It was late.
Gil Grissom absent-mindedly noted the time on the wall clock just above the entrance to the lab. He had been here for two shifts and he should really head home, but something inside of him, the scientist, the child who was fascinated with what he did every day anew, wanted to continue looking into the puzzle of a missing persons case.
Sighing to himself, he picked up his clipboard and walked out of the lab, heading for his office.
"Hey, Gris?"
Grissom glanced around and discovered Nick Stokes. His lover and chosen life-partner was shrugging into his jean jacket, keys to the car in hand. Nick caught up to him and the two men proceeded together.
"You coming?"
"Coming where?"
Nick gave him a mildly exasperated look and picked the clipboard out of his hands. "Home, Gil. Two shifts are the max, right? You have to get sleep some time."
"Sleep is highly overrated." Grissom took back his clipboard.
"Not in my vocabulary. So, you coming?"
"It's Friday, Nicky. We have the weekend off. I'll get all the sleep I need the next two days."
Nick gave him his 'you're not weaseling out of this one, pard' look.
They stopped outside the office and Grissom looked at the case file, then at Nick again, and finally nodded. His lover was right. He did need sleep, and the case could wait. It had been waiting for three months now; the weekend was theirs.
"I'll just have to pack up a few things, then I'm home."
Nick gave him a wide, dimpled smile. "Don't be late or I'll come and get you."
A hand brushed over Grissom's back, a fleeting, intimate contact, and without actually thinking about it, both men shared a brushing of lips that was far from a real kiss but pretty close to one nevertheless.
Then Nick was gone.
Turning around to head into to his office, Grissom only barely managed to suppress the gasp of shock that wanted to escape him. Conrad Ecklie, the dayshift supervisor, was looking directly at him, and from the expression on the face he had seen everything.
For a moment, they remained frozen in time, eyes locked, sizing each other up. Grissom felt something inside of him tense, ready to fight.
Voices could be heard. Someone was approaching. Ecklie's expression changed and suddenly he was right in Grissom's face, almost manhandling him into his office.
The door shut behind them, leaving them cut off from the world outside. With the blinds lowered, no one would know who was inside.
 

Ecklie moved over to the desk and leaned against it, facing the door, arms crossed over his chest. Grissom remained where he was, still holding his folder bag, and looked at his colleague and fellow supervisor. They rarely saw eye to eye. As Catherine had once put it: "You and Ecklie? Oil and Water." Where Grissom worked his job with a passion, Conrad Ecklie saw it as a career ladder. He was very conscious of what political results his actions might yield and some called him the sheriff's lapdog. Grissom knew him to be a capable CSI and he was sharp, but sometime his zeal to accomplish a case according to the sheriff's or mayor's wishes got in the way of solving the crime.
"I thought you were smarter than that, Grissom."
“Conrad…” Grissom said defensively through gritted teeth.
Don’t jump to conclusions, don’t give anything away. Let him make his move.
“You and ladykiller Stokes? Who would have thought?”
Gil just frowned, waiting. There was no sneer in Ecklie’s voice like he would have expected. No mockery in the dark eyes; instead…
"You're careless."
"I don't see why this would be any of your business, Conrad," Gil said, voice level.
“Maybe it is. Tell me something: are you serious about this? About him?” Ecklie asked calmly, ignoring the shuttered expression, the warning in the blue eyes.
Huh?
Grissom felt his surprise morph into disbelief. “What do you want, Ecklie?” he demanded.
“It’s a dangerous game you’re at, Grissom.”
“I don’t play games. Again, what do you want?”
Grissom didn't hold with lying and if this carelessness in the hallway would be the straw that broke the camel's back, so be it. Even if he denied any charges against him, Ecklie's accusations would cost him his job. And Nick.
“I’m not the enemy here, Gil. If it’s serious between the two of you, congrats. Not many of us find the one person they can call a life-partner. Most just cruise around until it's too late to settle down.”
Something inside of his brain fired up at the words and for a second, Grissom thought he had misheard Ecklie. Of course, his words could be interpreted either way, but taking into account the expression in the dark eyes, the almost sad smile, and the not very confrontational body language, it meant just one thing…
"You look surprised," Ecklie simply said.
"You could say that. I never suspected."
"It works best if no one does. The results of unwanted attention can be… devastating."
Grissom was good in reading between the lines, cracking the code and solving the puzzle. He understood what Ecklie was saying without needing a translator.
