II. Chimera

*flashbacks are scenes from Sui Generis, the M7 Borderlines story*
 

The urgent beeping sound of the console rattled Sergeant Tim Sands awake in almost no time. Living in an alien city in an alien galaxy with lots of friendly and definitely not so friendly aliens around, would have everybody jumpy and alert.

“What is it, Sergeant?”

“Sensors picked up an alien ship approaching the planet, Ma’am,” he answered Dr. Weir’s question, fingers already dancing over the buttons to get a clearer signal.

“Wraith?”

The one question that concerned everybody.

“No, Ma’am. And it’s not on long range sensors. It appeared out of nowhere, and it’s headed toward the planet.”

Someone else appeared at Sands' side, alerted by the alarm signal. Slender, dark-haired, hazel eyes alert, Colonel John Sheppard was someone Sands had a whole lot of respect for. He had never spoken to him directly, though he was, in a way, under Sheppard's command. The man was the military commander of Atlantis and Sands was military. Since the sergeant was mostly in the Gateroom at the controls and rarely ventured outside the city, on missions for example, he and his superior officer only communicated via Sheppard's subordinate officers. Like Sergeant Bates or Major Lorne. Bates was Atlantis City security, Lorne was second-in-command when it came to off-world missions. Sands wasn't keen on running around on alien planets. The excitement in the City was enough already.

Close on Sheppard's heels followed their lead scientist Dr. Rodney McKay. Sands swallowed his sudden anxiety and concentrated back on his readings. He hadn't been on this post for very long and he hated to become the focus of one certain scientist’s attention – or his sharp tongue.

"The ship has entered the atmosphere, still descending rapidly. It's not coming this way," Sands reported.

“No?” Weir asked.

Three people were now more or less breathing down his neck, though McKay had taken over the empty station next to Sands, his face a mask of concentration as he keyed in commands.

“No. It’s crashing," Sheppard replied instead of the sergeant. "Angle's too steep and this is not a controlled descent, even if we give it the benefit of a doubt. They're out of control. Sergeant? Can you identify it?”

“Still trying to. The energy rea… whoa!”

“What do you mean: whoa?” McKay cut in sharply. “You just have to calibrate the… Whoa!”

“Rodney…?” Sheppard asked slowly.

“This is… well, it’s unlike any ship we’ve seen before, but if I interpret these readings correctly, and we all know I do, there’s a Stargate onboard that vessel.”

Sheppard’s eyebrows shot up. “Goa’uld?”

“Haven’t you been listening?" McKay snapped, irritation in his voice. "Unlike any ship we’ve seen before? Including Goa’uld, Wraith or Asgard. It’s… oh, partly it resembles the Aurora.”

“Ancient?”

“Partly, Colonel. But whatever it is, it’s crashing, and it will be down in about ten minutes. On the mainland, thankfully.”

Sheppard nodded sharply. He exchanged a look with Weir, got a silent nod, and he turned to McKay.

“Let’s go.”

Sands felt some of the tension leaving him as both men left the room until he gazed back at the screen, and at Dr. Weir, who was standing beside him, arms crossed over her chest. She didn't look relieved or tense. She looked… guarded.

Guarded wasn't good, so much he had already determined. And not good for her wasn't better for any of them either.

Sands prepared for a long shift.

* * *

Sheppard was at the controls of Puddlejumper One, his favorite of them all, and Rodney sat in the co-pilot's seat, still going over the readings. The launch was smooth, not even a jostle.

"She's crashed about twenty miles from the shore," Rodney reported as they flew away from Atlantis. "A good one hundred miles from the Athosian settlement."

Sheppard nodded. "Good."

Teyla looked relieved as well. Rodney could emphasize. The last thing anyone needed was to worry about the Athosians and visitors who weren't friendly. With their recent quota, unfriendly was a rather good guess. They had had a stretch of bad luck in that regard, but maybe, just maybe, and Rodney prayed for it – secretly – this was just a bunch of unlucky, friendly people who had Ancient technology and wanted to share.

“The crash site is just behind that hill. Energy readings are strong, no radiation according to the sensors. I advice proceeding with great caution.”

Sheppard smiled wryly. “So do I, Rodney. Lifesigns?”

“Yes. Seven.”

“I’ll take down the jumper. We’ll walk to the crash site. Teyla, Ronon, look out for everything. Walters, Malloy, you know the drill. We don’t know who or what is waiting there for us. Rodney…”

“…will take extra care and not let his eyes stray off the readings, yes, Colonel.”

//Good boy//

//Don't treat me like a child!//

John gave him a brief hug, easing the tension in Rodney's frame, without even laying a finger on him. Their ever-developing mind-link was very useful for that. Rodney didn't say a thing, but he sent a wave of gratitude, intermixed with an apology.

Sheppard cloaked the Jumper as they drew closer, then let it descend smoothly. The Marines in the back were already checking their weapons, as was Ronon. Teyla was her unflappable self, though her face showed a small amount of the tension she probably felt. The Puddlejumper touched down and opened its rear hatch.

"No lifesigns close by," Rodney reported. "I'm getting two about a mile south of our position, stationary."

"Okay, people, head out. Extreme caution. Ronon, set that weapon on stun. If we run into friendlies I don't want to kill them on first sight," Sheppard told the Satedan.

Ronon didn't twitch a muscle as he snapped the controls of his gun the other way, on stun.

Then they left, Rodney in the middle, Sheppard up front with Teyla, Ronon in the back, and the two Marines on the side.

* * *

//Visitors//

//That was to be expected. They’re approaching fast//

//We’ll have to face them. Who'll be the innocent bystander this time, you or me?//

//Depends on whether we have to shoot for our lives or can negotiate first//

//So not funny//

//So it’s you//

//Thank you so much, Commander//

* * *

The moment John walked onto the clearing and saw the large four-legged animal, his heart skipped a beat.

//Rodney?!//

McKay stopped next to him, eyes wide, just as stunned. //I see it. It’s … well, an alien horse//

//And it has two horns, Rodney! Like…//

Sheppard sounded rattled and something flickered through him, a memory of something he had tried to deal with for so long. He had dealt with it. He knew he could live with what he was, but he had never thought…

Especially here. After an alien ship had crashed on their world.

//Like you// Rodney only said calmly. //It's about your size, but still huge for a horse and it has two horns//

The others had stopped as well, wary of the creature, but all waited for John to act.

//Yeah, well, like me. Question it: what is it doing here? Did it come with the ship? And…//

//.. is it human, too?//

The alien horse with the two long horns growing out of its forehead flicked its tail and watched them with pricked ears while chewing grass. It had a light brown coat with reddish highlights, and the mane and tail were a dark brown, almost black. The eyes were green, a rather unusual color for an animal that wasn't a cat, Rodney thought.

The alien horse snorted after a while and returned its attention toward the ground, taking another few bites.

Sheppard shifted his stance a little as he lowered the P90, cradling it in his arms. //What do you wanna bet it's human?//

//John?//

//Watch the bushes. I don’t think we’re alone//

"Colonel?" Teyla asked softly.

"No one moves. Let me handle this," Sheppard only replied, never taking his eyes off the two-horned, alien horse.

"It is not native to this world," Teyla supplied. "My people never reported seeing any animal like this."

"It's not," Rodney agreed. "We… saw something similar on M7B-377."

That got him curious looks, but he waved it off. Now was not the time for it.

John carefully approached the large equine and the animal snorted again, nostrils flaring. It looked alert, but not aggressive.

“What is he doing?” Teyla asked quietly.

"Making first contact," Rodney answered just as quietly.

Ronon simply watched.

“My name is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. This is my team. We noticed your crash. Is there anything we can help you with?”

“He’s talking to a horse?” one of the Marines asked, surprised.

“In fact he is talking to a Kiowata.”

Ronon whirled around, weapon trained on the man who had appeared behind them, and the other one raised his hands. Rodney glanced at the newcomer. Tall, slender, fair-haired, wearing a black uniform with something that resembled rank insignia.

Oh good, military.

Not.

The latest events with quasi-military organization, namely the Genii, were still only too vivid in Rodney’s mind to be pleasant. The uniform didn't look like Genii, though. Nor like any other uniform design they had accidentally or not so accidentally run into.

Wary hazel eyes regarded them when the man stepped closer, careful as not to make any sudden moves. Yes, he knew his way around and he was human. At least he appeared to be.

"Who are you?" Sheppard demanded, P90 raised like the others, half an eye on the Kiowata.

“Chris Larabee, commanding officer of the Agency ship Chimera. This is my Kiowata. He’s harmless.”

The equine snorted, and Larabee cast a brief glance into its direction.

“And yes, he understands you, Colonel. I’d be grateful if we could stay for a while, try to tend to our ship.”

“Who’s we?”

“Me and my crew.”

“How many?”

“Seven.”

At least he seemed to tell the truth, Rodney mused.

Larabee allowed one of the Marines to frisk him for weapons and didn’t even blink when the soldier came up with a gun and two knives.

“Well-armed, commander,” John remarked dryly.

“Crashed on an alien planet, you’d do the same.”

Sheppard inclined his head, agreeing. He had lowered his weapon, but Ronon and the Marines still kept the man in their sights. Larabee didn't seem to be offended.

The Kiowata walked slowly over to the blond, snorting softly, and he reached out to gently pat one massive shoulder. Despite being smaller than Sheppard in his other form, the alien horse was huge.

"You were scouting?" Sheppard asked.

"In a way. We detected a settlement just before even our last sensor gave out and we fell down blind. My pilot and my engineer are certain they can get the Chimera flying again, but we need time to repair the damage. All I ask is for that time, then we leave again."

"You didn't appear on our long-range sensors," Rodney threw in.

"We were ripped out of Transspace."

"Transspace?"

"It's how we travel from point A to point B when both points are very far apart. JD could probably explain it better to you, but we enter a Jump Point, exit, and if we have to, use the next one."

//Gates!// Rodney exclaimed. //They open Gates!//

"Something interfered in our last jump," Larabee went on. "We had heavy disturbances, then the Transdrive went dead, we were thrown out of the Jump and hurtled toward this planet. I'm not even sure where we are any more," he added, smiling darkly.

"It's called the Pegasus Galaxy," Sheppard only said.

They were by now walking toward where the crash site was.

Larabee frowned. "Actually, I never heard of it. If we get the Chimera's main computer up and running again, and manage to get a lock on our position, we might just find out where this got us."

"What's this Agency?" Ronon rumbled suspiciously.

"You asking that gives me the bad feeling we ended up very far from home," the dark-clad man murmured.

The Kiowata shot them a look, ears flicking.

"The Agency is law enforcement. We come in when local law enforcement meets a dead end or requests our assistance, or when a crime spans more than one jurisdictionary territory. My team and I work for the Criminal Investigative Division, which currently has seven Sections. Ours is Section 7, Smuggling and Piracy. We were on our way back from a case when this happened."

It was then that they crested the hill and looked down at the crash site.

Rodney didn’t know where to look first – the ship or his readings. The ship wasn’t as sleek as a Wraith ship or as bulky as the Daedalus, but it was large. Large enough to contain a Stargate, for example. It didn't have the Wraith's organic structure either. The ship was metal, but the blue color and the shading gave it the appearance of some stranded underwater creature. Some constructs clearly indicated weaponry, others spoke of a drive with a great power. This ship had seen a lot, and Rodney itched to take a look at its insides. Something about the design certainly rang a bell. And there were still those energy readings...

The area where it had crashed down was marked by a long groove where the Chimera had slid and hurtled over the ground. There were broken trees and unearthed bushes and rocks, but no signs of a fire.

Larabee gave the Kiowata a clap on the rump and it entered the ship via a lowered ramp, while a man in a similar uniform came down. He was smaller than the Commander, with a square jaw and bright blue eyes. The light brown hair was cut short, the face clean shaven. There was an easy-going gait to him.

"Vin Tanner," Larabee introduced him. "My second in command. Vin, this is Colonel John Sheppard and his team."

"Nice to meet you," Tanner replied pleasantly.

"How's it looking?"

"JD and Josiah are hip deep in engine parts and computer data. I'm not getting more than 'it'll take time' out of them. Nathan patched up Buck. He's as good as new. Just a bump."

Rodney was by now really, really itching to get aboard.

//John?// he pleaded.

//Hold on, Rodney. We have no idea just what we're facing//

//Crashed visitors. Please!?//

"How can we help?" Sheppard asked out loud.

"Depends on how close your technology resembles ours," was Tanner's reply.

"From these readings, it's close. Very close. At least as close as two worlds that never interacted can get. It must be a derivation of Ancient technology," Rodney started, excitement in his voice.

"Uh, Ancient?"

"You don't know the Ancients? Maybe Alterans? Lanteans?"

"No, no, and definitely no."

Rodney deflated momentarily. "Oh. Well. Yes. But the design of the ship and the readings… they do look close to Ancient design."

"And you… work with this… Ancient design?" Tanner wanted to know.

"Of course!"

//Rodney, shut up, okay?//

Sheppard nodded at the ship. "We might be able to help, yes. First of all we need to clear all of this with my people."

"You live in the settlement we detected?" Larabee asked, sounding doubtful.

"No. There is a city farther out… in the ocean." Sheppard scanned the ship again, then looked at the two men. "I'll contact them, talk to them, then we'll see what we can do."

"Sounds fair enough."

A third man descended from the ramp, again in a black uniform, smaller than Larabee, and with vivid green eyes.

"Gentlemen," the newcomer greeted them, nodding. "Ezra Standish, part of the Chimera crew like the rest of them." There was light amusement in the voice and the smile was pleasant.

Rodney stared at him, then took note of the close position he had to Larabee, and something inside him fired rapidly.

//It's him! The horse… well, Kiowata. It's him//

//What?//

//The Kiowata had green eyes, too, John! He changed shape! It's him!//

//Hold your horses, Rodney, one thing at a time. We don't know a thing about them, let alone whether or not that man is a… Kiowata. Elizabeth first, the rest later//

McKay deflated a little, but he didn't argue. Through the mind-link Sheppard felt him bouncing on his feet, though the man was perfectly still. Describing Rodney as 'hyper' right now was an understatement. All John felt was caution and a healthy dose of wariness.

Sheppard retreated back to the 'Jumper and called Atlantis, detailing what they had found.

"You want to bring them here?" Elizabeth asked.

"At least the man in charge and maybe one of his team. I'll drag Rodney back, too, and leave Walters and Malloy to keep an eye on them. Ronon, too. There's seven of them and with two or three gone…"

"I understand. Agreed, Colonel," Weir told him. "Proceed with caution. I'm looking forward to meeting Commander Larabee."

* * *

Rodney had been unable to keep himself from scanning what he could, moving restlessly. He did a few scans of Standish and Larabee, who were watching him with mild amusement, and he was trying to wheedle information out of them with tech-talk questions, which they fielded quite professionally. Walters and Malloy were on their posts, keeping a very close eye on matters, as was Ronon. The Satedan looked downright trigger-happy. Teyla was talking to Vin Tanner, smiling, inclining her head now and then.

When Sheppard came back, Larabee's attention was immediately on him.

"Dr. Weir agreed to meet with you, see how we can help," Sheppard told them. "We'll leave some of my people here to help you while we fly whoever you want to accompany you back to Atlantis."

There was a brief exchange of looks between Tanner and Larabee. Tanner nodded. "I'll stay here, make a list of what's broken. I guess it might be a much shorter list to tell what's actually still working." He grimaced a little.

"Ezra and I will accompany you," the Agent commander replied. "I'm thankful for whatever help you can give – and tell us where exactly we are in relation to where we came from."

"We need the coordinates for that," McKay answered absent-mindedly, eyes on his screen.

"Ronon, you, Malloy and Walters stay here. Teyla, with me. If there's any trouble whatsoever, call."

Ronon nodded briskly. John knew he could rely on the warrior and his own people were well-trained. He didn't feel any hostility from Larabee and his men, but after so many quasi-friendly encounters that had ended as a run for one's life, the Colonel tended to be careful.

* * *

The Puddlejumper landed gracefully and Sheppard shut down the systems.

"Okay, everyone, welcome to Atlantis."

Larabee had watched the approach with interest, silent, alert, but Sheppard sensed no threat from the man. In a way, he felt comfortable around him. He was a team leader, he had people to protect, but he wasn't the aggressive kind, though probably could be very deadly. Sheppard himself knew what he was capable of, either with a gun or a knife, or even bare-handed. He didn't doubt the other was any less lethal.

