us. Not one of us. Not like this."
"She's not dead, Daniel. She's still hanging on. She's a fighter, remember?"
He nodded, and gave a small, solemn smile. "I remember."
"Then keep doing what you've been doing. Everything will turn out the way it's supposed to in the end."
"What if what's supposed to happen isn't what we want to happen?"
Janet sighed, and shrugged a little. "That's God's department, not mine."
"That's not very comforting."
"Waiting rarely is."
~
"Hell." Janet said viciously, and rubbed her forehead. She wasn't looking forward to this. She had been putting it off since she had had that talk with Daniel, but she couldn't postpone it any longer. Sam was her friend, and it was what she wanted. But she'd be damned if she had to like it.
She took a deep breath to calm herself, and went to talk to Sam's family.
~
"What? You can't possibly think she'd want that!" Sally hissed.
"It's in her living will. If hadn't wanted it, she wouldn't have made it." Janet replied tiredly.
Sally's eyes darted between her husband, who wouldn't meet her gaze, and Janet.
"It's only been three weeks!" She turned her glare to Jacob.
Jacob swallowed, the struggle to maintain his composure evident on his face. His voice was hoarse from the effort.
"As much as I don't…" He cleared his throat and bowed his head. "I won't go against her wishes."
"Please, Jacob! After all this, you're going to give up after only three weeks? Carter wouldn't want this and we both know it." Jack said vehemently.
He looked at Mark, who had his head in his hands.
"You turn off those machines, Mark, and it's done. Final. No going back. You wanted a second chance? Here it is."
Mark looked uncertainly between Jack and Jacob.
Jacob looked at Mark, and then back to Jack. "Please don't make this harder than it has to be."
Jack stared at him for a moment, and walked out of Janet's office, slamming the door as he left. Daniel followed.
"Give me a week. A week, and if there's still no change, you can do it." Sally pleaded quietly.
Janet sighed sadly. "Sally, I can't"-
"Please."
Janet closed her eyes. "Alright. Seven days. After that…"
Sally nodded quickly. "I know. Thank you."
~
"I don't believe this is the right action to take O'Neill!" Teal'c said fervently.
"Neither do we, Teal'c, but there's not much we can do. This is the family's choice, not ours." Daniel replied miserably.
"And what are we Daniel? Passing acquaintances?" Jack spat back from his seat on the park bench.
"Of course not. I'm just saying there's not a lot we can do here."
"I suppose yelling's not an option, then."
Daniel gave him a look. Teal'c turned around and began walking back to the entrance to the hospital.
Jack frowned. "Where are you going?"
"Back to Major Carter's room. I wish to spend what remaining time we have with her."
Teal'c's comment must have hit home, because Daniel saw Jack wince.
"He right, Jack." He said quietly.
"I know." He looked down at his hands, and then stood up.
"Let's get back."
~
"We still have a week?" Jack whispered, heedful of the family in the hallway.
"That's not enough time, Sal."
"It'll have to be. Janet won't give us any more."
Daniel glanced at Jacob and Mark down the hall talking to Janet. "I still don't understand why they gave up so quickly."
Sally shook her head. "They aren't exactly giving up, Daniel. Sam did make a living will. They're right in wanting to respect her wishes. I'm just not sure if that's what's best."
"I know it's not what's best." Jack said quickly.
Sally nodded, and yawned. Jack nodded towards Mark.
"You guys should go get some rest. We'll stay here with her."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Go ahead."
Sally thanked them and left to get Mark.
~
//Two days later//
Jack entered Sam's hospital room, having finally gone home some hours earlier for sleep and a shower, and inadvertently into a telephone conversation Sally was having. Jack moved to go back out, but Sally motioned an 'it's okay', so he sat down instead.
"I know, Baby. You will as soon as Aunt Sam gets better, I promise. Grandpa isn't here right now, but I'll tell him. I love you too, sweetie. Why don't you put Aunt Mel back on the phone and go take a nap? Bye-bye, Honey."
Sally rubbed her forehead tiredly.
"Mel? Yeah. No, she hasn't come out of it yet. I know I sound like hell, thanks for pointing it out," she paused, listening, "I know, I'm sorry, I'm just stressed out. I don't know, not until she gets better, so you're going to have to hold down the fort till then. I know they do, but I don't want the kids to see her like this. I don't think she'd want them too either. At a hotel. It's not that expensive, really."
Sally winced and glanced fleetingly at Jack.
