Gil Grissom didn't know why the sight of his long-time lover and partner
in jeans and a dark t-shirt affected him so much. The jeans weren't
extremely tight. They fit great, they were loose enough to move
comfortably in, and the washed-out quality complimented the black
t-shirt. Watching Nick walk through the lab, talking to Catherine, he
felt something stir inside him. Nick moved with a natural grace, unaware
of how much attention he drew from those of the other sex as he passed.

Women liked what they saw. So did Grissom. He felt little to no jealousy
now; not any more. Nick was his partner, they had been together for
years, and their bond was on so many levels that it was hard to say
where it actually started and where it ended. Being his junior by
several years had not deterred Nick from their relationship. There had
been many ups and downs, too many downs for Gil to ponder them too
closely. He had nearly lost Nick several times, either to the paranormal
or the mundane. They had discovered so many things about themselves,
making them stronger but also more vulnerable.

Today… today Grissom couldn't imagine a life without Nick. He, the
hermit of social life, was living together with a man who loved life,
who loved people, who was out-going and open and so very much involved
in life that it had scared Gil at first. Now it was just another part of
the ever-changing life he lived.

His eyes followed the narrow hips, encased in those washed-out jeans,
and he wanted nothing more than to touch Nick, run his hands all over
his body, kiss him, hold him.

Damn.

He wasn't some hormonal teenager. And it wasn't that he wanted to bend
Nick over the next lab table and fuck him blind. Well, it was an option,
but Grissom preferred to be at home, in their house, in their bed, and
taking his time. It was just this irrational need to reassure himself of
Nick's presence.

Burying himself in work he tried to push that thought away, but it
remained. Quite persistently. Nick was still at the lab and Grissom
wondered why he had this urge to just look for him, see that he was all
right.

Maybe it was because of the abduction.

Grissom had never been so scared than after the kidnapping. Throughout
it, seeing his lover in that glass coffin, seeing the pain and the
emotional agony and the terror, he had been able to separate the
professional from the private man. Afterwards… that had been a different
matter. It still was.

"Aren't you in a cheerful mood."

He looked up, startled by the voice, the mild reproach in the rather
level words, and he looked into a pair of dark eyes that held a mixture
of worry and sarcasm. Leaning against the door jamb, arms crossed in
front of his chest, Conrad Ecklie looked at graveyard supervisor,
eyebrows raised in question. He was dressed in his usual dark suit,
well-tailored, crispy white shirt and tie. All in all he was the Conrad
Ecklie everybody knew and tried to avoid.

As Grissom looked into the dark eyes, he saw something else and sighed
softly.

"Bad case or bad mood?" Ecklie asked pointedly.

"Neither," he answered.

Ecklie pushed away from the door and shut it, then walked over to the
desk. He shot his colleague a questioning look.

Grissom refused to fall for the bait.

"There are good sides to being a shaman," Conrad said conversationally.

"You're prying," Grissom said quietly.

"No, I'm actually trying to understand why you are still here instead
of…" Ecklie made a little gesture, indicating Grissom to leave the room.

A long time ago Grissom would have given his former enemy a cold look
and thrown him out of his office. Politely, of course. But not any more.
Hostile forces had turned into allies, into friends, and Ecklie
understood more than Grissom had ever thought the other man would or
could. He could be as empathic and sympathetic as the next, and he was a
good listener. Then there was the fact that he was a shaman. That was a
big advantage. Shamans protected, and Ecklie protected them.

Add to that the latest developments, his involvement in Nick's recovery
and how much he had helped, Conrad Ecklie was a far cry from who
everyone else perceived him to be.

Ecklie sat down in the visitor's chair, leaned back and folded his hands
over his stomach.

"Gil?" he asked softly.

Grissom slipped his glasses back on. It felt like bringing up a shield,
though a rather fragile one. Ecklie just smiled slightly.

"You want me to tell you what I see? Concern. Worry. Fear. You want to
protect Nick. It's why you demanded him back on your team. You took the
others, too. Probably just to cover your ass," the AD said
conversationally. "You need him with you. You can't stand the feeling of
not having him close. But you keep control over your feelings. You know
Nick is an independent man. He wouldn't like to be babied, mother-henned
and protected. He went through Hell, Gil, and he survived. He has
nightmares and he has terrors and fears. I know them. I work with him."