Standish was already following Rodney out of the jumper's rear hatch. Larabee and John followed. The moment Standish set foot onto Atlantis, a veritable thrum seemed to go through the City. John winced as he felt it ripple through him, like a deep bass boom that reverberated through his bones and right into his soul. Something stirred inside him, briefly, profoundly, and very strongly.
 
 

"Sands!"

"I don't know, Ma'am. Atlantis… all systems went up all of a sudden. It was like a power surge and it's now quieting down again."

Elizabeth stared down at the newcomers, took in the two men in the black uniforms, saw John's confused and slightly shocked expression.

"We are getting smaller surges," Zelenka piped up, quickly keying in commands. "From every area, whether we had power there before or not. The whole city is… it is like huge reboot!"
 
 

Ezra stared at the large room they had just entered and when the reverberations passed through him, he shivered. It wasn't… bad. It was actually like a caress, like from an alien mind, and the latent empath briefly reached out as if to check on what had touched him. Chris's presence wrapped around him like a shield, keeping him safe, drawing him back.

//Ezra!//

He blinked, dazed. //Chris… this is… I never felt anything like it before. Never!//

"What just happened?" Rodney demanded, striding past them. "What's going on?" he yelled toward what looked like a command center on a level above the giant room that housed a huge, round, ornamented something.

Neither Chris nor Ezra had ever seen anything like it before. Ezra walked closer, like in a trance, still feeling like he had… come home. It was warm and friendly, enveloping him like a child, and there was no danger here.

//Ezra!//

//Chris, I… I can't describe it… It's not bad. It's… wow…//

"I don't know what happened, Rodney," one of the men on the second level called back. "Atlantis surged up. There was massive power boost, then it quieted down again, but there are suddenly programs running all over the place. The mainframe is lit up like Christmas tree and there's so much data scrolling past, it's like super speedway!"

McKay was running up the steps, the lit-up and strangely ornamented steps, and pushing toward what looked like a control console. Chris kept close to Ezra and glanced at Sheppard, who had the same dazed look on his features. The dark-haired Colonel shook his head, like trying to dislodge something, and he gripped his gun more tightly.

"Colonel?" Teyla asked, sounding worried.

"I… Wow… That was… intense."

"What is it?"

"Atlantis. I mean… there was always this background hum… but now?"

"Hum?" she inquired.

He blinked again, looked at her, and Larabee had the distinct impression he had just said something he hadn't wanted to spill.

"Nothing," he muttered.

Teyla just gave him this long, hard look, then accepted his ‘nothing’ with a slight incline of her head. Sheppard walked past her, a determined expression on his features.

* * *

Elizabeth regarded the two visitors with curiosity. The past experience with so many new cultures, some aggressive, some peaceful, hadn't spoiled her for meeting new people. She was cautious, like every time, but Atlantis' reaction to Ezra Standish had her intrigued. And from the slightly startled looks of the two men, they had been surprised as well.

"I've to say this looks a bit like home," Larabee said calmly. "At least when you go to the more traditionally built stations or cities. Four Corners, where we are stationed, is more modern."

"Atlantis is old," Weir told them. "It was sunk ten thousand years before we came here, and back then it had been around for a while."

Standish let his eyes roam around the conference room. "The whole city is like this?"

"As far as we have explored it. Parts are destroyed, either from the sinking or later on because of various incidents."

Larabee nodded. "Colonel Sheppard told us you would be able to assist us in the repairs of our ship?"

"As much as we are able to."

Elizabeth gestured at the chairs and the men sat down. Rodney took his usual place and Sheppard sat down beside him. McKay looked excited, John simply watchful.

"We didn't pick you up on our sensors before you crashed."

"As I explained to Colonel Sheppard, we were on our way back from a case. The Chimera was in Transspace when there was a violent disturbance. We were flung out of Transspace and this planet was right in front of us. My pilot just about managed to get a bearing on the only continent we could distinguish, then were almost down. We're still running checks, but it looks bad."

Weir nodded. "You're welcome here on Atlantis. Usually we get visitors through the Stargate, but we will do whatever we can to help you."

"Thank you."

"Rodney?"

"I need to get a look at the ship's computer first." Rodney gave Sheppard a pointed look. "Which I would have been able to do if I hadn't been dragged off."

John smiled wryly. Elizabeth suspected there was a friendly argument going on through the mind-link.

"We should also check out Mr. Standish. Atlantis reacted to something about his person," Rodney added.

Elizabeth met the green gaze, saw the curiosity and slight caution there. "Mr. Standish?"

"What kind of check?"

"A medical one. It would also assure you that you weren't hurt in the crash."

That got her a small smile. "Believe me, Dr. Weir, I wasn't hurt. I can tell. But if you felt better knowing that I'm not contagious…"

Elizabeth gave him a calm look. "It's not that. We know that for a fact because Atlantis reacts to pathogens in the air. We would have had an alarm."

"Good to know."

"And it would make all of us feel better to know what about you gave the City such a start."

Ezra shrugged. "As long as it doesn't involve needles…"

Rodney grimaced. "With Carson, you never know. The man has an affinity for poking innocent people with sharp objects."

"We're not talking about your stubborn self, Rodney," Sheppard remarked.

"I knew Beckett made it personal."

"I hope we can help you," Elizabeth interrupted the mutterings.

"I hope so, too." Larabee's face was serious. "We'd like to be able to get home."

* * *

The initial meeting with Elizabeth had been followed by a voluntary examination through Dr. Beckett. While there were no visible injuries, the reaction of Atlantis to their visitors had been too pronounced not to check them out.

"You want to tell me he has the gene?" Rodney exclaimed. "How?"

Carson gave him a mild frown. "How do you get a gene, Rodney?"

"But, but…"

"The Ancients seeded galaxies," the doctor went on. "They came as far as their home, too."

"But they have no Stargates!"

Ezra sat on the exam table, confused. "What about my genes and what are Stargates?"

"See!" McKay exclaimed, voice rising "He has no clue! They have space travel and they use wormhole technology, but they have no Gates!"

Sheppard leaned against the wall, watching it all with a frown. His eyes met Rodney and McKay sighed deeply.

"Okay, so all Gates are buried. Why not? Happened on Earth. Why not in another galaxy on every inhabited planet they ever visited!" Sarcasm dripped heavily from his voice.

"This Gate… it's that huge circular structure in the main room?" Larabee hazarded a guess.

"Aye," Carson confirmed.

"Never saw one before. And what is this about a gene Ezra has?"

"The Ancient gene," Carson supplied.

Rodney gestured at everything, mainly to indicate the city. "This city was built by a race we call the Ancients. They spread out all over the galaxies millions of years ago, seeded inhabitable planets with life, and so on. Long story. I'll get you the file. Anyway, their technology is based on only them being able to handle it. It's initiated by the technology recognizing the gene structure of the individual, responding only to those with the Ancient gene. Since the Ancients also came to our world, thousand of years ago, they, well," more hand moving, "interbred with our ancestors, so to speak. The result was that some people have this gene and work the technology in this city."

"We believe its caused by a single gene that is always turned on in Ancients, instructing various cells in the body to produce a series of proteins and enzymes that interact with the skin, nervous system and brain," Beckett added.

"And… I have it?" Ezra asked, looking a bit shocked.

"Aye. You have it. Even more pronounced and strongly than Colonel Sheppard, while Commander Larabee's genetic structure appears to have been altered. It's like someone used the gene therapy on him."

Ezra had paled even more and looked rather sick.

"Are you okay?" Carson asked worriedly.

"Chris… he looks altered to you?" Standish queried, sounding strangled.

"Ezra…" Larabee started.

"Yes, he does. I developed a method to introduce the Ancient gene to the human body. It's a process in which a human without the gene can receive a retrovirus which allows them to use Ancient technology. In some it works, in others it doesn't."

"What's wrong?" Sheppard asked.

Standish swallowed. "We might not know anything about your Ancients, but…"

"Ez…"

Standish reached out and to McKay's surprised squeezed Larabee's wrist gently. The green eyes were burning when he looked at Sheppard.

"You knew about the Kiowata."

"The horse?"

"We call it a Kiowata. It's a life-form indigenous to a planet called Prima 2. A group of smugglers discovered a machine that could change a human being into one of those Kiowata, erasing their memory until the human was either strong enough to come back or they were changed back."

Sheppard's face turned into a mask. Beckett just gaped.

"When you approached me," Ezra went on, "I knew you had recognized me as a sentient being, able to understand you. But you know nothing about Kiowata. You have the same gene Dr. Beckett says I have. And I'm willing to gamble you know the machine."

Sheppard was pale now, rigid, and McKay moved closer. There was a sharp look that was met by an annoyed one from Rodney.
 
 

//There is a connection between them, Chris// Ezra whispered.

Larabee looked at his partner and lover, twitching an eyebrow. //You sure?//

//I can feel… something. I'd say it's what our communication, our bond, would feel like. They're close and it's not just a normal relationship//

Chris smiled. //Like us?//

//He knew Kiowata, Chris// Ezra insisted. //Even if we argue that they are aware of the many shapes alien life can take, why did he talk to me? And did you see McKay watch me? They suspected and I think they put two and two together//

//How would they know about Kiowata?//

//We can find out//

//How?//

Ezra sent a shrug. //Ask?//

//Whether or not either of them can shape-change?// Chris wanted to know.

//Maybe//
 
 

"Rodney, this machine…" Beckett started.

"It's impossible!" McKay snapped. "This isn't a mirror universe, nor an alternate one. It's a million to one shot that a machine like this exists anywhere else and can be used to.. change humans!"

"So I take it yours is broken?" Standish asked calmly.

It got him a glare.

"You said something before," Beckett interjected before McKay could say something scathing. "You are aware of something different about you, aren't you?"

"In my world, people with my 'condition' are called Borderlines, Dr. Beckett," was the calm reply, though from the paleness Standish was anything but calm. "And because of it, I survived this transformation that was forced upon me and managed to revert back on my own. It's how I met, Chris, how we bonded."

Now the eyes were on John and Rodney.

"Like you two bonded."

"What? What are you talking about?" Rodney immediately shot back.

"Dr. McKay, I can see there is something between you. We call it a bond. It's a connection of minds and souls. You have it. Because Colonel Sheppard was a Kiowata once, and you were there, and probably on your own for a while. You learned to trust and to rely on each other."

Sheppard clenched his hands into fists, lips a thin line.

Beckett was wide-eyed and rather glad they were alone right now. Security was out front.

“H-how… do you know that?” Rodney stuttered. “You can’t possibly know that!”

Standish smiled sadly. “Chris and I, we’ve been there.”

The green eyes were almost too calm, reflecting an old pain, and the same was mirrored in Larabee’s eyes. Both men exchanged a look, and then Ezra started to tell them what had happened on a planet that had thrived from smuggling Kiowata, turning humans into these proud beings and either killing them or mutilating them for life.

* * *

John felt sick in the stomach by the time Larabee and Standish were done telling them what had happened to him, and to Ezra, on a very remote planet. It sounded partly like what Sheppard had gone through, but without nearly starving, colics, freezing winters, and people after you because your horns were valuable and because clipping them off tamed the animal and erased the human personality. Just thinking about anyone doing that to him…

The shudder was more pronounced and he suddenly found himself wrapped in the firm presence of a decidedly freaked out but still so very tightly controlled Rodney McKay.

//Shhh…//

//I…// John tried to stop the images of mutilated Kiowata, of pain and fear, of the horror, but Standish had woven a very clear image.

//Nothing's happening to us// Rodney whispered soothingly. //You're safe. No one here in this galaxy is after Kiowata or their horns or their heads//

And how anyone could kill or torture such intelligent beings, some who had been human before, was beyond both men.

John swallowed and steeled himself, pushing his emotions back down. He faced the very understanding eyes of Ezra Standish.

"We survived," the Agent said calmly. "Both Chris and I went through a lot, and we started and completed this bond on BP-379. You still have to do that."

"There's nothing more to complete," John said hoarsely, the sick feeling spreading.

"There is. This is slowly growing and it will take on new shape and form every day you work with it," Larabee added.

"A newly connected pair needs the presence of the other," Ezra explained. "What you experienced, it's a clear indication. You were together for three months, then you forced the separation, and the Kiowata wasn't happy."

"It's not a separate entity!" John argued.

"No," Standish agreed. "It's part of you. So, effectively, you weren't happy. It was a new part of you that drove you to seek out Rodney, even if you fought it."

Rodney glanced at his lover. Sheppard radiated unhappiness about their rather strained past.

//We survived, John// he murmured softly.

//We nearly didn't//

//Yeah, well, I told you so. Genius here. You were the stubborn ass who insisted he was fine//

//I was fine!//

That got him an incredulous look and Sheppard sighed.

//Okay, not so very much//

//Better//

Ezra just smiled, aware of the silent communication, though not of what was spoken.

"The link you have in your mind is like a first step to something that we call a soul bond. Where we come from it's something that's only possible between a Borderline and someone who is either receptive to it or Borderline as well."

"Why do you call descendents of the Ancients Borderlines?" John asked curiously.

"Because we don't know about Ancients or Lanteans or Alterans, Colonel. We don't have this history you have. We don't have myths and believes. Borderlines are people born with what you call the Ancient gene. To us…" Ezra sighed. "Well, in the world I grew up I was bottom rung. Lower than that, even. I had a genetic defect, so I wasn't human. I was close to human – and that is called a Borderline. It can express itself in so many ways. I'm a latent empath and I heal quicker than most people. Now I can shape-change into a Kiowata, too. Borderlines have fought hard to get accepted in a world that shuns them."

Rodney shook his head. "But the gene… it's a heritage that's… it's fantastic! An alien race that seeded worlds, that traveled galaxies, that built the Gates!"

"None of that is of any consequence to us," Chris told him. "What you call Stargates… we don't have that technology."

"A completely different development," Rodney murmured, fascinated. "And still your ship uses something like Stargates. It's a Gate itself. You use these Jump Points. You use wormholes."

Larabee nodded.

"These Kiowata," Beckett spoke up. "This transformation is connected to the gene as well?"

"Partly," Ezra agreed. "Colonel Sheppard and I are Borderline, or gene carriers, whatever you prefer. Sadly, where we come from, the machine has been modified to change all humans, Borderline or not, into Kiowata. The difference is that Borderlines retain the ability of shape-changing. Humans don't. Your machine triggered the Kiowata in Colonel Sheppard – we still haven't understood why this particular creature – and it is his ability from now on. You're no different than before, not a mutation in any way."

"But I'm a horse!"

"Kiowata," Rodney corrected.

"And you two share a mind-link. The soul bond is already developing."

Beckett shook his head, overwhelmed like all of them.

"Don't even think it, doc!" Sheppard warned.

Ezra smiled a little. "Our own team medic, Dr. Nathan Jackson, has an extensive file on Kiowata physiology and the soul bond. I think he'd be very willing to share his findings. You'll need to know about it because the deeper this becomes, the more you need to consider it with your treatment."

"I'm not going to change into this Kiowata, too, right?" Rodney demanded, eyes wide with fear.

"No," Ezra calmed him. "Only the machine can trigger the transformation. You never underwent it, so you're unable to become Kiowata form."

John was feeling more nauseous than before and Rodney reached out for him, giving him something to hold on to.

"This is amazing," McKay murmured. "The Ancients seeded your galaxy, but they didn't leave a Stargate, only technology that's like one. I wonder why?"

"I'm willing to share information on our world," Larabee spoke up. "The Chimera carries some of our science and history data. JD is a fountain of knowledge on Transwarp technology. Josiah can probably answer your questions, too."

Rodney's eyes gleamed. John was silent, still chewing what had been revealed.

"Elizabeth would want to know some of what we heard here," Beckett said quietly. "Especially the technology."

"Don't mention the soul bond, okay?" Sheppard requested. "She knows about what happened to Rodney and me, even the mind-link, but we'd like to break it to her… in little pieces."

"I understand." Larabee nodded.

* * *

For the next hours, Larabee and Standish were in a meeting with Elizabeth. While Rodney found all of it interesting, he had been itching to get back to the Chimera. When they were finally done, Rodney with a ton of data and a million questions only the ship could answer, it was late afternoon already.

