I’ve never wanted anyone as much
As I want you tonight
It would feel so good to feel your touch
And to let you hold me tight
If it was only right …

The kiss came completely unexpected, and I was glad I was sitting, otherwise I would have just melted to the floor. I felt my heart miss a beat and – who needed breath?
Good gracious, you’re one hell of a good kisser.  Soft and tantalizing at first and then, when you get overwhelmed by your own desire, more passionate.
Then – I have to admit I need at least a little air once in a while – you broke the kiss and look at me with that burning hazel eyes of yours, the look that moves a shortcut to my limbic system, firing up my own deep hidden needs.
And I remember the last time, which was the first time – and which would be the last as well.
I wish I’d thought that you’d be loving me
If I gave my love to you
I’d close my eyes and set my feelings free
If you’d only love me too
I’d wish you’d love me too…

                ~

You had taken me by surprise, almost the same way you had done today, by simply kissing me. And I had reacted. Boy, had I reacted! In less than five seconds my pants had grown REAL tight, and you had reached down and started to stroke my hardness until I couldn’t help moaning and had almost … well.
Somehow we had ended up in my bed together and there you had started
to work on me, showing me what you’re hands are capable of, what you
can do with that luscious sinful lips of yours, until I couldn’t help
it: I had begged for you. And you had come to me, like a tornado, and
you had brought me over the edge – twice, while I had been calling
out your name …
And I had called it out again after you had left.
Now you look at me the same way again and, oh how I wish I could just forget it. Forget that it is not me you want. Oh, sure, you don’t hold anything against a little fun now and then.
But you don’t want me.
At least not the way I want you.

“Your place or mine, Ezra?”

                ~

But your heart’s not in it
And I can’t take your body if you heart’s not in it
There’s an old love on your mind that you just can’t forget
At least you haven’t yet
“Your place or mine, Ezra?” What a question. I can tell your voice is husky, more rough than usual. God, how much I would go with you. I feel my throat get dry when I look into your eyes, so I just look away, take another sip of my drink.
“Neither.”
Do you look disappointed? I can’t tell. You just lean back, nod at me and take a swig of your beer. You don’t even ask, why. I think it is because you already know.
It’s because I love you, Chris Larabee.
You don’t.

And if I go with you again, it will simply kill me in the end.
Because your heart’s not in it.
And that would tear my heart apart.
It already has.

                ~

No, your heart’s not in it
And I won’t gamble on a love if I can’t win it
And I can’t win
If your heart’s not in it …
 

~ Fini~