Grissom gazed at the other man, feeling so many emotions flood through
him. Conrad worked with Nick, yes. He talked with him, helped him with
meditations to balance his severely unbalanced mind and soul, and he
probably knew more than Grissom did – about his own lover and partner!
Sometimes it irked him, in moments when the need surfaced. But Grissom
knew Ecklie helped, in a way Gil couldn't because he was too close, and
because he couldn't see what a shaman could.

"Sometimes I think I liked you better when we only exchanged
unpleasantries," he finally said and rubbed his forehead.

"Ah, yes, the good old times. Let's not think about them." Ecklie leaned
forward. "Gil, talk to me."

Grissom met the dark eyes. "I don't think it will ease my problems."

"How do you know since you haven't tried?"

Another glare. Yes, he really hated it when Ecklie got all empathic.
After a prolonged silence and the clear impression that Conrad wouldn't
simply up and leave, Grissom folded his hands and rested his forehead
against them.

"I don't know what it is," he finally confessed. "I look at him and want
to take him into my arms, protect him, keep him safe. I just want to
touch him to reassure myself that he's there, alive and well. When I
look at him… when I see the scars… I relive those hours, I see the tapes
again, I hear his voice… It's been so long and still, there are moments
when it's all like it happened yesterday… that I was at the hospital,
looking at him… and I'm aware how quickly I can lose Nick…"

There was a gentle warmth touching him, calming him, and Grissom drew a
deep breath. He felt himself relax a little, then a little more, and
finally there was a kind of newly-achieved balance.

"You're manipulating me, Conrad," Grissom chastised.

"No, I'm helping." Ecklie smiled a little and shrugged. "Can't help it.
Shaman thing. And shamans have the compulsion to protect, too, Gil. I
know what you feel about Nick -- without the added pressure of being in
an intimate relationship with him. I can only imagine what it's like on
that personal level."

Ecklie was the life-partner of a vampire, he was in a very tight
relationship, and the words weren't empty.

"You two are bonded, Gil," the other man now added quietly. "Listen to
your emotions. It will take time for the lover and partner to feel
comfortable enough to let go of Nick, to not feel so uneasy about having
him out of your sight. Go, Gil. Just give in to the need."

"I'm not some possessive bastard…"

Conrad chuckled. "No, you're not. You're a concerned partner. You love
Nick. You protect what you love."

Blue eyes wearily met the dark gaze.

"Gil," Ecklie said softly, intensely, "you're partners. You share. Go to
him."

Grissom closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. He felt so
tired, so mentally exhausted. Images kept replaying. Months old; a case
unsolved and far from closed. He had had dozens of new cases by now;
Nick was with him, they lived together, he was healing. Still..

A hand squeezed his shoulder. He was startled to find Ecklie standing
beside him. He hadn't been aware of the man getting up and moving.

"Take Nick. Go home."

Sound advise. Go take it, his mind muttered angrily. He blinked at the
other man and finally nodded.

Ecklie shot him a brief smile. "And get some sleep."

"I will."

"Good." He turned to go.

"Conrad?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you," Grissom said sincerely.

A nod. "You're welcome. It's what friends are for."

And with that he was gone. The lingering calmness remained. It was a
good feeling, warm and familiar, and while Grissom knew it was a
shamanic thing, he appreciated the gesture.

Getting up, Grissom left his office and walked through the lab, aware
that it was past the end of the graveyard shift. He briefly wondered why
Ecklie was in so early – or on so late, depending on when he had started
his work day – but he pushed that thought aside.

Nick had his own case at the moment, but it was near closing and he just
had to look over some old evidence. He wouldn't be out. Warrick was with
Sara on a stripper murder, Catherine would be in court today, and Greg
was out on a burglary with Vartann.

Grissom found his lover in an evidence room, just about to put the
multiple bags and boxes back into the evidence container.

"Hey, Gris," he was greeted, that warm smile making Grissom want to
touch Nick even more. "Just about done for today. No overtime tonight.
How about you?"

"I'm good to go."

"Great. Lemme just get the evidence back into lock-up."

Grissom let him pass. It took all his willpower not to just close the
door and push Nick against it, kissing the living daylights out of him.

Control. It was all about control.