"You're welcome to spend the night," Elizabeth offered.

"I hope you understand that in the current situation, being with my ship and crew is more important, Dr. Weir," Larabee replied.

She nodded.

So finally McKay had flown to the crash site, a team of engineers with him, led by Radek Zelenka. Sheppard was their pilot. He had insisted to come along and there was no stopping a determined Colonel. Larabee would talk to his crew, tell them what had been discussed with Elizabeth, and he would handle introductions to the Atlantis engineers.

They landed next to the much larger ship and were greeted by Tanner and a taller, broad-shouldered man with dark hair and a ready smile. Buck Wilmington, as he was introduced, accompanied the engineers into the Chimera, followed by Rodney and Sheppard.
 

Two hours later, with everyone introduced to the seven crew members, a quick briefing on matters, and the promise to be as non-invasive concerning the damaged systems as was humanly possible, Zelenka and the engineers were checking on structural damage and engine troubles. Rodney had taken over the bridge. Sheppard was with him, the pilot in him just as excited as the scientist was in Rodney.

"This is amazing!" McKay exclaimed. "It's Ancient technology!"

"Hey, it's not old!" JD Dunne, the Chimera's pilot, protested.

Dunne looked young, barely in his mid-twenties in Rodney’s eyes, with longish, dark brown hair, vivid dark eyes, and what looked like a beard shadow. Like all Agency members he was dressed in a black uniform, though he had pushed up his sleeves.

"The Chimera's a Delta model and everything is up to date!" he added with an indignant look.

Rodney blinked and faced the outraged man. "What? No, I mean the base of the technology."

"It's not old."

"Not old. Ancient. The race. The Ancients."

"Rodney, he has no idea what you're talking about," Sheppard supplied, amusement in his eyes. "Now before you confuse him more, let's just check out what help's needed."

Rodney had his nose on his read-out screen again, murmuring to himself. He suddenly turned to the dark-haired man. "You're what again? The engineer?"

"No, I'm the pilot. Josiah's in the engine room. He's trying to get us emergency power back. I'm working on the mainframe."

"And you're the pilot?" McKay repeated.

//Not all pilots are dumb jocks// John teased.

//I never said you're dumb. Only an idiot for not joining the MENSA club//

//I've never been a club person//

"Sure," Dunne answered. "So, you wanna take a look at the computer or the engine?"

Rodney was salivating already over the choices he had, but Zelenka was the man for the engines for now. He would check on him later on, see if his own expertise was needed. "Computer," he answered briskly.

He was deep into the read-outs not much later, and when the emergency power came on-line and the first systems sputtered into a reboot, JD and Rodney were talking tech.

Sheppard kept a close eyes on his lover, arching an eyebrow at the ship. It did remind him of the Aurora, only that it wasn't so white and bright and lit up. It looked like the Daedalus, with more of an Ancient flair to the interior, sans the scribbles and whirly designs.

It looked… nice. The whole ship felt nice. John couldn't put it any other way. It felt comfortable, like he could fly it at any moment – if the engines worked again, that was.

Watching Rodney talk with the Chimera's pilot, Sheppard smiled fondly. He could get the gist of what the two men were discussing. He was a pilot as well and he had hung out with Rodney enough to understand more and more tech talk. He wasn't stupid and you didn't make Major or even Colonel because someone liked your ass. Sheppard smirked a little. No, not that way. Promotions were a matter of on-going qualification, not just merits.

Settling against one of the dead work stations, he prepared himself for a few hours of Rodney Watch.

* * *

Rodney had found a very eager and interested helper in JD Dunne. While he had been a bit apprehensive to work with a 'jock' who probably didn't know a thing about this ship, aside from how fast it could fly, he was pleasantly surprised to find that Dunne was more than capable of understanding and relaying facts. Rodney didn't hold back on the tech talk, didn't dumb anything down, and soon he and JD were working together on fixing the access to the damaged mainframe of the Chimera.

"So you're saying the Chimera's Transspace drive is like what you call a Stargate?"

"It's a derivation of it."

"How?"

Rodney kept an eye on the self-diagnostics program as he turned most of his attention on JD.

"The Stargate is a massive, circular ring with an inner track of thirty-nine symbols representing star constellations, capable of sending people and objects hundreds of thousands of lightyears via an interstellar conduit, a wormhole."

"And Transspace is achieved by using the Jump engines," JD concluded. "We create our own conduit."

"And you have Jump points."

"Yep. How does a Gate work? I know I just initiate the Jump. The Chimera's computer does the rest. Well, kinda. I have to tell her where to go." He smiled.

Rodney was in his element. The computer program was still running and he knew how much he could tell anyone of their visitors without revealing confidential information.

"One side of the gate holds nine equally-spaced, V-shaped locking mechanisms. We call them chevrons. They're capable of locking at least seven constellations in place via a freely-spinning inner track. The first six glyphs lock down a point in space, while the seventh represents the point of origin. When the seventh chevron locks, an unstable energy vortex emerges from the gate, incinerating everything in its wake. Once the vortex is gone and the event horizon is established, outbound travel may commence. Once objects have exited the other side, the Stargate has the capability of shutting itself off."

"Cool."

"Very," Rodney agreed.

"How many are there?"

"The Ancients built a network that extends beyond our own galaxy, the galaxy where we came from. Not Pegasus. Someone once did an estimate. There could be as many as sixty-three billion."
JD just gaped.

"And how many have you travelled so far?" a new voice asked.

Rodney turned and faced the Chimera's engineer, Josiah Sanchez. He had been introduced to him first thing when the Atlantis team had arrived, but hadn’t talked much to him. Sanchez had an impressive size, almost like Ronon, his curly short hair and full bread already graying with more white peaking through the dark gray. He didn’t appear old, though. He had shed his uniform jacket, only wearing the undershirt, and it appeared he had been hip-deep in the engine.

"Very few," Rodney answered.

"It's a big number."

"It's an estimate. Some don't exist any more, others are buried, like ours was. Some are probably lost forever."

Sheppard ambled back onto the bridge and smiled at the assembled men. "Interrupting something important?" he asked.

//Just stunning my audience with the facts of life//

//Huh?//

//Stargates//

//Ah//

"Dr. McKay has been telling us about the Stargates," JD said, looking impressed. "This is really something. I wish we had them where we come from. It would make things a whole lot easier."

"Well, you haven't," Rodney simply said. "And it's hard enough to get your ship back into working order as it is. You made a mess out of almost everything when you crashed."

JD shot him an indignant look. "I got us down in one piece!"

"He's got a point there," Sheppard said easily. "From a pilot's point of view, coming down in one piece tops coming down with systems still working. Take it from me. I prefer the survival of myself to that of a computer."

Rodney huffed, but through the mind-link he agreed that John's survival was primary.

"I'll see what Zelenka has to say about the engines," he muttered and pushed past JD and Josiah. "Don't break what I just fixed."

Dunne grimaced. "I'm not a rookie, Dr. McKay. This is my ship and I know how to treat her."

But Rodney was already out of the room, heading for the rear.

Josiah ruffled the dark head affectionately. "Don't take it personally. Dr. McKay has a very… abrasive nature."

"I know his nature. I’ve been working with it for the past three hours."

John chuckled. "Well, he might be abrasive, but he's also a genius and if he tells you this can be fixed, it will be. Trust him."

JD snorted. "I do. The guy's really a genius for figuring out a system that took me months to learn how to operate. He said it's like a very garbled copy of what Atlantis uses."

"Dr. Zelenka is still with the engines, but he mentioned something like this as well," Josiah agreed.

"Well, I'll see what those two are up to," Sheppard decided. "See you."

And he headed for the engine room as well.

//Rodney, we got to talk about your new fan club//

//Huh? What?// McKay sounded a bit distracted.

//Bad time?//

//Kind of. Can you get Zelenka back to Atlantis? He has a simulation to run with the help of the main computer. I'll be busy here for a while longer//

Sheppard knew what 'a while longer' translated into. He wouldn't expect his lover to come home tonight.

//Send him outside. We'll fly back ASAP//

//Thanks//

Rodney sent a faint hug, then he was concentrating on something else again. John smiled and turned to find the exit ramp.

* * *

He had spent every waking minute aboard the Chimera, shooing around his own personnel as well as the ship's crew. Whoever looked like he had nothing to do was employed by Rodney McKay to help clear up the total mess the ship was. It wasn't just a matter of rebooting the main computer and slapping a band-aid onto the engine. Zelenka had given him a first report on the Transspace drive and it would have to be disassembled, repaired and then put together again.

Rodney delegated that work to the engineers. Just getting all the data out of the computer and making sense of it would be problematic enough. Then there were the many components that had been irreversibly damaged. Rodney was currently busy trying to find a good way to bridge the gap between their technology and that of the Chimera. It wasn't hard, but he had to work on so many fronts, take so many things into account, it was a bottomless pit.

McKay hadn't left the ship at all and when he had to return to Atlantis, he felt like in a daze.

"Rodney?" Elizabeth asked when he walked up the stairs to the command center.

He squared his shoulders a little more. "We need time," he told their expedition leader. "Whatever brought them down, it destroyed almost everything. It's a miracle they got the Chimera down in one piece. Well, more or less."

"How much repair time do you estimate?"

"Zelenka thinks he needs at least three more days for the engine and I can't be sure about the computer system. I'm rigging it."

Her sharp eyes studied him. "You look tired. Get some rest."

"Elizabeth…"

"The Chimera won't fly away. You just said so. We have no idea what brought her here and we can't fix her within the next few hours. Eat, get some rest, then you can return."

There was no arguing with food and sleep. The snacks he had grabbed here or there hadn't really been enough. He wasn't hypoglycaemic yet, but he was dead on his feet.

Oh well.
 
 

Rodney walked tiredly toward the mess hall, nodding at people he met in the corridors, without even realizing who they were. He knew their faces, but names evaded him. As he entered the mess hall, the hum of the conversation washed over him, making him dizzy. He was on automatic as he ordered a coffee, additionally a soda, and then got himself a sandwich. Turning, he discovered that a lot of seats were taken and somehow he knew that if he sat down, he might just not get up again. And he would very likely end up face first in his sandwich.

Okay, his quarters. He had had his meals there before and it wasn't all that far.

Rodney had no recollection of getting there at all. Suddenly the doors slid open and there was his bed, his desk, everything. He placed the food and drink on the table and scrubbed a hand over his burning eyes.

Food, his overtaxed brain informed him. Food, bed.

The door chime let him groan softly.

"Come in," he called, trying to sound more awake than he actually was.

John let the door close after him and shot McKay a critical look.

"You look like something the cat dragged in... after it died out in the rain," he commented wryly as he let his eyes rake over his lover.

"Why thank you, Colonel, that's just what I needed," Rodney muttered, grimacing.

Sheppard chuckled. "I won't hedge any bets as to how much you actually slept. I'd lose." He walked over to the table and inspected the food and drink. "You aren't planning on having coffee, now are you?"

"What's wrong with coffee?"

"In your condition? Just about everything." Sheppard shook his head. "Water would be better. You need to sleep."

Rodney pinched his aching eyes. "I didn't feel tired until I came here."

"I felt your exhaustion."

That got Sheppard a sharp look. Rodney felt a wave of guilt. //Sorry//

John went over to him and slipped an arm around his waist. Rodney sighed and wrapped his arms around the other man, revelling in the feeling of the warm body he had missed a lot lately.
A feathery kiss was bestowed on his lips, then Sheppard moved behind him, hands resting on the tight shoulders. His lover started to carefully knead the tense muscles and Rodney groaned. He leaned into the warmth, eyes sliding shut. The physicist started to sway slightly and the Colonel's grip tightened. Rodney had the feeling as if the ground beneath him was suddenly gone. Eyes snapped open and he held onto the chair as he nearly collapsed. Sleep deprivation, he realized.

"Whoa," Rodney murmured, trying to stop the world from tilting.

//You are dead on your feet// John muttered.

"I'm fine..."

McKay straightened, pushing away from the support, only to nearly fall. He gritted his teeth, furiously blinking his eyes.

"Right!" Sheppard snorted. "I know your 'fine'."

//Look who's talking!// Rodney shot back, briefly roused by the small argument. //You're the one who says he's fine even after he gets shot, stabbed, poisoned, bitten by a bug and whatnot!//

//That's different//
 

"Uh-huh...."

Sheppard gently pushed the other man to the bed and started to undress him. "It is. Now shut up."

"Hope you're not planning something for tonight," Rodney mumbled.

"All I'm planning, Dr. McKay, is for you to eat and to sleep. Eight hours straight. More, if you need it."

"I have a ship to fix."

"You have a team of very capable scientists who work in shifts on all the problems you threw at them. They can handle this for the next hours."

Sheppard pushed the food at him and Rodney took it with a scowl. He bit into the sandwich, his stomach rumbling with hunger.

//Rodney// John threatened. //Do you want me to call Elizabeth?//

//What? Reverting to threats? I'm not afraid of her!//

The Sandwich was almost devoured and the cold drink followed. He left the coffee where it was, shooting John a pointed look. Sheppard just smiled benignly.

//You aren't needed for now. If there is an emergency, they'll call, rest assured//

//Communications might not work//

"It will, Rodney. Now shoo! Go to bed. Sleep!"

"Mother-hen," McKay groused, no fire in his voice. He was too tired.

He fell gracelessly onto the mattress, his body feeling heavy and uncooperative. John helped him with his clothes, though the shirt and boxers stayed on.

"Stay with me?" he mumbled.

John smiled. "I thought you weren't up to anything," he teased.

"Ha-ha." Rodney forced heavy lids open. "Please? Want you here."

Sheppard's smile widened and he undressed as well, then crawled in. He kissed his exhausted lover, their tongues touching briefly.

Feeling safe, warm and content, Rodney let the world slip away and sleep claim him.

* * *

It had started to rain throughout the evening and by nightfall the rain was coming down in sheets. Chris stood at one of the observation windows and gazed out into the gray landscape around them. Rivulets of water ran down the window panes. He sipped at his coffee, lost in thought.

The presence of his lover had him turn his head and smile at Ezra. The other slid an arm around his waist and they kissed softly.

//They beat us by lengths in the development of their bond// Chris remarked.

Ezra nodded, arm still around the slender waist. //Yes. Maybe it's the attraction that existed prior to the bond. Maybe they're just generally different. We never had the problem with separation in the first year because we were on BP-379 and trapped. They came back and didn't understand what was happening. They tried to be apart and it all got worse. Then came a sexual relationship not much later. I think their closeness is the deciding factor//

Chris agreed. //It's amazing. To find this galaxy, discover that we have common ancestors, a race that seeded all kinds of worlds in different galaxies. We have an almost similar development, though we're slightly ahead of them when it comes to space travel//

//Because our ancestors were already further along and mixed with races they found in this new galaxy//

Larabee placed his mug on the table next to the window and drew Ezra closer as he leaned against the wall, still gazing at the rain.

"You think we'll get out of here? Back home?" he murmured.

"I don't know. We have the best possible help in my opinion."

Chris sighed and briefly closed his eyes. The strain of the past days was getting to him. Crashed on an alien world, outside their galaxy, and there was no idea yet how to get them back. The Stargates weren't an option. For one, the Chimera was too big. And then, even if they decided to leave the beloved ship here, there was still the matter of how to reach their home without a Stargate that existed there.

//We'll find a way// Ezra murmured.

//I hope so//

//And until then there is a Kiowata who needs our help. Sheppard has a long way to go//

Chris caught his lips in a kiss again and Ezra responded more this time.

Outside the rain was coming down harder, there was thunder, some lightning, and the winds had picked up. An all out miserable weather.

//Bed's more comfy// Ezra whispered seductively.

Chris chuckled, but he didn't protest.

* * *

Dr. Nathan Jackson was impressed by the level of technology in the medical labs. Beckett had given him the grand tour and the two men had easily fallen into a long discussion about various medical methods. Theirs weren't all too different.

"This is all I have on Kiowata and Borderlines," Nathan explained as they sat over a cup of coffee in what Carson called his office. "I've worked with Chris and Ezra for almost five years now and it's the most extensive research I've ever done."

Carson took the disk and checked it for compatibility with his system.

"Dr. McKay assured me this disk would run on your computers," Jackson added with a smile.

"It does," the other doctor replied.