"Why are you telling me this, Ecklie? I thought you'd rather take the chance at relating what you saw to someone like, say, the sheriff?" Gil asked provocatively.
Ecklie grimaced. "I see I have sunk all the way in your eyes, Gil. I might take advantage of your bumblings and missteps, but I won't destroy you over this."
"Why?"
"Because I know what it feels like to lose everything."
And he wasn't talking about work, Grissom realized.
What did he know about Conrad Ecklie anyway? He was a scientist, like Grissom; a supervisor, like Grissom. They were about the same age, but that was were similarities ended. Their goals in life differed vastly, their personalities were opposite, and where Grissom co-existed with Ecklie, Ecklie in turn barely tolerated him. He never lost a chance not to egg him, to taunt him, to rub a success under his nose.
But that was the man he saw at work. They had never met outside the lab. Grissom knew next to nothing about Ecklie's private life, his family, his friends – his lovers.
"Why are you telling me this, Conrad?"
Ecklie was giving him ammunition to shoot him down in turn.
"Like I said, we rarely get a chance at lifelong partnerships, Grissom. I had such a chance and it was destroyed by bigots and so-called friends who turned from me when they found out." Ecklie evaded the sharp blue eyes, a pained expression flitting over his face.
"When?"
"Before I came here."
Grissom walked up to the other man, for the first time not approaching him on a confrontational level, or as a colleague.
"What happened?"
Ecklie chuckled wryly. "You always were direct, Gil."
"It is in my nature. And it's my job as a criminalist to ask straight-forward questions."
Ecklie nodded slowly. "Tell me one thing: do you care about him?"
"Yes, I do."
"You love him?"
"That's the second thing you're asking," Grissom teased lightly, flashing the other man a brief smile.
Ecklie returned it wearily.
"But to answer your question: yes, I do."
"Then protect what you have, Grissom. Because the hole it leaves behind when it's gone, it hurts more than anything else."
Grissom was silent, strangely touched by the man's words; a man he hadn't known before this moment of openness.
"Does your team know?" Ecklie wanted to know.
"Most of them."
The ironic smile Gil knew so well was back. "Sidle, right?" He chuckled at Grissom's expression. "She always had a crush on you."
Grissom grimaced. "Why are we having this conversation, Conrad?"
Ecklie looked at him for a long second or two, then took out his wallet, fishing for something inside it. He handed it over to Grissom, and what he saw there made his eyebrows rise several notches. It showed a much younger Conrad Ecklie, wearing a baseball uniform, grinning happily into the camera, and  there were no deep lines of cynism dug into his face. He had an arm wrapped around the shoulders of another young man at his side.
“Conrad! You shock me. You had hair?”
“And I was playing baseball, so?" For a brief moment, the two men shared the humor, then it was wiped away. "His name,” Ecklie pointed at the photo Grissom still held, “was Thomas. We were in college, he was studying law.  He was a  member of the most honorable fraternity. He had even had a job offer from one of the most successful law firms. They were just waiting for him.”
Ecklie grew silent, and Grissom had to ask. “What happened?”
“It got ugly. We were careless. Just once. But it was enough. All of a sudden the firm withdrew its offer, the fraternity kicked him out, as did the team. He received letters, found… things in his closet…”
“Things?”
Ecklie nodded. “Like dead rats. And other things. His grades dropped, and wherever he applied for a job, he just received rejections. Then things got really ugly. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up with several cracked ribs and bruises. When he was released from the hospital he had a talk with the Dean… after that …“
Ecklie's voice grew more and more quiet as he talked, his eyes evaded Grissom, and finally he fell silent. Lost in thought, studying the office floor. Things had been hard for Thomas, but how hard had they been for the other man?
“Conrad?” Gil prompted him gently.
"Thomas was always on the receiving end," was the soft reply. "I was his best friend, but they just called me a friend of a fag. They didn't know and I never told them. I hid behind my best friend and let him take the heat. And the abuse. Until…" He stopped, looking paler, but still composed. "Let’s just say, you know what effect concrete has on the bones of a body when said body hits it from the roof of a ten floor building. But do you know how it sounds?”
Ecklie took the photograph from Grissom’s suddenly numb fingers.
"Why are you telling me this?" Grissom asked, his own voice strange to his ears.
Thomas had killed himself, echoed through his mind. And a young Conrad had been there to see him jump, to see him die. To look at the horrible sight of a body after it had impacted with the ground.