* * *

The moment they were home, Grissom acted on his instinct. Nick gave a
little cry of surprise as he was pushed against the wall and Grissom
kissed him. Soft lips opened under the assault and Nick groaned a little
as Grissom's hands slid over his hips to his behind.

"Wow," he gasped when Grissom finally let up for a moment. "What's going
on, Gil?"

He shook his head, unable to really answer. Blue eyes burned with an
intense fire and brown eyes seemed to grow even darker.

The next kiss was no longer so harsh and needy, but it was still intense
and deep, and Nick's hands clenched into Grissom's shirt. Gil trailed a
few kisses over the square jaw and finally rested his head in the crook
of Nick's head. Tremors coursed through him and it was an overpowering
sensation to have Nick in his arms.

"Gil?" the younger man murmured, hands stroking over his back. "Wanna
relocate?"

He nodded slowly and while he didn't really think about bed and sex, he
wouldn't have argued with Nick if his lover had thought this was what he
wanted. As it was, Nick did take him to bed, but it wasn't about tearing
their clothes off. Kissing Nick, Grissom slid his hands over the black
t-shirt, then slipped one underneath. Nick straddled him and Gil's hand
suddenly hooked around his waistband right over the belt clasp. Warm
skin pressed against his knuckles and the cool clasp pushed into his
palm.

Nick ran caressing finger-tips over his forearm, a quizzical expression
in his eyes.

"Gil?"

"I don't know, Nick," he confessed softly. "Just need you."

Nick leaned forward, kissing him, their groins pressing together, and
Grissom couldn't but twist up. No, he hadn't thought about sex with his
lover all day, but he was getting very much aroused. Who wouldn't when
looking at this man?

"You always have me," Nick whispered.

The t-shirt went and Grissom's eyes roamed over the lean, smooth,
hairless chest, his fingers tracing over the tiny scar. A reminder of
the ant bites. All had healed, but one or two had scarred.

Always, Grissom thought, fingers now rousing a semi-interested nipple
into hardness. He was a Phoenix; Nick was a Mimic who Mimicked a
Phoenix. They were bound so tightly, and he loved him so absolutely… He
flicked a nail over the nipple and Nick bit his lower lip. His own hands
were busy with undoing the buttons on Grissom's shirt and when he could
finally touch his skin, Grissom felt an appreciative shiver pass through
him.

Clothes were shed slowly. Clothes bodies became semi-clothed, then
naked, and Grissom maneuvered his lover from straddling him to lying
underneath the older man. Nick arched into his touches, eyes closed,
completely trusting, looking to desirable, so delectable…

Grissom took his time, as if this was the very first time, and he
explored the body so willingly spread out underneath him in detail.
Nick's hands weren't idle either. They stroked and caressed and guided,
arousing Grissom just as he was arousing Nick.

Pushing himself up on his elbows, Grissom looked at his younger lover,
taking in the flushed skin, the dilated eyes, the partially open lips,
and the smile on those lips.

"Not that I'm complainin'," Nick drawled, voice husky, "but somethin's
buggin' ya."

"Nothing," Grissom murmured and sealed their lips together. "Not now,"
he added, breathing the words into the kiss. "Just want you."

Nick bent one leg, wriggling a little, and Grissom bit his lower lip as
erections rubbed against each other. Blatant hint number three hundred
and fifty-four.

So Grissom slid down the lithe body and paid attention to the hard
arousal, making Nick voice his appreciation. Using his tongue, his lips,
his fingers and a light scraping of teeth over sensitive skin, Grissom
soon had Nick pushing into the wet warmth, wanting more.

"Gil…!"

Yes, much more.

Insistent hands scrabbled at his shoulders, wanting him to stop, to
continue, to pick up the pace, to slow down … anything…

Grissom finally let up, lightly fisting the straining hardness, smiling
at the expression in his lover's face. Nick's skin was nicely flushed,
his brown eyes dilated, and he was licking his lips.

"My turn," he whispered and Gil was surprised by the lithe movement that
had Nick between his legs and himself on his back. Nick started to kiss
and nip and running his hands over his body, caressing and stroking all
the soft spots. Grissom could have screamed – hell, he was sure he’d do
that later anyway – but now he wanted Nick so badly it shocked himself.

