Pride & Prejudice

 

An Interview with

Mr. Da... um ... Colin Firth

(from Bridget Jones)



Bridget Jones: Right. Im going to start the interview now.

Colin Firth (slightly hysterical sounding): Good, good.

(VERY LONG PAUSE)

 

Bridget Jones - Interview (Colin Firth, Renee Zellweger)

 

Bridget Jones: What is your favourite colour? 

Colin Firth: Im sorry?

Bridget Jones: What is your favourite colour.

Colin Firth: Blue.

(LONG PAUSE)

Bridget Jones: What is your favourite pudding?

Colin Firth: Er... Crème Bruleé.

Bridget Jones: You know the oncoming film Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby which starts next Friday?

Colin Firth: I do know it, yes.

Bridget Jones: (PAUSE. RUSTLING PAPER) Do... Oh. (MORE RUSTLING PAPER). Do you think the book of Fever Pitch has spored a confessional gender?
(spored a confessional gender = frei übersetzt: ein neues Geschlecht von Autoren hervorbringen)

Colin Firth: Excuse me?

Bridget Jones: Has. Spored. A Confessional. Gender.

Colin Firth: Spored a confessional gender? 

Bridget Jones: Yes. 

Colin Firth: Well. Certainly Nicks style has been very much imitated, and I think its a very appealing, er, gender whether or not he actually, urn... spored it.

Bridget Jones: You know in Pride and Prejudice?

Colin Firth: I do know in it, yes.

Bridget Jones: When you had to dive into the lake?

Colin Firth:Yes.

 

Bridget Jones: When they had to do another take, did you have to take the wet shirt off and then put a dry one on?

Colin Firth: Yes I, I probably did have to, yes. Scusi. Ha vinto. E troppo forte. Si grazie. 

Bridget Jones: (BREATHING UNSTEADILY) How many takes did they have to do?

Colin Firth: (COUGHS) Well. The underwater shots were a tank in Ealing Studios. 

Bridget Jones: Oh no!

Colin Firth: Im afraid so. The … um - moment of being airborne - extremely brief - was a stuntman.

Bridget Jones: But it looked like Mr. Darcy.

Colin Firth: That was because he had stuck on sideburns and a Mr. Darcy outfit on top of a wet suit, which actually made him look like Elvis as you last saw him. He could only do it once for insurance reasons and then he had to be checked for abrasions for about six weeks afterwards. All the other wet shirt shots were me.

 

Bridget Jones: You know the other wet shirt shots?

Colin Firth: Yes. 

Bridget Jones: Were they you?

Colin Firth: Yes.

Bridget Jones: And did the shirt have to keep being re-wet?

Colin Firth: Yes. They'd spray it down. Theyd spray it down and then... 

Bridget Jones: What with?

Colin Firth: Im sorry?

Bridget Jones: What with?

Colin Firth: A squirter thing. Look can we... (squirter thing = Sprühgerät)

 

Bridget Jones: Yes, but what I mean is, did you ever have to take the shirt off and, and put another one on?

Colin Firth: Yes.

Bridget Jones: To be wet again?

Colin Firth: Yes.

Bridget Jones: (PAUSE) You know the oncoming film Fever Pitch?

Colin Firth: Yes

Bridget Jones: What do you see as the main differences between the character Paul from Fever Pitch and ...

Colin Firth:  ... and?

Bridget Jones: (SHEEPISHLY) Mr Darcy.

Colin Firth: No ones ever asked me that!

Bridget Jones: Havent they?

Colin Firth:  No. I think the main differences are...

Bridget Jones: Do you mean its a really obvious question?

Colin Firth: No. I mean no ones ever asked me that.

Bridget Jones: Do people ask you that all the time?

Colin Firth:  No, no. I can assure you...

Bridget Jones: So its a...

Colin Firth:  Its a totally brand-new, new-born question, yes.

Bridget Jones: Oh Goody.

Colin Firth:  Shall we get on now?

Bridget Jones: Yes.

Colin Firth:  Mr Darcy's not an Arsenal supporter.

Bridget Jones: No.

Colin Firth: Hes not a schoolteacher.

Bridget Jones: No. 

Colin Firth: He lived nearly 200 years ago. 

Bridget Jones: Yes.

Colin Firth: Paul in Fever Pitch loves being in a football crowd.

Bridget Jones: Yes.

Colin Firth: Whereas Mr Darcy cant even tolerate a country dance.

Bridget Jones: No.

Colin Firth: Paul doesnt smoulder. (smoulder = frei übersetzt: glühen vor Leidenschaft)

Bridget Jones: Oh he did, though. That bit with the coffee cups, Its fantastic where that woman Miss Hughes is just standing there and Mr Darcy just masterfully takes the cups away and then, like, snogs her. (snog = knutschen)

Colin Firth: I think that might be a similarity, then.

Bridget Jones: Im not putting words into your mouth or anything.

Colin Firth: No, no. Now. Can we talk about something which isn't to do with Mr Darcy?

Bridget Jones: Yes. (PAUSE, RUSTLING PAPERS) If you had to play another character in a historical novel apart from Nostradamus - who would you choose?