"I don't really think that's an option right now. I know, but we have a little savings, so it's not that bad. I will, I promise. I will. I love you too. Bye."
She hung up the phone, and collapsed into a chair on the other side of Sam's bed. At Jack questioning glance, she gave him a tired smile.
"Mel was wondering whether we could transfer Sam to a military hospital near San Diego so Mark and I wouldn't have to spend so much money or time away from home. I figured you guys wouldn't be too happy with that."
Jack smiled. "I think you're right," He raised an eyebrow, "How much do you guys think you're going to have to spend?"
"Well, thankfully Mark can work from pretty much anywhere, so he's still getting paid. That, along with our savings should cover the costs."
"That's still not a number there, Sal."
She shrugged. "We'll be fine. We're thinking about renting an apartment near here for about a month. I'm hoping we won't have to be here that long, but if we do it'd be a lot less expensive than staying in a hotel."
Jack shook his head. "Don't bother. Carter's apartment is paid up for. Janet took care of it when we…when Carter turned up. Anyway, you guys could stay there."
She looked unsure. "I don't know…"
"Carter's not using it."
Sally grimaced. "No, I guess she isn't."
"Then it's settled. You guys will keep the place warm for her until she gets up and about."
She nodded.
~
"I guess it's kind of comforting being here." Sally said, sitting in Sam's newly returned sofa in the living room, watching Mark gaze out the window.
He nodded. "Maybe a little. It feels kind of weird, though."
"I'd be surprised if it didn't. But I think Sam's would be happy if she knew you were keeping the place up for her." Daniel said, coming from the kitchen.
Sally smiled. "So do I."
Jack stood up. "Okay Daniel, let's go and let them get situated. We don't want to leave Murray alone with the hospital food for too long anyway."
Sally gave them a grateful look. "Thanks again."
Jack waved as he went out the door. "Anytime. Bye."
Mark twisted his body around momentarily to give them a nod. "Bye."
They left Mark and Sally to the apartment, and headed back to the hospital.
~
"Jack? Jack, wake up." Daniel shook his shoulder, nearly knocking him out of the chair he had fallen asleep in.
Jack groaned. He had a crick in his neck that was giving him hell for dozing of with his head hanging down.
"What time is it?"
"Six. How long have you been here?"
"A couple of days."
"Any change?"
Jack shook his head. "Nothing."
Daniel raised his eyebrows, noticing for the first time the absence of one very persistent Jaffa.
"Where's Teal'c?"
"He's doing his kel'no'reem. He should be back in a few hours." Jack sighed. "He's worse than I am."
"I noticed. He's very protective of Sam."
"Yeah." Jack stood from his chair and rubbed his hand over his face.
"You look like hell, Jack. Go home."
"You're not exactly a picture of beauty yourself, Danny."
Daniel glared and motioned pointedly at the door.
"I'm going, I'm going."
"Good. Stay away for at least a couple hours. You need to sleep. In a bed, not a badly furnished chair. Goodnight."
"Sure."
Daniel claimed the chair Jack had slept in, and pulled it closer to the bed so he could take Sam's hand comfortably.
"Hey Sam. How's it going?"
Nothing but the beeping and whooshing of machines answered him. He held up his occupied hand sheepishly.
"I brought a book. Thought you might like to hear it. I'm sure you've read it before, but there's nothing like reading a good classic again. The House of the Seven Gables."
He sat the book on the bed, propping it up on Sam's still form, still holding her hand. He took a deep breath, and began reading.
"When a writer calls his work a Romance, it need hardly be observed that he wishes to claim a certain latitude…"
~
Janet found Daniel asleep, hunched over, his head resting on the bed. The book he had been reading still laid open to the side. She shook her head.
"Talk about learned behavior," she muttered, and nudged Daniel.
"I'm awake, I'm awake." He jolted up, and realized where he was.
"Daniel, do I have to give you the lecture I give Colonel O'Neill?"
Daniel rubbed his eyes. "No."
"Then go-"
"Go home. I know. I can't leave until Jack or Teal'c come back."
"I'll stay with her."
"No."
Janet blinked. "What's going on, Daniel?"
He shook his head. "We weren't with her when she was taken. We weren't with her in the prison. And we can't be with her now, not really. It wasn't supposed to end like this."
"Who said anything was going to end, Daniel?" She asked softly, her hand on his arm.
"If something happens, it's supposed to happen to all of us. Not one of us. Not like this."