There was a soft whirring and his screen lit up with the contents page. Jackson had been right. This was extensive and he would need some time to go through it.

"What are the basics I need to know?" Carson asked.

"Well, let's start with the Kiowata. They're intelligent beings, social, very protective of their mates, and unlike many herd animals, they are known to live with one mate only. Others are the lead stallion of a herd of mainly mares. It seems to depend on preference."

"I don't expect the Colonel to gather a herd," Carson remarked wryly.

"Neither do I. Colonel Sheppard isn't pure Kiowata. He's a human being who was turned into an animal and changed back. His instincts are those of a Kiowata when it comes to threat and danger. Chris has a very good sense of danger and he's protective. The Kiowata doesn't rule the human mind. He won't start displaying behavior patterns of a herd leader, the stallion, but he is a team leader, Dr. Beckett. The dominance factor is there. He's, to speak in terms of pack animals, the alpha. He'll protect what is his and he'll fight it, but the human mind of Colonel Sheppard won't be falling to the whim of the Kiowata. He won't just go primal."
Nathan smiled and Carson chuckled.

"Good to know."

"Right now he needs to create a balance between both and for the next months I expect both Dr. McKay and Colonel Sheppard to be very close, seeking each other out."

"They've always hung out around the other," Beckett supplied.

"Kiowata who have found a herd or a mate hate loneliness, so that's a huge motivator for him at the moment. When things are quieting down, he'll be back to his old self. As a Kiowata he has the requirements of any horse-like animal, though they are very tough and enduring. Chris had a colic while he and Ezra were alone for a year, but that was because of a dietary problem. He had been relying on one kind of food for too long.”

Beckett nodded. “So I don’t need to bring in a vet?” he asked, half joking, half serious.

Jackson chuckled. “No. I don’t know what animals you have here that can be compared to a Kiowata, but so far the Kiowata comes out with flying colors were health, strength and resilience is concerned.”

Beckett made a note to look up some things.

“Communication with a Kiowata is possible,” Nathan went on. “The Agency and the Handlers developed a kind of translator. The schematics are there. You can build your own."

Beckett nodded. This was a job for Rodney. "What about this bond and mind-link?"

"The bond is deeper than the mind-link. The mind connection allows them to send emotions and words. They will start experimenting with it and there are a multitude of variations. It's all in the file. The bond is more complex and that's what they're currently developing. It's keeping them in synch, in more ways than one. Chris once described Ezra as the missing half of his soul."

"Rodney and the Colonel are very different people."

"And still they were good friends before this happened. Still they developed feelings. And they survived three months together." Nathan smiled. "They fit each other, body and soul and mind. I can tell you what happened to Chris when he first turned back human. The connection between him and Ezra wasn't the result of a Kiowata meeting a human. Kiowata aren't natural empaths. When Chris told me Ezra was a Borderline, I came to the conclusion that the very genes that set Ezra apart from other humans had made him connect to Chris. Why exactly with him was a puzzle, but Chris's mind had accepted the offered connection and had integrated it into itself. Through the transformation from Kiowata back to human, Chris had taken the bond along, but it had weakened. It was starting to show in those first few days. Chris was more jumpy, irritable and he was nervous for no apparent reason."
 

"He's gone." Chris' voice was toneless as he tried to comprehend what he had just found out.

Ezra was gone. He had left the Gateway station. No good-bye, no explanation.

Does he need one? a small voice asked.

No, not really.

The pain of loss was raw in Chris’s soul and he felt like something important had been ripped from him. Buck looked at him with an almost guilty expression, but Larabee couldn't fault him. His friend had known that Ezra had left on horse-back, but since he had been caught up in Regulator matters, he had simply forgotten to alert Chris to the thief's absence. Wilmington had done his job as a liaison to the new law on this planet, all that had been expected of him.

It had taken Chris too long to realize that what he felt wasn't just the yearning to be back outside in the wilderness again, that the craving wasn't just the need to run and be free. He had singled out the point of the most intense sensation and found it to be the bond. He had thought it would be severed when he turned human, that it had been part of the Kiowata, but he had been wrong. Since then it had only been a matter of time till he had discovered that Ezra had disappeared.

Chris was ashamed to admit that he had given him little thought actually. He had been too relieved to be back, to be human again, though he had found out there were a few more side-effects that would linger. He had spent a lot of time with his team before he had been changed back, had been debriefed and had caught up on what had happened while he had actually been gone.

And I never lost a thought about Ezra.

For the first time in so many months, Chris had felt human again, and he had enjoyed it. It wasn't a crime, but he had so conveniently forgotten that there had been a vital part of him missing.

Vin raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"He left the station. He is not responding to the bond somehow." Chris felt like he was sinking as the full implications hit him.

Nathan had been all over him with scans and medical tests. The results had been astounding and frightening in one. The connection between him and Ezra wasn't the result of a Kiowata meeting a human. Kiowata weren't natural empaths. In Nathan's professional opinion, and because Chris had explained that Ezra was Borderline, the very genes that set Standish apart from other humans had made him connect to Chris. Why exactly with him was a puzzle, but Chris's mind had accepted the offered connection and had integrated it into itself. Through the transformation from Kiowata back to human, Chris had taken the bond along, but it had weakened. It was starting to show. Chris was more jumpy, irritable and he was nervous for no apparent reason.

"Ezra triggered you," Nathan had explained. "He gave you back humanity, most likely because he is a latent empath. The first time you met, he unconsciously set you free. I doubt he knows it. He stabilized you and you gave him a point of balance. Now that you are human again, the connection is in danger of unraveling." A serious expression had been in the dark eyes. "Chris, I'm not sure what it'll do to you. Your brain patterns changed significantly because of Ezra."

Chris didn't want to find out. He and Vin would look for Standish, even if they had to turn the planet upside down.

"How do you want to find him?" It was a reasonable question, but also one very hard to answer.

Chris had a faraway expression in his eyes. "The bond," he finally said.

Vin nodded, accepting the statement with his usual calm demeanor. "How well can you use it to pinpoint his position?"

"No clue. When it was just the two of us, out there, I had a pretty good idea where he was all the time. It was like a reassuring background hum and I could home in on it. Now..." Chris looked slightly helpless.

"From what you told me about him, he wouldn't leave civilization now that he found it," Vin mused out loud, "so he'll be in one of the towns. We could wait for him to get into trouble," he added with a grin. "That would get us to him faster."

Chris grimaced. "And it would most likely get him dead. He's a con and thief, Vin. We met while he was beating a hasty retreat from a bunch of people out for his blood."

"Point taken. So we search through the settlements?"

"Yep. It's the best lead we have."

"Might take a while. Travis won't be happy."

Larabee's eyes darkened. "Screw Travis! Ezra is a part of me and I'm not leaving without him!"

Vin smiled calmly, nodding. "I know." With that he walked over to the stables.

Chris frowned and then followed him. They would have to inform the others, get horses, food and a map. He would find Ezra, whatever it took and however long. He just would.

* * *

It had taken them nearly a week to get to this place, no thanks to the fluctuating bond. By the time they arrived in Edge, a small town at the very edge of the Glass Fields, Chris was feeling irritable to no end. Something was happening to the bond and it didn't feel very good. It was getting more unstable, as if one side was about to break completely, and he knew that those feelings accurately described the current situation. Ezra was running, hiding, trying to close the connection he had to Chris, and it was driving them both insane.

Vin had decided to keep an eye on things happening on the streets. Chris was glad he had come along, even though Larabee had protested that he would be able to find Ezra alone. The week on the lookout for the thief had shown him that if he had been alone, he would most likely be dead by now. His temper was short, his emotions were boiling, and the pressure in the back of his mind was increasing steadily.

No one gave much of a notice as Chris entered the local bar. People were drinking, laughing, playing games or bargaining with each other over goods. Chris felt the familiar twang of the bond, this time a tenfold from what he had had in the last few days. Ezra was here. In this very room. And he intended to find him, drag him out of here by force if necessary.
 

Beckett nodded. "Something similar happened to Colonel Sheppard."

"With the difference that Ezra had taken it into his own hands to decide what was good for Chris and had walled himself off – after the bond had been fully established. Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay are still developing that bond."

Beckett looked thoughtful. “Well, at least the lad didn’t try to run.”

Though in a way he had. Sheppard had tried to run from what it meant to be connected to someone else, needing and hating it in one. Beckett suspected that the denial didn’t come from the fact that it was Rodney. It was more or less a matter of independence and trying not to need something so badly, it hurt.

“Do they trust you, Dr. Beckett?" Nathan asked all of a sudden.

"I am their doctor. I hope they do."

"Trust is crucial. While they affirm this bond there will be changes for them. They need someone they can trust with this, someone who doesn't judge them."

"If you're talking about their sexual relationship," Carson said sharply, "I'm not prejudiced, nor is my staff."

"Good." Jackson gave him a calm smile. "We had trouble with one of our own people, but things have smoothed over. Let's just say that a Kiowata can react illogically."

Beckett accepted that.

They delved deeper into the physiology of the Kiowata, into the shape-changing process, into what Borderlines were in Jackson's home galaxy, and what the Ancient gene did. All in all it proved to be quite an intense conversation with a lot of information exchange.

* * *

While half of Atlantis’ engineering team was busy repairing the Chimera under the lead of Radek Zelenka, Rodney had bullied his scientists into searching for an explanation why the Chimera had been ripped out of her Jump and ended up galaxies from home. When he wasn’t on the Chimera, he was haunting the labs. Some people wondered when the man slept, others just tried not to be there when he was going over the meager results so far.

With the arrival of Ezra Standish Atlantis had fired up so many new systems and allowed access to new sensors, it was like a huge playing field that no one knew how to navigate as fast as Rodney wanted them to. Finally, after days of trial and error, something was finally found.
Rodney read over the data on the screen, face a mask of concentration. His lips became a fine line, pressed together, and his brows dropped down.

"It's an anomaly," he murmured.

"It opened right before the Chimera crashed," one of his team supplied. "It's been holding steady ever since, but it's fluctuating inside."

Rodney nodded, mind whirling. "We need to take a closer look," he finally decided and turned sharply, heading out of the lab and toward Weir's office.

* * *

"What kind of anomaly, Rodney?" Elizabeth asked.

"From the data we have of the Chimera's crash, and what Atlantis is still picking up, as well as our own knowledge of such phenomena, I'd say it's a wormhole without the visible event horizon we have from our Stargates," McKay answered. "The Chimera was inside a wormhole when she was suddenly thrown out and left to crash here. There was a tremendous force at work, entering a stable wormhole and ripping the ship out, without actually tearing it to pieces. Elizabeth, if this is a gateway into their galaxy, we have to take a closer look! It could be the answer as to what happened now and what happened in the past!"

She frowned. "The past?"

"The Ancients were part of the development of their societies. They never left Stargates. I believe they went there before the actual Stargates were developed!" Rodney's eyes were alight, his voice full of excitement. "The Chimera uses a derivation of the technology that later enabled the Ancients to use Stargates. The basic ideas are the same, but something happened and maybe they were cut off from here, from the others. I'm still trying to find references in the database, but that might take a while. We need to send a probe for now."

"You want to send a MALP?"

"Something like it."

"How dangerous is this open portal in space."

Rodney shrugged. "No more than any Stargate. It's unstable inside, but the edges seem to hold tight."

Elizabeth looked thoughtful. "How close can we get with a 'Jumper?"

"Close enough. Elizabeth, please! We can remote-launch the probe. We don't have to fly in to the edge for it."

"All right," she agreed. "We'll do it."

Rodney's face split into a wide smile.

*

The next hours were spent in preparation for the 'Jumper launch and Sheppard argued he would fly it. He was the best-suited pilot for the task. Rodney argued back in return that some missions could be left to other pilots, that the head of the military didn't need to be there, on the front line, but in the end Sheppard won.

Elizabeth had watched the argument and she knew there had been a lot of unheard cursing, yelling and snarking going on over the mind-link. It was still a mystery to her. She would have been the first to bet on the outcome of mind-linking Sheppard and McKay. She would have argued that they would probably drive the other insane, but nothing really bad had happened. A few difficulties in the beginning, which hadn’t been solely attributed to being linked, and after that the sometimes weird soundless arguments that could be followed by watching their expressions.

Weir smiled a little to herself. Yes, she would have to get used to this and she knew that one day others would find out as well. They couldn’t kept this a secret indefinitely. Hopefully Sheppard would stop blocking her efforts to make him tell his team one day.

* * *

When the probe entered the portal, a crowd of scientists was hunched over their stations, Rodney and Zelenka among them, watching every little blip. Data began to roll in almost immediately and voices rose, babbling, Rodney the loudest among them, yelling for order, for data, for just about everything.

"It's through!" Zelenka could be heard.

McKay was at his side in a moment, leaning over the Czech's shoulder, peering at the data.

"Location, people!" he snapped.

More people scrambled around and finally there was a read-out on the huge screen behind them. Rodney turned and studied it all, then barked more orders. Elizabeth just watched as the screen began to clear up more and more. The probe wasn't sending pictures, just bursts of data. It wouldn't last long, Rodney had told them. It was a short-lived affair and whatever they could get, they would.

"Yes!" Rodney suddenly exclaimed.

"Rodney?"

"We got it! It's the right area of the universe we've been looking for."

Elizabeth felt some of the tension leave her.

"I still have to go through everything the probe sent us while passing through the portal," Rodney went on, voice rising and talking faster. "There was an immense pressure on it and we have to recalculate the shield factors…"

He was starting to walk off, already tapping away on his portable.

"Zelenka!" he yelled.

The engineer rolled his eyes and hurried after his colleague.

* * *

Rodney knew he should have expected a reaction to happen, but not so soon and not so violently. For the past days he had been busy aboard the Chimera, working on the computers while Radek and his team had taken over the engine room. As much as they helped the Agency crew to make their ship fit for flying, they also used whatever information they could glean for their own use.

The main computer was up and more or less running. Sometimes it powered down or just crashed for no apparent reason, and Rodney was left to curse and mutter and undo what he had painstakingly put together to bridge two systems. But now things were looking up. Aside from his brief trip to Atlantis, there had been no further contact. He slept on the Chimera, catching a few hours here or there, and else he was doing what he could. It was as if they were rebuilding the core of the Chimera from the most basic components.

Sheppard had been back and forth between the crash site and Atlantis. He had spent time with Ezra, but only to talk, and Rodney had no idea what they had spoken about. His lover was stone-walling the mind-link and McKay had too much to do on his end to poke and prod. He had immersed himself in a technology that was remarkably similar to the Ancients', but with a twist.

JD had really been a fountain of information on Transspace flight and Rodney had his own theories how everything worked. When he wasn't either diving into the mainframe or listening to JD, he was trying to figure out how the Chimera had been ripped out of Transspace and into their galaxy.
Larabee and his crew were truly far away from home. The distance between their home and Atlantis was several times the distance from Atlantis to Earth. So he poured his remaining energy into beating the science team back home on Atlantis into figuring out what had caused this accident. Atlantis' long range scanners might not have picked up the Chimera before she had almost literally been on their doorstep, but maybe there had been an unregistered disturbance.

So with all that going on, John Sheppard had taken a backseat when it came to Rodney, and now Rodney was paying for his mistake. Larabee had told them how crucial closeness was, and they had been through it before, but things had just gotten out of hand – and John had been handed something intense and very personal to chew on.

When Rodney finally came up for air, he found his lover missing, the mind-link painfully stretched and aching, and it was like an alarm going off in McKay's mind.

"Shit," he whispered, feeling the headache more pronouncedly now.

It was time to go home.

*

He found him on one of the many balconies of Atlantis, away from the more crowded hallways and corridors, in a place where few people ever came. Sheppard stood at the railing, gazing out over the ocean.

//John?// Rodney announced his presence.

A visible shudder ran through the lean frame. The wind was tugging at Sheppard's vest and Rodney picked up the faint unease of the cold, the shivers that weren't just the emotional reaction to it all, and his own goose bumps told him that John was cold.

He gently wrapped his arms around the lean form, ready to let go and retreat should John indicate that he wasn't comfortable, but no such sign was given. He drew him close.

//Sorry. Didn't listen. I should have. Sorry//

He should have listened to the mind-link, taken care of his lover, and Rodney hadn't. He had been too immersed in the new toys, the new ship, the very idea of the Ancients going somewhere they hadn't left Stargates.