Ecklie gazed at the picture in his wallet, then snapped it shut and shoved it into the back pocket of his pants.
"Maybe it's purely selfish reasons, maybe it's to atone for what I missed out on doing such a long time ago. I might be considered an asshole, but I'm not insensitive. I know what the world sees in us, Gil. I know what gay-bashing means, and not just because I work the crime scenes. I know what the victim's relatives and friends feel. I know the anger, the hate, the helplessness. Despite our differences, I wouldn't want this to happen to you.
You see, I’m not the enemy here, Gil. I might not like you, nor do I like Stokes, but this is a level I’d never fight on. Just take my advice and be careful, Grissom. You can find another career – he can’t.”
“Conrad, I’m …”
Ecklie's eyes snapped up, stopping Grissom in mid-sentence. “Don’t. He was my best friend – and more, and I had to see him die because the wrong person watched us. I didn’t help him back then; that I have to live with. This talk never happened – or the cause for it.”
And then Ecklie was gone and left a deeply shattered Gil Grissom behind.
Grissom gazed at the closed door, mystified, surprised and strangely touched.
"Thank you," he just said quietly.

* * *

Grissom entered his townhouse in a deeply thoughtful state. He had mulled over what he had been told; over and over and over. First he had had to deal with Ecklie's discovery of his relationship with Nick. Not just a man, but also a colleague and a member of his team. A man who he was the boss of, the supervisor.
Second, there had been Ecklie's revelation. The truth and nothing but the truth. Conrad hadn't hidden anything, had let Grissom see behind the façade of a sometimes very cynic man, and Grissom had started to wonder how different this man would have been today – had Thomas lived.
And then something else had wormed itself into his brain. What if he had been in Ecklie's shoes back then? What if it had been Nick and him? What would he do if it would be Nick some day? Harassed by those who couldn't understand what was between them, who only saw it as abhorrent, abnormal, and would want to destroy them. Grissom swallowed hard at the involuntary image of Nick lying battered and broken before him on the pavement. A case file, a number, a victim.
Hands clenched into the steering wheel and a cheek muscle jumped.
What Ecklie had said rang true. He could get a new job, but if their relationship came out, Nick's career would be over. He wouldn't be able to get any kind of job in either law enforcement or the military; he wasn't a renowned Ph.D. of Entomology like Grissom. Gil knew he would still be able to teach, to write articles… to work his job. But what about Nick?
Grissom pulled the car into his driveway and discovered that Nick's was already there, parked in the back yard. Out of sight.
Locking the Tahoe, Gil walked over to the entrance door and unlocked it with his keys, then stepped into his home. He dumped the slender suitcase and hung up his jacket, eyes already scanning for Nick. Music was floating over to him from the living room and he felt himself smile, though shadows still lingered over him like a bad weather front.
Nick sat on the couch, reading, and he looked up with a smile when his lover approached.
"Hey, you made it! Didn't even have to go looking."
Grissom studied at the younger man, took in the handsome, angular face, the strong jaw, the close cropped hair, the incredibly dark brown eyes under the dark eyebrows. He knew what lay underneath the black T-shirt with its orange and white patterns, the equally black pants that seemed to hug his lover's hips so well.
Gil didn't say a word as he stopped in front of Nick, who was watching him with a mild frown, trying to figure out what he was up to. He swung a leg over the younger man's lap, too the book, placed it on the side table, then settled down. Still wordlessly, he leaned forward and captured the delectable lips, demanding a kiss and receiving it. If Nick was surprised, he covered it well and immediately went with the flow. Hands brushed up Grissom's sides, over his back, pulling him closer, as Nick answered the raw and hungry kiss. He moaned slightly as Grissom dove for the neck, biting him gently, then placing little biting kisses all over the exposed skin.
"Gil," he breathed.
"Need you," Grissom whispered roughly.
He received another kiss as Nick's hands slipped underneath his own shirt and met warm skin. They kissed almost frantically for minutes. Grissom pulled the T-shirt off, feeling the buttons of his own shirt being opened, then Nick's lips were going for the prize. He groaned as his nipples were treated to a talented mouth and tongue, shivering with the growing need to have this man. He almost forcibly pulled back, breathing hard, looking into the dark, aroused eyes of his lover.
Fingers traced the square jaw, up the cheekbone, then into the hair. Grissom leaned forward and kissed Nick again, slower this time, savoring the taste. Nick pulled him closer, sinking into the couch, taking all of Grissom's weight as he did so.