(PAUSE)

Colin Firth: Apart from Nostradamus?

Bridget Jones: Yes.

Colin Firth: You see, Nostradamus is a historical character. Nostromo, however, isn't.

Bridget Jones: What?

Colin Firth: Nostromo is a fictional character invented by Joseph Conrad and I didnt actually play him. I played someone else in the story called Charles Gould but, um, hes not historical either. I dont know if Ive ever actually played a historical character. 

 Bridget Jones: (SHOCKED) Apart from Mr Darcy.

Colin Firth: Apart from Mr Darcy, yes. He's the only actual true-life real-existing historical character I've actually played.

Bridget Jones: What did you have to wear when you were Nostromo?

Colin Firth: Well, I wore jodhpurs and a tweed jacket and... boots and things. (jodhpurs = Reithosen)

Bridget Jones: Leather boots?

Colin Firth: They were leather, yes.

Bridget Jones: Quite high ones?

Colin Firth: They were up to the knee.

Bridget Jones: Tight?

Colin Firth: Fairly tight. I mean I was able to get them on and off. But, um, they were tight enough. They were for riding and um, and, er... and thats about it, really. They... it was, er... Yes. Thats about it.

Bridget Jones: You know the dance you just mentioned in Pride and Prejudice?

Colin Firth: (SIGHS) Yes.

Bridget Jones: Was it quite, you know... sexy... in real life?

Colin Firth:Well. Its actually quite difficult to do acting and dancing at the same time and I think one, er, stress factor of making sure that youve reached the right place to say your next line is that, the eroticism isnt the first thing in your mind necessarily. 

Bridget Jones: Do you think it was quite an erotic series?

Colin Firth: Well, some people have found it to be so. I think its a very erotic book. 

Bridget Jones: Do you think the word erotic is quite an erotic word?

Colin Firth: Quite an erotic word, yes.

Bridget Jones: Mmm.

Colin Firth: Yes. So. Now where were we?

Bridget Jones: Are you still going out with your girlfriend?

Colin Firth:  Yes.

Bridget Jones: Oh. (LONG PAUSE)

Colin Firth: Is everything all right? 

Bridget Jones: (ALMOST INAUDIBLE) Do you think small British movies are the way forward?

Colin Firth:  I cant hear.

Bridget Jones: (MISERABLY) Do you think small British movies are the way forward?

Colin Firth: The way forward to... (ENCOURAGINGLY)... to what?

Bridget Jones: (VERY LONG THOUGHTFUL PAUSE) The future.

Colin Firth:  Right. They seem to be getting us along step by step, I think. I quite like small movies but I do also like big movies and it would be nice if we made more of those as well. 

Bridget Jones: But dont you find it a problem her being Italian and everything?

Colin Firth:  No. (VERY LONG SILENCE)

Bridget Jones: (SULKILY) Do you think that Mr Darcy has a political dimension?

Colin Firth: I did speculate on what his politics might be, if he had any. And I dont think that they would be very appealing to a reader of The Independent. Its that pre-Victorian or Victorian idea of being the rich social benefactor, which would be very Thatcherite probably. I mean, the thought of socialism obviously hadnt entered the... 

Bridget Jones: No.

Colin Firth:  ... entered his sphere. And it is clearly stated by way of showing what a nice chap he is that he is very nice towards his tenants. But I think that hed be closer to a sort of Nietzschian figure, a...

Bridget Jones: What is neacher?

Colin Firth: You know, the idea of the, er, human being as superman.

Bridget Jones: Superman?

Colin Firth: Not Superman himself, no. No (SLIGHT GROANING NOISE). I dont think he wore his underpants over his breeches, no. Look, Id really like to get off this subject now.

Bridget Jones: What will be your next project?

 

Colin Firth: Its called 'The World of Moss'

Bridget Jones: Is it a nature programme?

Colin Firth: No, no. Its, umn, its er, about an eccentric family in the thirties, the father of which owns a moss factory. 

Bridget Jones: Doesnt moss grow naturally?

Colin Firth:  Well, no, he makes something called 'Sphagnum moss' which was used to dress World War I wounds and, er, its er, quite a light, er, comic...

Bridget Jones: (VERY UNCONVINCINGLY) It sounds very good.

Colin Firth: I very much hope it will be.

Bridget Jones: Could I just check something about the shirt?

Colin Firth: Yes.

Bridget Jones: How many times altogether exactly did you have to take it off and put it on again?

Colin Firth: Precisely... I dont know. Um. Let me see... there was the bit where I was walking towards Pemberley. That was shot once. One take. Then there was the bit where I give my horse to somebody... I think there was a change.

Bridget Jones: (BRIGHTENING) There was a change?

Colin Firth: (STRICTLY) There was. One change.

Bridget Jones: So it was mainly just the one wet shirt, though?

Colin Firth: The one wet shirt which they kept respraying, yes. All right?

Bridget Jones: Yes. What is your favourite colour?

Colin Firth: Weve had that.

 

Bridget Jones: Um. (PAPER RUSTLING) Do you think the film Fever Pitch was in reality all about emotional Fuckwittage? (fuckwittage = frei übersetzt: Flachwichserei)

Colin Firth: Emotional what?