Another tremor went through Sheppard's body. Rodney got the gist of what was going through the other man's mind and he closed his eyes. So much was changing for them, had already changed, it was still not over. The soul bond scared John. It terrified Rodney, too.

He wanted so much to give in to his own fear and terror and flight reaction, but he had to be in control since Sheppard wasn't. It wasn't for him to freak out first any more. Not when it concerned them, the mind-link. He had been the one in charge whenever it had come to emotional breakdowns and he had always had his own later on. John was susceptible to the Kiowata's instinctual nature and though he had regained control of himself and his emotions, there were moments, like this one, when things just collapsed around him.

Moments that weren't in the military handbook. Moments that couldn't be solved by falling back on tactics and what Sheppard had been trained to do.

Rodney buried his face against one shoulder, fighting his own reaction. He was terrified of what he had been told about their connection, about what this meant, about being soul-bonded. He loved John and he liked the mind-link, but a soul bond was so much deeper, so much stronger, held so many implications.

//I won't leave// he sent.

Because it was a fear so deep inside the Kiowata, it dictated Sheppard's actions.

//I love you//

//This isn't… about love. This is… it's like an imperative. We can't… we can't…// John broke off, a violent shudder making him clench his hands tightly around the railing.

They were connected so deeply, so thoroughly, one wouldn't survive the death of the other. They were in synch now, in so many ways, and while part of Rodney was completely and utterly thrilled that this was the Ancient gene's doing, another was horrified.

//We will// he soothed.

They would survive this, too. They would get through this. All the horrifying scenarios of violent death aside, he believed in their future. It was all he could do, aside from losing it and collapsing like a babbling idiot.

//I'm here, John. I'll always be here//

//Not if we can't stand each other any more//

He chuckled weakly. //Now why wouldn't we?//

John turned and gazed at him, those hazel eyes wide and filled with something that wasn't fear, that wasn't horror -- it was this need. A need the Kiowata had had on the planet, a need Sheppard had of Rodney.

"You think we're that compatible? For life?"

"According to Standish, the bond doesn't choose logically. It's… well, we should be a match. It's a bit of a mystic mumbo-jumbo and I'm getting their files on this machine of theirs, comparing it to what I have from ours on M7B-377. I should be able to determine, with the Ancient database's help, what molecular…"

His mouth was captured in a hard, almost bruising kiss and Rodney couldn't but shut up as Sheppard's body pushed against him. He stumbled back, colliding with the wall, and John continued to invade and plunder his mouth. There was no finesse, just raw need and hunger. Rodney grabbed fistfuls of shirt and vest, unable to think clearly. Shove him away or draw him closer? End this or let it go on?

His brain shut down and his instinct took over, his lust and rivaled need, and he pulled the other man in even closer, fighting for dominance, for control. This time John didn't just give in. He fought back. Hands fumbled with buttons and zippers and groped and fondled. Rodney groaned deeply as John's hands scraped over his rising arousal.

He couldn't let this get out of hand. He knew where John was going, what he wanted, but not here. He wouldn't give in to the demand for a quick, hard fuck. He was aware that relief was needed, fast and hard, so he finally did manage to take control and he pushed his trembling lover against the wall. The next kiss was harsh, with a gentler nip at the end, and blue eyes bore into hazel.

Then Rodney sank to his knees, and before John could react, his mouth sucked in the rising erection. Sheppard gave a cry of pleasure, of need, and Rodney set a truly demanding pace. He sucked and nibbled and used his teeth, tongue and hands to bring his lover to the brink. Hands clawed at his shoulder, pushing or pulling, undecided on whether to draw away or go deeper. One of Rodney's hands was keeping the jerking hips under control, the other used every trick in the book.
John came violently, screaming his release. His knees gave way almost immediately and Rodney pulled him close, one hand still fondling the twitching erection until he felt John's hunger subside.

Their lips met again, gentler this time, and Sheppard curled closer, seeking comfort, shelter, and warmth. Rodney felt his own tremors increase, still not out of his system, and they just huddled together on the balcony, seeking and giving comfort in one.
 

"Tell me what you got," John murmured.

They had made it back to their quarters, Rodney's quarters, and now lay fully clothed on the bed. Sheppard had curled up close, seeking full body contact, his head resting on Rodney's broad chest. Rodney's hand played with the unruly, messy strands.

"So far? Little bits and pieces," McKay answered, losing himself in the science. "There was a disturbance throughout their Transspace jump. Something interfered with their wormhole, ripped them out and got them here. JD and I analyzed the data. It looks like the signature of a black hole. It opened up their wormhole tunnel and flung them halfway across space to here. I have a team on it."

John grunted an affirmative, that he had understood.

"Their ship is almost back to normal. Zelenka's guys really outdid themselves. Don't tell them, though. They're too full of themselves anyway," Rodney grumbled. "But we got a good look at their engines and the Transspace drive. It's a derivation of the Gate, actually. They punch their own hole into space, establish a wormhole, and off they go. It has limited capabilities, so they have to use what they call Jump Points. And they can't do it from every point in space either, like with hyperdrive. It's complicated."

"I'm not an idiot," John murmured.

Rodney caressed the dark head. "No, you're not," he confirmed softly. "You're one of the smartest men outside the elite science team we have here I ever met."

Hazel eyes looked up at him and Rodney smiled. It was a tender smile, loving, without sneers or the trademark sarcasm.

//Thanks//

//You are, John Sheppard. You're good//

It got him a contended sigh, most likely because he was running his fingers over John's neck in a loving caress.

"From what I can gather of their history, the Ancients were there way before they came to Earth. Before the Wraith even got here. I think I can dig into the database here, see if we can find anything on their earlier ventures into other galaxies. It might explain some things."

"Like the machine?" Sheppard asked quietly.

"Yes, like the machine. The one on M7B-377 was really old. Not millions of years, but older than ten thousand years. Remarkably preserved, but old." Rodney looked at his lover, saw the lingering lines of stress. "You talked to Ezra, hm?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"Tomorrow," John avoided the answer. //I want you along. Please?//

Rodney frowned. //John?//

//Please?//

He sighed. "Okay," he whispered. "I'll be there."

Rodney listened and watched as Sheppard started to drift off, the last few days taking their toll. He would send Zelenka out alone tomorrow to finish the repairs, while he would accompany John. And then he had to check in on his team. Larabee and his crew had to get back to their own world, and whatever had sent them here, Rodney was convinced he could use it to send them home.

* * *

John had been rather monosyllabic, even over the mind-link, and when they met up with Chris and Ezra, his tension grew. Rodney was wondering what this was all about. Sheppard had talked to the other man once or twice, as far as Rodney knew, but this was different.

"You said I can shape-change at will," John now said, each word almost clipped. "How?"

Standish looked around and shook his head. "We should go somewhere more secluded. The mainland would be preferable, but a remote area within this city would do, too."

Sheppard briefly glanced at Rodney, who shot him a frown, then nodded. "We'll keep it here. Follow me."

*

The Colonel had chosen one of those areas that had been hit by the storm almost two years ago, an area that hadn't been in use before and probably never would be. He looked at their two visitors, the two men who had the same bond as they were developing.

"The Kiowata is the instinct in you, the itch you describe," Ezra told them without John asking another question. "Being trapped in human form in an artificial world makes your Kiowata side want to come out and, for lack of a better word, play." He smiled at John's expression of shock. "You can suppress it, but after a while it gets too overpowering. Give yourself this freedom. Run, Colonel. Let it out."

"You said I can do it at will."

"Yes. Like Chris and I can."

Rodney regarded him curiously. "How?" he only wanted to know, eyes on Ezra and the blond Commander.

"It's a principle of mind over matter. Your mind controls the trigger inside you, the part responsible for the change. The trigger, once found, is easy to locate again, but the tricky part is not to change unconsciously. Changes can happen because of emotions or thoughts, and if they happen when you least expect them, it can be embarrassing."

//Elizabeth would be thrilled to have an alien horse at her briefings//

//Shut up, Rodney//

"You, Colonel, need to first accept that there is this ability inside you, that it's an itch that truly needs scratching. You can't lose control of your instinct like you did the first time because now you know it's going to happen. Don't fear it."

John gritted his teeth and felt Rodney's reassuring touch.

//And I'm here, John. I've got you.//

From the expression in Standish's eyes he knew what McKay had said and agreed with it. "Your partner is important," Ezra said out loud. "He is your life-line, your anchor. I trusted Chris with my sanity before, letting the Kiowata take over in a dangerous situation, and he held me, kept me from sliding away."

Sheppard suppressed a shiver, then squared his shoulders. "How do I do it?" he finally asked. "How do I locate the trigger?"

"Do you remember what it was like to be Kiowata?"

He smiled wryly. "Yes."

"Good. First of all, before you start to think about changing, you need to get naked."

Rodney smiled and Sheppard grumbled as he started to strip off his uniform. He was glad they were in a very deserted area and no one could stumble over them.

//Don't worry. Atlantis won't reveal our presence here//

//What?//

//You just concentrate on changing. Let me do the rest//

"Now think of that feeling, what it was like and..."

It was a blur. For John, there was a sudden change for his point of view, his center of balance was slightly off and he almost stumbled, and a snort escaped him. A horse sound.

//John?//

He got a little worry from Rodney, mixed with admiration for the sleek, dark brown beauty he had become.

//Uh… wow…//

So easy. So totally easy.

//And how do I get back?//

Rodney translated and Ezra smiled at the huge equine. "The same way, but that's a bit more difficult. You have to reverse what you just did."

//I have no clue what I just did!//

//You changed// Rodney supplied unhelpfully.

Sheppard glared at him, ears lying flat on his head.

Ezra chuckled. "Try to think human again. Imagine yourself as Colonel John Sheppard."

//And what am I right now?// came the sharp reply. //A horse?//

//Actually... yes...// Rodney told him, smirking. //A Kiowata. You look like a race horse, John, and you're beautiful//

"Think human," Ezra repeated.

Nothing happened. John pranced angrily, shaking his head.

"Keep calm, don't force it. Relax and let it happen like you did before."

//I can't!//

But there was a sudden rush again and before he could regain his suddenly once-again changed balance, he fell to his knees.

//John!//

Rodney was at his side, touching him, anchoring him, and Sheppard drew a deep breath. He gritted his teeth and pushed to his feet, swaying. He was stark naked, but he didn't care. Burning hazel eyes met calm green ones.

"Well done, Colonel. This is how it works. It will get smoother in time. You just have to listen to your instincts and you need to remain in control."

John let his mind fall back to what he had already done once, and from Rodney's startled exclamation and his own senses, he had made another shift. Nostrils blew open wide and he gave his lover a smug smile over the link.

Rodney sat on the ground, looking shocked and angry in one. //Warn a guy, will you?!//

//Sorry//

//You're not!// came the outraged response.

Sheppard approached and lowered his head, brushing velvety lips against Rodney's cheek. //I am. Sorry//

McKay gently caressed the soft snout. //Yeah, well, don't do it again// he grumbled and got to his feet.

Sheppard once again initiated the change back and found it much easier, barely unbalancing. He grinned at his lover, who ran his eyes over the nude form before him.

"You have exhibitionistic tendencies, Colonel," Rodney remarked dryly.

//And you don't really mind at all//

McKay snorted and grabbed John's pants, holding them out to him. "Get decent."

Ezra and Chris had stood back and only approached when John was semi-dressed.

"You're doing well. Get to the mainland, run, enjoy the Kiowata's freedom," Standish advised. "It helps with the itch. The itch is a sure sign that you need to let the Kiowata out for a while. You can't trap it forever in human form. And don't worry, the itch isn't an imperative. It's just a first sign that you should unwind."

Sheppard nodded, pulling the shirt over his head. "Wouldn't want to change abruptly and against my will just because of the Kiowata," he muttered.

"You're the one in control, Colonel," Larabee said seriously. "Train it. It's like a weapon and you have the Kiowata's instincts and speed at your disposal. Nathan gave everything he has to you Dr. Beckett. He'll know all about the Kiowata that we do. Trust him."

"I do."

"Good." Larabee was silent for a moment, then added, "I'd advise to tell your team one day. I know it's not easy and my world is more acquainted with the shape-changers, but you have a tactical advantage, as well as a personal disadvantage. The link is strong and it is vulnerable. Should either of you get hurt, the other will feel it."

Rodney clenched his hands into fists, his presence more pronounced now. Sheppard just kept his attention on the blond in the black uniform.

"I understand," he simply said.

And he didn't want to talk any more about it. Larabee accepted it with a brisk nod.
 
 

They returned to the more inhabited areas and Sheppard went to a military briefing. Rodney decided that his presence was needed in the labs, to scare everyone into working, and their two visitors flew over to the main land once more.

* * *

It was after almost a week that Rodney decided that they could risk firing up not only the main computer, but also bring the peripheral systems on line. Some of those systems had been the source of many sleepless nights, curses and threats. While the Chimera was based on Ancient technology, the development had been different between both galaxies. The Chimera shorted or fried systems that worked just fine in Atlantis. Then there were components that didn't do anything at all and should have, or relayed too little power.

Zelenka had had his own fill of problems and when they had finally reassembled the engines, they were more of Ancient design than the original had ever been.

"Okay, reboot," Rodney ordered, a frown of concentration on his forehead as he watched the read-out. "Get systems on line like a flight check."

"Gotcha. Starting with main computer," JD announced.

Rodney never looked away from the screen as each system came on line, as each powered up. The bridge was lighting up, a soft hum permeating the air, and the emergency lighting was replaced by normal one.

"Radek, get ready for an engine test run," McKay informed the engineer.

"We're ready," was the reply.

Rodney gestured at JD to start the engines.

It didn't take more than five seconds for a yell over the intercom that told them to stop, but it was enough.

Rodney closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

Damn.

"Damage report."

"We just blew the Jump engine," Zelenka answered. "

"Completely?"

"More or less. Josiah thinks it's just the outer unit. We'll get back to you."

Rodney switched off the com and glanced at JD. The younger man looked a bit dejected.

"Damn," Dunne muttered.

"Well said. We lost a few of the control systems. I'll get back to them. You can power her down.  The Chimera's not going anywhere."

* * *

They had returned to Atlantis after a few grueling hours of work and Rodney was very much ready to just close the door behind him and sleep for a week. Well, not really sleep. Doze a little and then get back to work. The Chimera was a ship he couldn't get enough of. But there was someone who needed him, something he had never had before in his life, and this new life was something he actually liked a lot. It hadn't really taken that much getting used to. John Sheppard was a welcome distraction.

Rodney had taken care to keep the link open, to have Sheppard close, as not to trigger another bout of freaking out and need. So when he and his team had left the 'Jumper and gone their way, most of them to bed, he had headed for Sheppard's quarters.

Rodney's hand wandered over the lean sides of his lover, enjoying the simple contact as he slowly and languidly kissed him. John responded beautifully, opening up to his ministrations, making soft noises of encouragement, and Rodney was reminded of Larabee's words.

Kiowata are sensual beings. They like touching. Reaffirmation of the connection between you two is essential.

They had done things right, with a few bad exceptions. Giving John the necessary physical closeness that didn't always mean sex, touching him, holding him, had calmed the leftover wild instinct considerably. Larabee had been a Kiowata for close to a year and in that time he had been with Ezra non-stop. Sheppard had had to work with three months. And he had pushed Rodney away, still needing him, but not wanting to need him.

John pulled him closer, his kisses hungrier, and Rodney drew back, soothing the eager nips and bites, taking control. He slid his hands under the black, long-sleeved shirt. He loved how it hugged his lover's figure, showed the slender form. He couldn't say that of himself. He wasn't lean and athletic.

//Don't care// Sheppard whispered in his mind.

//I do//

//You're looking good. You're in shape. Off world missions do that to you// Another playful bite that had Rodney push his mischievously smiling lover back.

Hazel eyes sparkled warmly and Rodney kissed him tenderly, enjoying the loving response. One hand stroked over naked skin, drawing a moan of appreciation. This was about recharging John's batteries, calm the Kiowata, and reassure Rodney himself. Sex was optional, but those options looked pretty good right now. Having John like this, pushed up against a wall, able to access his neck and throat and lips and all, it was intoxicating and it was quite pleasing. Hearing him make those soft noises was a bonus.