"Bed?" he murmured.
"Yes."
They almost fell over in their hurry, the need expressed in each gesture, and Grissom finally landed on top of the highly aroused other man.
Nick surrendered to the whirlwind his older lover had become.

*

"Wanna tell me what happened now?" Nick drawled lazily as they lay curled together, enjoying the aftermath warmth and ripples of their lovemaking.
"Hm?"
Grissom felt at peace with himself. His head was resting on Nick's stomach, one arm over the narrow hips in a semi-possessive as well as protective gesture. Nick's hand was carding through his hair and down his face in a soothing rhythm.
"Not that I'm complaining or anything, but between not wanting to go home in the first place and then coming over me like the proverbial tsunami… something happened."
Grissom closed his eyes and tried to sink into the warmth that was his lover.
"It's like… you needed to reassure yourself that I'm… there."
"In a way… I had to," Grissom murmured.
"What happened?" Nick repeated the question.
"Someone saw us. At the office."
"Saw…? You mean…? Who?" Nick demanded, his whole body tensing up.
"Ecklie."
"Ecklie?"
Nick sat up and stared at him, eyes wide, eyebrows up, total surprise on his face and in his voice.
"Yes, Ecklie," Grissom confirmed.
Nick let his head fall back against the wall, staring at the ceiling.
"Ecklie saw us," he murmured. "Damn. We're so screwed."
No fear, just the acceptance of the fact. Grissom was slightly surprised by his lover's reaction, but then again, they had both known that one day might be the day. Some of the team knew about it already anyway.
Grissom smiled faintly. "No, we're not."
Another incredulous look. "No?"
"No."
"How come? You and Ecklie get along like a house on fire. Why wouldn't he blab this to the big shots? He wanna use this as future blackmail?"
Grissom settled back next to his lover. "No. He only told me to be more careful next time."
Whatever else had passed between them would remain private. Ecklie hadn't said so, but Grissom had understood. This was Conrad's private hell, something he had revisited briefly today, but it wasn't for public knowledge.
Nick stared at him as if he had grown a second head. "We're talking about Conrad Ecklie, right? Dayshift prick?"
"Yes, we are."
"But…"
Grissom silenced him with a raised hand. "There are things in Ecklie's past that give him a unique look into our situation. You can believe me when I say that he won't tell anybody and he won't blackmail us with it."
Nick frowned, looking at his lover. "Okay," he murmured slowly. "If you say so."
"I do."
Grissom leaned forward and kissed the other man, smiling when his kiss was answered.
"What if… what if he decides to drop the bomb anyway?" Nick asked after a while.
"I trust him with this, Nicky. He won't. That's not to say that someone else won't discover our relationship and we have to deal with it then."
"So what's Plan B?"
"Plan B?" Grissom echoed, smiling. "I didn't know we had a Plan A yet."
Nick snorted. "Need one."
Grissom nodded and made himself comfortable, leaning against his lover. "I once told Warrick that when I'm gone, there won't be a cake in the break room."
He would pack fast. Little extra baggage. Gil wasn't really attached to his collection. He treasured it, true, but if he had to, he could start anew. He would start anew if push came to shove.
Nick kissed the top of his head as he wrapped him in his embrace. He understood the implications.
"Let's hope your trust in Ecklie isn't misplaced."
"It isn't," Gil answered softly.
"You won't tell me the reason why, huh?"
"No."
"Something personal?"
"Yes."
Nick chuckled. "Okay, Master Speaker. I understand. You trust him. Good enough for me."
Grissom's mind drifted off, his body safely ensconced in the embrace of his younger lover. Conrad Ecklie -- who would have thought? Stranger things had happened, but today, Grissom had felt something he hadn't felt in a long time: surprise at what another human being had revealed to him. Surprise at the depth of Conrad Ecklie. Astonishment as to what had been revealed. And sadness. At a loss to this man that he, Grissom, hoped never to feel. He recalled the picture, of two young men who had been best friends and lovers.
Grissom closed his eyes and hugged the slender body closer. Nick didn't say a word. He didn't understand most of what had happened between the two supervisors in the office, but he accepted the need for comfort, gave it without asking.
"I love you," Grissom murmured.
"Love you too, Gil," Nick answered, leaning down for a little brush of lips and against lips.
And I won't lose you like Ecklie lost Thomas, Gil vowed to himself. Never.