"She's not dead, Daniel. She's still hanging on. She's a fighter, remember?"
He nodded, and gave a small, solemn smile. "I know."
"Then keep doing what you've been doing. Everything will turn out the way it's supposed to."
"What if what's supposed to happen isn't what we want to happen?"
Janet sighed, and shrugged a little. "That's God's department, not mine."
"That's not very comforting."
"Waiting rarely is."
~
"Hell." Janet said viciously, and rubbed her forehead. She wasn't looking forward to this. She had been putting it off since she had spoken to Daniel, but she couldn't postpone it any longer. Sam was her friend, and it was what she wanted. But she'd be damned if she had to like it.
She took a deep breath to calm herself, and went to talk to Sam's family.
~
"What? You can't possibly think she'd want that!" Sally hissed.
"It's in her living will. If she hadn't wanted it, she wouldn't have made it." Janet replied tiredly.
Sally's eyes darted between her husband, who wouldn't meet her gaze, and Janet.
"It's only been three weeks!" She turned her glare to Jacob.
Jacob swallowed, the struggle to maintain his composure evident on his face. His voice was hoarse from the effort.
"As much as I don't…" He cleared his throat and bowed his head. "I won't go against her wishes."
"Please, Jacob! After all this, you're going to give up after only three weeks? Sam would not want this. And we both know it." Jack said vehemently.
He looked at Mark, who had his head in his hands.
"You turn off those machines, Mark, and it's done. Final. No going back. You wanted a second chance? Here it is."
Mark looked uncertainly between Jack and Jacob.
Jacob looked at Mark, and then back to Jack. "Please don't make this harder than it has to be."
Jack stared at him for a moment, and walked out of Janet's office, slamming the door as he left. Daniel followed.
"Give me a week. A week, and if there's still no change, you can do it." Sally pleaded quietly.
Janet sighed sadly. "Sally, I can't"-
"Please."
Janet closed her eyes. "Alright. Seven days. After that…"
Sally nodded quickly. "I know. Thank you."
~
"I don't believe this is the right action to take O'Neill!" Teal'c said fervently.
"Neither do we, Teal'c, but there's not much we can do. This is the family's choice, not ours." Daniel replied miserably.
"And what are we Daniel? Passing acquaintances?" Jack spat back from his seat on the park bench.
"Of course not. I'm just saying there's not a lot we can do here."
"Right. Well I guess that makes it okay then."
Daniel gave him a look. Teal'c turned around and began walking back to the entrance to the hospital.
Jack frowned. "Where are you going?"
"Back to Major Carter's room. I wish to spend what remaining time we have with her."
Teal'c's comment must have hit home, because Daniel saw Jack wince.
"He right, Jack." He said quietly.
Jack looked down at his hands and then stood up, "I know."
~
"We still have a week?" Jack whispered, heedful of the family in the hallway, "That's not enough time, Sal."
"It'll have to be. Janet won't give us any more."
Daniel glanced at Jacob and Mark down the hall talking to Janet. "I still don't understand why they gave up so quickly."
Sally shook her head. "They aren't exactly giving up, Daniel. Sam did make a living will. They're right in wanting to respect her wishes. I'm just not sure if that's what's best."
"I know it's not what's best." Jack said quickly.
Sally nodded, and yawned. Jack nodded towards Mark.
"You guys should go get some rest. We'll stay here with her."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Go ahead."
Sally thanked them and left to get Mark.
~
"We are awaiting your presence Major Carter," Teal'c said, alone in the room. It was Monday, the third day, and Sam had still given them no sign of waking up.
He sighed. "When I was a boy, my father would take me into the woods for days at a time. He would tell me it was my time to recoup myself from my responsibilities to my family, or whatever may have bothered me during his time away. And to organize myself before he left again. I took that time gladly."
He leaned forward and placed his hand on her arm. "I believe this is your time. This is your time to prepare yourself for what is to come." He withdrew his hand.
"But please do not take too long. The others, they do not understand the importance of this." He sat back and leaned his head against the wall to observe her. At the sight of her, his guilt reared up again. He clamped a tight lid on the cauldron. He would deal with the Jaffa that did this in time. But that time was not now. He sighed into the dark room. The fatigue was seeping into his bones, but he ignored it. There would be no harm in waiting to observe kel'no'reem to be with his friend.
~
"I hate Tuesdays."
Daniel rubbed his eyes. "I don't know why I hate Tuesdays, but I do."