//Rodney// Sheppard whispered, //I want more. Please…//

//You don't have to beg me for sex, though it does have a certain kinkiness//

John chuckled and wrapped his arms around Rodney, pulling him very close. "I do have fantasies," he whispered into one ear.

Rodney screwed his eyes shut. //Don't say that!//

John slid a hand under his shirt, running it over the smooth skin he found there. Rodney resumed kissing his lover, one hand buried in the dark hair, cupping the unruly head. The other arm was wrapped around the lean waist. Sheppard made a soft sound of pleasure when Rodney opened the link and let his own sensations wash over.

"I think we should move this somewhere else," Sheppard groaned. "Please?"

Rodney smiled, looking into the pleasure-filled hazel eyes. "This wasn't about sex, Colonel."

"I don't care!" //God, Rodney, I need you//

//Sexually starved much?//

//McKay!//

"All right, all right. I can take a hint. Genius, you know. But I don't want this to be a quick and dirty handjob."

"Me neither. I want to touch you, too. Can I?"

"You sound like a little kid," Rodney groaned.

"Puleaze?"

McKay pulled his lover over to the bed, Sheppard following eagerly.

* * *

Ezra had taken the time to get ‘acquainted’ with Atlantis. It was a fascinating city, though damaged and no longer as it had been ten thousand years before. Still, its innate beauty was there. He could see it and he could feel it. Chris had teased him that he was looking at this place like it was another possible target for his ‘skills’, but Ezra was far from wanting to steal anything.

He wanted to see and to feel Atlantis. He had never had this sensation of coming home, of belonging.

//It’s weird// Chris muttered.

His partner and lover sounded wary. He had become protective of Ezra in a way that had nothing to do with the Kiowata or being an Agent. It was this need to be close to Standish whenever they came here, as if Atlantis itself was a threat.

It wasn’t.

It was just… calm and peaceful and… there. Simply there.

//It’s not dangerous, Chris// Ezra said, repeating what he had told Larabee before. //According to Dr. Beckett it’s the gene reacting to the fact that Atlantis was built by our ancestors//

//I still don’t like it//

Of course not. Ezra turned to him and sent a hug, wrapping his presence around Chris in a tight hold, reassuring him he was fine and this was really okay.

"Mr. Standish?"

Ezra turned and raised his brows at McKay, who was walking toward him. "Yes?"

"I need your help. Come with me."

Ezra's brows rose even more as Rodney just turned and stalked off, clearly expecting him to follow. So he did, mystified. He trusted the man not to lead him into a trap. Not that he expected one anyway. These people had been more than simply helpful. McKay's men spent sleepless nights aboard the Chimera.

//Ezra?// Chris inquired.

//Everything's okay, Chris. Dr. McKay just asked me to come along – in his rather charming way//

Chris sent a chuckle. They had all experienced the man to one degree or another, and if JD wasn't speechless from the man's genius way of picking up their technology on the run, he was complaining about the lack of manners or restraint McKay showed now and then. It took some getting used to the physicist, but Ezra had seen on more than one occasion what was underneath all that bluster. And the bond with Sheppard told him more than others, too.

McKay stopped in front of what looked like a computer terminal. He turned to look at Ezra once more.

"You have the gene. Stronger than anyone on this expedition. Because of it Atlantis seems to recognize you as one of the founders of this city and I believe you have access to the more complex data bases and security installations."

Ezra blinked. "But I don't know anything about the codes and how to…"

Rodney stopped him with a wave of his hand. "I do. You just need to do what I tell you."

"Oh?" He knew he looked and sounded doubtful.

"Touch the console," Rodney challenged.

Ezra hesitated, then reached out and touched the computer console. It lit up and there seemed to be a strange hum at the edge of his perception.

"See!" McKay triumphed.

Everything seemed to be brighter around him, like a cocoon of warmth that welcomed Ezra into its fold. He blinked, feeling strange. Relaxed, actually. The empath was aware of a kind of presence, something recently woken, and it greeted him like he belonged here. Standish wasn't more than latent, able to use emotions he picked up to follow his trade. He had been a thief and con before he had run into Chris and now, working for the Agency, he still did undercover scams. Only more legal ones, catching the bad guys.

"Is Atlantis an artificial intelligence?" he asked as he studied the controls.

The symbols looked familiar. Where they came from, this language was still used, though it was a bit… ancient. He almost laughed at that. It was spoken, it was written, but ever since a standard language had developed over the thousands of years of intermingled cultures, it was nothing more than a local dialect, native to their home world and a few colonies.

Still, it was weird to see it here, to find out it was the language of an ancient culture that had seeded worlds throughout galaxies.

"Uhm," Rodney made, looking a bit perplexed. "Atlantis as such isn't really a sentient life form. It's a city, with computers and programs…"

"It feels… alive."

Rodney seemed flustered, but he quickly got it back under control. "I need you to find me whatever you can on possible experiments the Ancients performed before the Stargates were built."

"How?" Ezra asked.

Rodney shuffled closer with his chair and his fingers flew over the screen pointing out areas as he spoke and explained. Ezra followed the man's lead, fascinated by how easily he adapted to the system. The print on the screen was readable, though sometimes hard to understand due to the age of the language and his own background. Ezra hadn't been raised learning the old languages, but he had taught them to himself. Some worlds still used them for their databases, and as a thief it always paid to know your languages.

Like now.

But today he wasn't stealing, he was delving into a past he had never been aware of.

* * *

The database proved to be a bottomless fountain of information. Rodney was so excited, Sheppard was afraid he would have a heart attack. McKay was high as a kite on adrenaline and he was bouncing all over the place, at least through the mind-link. Ezra seemed to be the key to Atlantis in a way no one had ever been able to even imagine. The City accepted him like a master key and whatever he wanted to open, it was easily on display.

Rodney directed their visitor on where to store whatever he found. There was biological data, geography of the planet, maps and star charts, blue prints of all kinds of doohickeys and gadgets, and more.

//Do I have to be jealous now?// John asked.

Sheppard had long since retired to his quarters, but the connection was open and he was listening in.

//You're still top dog among us common folk// Rodney told him. //It's just that Ezra seems to be pure-blood Ancient material in comparison//

//I'm jealous//

McKay turned to the other presence and enveloped John in a gentle hug. //Don't be. He'll be gone one day and then you have no one to fear// he teased.

John sent a kiss, adding that he missed Rodney, but he understood what kept the physicist from joining him.

"He's feeling lonely?"

Standish's voice interrupted him and Rodney started almost guiltily. Ezra smiled.

"I know about mind-links, Dr. McKay. I told you. I know how it feels to be separated."

"Uhm, yeah, well…" Rodney shifted a little, feeling uncomfortable.

"It's something that will get less intense. And you'll get used to it."

"I'm used to the mind link," the physicist answered quietly, blue eyes serious. "And I like what we have, what we share."

"Good. He does need you, whatever he tells you. The tough guy act only masks the Kiowata's need."

Rodney snorted. "Believe me, I know it."

Ezra smirked. "Chris is military, through and through. He is an Agent, independent, tough, and proud. Needing me was hard for him to accept. Like it was hard for me to accept I was bound to him."

Rodney had the feeling that there was something Standish didn't tell him and he didn't pry. In a way he understood the feelings. Being bound to Sheppard on such an intimate level was… invasive. John was aware of him, and while he couldn't read his thoughts, he could be a presence in his mind.

"Things will get easier for you," Ezra added. "Separation won't be such a drain on either of you. Tell me, if Colonel Sheppard leaves through the Stargate, can you feel it negatively?"

"Uhm, so far there hasn't been a, well, real occasion."

Rodney remembered the five days spent with walls between them, in the beginning of their relationship, after their return from M7B-377. Because of the shields, neither had suffered because of Gate travel, but they had suffered because of a separation they had created themselves.

"Then try not to let it happen for now," Ezra advised. "Go with him. Otherwise it might be painful."

Rodney winced. "How painful?"

"I can only tell from my own experience. I tried cut the new connection between Chris and me once, and it was hell."
 

At this time of the day, the bar was almost empty, except for the town's regular drunks, and Ezra Standish. The thief took no notice of the men around him, except to size them up, categorize them, and discard them as no immediate danger to his person. The town he had sought refuge in was tiny, consisting of little more than a boarding house, a bar, some stores, and a hotel with a restaurant. He didn't mind the filthy appearance of it, the ever-present dust and backwater atmosphere. It was a place to lay low, to hide, to spend a few hours gambling, wiling away the day. It also fit his melancholic mood.

Ezra knew he was drunk. Not dead drunk, but enough to ignore the place in his mind where the bond was screaming at him. Enough to ignore the black hole that was just waiting for him to stumble and fall. Half a bottle of the local rotgut had already found its way down into his empty stomach and he was planning to introduce the rest to his system as well. It would most likely knock him out, but that would at least give him a few hours of peace. The hangover would be hell, but even that was preferable to the constant ache. He had blown it, screwed up, made mistakes. He should have left this hell hole of a planet, but he hadn't. He should have fled, but he had only stumbled and fallen. Now he sat in a dusty bar, drinking himself to oblivion, and he knew things would only get worse soon. If he wasn't such a coward, he would have accepted the ultimate solution to his problems.

The bond seemed to scream louder, even through the alcoholic daze, and he forced it back out of his consciousness. It was getting increasingly more difficult to do so with every day. He prayed Chris didn't have the same problems, that the man was free, off the planet, with his friends. Looking into the mirror over the bar, Ezra caught his reflection and winced away at the man who looked back. He grabbed the bottle and quickly drank some more, the liquid burning in his throat. Slipping off the stool, he unsteadily went over to the table farthest away from the bar and the mirror.

A new arrival caught his attention. The man was tall, slender, with blond hair and intense dark eyes. He was dressed in black, wearing a long coat covered in the ever-present dust of the wilderness outside. The stranger looked around the room, apparently searching for someone.

Handler? Ezra thought fuzzily. Law?

There was a powerful aura around him, demanding his attention. Ezra shrunk back deeper into the shadows. He knew he was still a criminal; no amount of time spent alongside Chris, trying to right the wrong, be a hero, could change that. They had kicked off the small stone that had turned into an avalanche, but that didn't change Ezra. It didn't make him any less guilty of his past crimes than before. He was a thief, a cheat, a con man, and he would do it again in a heart beat to earn money and live the good life.

Except that now he heard echoes of Chris Larabee in his mind, telling him he could do better. Curse the man. Curse the bond. But Ezra couldn't take his eyes off the blond man, feeling something inside of him shiver. Shock coursed through him. What was going on here? Was he already losing it?

But the yearning grew, the bond reacting painfully to the presence. It was time to get out of this establishment, hide in his room or the local livery, and then ride on. The black dressed man slowly crossed the floor of the bar room. Suddenly his head whipped around and he stared straight at Ezra. Standish shrunk back, he gaze penetrating the layers of alcohol for one clear moment and he felt the pain threaten to suffocate him. The intense eyes seemed to burn into his mind, the high-strung feeling increasing. The man walked over to his table, gazing at Ezra, then his eyes flickered over the by now almost empty bottle.

"Trying to kill yourself?"

What is it to you? Ezra thought blearily, trying to tear his eyes away from the darker ones. It was increasingly hard to hear his own thoughts over the noise in the back of his mind.

The man picked up the bottle, studied the label, then took a swig. He grimaced.

"Y're payin' fo' that," Ezra managed, voice slurred. He was more inebriated that he had thought.

"As will you, Ezra. This stuff tastes terrible."

How did he know his name?

The pressure behind his eyes multiplied. Shit, the alcohol was really getting to him.

"Leave me alone!" he snarled, pushing back his chair. Getting to his feet was difficult. He staggered past the blond and headed for the door.

//Ezra//

One word. The bond sang in response to the mind-to-mind communication and Ezra felt almost dizzy. He had missed the presence; dearly. The whispers multiplied, but he violently shoved them into the box he had kept locked ever since he had returned to the Gateway station, ever since he had left Chris to his friends.

Inside him, everything was in turmoil. His mind was screaming at him to get away, that staying would be a bad idea. But his soul...

Ezra fled out of the bar, but didn't get very far. The alcohol in his blood hit him full force and he fell against the wall, nauseous

//Ezra//

The voice again. So familiar it made him sob with need, but also the source of his pain.

"Leave me alone!" he demanded, pure panic rising up inside him. He found it suddenly hard to breathe as all those sensations washed over his body.

The blond man had followed him outside. Dark eyes gazed at him. Familiar. So familiar. Ezra had never known Chris's human look, only the Kiowata. Now he saw him for the first time and recognition hit him between the eyes. Taller than him, older by maybe ten years, not as compact as Standish's frame. There were lines in the sunburned face that spoke of pain and need, the eyes burning with something Ezra wanted himself, and he felt his own response. It cut deep into his already torn soul.

Chris approached the agitated thief and he stumbled back, almost as if fearing the other. Ezra shook in anger at Larabee's stubbornness and let the alcohol guide his actions. Their eyes met and emotions sparked wildly.

“Do you know what I went through because of you?” he spat. “Do you even realize what you did to me?”

“Ezra….”

Open fury crossed the pale features.

“I gave you everything! Everything! I have no idea why, but…. I nearly starved because of you! I was threatened, attacked and beaten! I suffered blinding headaches because you came down with a colic! I had to endure your temper tantrums, your high and mighty attitude! Your arrogance! You might think it was hard to have only me to talk to, but I had you in my head, Larabee! I still have!” The last words were uttered in near-hysteria. “Why don’t you go back to your world, Commander? Why don’t you finally leave me alone?”

“Ezra, I can’t….” Chris said softly.

“The hell you can! Get on your ship, get out of my life!”

“Not that easy.”

“Easy?” He laughed maniacally. “It is easy. Just leave! Go away!” Ezra was almost blind with rage. He took a swing at the taller man, which, though surprising Chris, went rather wide. The blond caught the fist easily, strong fingers curling around it. "Go away," Ezra repeated pleadingly. “I don’t want this. I’m not different. Please… go….”

//No// Chris answered, holding the desperate gaze. “You don’t know why you almost died for me, I don’t know why I can’t leave you here.” //You might not want it, but you have it, Ez//

Ezra struggled feebly. Darkness crept at the edge of his vision and his mind was going into a fast decline of terror and abject misery.

//Fool// he whispered, then his eyes rolled up in his head and he collapsed. Chris caught him easily.

* * *

He woke to a tremendous headache. His tongue felt like cotton wool, and if it had grown in size. Pain pulsed behind his eyes, soon joined by the sickness spreading from his stomach. Fragments of memories came back. Getting dead drunk in a bar. Ezra groaned and rolled onto his side, his stomach heaving. He clenched his teeth, refusing to give in to the need to throw up. It was undignifying.

Something wonderfully cold was placed into his neck, spreading through his cramped muscles, and he gave a little sigh. A hand started to massage his shoulders, loosening tight coils. He tried to attach a name to the gentle touch, but failed.

A faint hum in the back of his mind announced the reawakening bond as it fought through the alcoholic haze. And with it, the presence close to him grew familiar. Ezra's eyes snapped open and he immediately shut them again. The light lancing through his eyes was extremely painful. The hands rubbed a soothing pattern on his back.

"Go away," he moaned weakly. "The bond is no more. Leave!"

//Liar// Chris retorted.

Ezra shivered at the mind-touch. Why did Larabee have to do this? It was like a nameless terror waiting for him to falter, it was his worst nightmare. Ever since a childhood experience had confirmed that he was Borderline, ever since he had known he had defective genes, he had been afraid of the developing powers. Yes, they had helped him. They made him such a good con, but in the end, when all was stripped away, they were nothing but trouble. He had successfully pushed it all away while he and Chris had been together, trying to find a way off this world. He had hoped, prayed, that the bond would die with Chris’s transformation back into a human.

"Chris.... please... don’t."

"Why did you run?"

It was the first time he consciously heard Chris's human voice. It was a dark, smooth, with a few rough edges. The bond sang softly, pushing Ezra into turning his head. He gazed at the dark-clad man.

"I didn't," he mumbled.

"You didn't say good-bye. You just left."

Standish swallowed. Chris's hands never ceased their gentle massage. Each movement eradicated more and more of his defenses, the walls he had so desperately sought to rebuild.

//The bond didn't break. We still have it. I can feel it, right now. It's painful// Larabee murmured.

Ezra evaded the dark eyes, trying to gather his defenses back around him. "It will break with time and distance."