“Nick, please, don’t tease… I… I need you … “

Nick looked at him, stunned, for a split second. Then he bent down and
kissed him, hard, speaking of a need of his own. Spreading Grissom’s
legs, Nick took the lube Grissom handed him, preparing his already
whimpering lover. Grissom felt Nick’s fingers inside him, stroking that
certain spot ruthlessly, and he cried out with the sensation.

“… Nick …”

And then he was there, slipping inside him in one long thrust, Nick was
there, and he kissed him, and Grissom wrapped himself around the man he
loved and needed and felt Nick’s lips on his own, demanding, not asking,
and he opened up, hearing himself groan and whimper far, far away. He
didn’t notice he dug his fingers into Nick’s back, didn’t notice his
rough scream, didn’t notice the involuntary trembling of his entire body
as Nick’s moves took him higher and higher and into a mind-shattering
climax.
 
 

Nick groaned lowly, then carefully rolled to his side, taking his lover
with him. Gil opened his eyes, hands weaving into his hair as he pulled
him close into a deep and loving kiss. It had been a quite intense
lovemaking.

“Love you, Nick,” he muttered.

“Love you, too, Gil. Wow…”

“Like it?”

“Sure do, honey, Sure do.”

“Don’t call me honey – snookums.”

Nick snorted his laughter and claimed Gil’s lips again, before
reluctantly pulled away.

"So… about this thing you have…?"

Grissom gave him an angelic smile. "You like it?"

"Gil…" came the groan. "Bad. That was so bad."

Again, the older man kissed him and Nick let him, enjoying it too much
to break the moment. "I liked it," Grissom whispered. "A lot."

"Not what I'm talking about."

Nick sat up, disentangling himself from his lover. He reached for a
towel and quickly cleaned them off. Grissom watched him, watched the
play of muscle, watched the expressive eyes, watched the man he loved.

"I'm a possessive bastard," he finally broke the silence.

Nick frowned. "Huh?"

Grissom was silent, his own expression carefully schooled.

"Gil?" he was prompted.

"Recent events… made me… clingy," Grissom finally elaborated, grimacing
mildly. "I have this… urge to… be around you, protect you…" He sighed
softly. "Conrad calls it protection anyway. I call it mother-henning."

Nick stared at him, then started to chuckle. "Ecklie's into couple
psychology now?" He grinned more. "And you two share notes? Because if
Franklin isn't clingy…"

Grissom tossed a pillow at him and Nick laughed more. He finally leaned
forward and pressed a close-mouthed kiss onto Grissom's lips.

"You worry. Thank you."

That made Gil sigh a little. "You don't need a worry-wart…"

"Maybe. But it also shows you care. You love me. I think it's natural
after what happened lately… I mean…" Nick hesitated, visibly steeling
himself. "With the abduction…" His voice remained stable, not a waver in
it, and Grissom felt a flash of pride. "And the crappy hike… scared my,
too."

"Yeah," Grissom murmured. "It scared me a lot."

Nick lay down again, letting the older man hold him. He wrapped his arms
around the solid form of his lover, holding Gil back in turn.

"I love you," he repeated.

Grissom pressed little kisses to every part of Nick he could reach, then
finally looked into the dark brown eyes. His own were filled with
emotions he couldn't express, but from Nick's soft smile his lover was
reading them very well.

"We'll get through this," Nick promised.

Yes, they would. They were already coping, but sometimes, some thing
revived those memories.

Grissom still kept his silence, just looked at him, into the liquid
depth of chocolate brown. His hands framed the squarish face, brushed
his thumbs over the prominent cheekbone, felt the light stubble on those
cheeks. Like a blind man examining facial features, he let his fingers
explore. Nick just held the blue gaze, letting him do what he needed.

"Even if we die, we will be reborn," Grissom finally said.

"Phoenix, yeah," Nick agreed softly.

"But it would change us."

"It won't change what I feel."

"No. It will only change our lives."

"We can adapt," Nick murmured, covering one hand with his own. "We will
adapt. And I'm not dead, Gil. It was a close call, but I'm here. You're
here. We have people who help us."

Yes, they had. Greg and Ecklie at the lab, Nandi and Franklin outside,
and the Nexus on top of that. Grissom knew all that, but the fear had
remained. Always the fear.

Nick kissed him, erasing those dark thoughts, and he let himself fall
into his lover's warmth.