He sighed and looked at Sam. "You used to bring me my favorite cookies on Tuesdays. Seems dumb now. They're only cookies. But I never asked you where you got them, and now I can't find any."
He looked at his hands. "I suppose I never asked you where you got them so you'd always have to come back and bring them for me. And I think you probably knew that."
He looked back up at her. The bruises were still there, but just barely.
"…wake up Sam. I miss you," he said matter-of-factly, "We all do."
~
"I hate Wednesdays."
Jack sat with his feet propped up on Sam's bed, studiously avoiding looking at her directly.
"You've already been though three days of the damn week, and Wednesday's the teaser, 'cause you know you'd only have two more days to go if you could just get through this one."
He shifted, unable to get comfortable. "But you know what I think? I think you're just avoiding poker night, 'cause you know I'll win," Jack spoke quietly, "And I'd be angry at you for ruining my night if you didn't have such a damn good excuse."
He found a place on the wall and didn't move his eyes. It was just so fascinating.
"But hey, I can't get on you. We both know how good I am at making excuses. I make excuses for not trying to find you. Then I make excuses for finding you, but not looking at you. I've been in here all this time, and I still can't look at you. You could probably tell me why if you were awake."
He paused and shook his head. "And that's it - I make excuses for you not waking up. But I'm tired Carter. Tired of excusing myself. I'm tired of excusing you. It's about time we all got on with our lives. Especially you. You have a life waiting for you, Carter. You have a second chance."
He looked at her. And couldn't take his eyes off her.
"Not everyone gets a second chance."
~
"Hello, Major Carter." Hammond smiled, "Sam."
He sat down in the chair ever-present against the wall, pulling up his dress uniform trousers slightly as he sat down.
"We've missed you back at the SGC. The scientists have some big shoes to fill. Especially Major Perez," he sighed with guilt, "He's your replacement."
His face took on a look of indulging annoyance. "Jack's been hard on him," he chuckled, "Jack's been hard on everyone."
He shook his head. "He and Jacob have especially been butting heads. Neither of them knows how to deal with losing another part of their family."
"We've all been taking this hard, Sam. It isn't the same without you," he fixed his sad blue eyes on her face. "So I'm going to order you to do something that I really have no right to. I order you get through this. The SGC, and more especially the people, need you back. We'll be waiting for you, Major."
~
"Jacob, you're tired," Sally's brows met in worry, "Why don't you go ahead and go home? You need to sleep."
Jacob smiled bitterly. He actually didn't need sleep. He wouldn't for quite a while. His mind touched only briefly on how ironic it was that he looked tired.
"I'm okay, Sally. You've hardly slept yourself. Go home to Mark."
She was still frowning, but shook her head and headed to the door. Just before she left she turned, and smiled sadly.
"This isn't an easy decision. I know that. And I want you to know that whatever went on between you two, and whatever happens, that she always loved you. And I know she always will."
Then she was gone. Before he knew it, his head was in his hands, and he was half-crying, half-laughing.
"Oh god," he stopped laughing, and sank his head into the crooks of his elbows, crying hard and silent.
Moments passed, and he calmed, taking several long, deep breaths as Selmak soothed him.
Jacob, Samantha knew the risks and took them gladly. She even accounted for these risks by preparing for an irreparable injury. You do not need to seek forgiveness from her for carrying out her wishes.
Jacob shook his head, "No. I know that. But how am I supposed to forgive myself?"
By loving her, Jacob. That is all the forgiveness you need.
~
They all gathered outside her room waiting for Janet to get ready, their week having come and gone, leaving nothing but regret.
Jack was done the hall looking out the window when Jacob came up behind him.
"Jack"-
"Nothing you can say, Jake, is going to make you feel any better about this. You know this is wrong."
"I don't need this right now, Jack."
Jack turned around quickly, and he was quiet but still as explosive.
"Yes you do! I can't believe that after everything she's done, everything she's been through, that you're going throw it away like this."
"I'm not throwing away anything! I'm letting her go!" Jacob turned away, every part of him resigned as he shook his head.
"I'm letting her go."
Jacob left him staring out the window.
~
Her hospital room was encompassed in sorrow and silence. Daniel, Jack, and Teal'c stood away from everyone else in a corner, watching what was going on but not interfering.
Janet turned off the ventilator, and disconnected the pacer. As she pulled out the breathing tube, Sally whimpered and looked away.
Sam's heart never stopped beating.
~
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