//I don't think so. It will destroy us if we try. It will kill us in the end. I want to live, Ezra. I want you to live. We have to heal the bond. We can't run from it//

Standish looked up, desperation on his features. "How... how can you accept this.... abhorring link? You! You should be freaked beyond words! Running from it!"

"Maybe I should, yes," Chris conceded. "But it's not abhorring, Ezra. I can accept it as it is. Took me a while, granted, but I had to work with it because the link was the only way for me to communicate. I accepted you as the receiving end."

Ezra turned away again, but Chris's hands stayed on his shoulders.

"I lived with you in my mind for months, Ezra. I was freaked, yes. Completely. But," Chris searched for words, "it started to feel right, like you were a missing part I had just found."

Ezra clawed for some sanity. The daze he was in was cut by the shrill demands of the bond, which he was trying to ignore. The alcohol couldn't numb it anymore. What had happened to him... to them? Why did he feel so lost and alone in a dark and threatening world?

"I'm Borderline," he whispered miserably. "I'm not a missing part... I'm a superfluous one."

//No, you're not// Chris insisted, voice suddenly harsh. //And you're not alone any more//

"What?" he whispered.

"Nathan said I changed throughout the whole experience. My molecular make-up is different. He thinks I retained some of the Kiowata abilities. It's one of the side-effects. I might even be able to shift, just like you." Chris shrugged. "I haven't really tried it yet, but the knowledge is there. The feeling of something else lurking in me...."

"You can't mean to stay like this!" Ezra protested.

"Why not?"

Ezra sought for words. "It's not right," he finally said weakly.

Chris chuckled. "Right or not, it's of little difference." He leaned closer, fixing the smaller man with his intense gaze. "Will you come with me?"

There was a sharp intake of breath. Ezra stared at him. "You can't be serious, Larabee!" he finally snapped. "Off this planet I'm.... I'm.... nothing but a petty thief! A criminal! The very people you hunt down!" His voice rose to almost hysterical level.

"Ezra," Chris silenced him. "We need each other."

Standish violently shook his head and regretted it immediately as the headache roared back. He clenched his teeth against the pain and nausea, concentrating on the man close by. "No! I need to get off this rock, you need to get back to your Agency. That's all we need."

Larabee sighed. "I wish it was that simple."

Ezra thought furiously. He wanted to get off this hell hole of a planet, but not with Chris around, not this close. If not for the bond, he would gladly have taken the chance for a ride, then left at the next best space port they docked at.

He sat, shoulders hunched as though all the will had been beaten out of him. Exhausted with the inner struggle. Chris stepped behind him and placed his hands gently on shoulders too tense to soothe, but he tried. He sent a gentle warmth through the connection into the taut frame. Then he began to knead in earnest. After a moment he felt the younger man relax a bit, muscles beginning to unclench as he worked over the back. It was amazing, Ezra thought, how much he reacted to the blond.

"Ez?"

The soft question made Standish look up and he shivered at the mild sparks of emotions in the hazel eyes. Chris would drag him back kicking and screaming, he realized. So he would come quietly, maybe even accept the offer to leave the planet, and then slip away in secrecy. It was the only way. For both of them.

"Okay," he said, composing himself.

“Promise me you won’t run again.”

The green eyes held a shocked expression, growing more and more distant, and Chris saw the battle in them. Finally, Ezra surrendered. He nodded wordlessly.

Chris smiled, but it lacked the triumph Ezra had expected. Familiarity hit him, longing, need. He squelched it. It would never be. The bond couldn't be completed as it should. The moment they were away, he would run again.
 

“Did you?” Rodney asked, looking sober. “Run?”

“In a way. The flight from the planet to the Four Corners space station was a nightmare,” Ezra answered softly. “I didn’t want to burden Chris with this, didn’t want this myself, but everything inside me screamed that he was the only one for me. Back then we weren’t sexually involved. That happened much later.” He smiled a little. “You and Colonel Sheppard are going into this a lot faster than we did.”

“Uh… Yes… Well…”

“Which isn’t bad. What happened to you is a mild version of what Chris and I faced. There’s no guarantee how such a bond develops and what will happen to the partners because of their lives and jobs. You live as dangerously as Chris and I do.”

Rodney nodded, looking a bit pinched, especially about the living dangerously part.

He wordlessly turned back to the computer, a bit paler than before. Ezra followed his lead and they dove back into the database, extracting as much information as was possible. As long as Atlantis was willing to let them into protected areas, Rodney would use this lucky strike.

In the back of his mind he felt John's continued presence, but he didn't actively acknowledge him. He loved him, he would protect him, and if John needed him, Rodney would be there. Right now he didn't feel that need, only curiosity, and that had to wait.

* * *

John was still up and reading a book when Rodney walked into his quarters. He was stretched out on their shared bed, a much larger bed than before. How Sheppard had found and gotten it here, Rodney had never dared to ask. He was just glad for the comfort it brought.

"Hey. I thought you'd be asleep by now," McKay remarked.

It was way past midnight and if it hadn't been for Ezra muttering about needing sleep, Rodney would still be browsing the database.

"And you're still awake."

"Observant as ever." Rodney changed into the t-shirt and shorts he slept in, brushed his teeth, and got into bed.

Sheppard put the book aside and leaned over, stealing a kiss. There was something on his lover's mind. Rodney could feel it.

//John?// he probed.

He got another, much deeper kiss, hands sliding over his chest and side. Rodney caught the wandering hands and trapped them, leaning over the smirking man.

"Don't try change the subject, Colonel," he growled.

"I'm not."

"Right. So not true."

//Rodney…//

//Wheedling won't help//

//I don't wheedle!//

Rodney smirked, then grew serious again. "Are you okay?"

"Worried?"

"Always."

Sheppard's face changed, the lines softening, and the brown eyes held a warm expression.

"You don't have to be."

//Tell that to my illogical side// Rodney murmured and gave his lover a soft kiss. //I do worry. Could do without, but what Standish said…//

//Not going through the Gate without you//

//What if we're separated? It happened before//

Before they had bonded, connected, linked. Before there was the real danger of going insane or losing oneself in the pain because of separation. For now, while the bond developed, they were vulnerable.

Rodney's expression was dead serious now. //I won't leave you alone, John//

//Rodney…//

//I won't//

He knew it was the truth. The imperative to run to safety, to get through the Gate, was suddenly no longer there. He would stay with his partner, he would protect John in any way he could.

John stared at him in shock and comprehension of what Rodney was projecting. He closed his eyes, drawing shaky breaths, and McKay pulled him into his arms. They lay together, Rodney running his hands over the slender back as John held on to him.

They dozed off into sleep like this. It felt nice. It was really, really good.

* * *

Rodney was thrumming with excitement, barely able to stay still. He was standing in front of a very attentive audience, consisting of the seven stranded visitors, Elizabeth, Ronon, Teyla, Zelenka, Beckett, and of course John.

"We know the Ancients must have run experiments before they managed to get the first active Stargate up and running," he told his listeners. "They didn't just come across one like the Goa'uld did, stealing the technology. They were scientists and researchers. So how can you come up with a principle like the Gates?"

He smiled at them, triumphant and almost giddy.

"Easy. You have a natural phenomenon and you try to copy what it did."

"What natural phenomenon?" Elizabeth wanted to know.

"At first there were the studies of wormholes. The Ancients possessed what we today call a hyperdrive. They traveled, but like today, it took time. Now, the Stargate is essentially an enormous superconductor, capable of harnessing power from a wide variety of energy sources, especially electricity. The very idea of them is to tame and manage a wormhole. Wormholes are natural phenomena and what the Ancients did with the Stargates was artificially create them at will."

Rodney started to draw something on the whiteboard, scribbling numbers and equations.

"Mr. Standish helped me unearth a very old file from the Ancient database. I believe we would have found it eventually, but not quickly enough."

Rodney nodded at Ezra, who smiled briefly.

"What we found were tons of logs on their early work on Stargates and what happened back then to cut off a whole galaxy from the Gate network. Actually, it was really just dumb luck that gate travel was discovered. The Ancients were experimenting with how to open a wormhole when something went wrong in their equations and they punched a hole into space, so to speak. They established what we today would call a Stargate by accident, and had access to the galaxy our visitors came from."

Rodney looked into stunned, surprised and shocked faces. He smirked.

"There's sadly no mention of what happened exactly. The equations are lost, but the few logs from the time that survived and are accessible tell us a little. The earliest form of a Stargate wasn't a circular structure. It was more or less a couple of stabilizers that kept the portal open, and they sent exploration vessels through."

"How big was this portal?" Weir asked, stunned.

"About the size of an Ori Supergate," McKay replied. "Only a lot less stable. The stabilizers were there for a reason and they used up a tremendous amount of energy to keep the doorway open. Most of their research went into the Gates from then on. Ships were deployed into this new galaxy and that's how the ancestors of Mr. Larabee and his team got there. Ancients built outposts, whole cities, intermingled with the population they found there. It's what happened everywhere, just that this was their first foray into a whole new world."

"What happened?" Beckett wanted to know.

"They ran out of power," Rodney simply answered. "Not right away, but within a few decades it was too hard to keep the wormhole tamed by their then rather primitive means. Think about it! They kept this portal open for decades! Today we have thirty-eight minutes. Eventually, everything broke down and the portal collapsed.

"So their people on the other side were cut off," Teyla said softly.

"Yes. There was no way of reaching them with conventional means and Stargates were still on the drawing board. It took the Ancients a very long time after that to really come up with a viable solution to their problems, and when they did start building Gates, their lost people couldn't be retrieved any more."

Silence descended. Finally Elizabeth sought out Rodney, her eyes reflecting the sorrow and the shock.

"What about Commander Larabee and his team? How can we get them home with this knowledge?"

"Well, we know the portal is about the same the Ancients encountered, though I believe it was established from the other side. It doesn't matter since such portals aren't one-way like Stargates. It might be why they eat up so much energy when someone tries to stabilize them."
Rodney keyed in a command and the projector in the table displayed what looked like blueprints.

"These are the plans for the stabilizers the Ancients used back then. They're enough to tame the portal for a while, but we neither have the materials to build them, nor the time needed, or the energy to spare. One of those things alone uses the energy equaling two ZedPMs within a day."

Zelenka nodded, studying the plans. "We don't have the materials, and time is running out for the portal. It will close sooner or later."

"So we're trapped?" Larabee spoke up.

"No. Not at all. We just have to spice up your shields to withstand the forces working within the portal so it doesn't tear you apart," Rodney answered.

"Would be much appreciated," Wilmington muttered. "I'd like to get back in one piece."

"How long would you need, Rodney?"

McKay looked at Zelenka. The engineer shrugged.

"I have very good idea of their shields and with Mr. Sanchez's help I believe we can modify the shields to greater capacity within the next twenty-four hours."

Rodney's expression was serious. "And we have to. The portal is growing smaller. It's still huge, but it's shrinking, and each day we lose gives us less space to maneuver."

"What size are we talking about?" JD wanted to know.

"Right now? Twice the wing span of the Chimera. Within the next twenty-four hours, with the current rate of decrease, you'll have about thirty percent less. If you launch within the next three days, you should have enough maneuvering space that you get about twenty feet between the widest area of the Chimera and the edges of the portal."

JD looked thoughtful, chewing his lower lip. "I've taken her through worse and narrower spaces, but the portal is unstable, you say. How much turbulence can I expect?"

Rodney called up a new image of the portal and there was a miniature vortex in its center. "Lots," he answered quietly. "The smaller it gets, the more it collapses into itself. There will be heavy turbulence. If the shields withstand the primary entry phase into the portal, they'll form a protective bubble around the Chimera. She'll be like a rubber ball, with you in control."

Another silence, then JD looked at Chris. "I think I can manage it. It'll be a rough ride and we better buckle down whatever isn't so far, but I believe I can get us inside and through."

Larabee gave a brisk nod. "Good enough for me. Josiah?"

"Dr. Zelenka and I will start right away," Sanchez replied.

Weir gazed at the determined faces and rose. "Very well, gentlemen. Let's get started."
 

//John?//

Sheppard was at Rodney's side, briefly glancing at him as they walked out of the conference room. Both men fell in step and headed for the labs, the others dispersing to wherever they had to go. Larabee and his team would be flown back to the Chimera, accompanied by Zelenka when he had all he needed from his lab.

//This will be bad the next forty-eight hours// Rodney said softly. //I'll be there non-stop//

//I understand//

McKay walked into his deserted lab and Sheppard thought the order to shut the door, then kissed him deeply.

"I'll manage," he whispered. "Don't worry."

Blue eyes reflected just that worry. "You could come along. Stretch your legs," he suggested.

John sighed softly, giving in to his need for closeness. Rodney wrapped his arms around him, giving that closeness.

"Maybe," he murmured. "I'll think about it."

They stayed in the lab for a few more minutes, kissing and touching, reloading Sheppard's batteries.

"Can you really feel Atlantis?" Rodney asked after a moment, hands running over the dark-clad sides of his lover.

Sheppard sighed explosively and was about to step back, but Rodney wouldn't let him. Blue eyes held a serious look.

"John?"

"It's… it's not sentient. It's not alive. It's just there," he muttered, sounding almost defensive. "I can feel it, like a hum in the back of my mind. It's not bad… it's just… I know there's something."

"All the time?"

"Most of the time. When Standish came here, it was like an explosion of sensations. Now it's normal."

This time, when he drew back, Rodney let him, feeling the need to pace in Sheppard. And so he did.

"You don't feel it?" John asked after a moment.

"No. I'm not a natural gene carrier, and those of the others that are, they're a lot weaker than you. Aside from Standish, you're the strongest."

Sheppard nodded, very much aware of it.

"You want me to touch something?" he asked with a hint of sarcasm.

Rodney smiled seductively. "I can think of something I'd like you to touch."

"Ow, bad, Rodney. Very bad."

That had McKay smile more. "You asked."

"Yeah. Should have known."

Rodney drifted over to the slender form and gently touched the small of his back, drawing a loving pattern. He felt John relax and they turned to each other, kissing softly.

* * *

Rodney hadn't been wrong. He had been all too right. For the next two days he was barely seen in Atlantis and when he was there, it was to get something or other, then fly back to the Chimera again. Those occasions were far and few. Sheppard busied himself with the military contingent of the expedition, going through old files, new files, sorting files, stacking files, reading files, and when there was still time left, he sat in on training sessions, or had one himself.

It kept him occupied.

For Rodney, the separation was just as much a strain, but he was hip-deep in shield generators and reprogramming a computer that was quasi-Ancient. JD and Josiah were in their element, as were McKay and Zelenka. Everyone else was assisting where they could.
 
 

Ezra found Colonel Sheppard on one of the piers, gazing out over the ocean. He approached carefully, made his presence known, and the hazel eyes that reminded him a lot of Chris's narrowed a little.

"Yes?" Sheppard asked, voice controlled.

"I believe it would be best if you went to the mainland," Ezra simply said. "It would help you and the Kiowata."

"I can't just go running around as a horse," was the reply.

"You can because you need to. You and Dr. McKay are still in a very crucial phase of your connection. You've been together for six months and it takes up to a year to establish a stable bond. Colonel, please listen to your needs."

Sheppard exhaled explosively.

Ezra stayed where he was, waiting. He was very much aware of the troubled mind, even though his latent empathy didn't allow for reading emotions as clearly as a full empath would be able to. But he had experience and he knew what Chris had gone through. Both were military, both were leaders, both were stubborn and strong, but Chris had been forced to remain a Kiowata for a year, completing the link between them – though they hadn't been aware of it back then. Sheppard was making his own life harder all by himself.

"Do you love him?" Ezra asked out of the blue.

Sheppard's eyes narrowed and his face became even harder. "What?"

"You understood. Do you love him?"

"Why do you ask?"

Ezra sighed. "If you keep answering a question with a question, we'll be here for a while."

Sheppard smirked, then grew serious again. "Yes, I love him. It's not because of the bond between us, before you ask that question. I liked him a lot before, was attracted to him, but this kinda… triggered the rest. I need Rodney, I know that. I need him very much and it scares me."

"That's natural. You're not the type to rely on emotional bonds to others."

"What are you? A psychologist?"

Ezra grinned. "No. I know Chris. We've been together for years now and he's not much different from you."

Sheppard harrumphed.