Bridget Jones: Fuckwittage. You know: men being mad, alcoholic, commitment phobics and just being interested in football all the time.

Colin Firth: No, I dont really. I think in some ways Paul is much more at ease with his emotions and has much more liberty with them than his girlfriend. I think that, in fact, in the final analysis, is whats so appealing about what Nick Hornbys trying to say on his behalf: that, in a rather mundane, everyday world, he has found something where you have access to emotional experiences, which...

Bridget Jones: Excuse me.

Colin Firth: (SIGHS) Yes?

Bridget Jones: Is your girlfriend coming to the première of Fever Pitch?

Colin Firth: Yes.

Bridget Jones: But wont she have trouble understanding it, being foreign?

Colin Firth: Well she speaks very good English. 

Bridget Jones: But dont you think youd be better off with someone who was English and more your own age?

Colin Firth: We seem to be doing alright.

Bridget Jones: Humph. (DARKLY) So far. Do you ever prefer doing the theatre?

Colin Firth: Um. I dont subscribe to the view that the theatres where the real acting is, that films not really acting. But I find I do prefer the theatre when Im doing it, yes.

Bridget Jones: But dont you think the theatres a bit unrealistic and embarrassing and, also, you have to sit through the acting for hours before you have anything to eat and you cant talk or...

Colin Firth: Unrealistic? Embarrassing and Unrealistic?

Bridget Jones: Yes.

Colin Firth: Do you mean unrealistic in the sense that it... ?

Bridget Jones: ... you can tell it isnt real.

Colin Firth: ... that sort of unrealistic, yes. (SLIGHT MOANING SOUND) Um. I think it shouldnt be if its good. Its much more... it feels more artificial to make a film.

Bridget Jones: Does it? I suppose it doesnt go all the way through, does it?

Colin Firth: Well no it doesnt. No. Yes. A film doesnt go all the way through. Its shot in little bits and pieces. (LOUDER GROANING NOISE) Little bits and pieces.

Bridget Jones: Has it been detrimental to your career being called Colin?

Colin Firth: (LAUGHS) Well, I did ask my mother why she plumped for that particular name and she said, Well, we couldnt call you Andrew because of your cousin.

Bridget Jones: Oh. Do you think Mr Darcy would have slept with Elizabeth Bennet before the wedding?

Colin Firth: Yes, I do think he might have. 

Bridget Jones: Do you?

Colin Firth: Yes. I think its entirely possible. Yes.

Bridget Jones: (BREATHLESSLY) Really?

Colin Firth: I think its possible, yes.

Bridget Jones: How would it be possible?

Colin Firth: Don't know if Jane Austen would agree with me on this, but...

Bridget Jones: We can't know because she's dead.

Colin Firth: NO, we can't... but I think Andrew Daviess Mr Darcy would have done.

Bridget Jones: Why do you think that, though? Why? Why?

Colin Firth: Because I think it was very important to Andrew Davies that Mr Darcy had the most enormous sex drive. 

Bridget Jones: (GASPS) And, um... I think that came across, really, really well with the acting. I really think it did.

Colin Firth: Thank you. At one point, Andrew even wrote as a stage direction: 'Imagine that Darcy has an erection'.

(VERY LARGE CRASHING NOISE)

Bridget Jones: Which bit was that?

Colin Firth: Its when shes been walking across the country and bumps into him in the grounds in the early stages.

 

 

Bridget Jones: The bit where she's all muddy?

Colin Firth: ... and dishevelled (dishevelled = zerzaust)

Bridget Jones: ... and sweaty?

Colin Firth: Exactly.

Bridget Jones: Was that a difficult bit to act?

Colin Firth: You mean the erection?

Bridget Jones: (AWED WHISPER) Yes.

Colin Firth: um , well, Andrew also wrote that I don't propose that we should focus on it, and, therefore, no acting required in that department at least.

Bridget Jones: Mmmmm. (LONG PAUSE) 

Colin Firth: Yes. (MORE PAUSE) 

Bridget Jones: Mmm.

Colin Firth: Is that it, then?

Bridget Jones: No. What was it like with your friends when you started being Mr Darcy?

Colin Firth:There were a lot of jokes about it: growling, 'Mr Darcy' over breakfast and so on. There was a brief period when they had to work quite hard to hide their knowledge of who I really was and...

Bridget Jones: Hide it from who?

Colin Firth: Well, from anyone who suspected that perhaps I was like Mr Darcy.

Bridget Jones: But do you think youre not like Mr Darcy?

Colin Firth: I do think I'm not like Mr Darcy, yes.

Bridget Jones: I think youre exactly like Mr Darcy.

Colin Firth: In what way?

Bridget Jones: You talk the same way as him.

Colin Firth: Oh do I?

Bridget Jones: You look exactly like him, and I, oh, oh...

 



PROTRACTED CRASHING NOISES FOLLOWED BY SOUNDS OF STRUGGLE

 

Editors note: 'Bridget Jones has been sacked' (sacked = gefeuert)