"And he had to learn all you are learning, too. It didn't kill him. You already give in to the need to be close to your partner. Why not accept it now?"

"Rodney's busy. Getting your ship ready." Sheppard gave him a pointed look. "I'm not going to hang around like a love-sick puppy."

"I didn't say 'cling to his sleeve', Colonel. Just go to the mainland, use the time to work on your new ability." He was silent for a moment, then added, "If you want, I'll be there."

That got Ezra a narrow-eyed look.

"It's just an offer."

But Sheppard accepted it, much to the thief's surprise. They were on their way in a Puddlejumper half an hour later.

* * *

Rodney had been aware of his lover's presence on the mainland, but he had been too busy to pay much attention. When he got the first whiff of excitement he paused in double-checking one of the components again and reached along the mind-link, surprised to discover that Sheppard had shape-shifted. Rodney could clearly tell apart his human form and the Kiowata by now.
Curious, he left the Chimera and nodded at the Marines keeping an eye on things.

"Dr. McKay?" Lorne called.

"Stretching my legs," he only said distractedly. "You go on doing whatever you're doing."

Lorne's eyes narrowed, but he didn't argue. The mainland was safe, there were no natural predators, and aside from the Chimera's crew there was no alien activity.

Rodney walked for a while, following his instinct as to where John was. He didn't know exactly how it worked, but he was almost magically drawn into the right direction. He found the Kiowata not much later. John looked happy as he galloped easily across the wide open field, and Ezra was watching. It was amazing to see Sheppard like this, so powerful, so strong, so at ease and so… free. There was no other word for it. It was what he felt over the mind-link as well.

Rodney smiled softly, the lines of stress of the last few days easing. He settled against a large boulder and simply watched, didn't want to interrupt, and there was a kind of pride in him that Sheppard could be so at ease with his Kiowata form.

There was a sudden snort and Rodney turned his head.

"Good god!" he exclaimed and scrambled backwards, the sight more than fear-inspiring at first glance.

A large, black Kiowata, midnight black actually, with those gleaming horns in the same color stood next to him. It was power and strength, like John, but so much taller, and from Rodney's vantage point gigantic with hooves the size of dinner plates, sharp and dangerous, and Rodney reacted on instinct.

His sudden surge of terror had unexpected effects.

There was a shrill, angry whinny.

He got a surge of territorial instinct, of fury, of outrage, all animalistic and not very human at all. Rodney gasped as he saw John charge toward where he was sitting on the ground and McKay instinctively curled up as the dark brown Kiowata whinnied again and reared, the dangerous sharp-edged hooves just inches away from him.

Intruder, his mind translated what was coming through. Mine. My territory. Intruder! Challenge.

Ah hell! was all he could think clearly.
 
 

Chris hadn't intended to scare McKay when he had made his presence known. Like John Sheppard he had given in to his need to free the Kiowata, but he had explored a little, giving Ezra time with Sheppard to get used to his four-legged form. When he had discovered Rodney, had seen the soft smile on the other man's lips, he had decided to come forward and make himself known.

It had been a mistake.

Startled, fear surging in him, McKay had probably flooded all that toward Sheppard, and the Kiowata had reacted on instinct. This wasn't just a stallion protecting his mate. It was also a stallion defending his territory against another, equally powerful alpha male. While Ezra was recognized as non-aggressive and not dangerous by the instinctual side in Sheppard, Chris was another matter.

Prancing angrily, John threw back his head, nostrils wide, ears flat on his head. He almost growled, baring his impressive teeth. Kiowata had sharp canines and even though they were herbivores, those teeth easily tore flesh off bone.

//Chris!//

//Stay back. He's instinctual. I made the mistake, not him//

Chris stayed perfectly still, non-aggressive, slightly submissive. He didn't surrender his status, but he made clear he wasn't here to challenge.

McKay was slowly getting to his feet, shaking, pale, eyes wide, but he was holding himself remarkably well.

"John?" he said hoarsely.

The Kiowata snorted, sounding still angry, and from all signs and body language, he was still waiting for Chris to attack. Larabee slowly stepped back, still demure to a degree, and slowly the tension left the dark brown Kiowata in front of him.

Ezra was approaching carefully, giving Sheppard a wide berth, and came up beside Chris.

//He's calming down// Chris said carefully. //He felt threatened by my presence and he felt McKay's surprise and fear of me//

"Dr. McKay?" Ezra said softly. "Is he himself or still the Kiowata?"

"Uh, calming, yes, well, more himself," Rodney stuttered.

"Keep him anchored. This is the stallion in him, defending his territory and you."

Rodney swallowed and looked at Sheppard, whose ears were by now pricked again. Suddenly he snorted and walked over to the physicist, nuzzling the startled man. Rodney reached up automatically and rubbed the jaw.

Chris felt himself relax as well. The situation was becoming less volatile and when he moved back further, John just watched him with pricked ears and only a sliver of wariness. Finally he turned and walked away, back to where he had hidden his clothes. Sheppard only kept an eye on him, head held high. It wasn't a triumphant gestures, only one of watchfulness.
 
 

Rodney wasn't even aware of how close he stood to John until the warmth underneath his touch moved a little and he was nuzzled again.

//John?//

//Back// was the faint reply. //Damn. What a rush//

He stared at the Kiowata in disbelief. //Rush? You just about started a fight with Larabee!//

//I… I don't know why. I felt your fear and then I saw him and everything after that became a haze//

Rodney rubbed the neck and jaw, finally wrapping his arms around the large head in a hug. They had done this before and it came closest to an embrace. McKay had never felt self-conscious about this gesture and he trusted in John not to hurt him with the horns.

When they finally parted, he became aware of Standish watching them calmly. John snorted a little, shifting his weight.

"Dr. McKay?"

"Colonel Sheppard's in control," Rodney answered.

"Good. I think we should end this exercise for today."

John cringed a little. Ezra read the Kiowata's mimic correctly and gave him a smile.

"It was a natural reaction to a threat from another stallion, Colonel Sheppard. Chris was an intruder and you acted accordingly. You weren't at fault."

//Where are your clothes?// Rodney asked.

//Further down. I, ah, go and change//

McKay patted the broad shoulder, smiling. //I need to get back to the Chimera. You good?//

They were both shaky, rattled, but Rodney didn't want to stay any longer than necessary or Lorne would come looking. John got all that through the mind-link and brushed his velvety nose over Rodney's cheek.

//Later//

It was a promise and it was a question in one.

Rodney nodded. "Later," he said softly.

And then he started to walk back, knees like jelly but getting stronger. He took a deep breath and forcefully calmed himself down. John remained a strong presence with him, protective and worried and apologetic.

* * *

Everything that could be done had been done. Josiah and Radek agreed that the engines were ship-shape, working like a dream, and Rodney and JD had run the computer through so many simulations, McKay didn't know what else to throw at the hybrid systems any more. If anything blew now, he had no idea why.

The first test flight was set for the day after the last tests had been done. The Chimera would lift off, go through several test patterns and land on the North Pier. Only the Agency crew would be aboard, though Sheppard would have loved to be there.

"Okay, here we go!" JD called. "Atlantis, this is the Chimera. We're ready for our test flight."

"Roger, Chimera. We have you on our screens."

JD nodded almost to himself. He sat strapped into the pilot chair, eyes on the displays, and everything looked good so far. He fired the engines. A low, steady hum could be heard as the thrusters warmed up.

He glanced at Chris, who only gave him a brisk nod to proceed at his own speed. JD flicked some control switches and the low hum slowly increased into a full, deep roar. The frame of the Chimera shuddered as she lifted off, a natural behavior for the ship as it worked off the stress it was put under through the lift off procedure.

"Clearing ground area, adjusting course to preset coordinates."

Everyone was tense, waiting, but JD maneuvered the Agency ship safely up into the atmosphere, then into space. The Chimera described a graceful arc and he adjusted the speed.

"Looking good," Josiah reported. "All systems are stable. JD, take her through the atmosphere, put her under more strain."

"Will do. Hold on, everyone."

And the ship went into a dive. The inertial dampeners took the brunt of the fast descent, but the Chimera herself was showing the strain she was under through the readings. Still, everything held.

Josiah leaned over his screen. "Holding on okay. Engine temp's fine."

"JD, take her toward Atlantis," Larabee ordered.

"Roger that. Atlantis, this is Chimera. We're coming in. Everything looks a-okay."

"We hear you. Welcome to Atlantis."

JD brought her around and gracefully settled the dark blue ship on the pier.

* * *

The Chimera sat on the North Pier like a midnight blue alien fish. Elizabeth had to confess that she looked strangely beautiful, even if she lacked a certain sleekness. She wasn't a battle ship, had been constructed for long-distance flights, and to be utilitarian. She had landed here after her first test flight and according to a very excited Rodney, things were looking very good. What didn't look good was their time window. The portal was closing fast and Radek was still not happy with the shield generators.

Elizabeth sighed softly.

She hoped things would go well for everyone involved.

* * *

John was itching to get his fingers on the Chimera's flight controls. Ever since he had seen her fly, he wanted to be the one to take her for a little spin.

//You're like a little kid// Rodney scolded him. //And children don't always get what they want//

//I already talked to Larabee. He said he'd let me have a go at it with JD as my co-pilot//

Rodney looked up from his project – testing the shield generators for strain and pressure cracks – and scowled.

"When?" he only asked.

"Sometime this afternoon." John was bouncing on the balls of his feet. He was actually grinning from ear to ear.

"We have shield generators to test!"

"You have shield generators to test, not me. And you do it in the lab. JD wants to run the Chimera a little, see how she holds up after the multitude of knitting and mending."

The scowl deepened, then Rodney turned back to the test program, muttering to himself. Sheppard smiled and sent a hug, then left the lab, almost whistling to himself. Rodney, still bent over his computer, smiled fondly.

* * *

"She handles like a dream!" John said excitedly. "She's big, but she's not sluggish, and she packs quite a punch. Her acceleration is amazing!"

"You're drooling," Rodney remarked dryly.

Sheppard just grinned at him, hazel eyes alight, adrenaline still in his system. He was dressed in his flight gear, even though he hadn't needed it aboard the Agency ship. JD had run him through the pre-flight check, then let him take her off the pier all on his own.

"I didn't even have to steer very hard! One little tug and away she goes!"

"Like a certain someone I know," Rodney muttered, scowling at the readings.

Sheppard apparently hadn't heard. "Granted, she's not a ship designed for atmospheric flight, but once in space, it's so cool!"

"Space is cold. It's a physics fact. No air, no warmth."

"We actually got close to the portal, but there wasn't much of a problem."

Rodney's head shot up at that. "You what?!" he exclaimed.

"We flew by the portal. I got you some readings." Sheppard smiled as if he was talking about a birthday gift.

"You must have a death wish!" McKay snapped. "It's dangerous!"

"Not at this distance."

"Who's the physicist in this relationship? What if the forces within the portal had pulled you in? What if we had miscalculated and there are eddies and whirls outside the immediate portal area?" Rodney demanded, voice rising. "You could have been sucked in and ended up god knows where!"

"I'm fine, Rodney. Nothing happened."

Blue eyes flared with indignation, with anger, with fear, and with something Rodney couldn't express in words. It was something deeply lodged inside him ever since they had come together on M7B-377.

"It could have, you thoughtless moron! It's not funny to play around an unstable, unknown and unexplored wormhole that is actually a portal into a whole new galaxy! A galaxy we can't reach by conventional means! You would have been lost!"

A tremor went through him and Rodney fought to control his emotions. But they had a mind of their own, and they were fed by his imagination and fear. He had a very vivid imagination. He could think of many ways how someone could die out here, mostly through hungry, life-sucking aliens. For Sheppard to skid so close to a wormhole they knew nothing about…

John would have been gone, trapped in Larabee's world as Larabee was currently here. There was no telling if the other side could create a wormhole back here, or if this one would be open long enough for the Chimera to make a return trip.

Oh god…

Sheppard closed the distance and ran a calming hand up Rodney's arm to his shoulder, pressing close.

//Rodney// he murmured soothingly.

His breathing hitched once and he fought hard not to lose it. No freaking, he told himself. Not now. Handle it like on the planet. Keep it together, McKay. Keep it together!

//You're allowed to freak, too// John whispered.

//I am. Freaking. Lots of freaking// he answered shakily. //Frequently//

//On your own? In your room?//

Rodney closed his eyes, unable to fight it much longer. He had once lost it, broken down, in his room. He had never lost a word about it and he knew his lover was aware of it. Rodney would never have thought he was capable of such iron control, but he was. He had to.

Sheppard was close, a warm presence that soothed him, and when his lover buried his face against Rodney's neck, McKay gave a little whimper.

//Can't lose you// he managed.

//Won't. Sorry. Thoughtless of me. Sorry//

Rodney didn't – couldn't – reply. He just held on and let his body go through the tremors.

John kissed his neck, his temple, his lips.

//You're allowed to freak. I'm here// he whispered, reading his lover's embarrassment. //I wouldn't risk my life like that//

//You would// Rodney snapped, anger and fear in his voice. //You do it all the time on missions//

//It's my job. Our job. You've been in danger just as many times. It's something we have to live with. It's something Chris and Ezra live with//

//I don't care about them! I care about you!//

Sheppard smiled warmly. "I love you, too."

They held each other, drawing strength from the other's presence, and Rodney finally sighed softly.

//Thanks//

//You're very welcome//

//Gonna fly again?//

//No. I'm good. It was fun, though// John let his excitement leak through again.

//Hot jock// Rodney teased. His hands were drawing random patterns that reminded Sheppard of Rodney patting the Kiowata. It was strangely… nice.

//Supergeek//

McKay drew away, smirking. //Supergenius//

//Don't push it//

With a last kiss, they separated and Rodney turned back to his work.

//Shoo// he muttered over the link when John peered over his shoulder.

//Going, going//

And he did. Still feeling very good, the link humming, and while he kept an extra eye on Rodney, he wasn't worried about another freaking. His lover was entitled to let go of his emotions. He had been the stronger of them for so long, had always held back because of John, and the fear was just another expression of how much Rodney cared.

Sheppard whistled to himself.

It felt good to be loved by Rodney McKay. Very, very good.

* * *

Saying good-bye had never been one of Rodney's strong points. He hated the emotions involved. He would rather just not go somewhere to shake hands for the last time or be hugged. This time he was there, though. The whole Chimera team was there, shaking hands, talking to the men and women who had spent the last two weeks bent over engines, computers and whatnot to get the ship flying again.

Ezra was talking to Sheppard, smiling, nodding, then the two men shook hands. Rodney couldn't say he either liked or disliked the Agent. He tolerated him like he did so many, but Standish had proven to be a great help when it came to John's Kiowata side.

"Dr. McKay," he now greeted him.

"Mr. Standish."

"Take care of John. You'll have a little bit further to go."

Rodney didn't need to be reminded of that. There had been many ups and downs already, and there would be more. They had fought them all. They had won.

"You're his life-line," Ezra added. "He relies on you, like you rely on him. Don't let him run."

"I won't," he said softly.

Standish gave him a smile and nodded. "Your bond will be strong, Dr. McKay. It already is. The leaps you have made are astounding. It took Chris and me a lot longer to discover that we can feel more than just emotions over the bond, that we can influence the other – in a positive way," he added.

"Yes, well, uh, we did that…" Rodney evaded quickly. "Been there, done that."

"There are drawbacks as well."

McKay made a quick, dismissive gesture. "Yes, yes, we talked about it. Please, don't spoil this special moment by talking pain and separation."

Ezra gave him a long look. "I won't."

"Good. Now…" Rodney looked around. "I…ah… should be up in the control room. Yes. Needed there. Have a good flight. Write if you can."

And with that he was gone. He hated good-byes and part of him hated losing someone who had a much better grasp on this whole mind-link thing.

//We'll manage// John said soothingly.

Rodney looked around and found the other man in conversation with Larabee.

//Don't do that!// he snapped.

//What?//

//Spy!//

//I'm not. You're leaking//

Rodney prayed for patience and stalked up to the command center where Elizabeth was watching it all. When Larabee came up, too, she shook his hand.

"Commander Larabee, it was a pleasure. We learned a lot from you and I hope it was as pleasant for you."

"It was, Dr. Weir. We wouldn't have managed to get the Chimera flying without your help." He nodded at Rodney. "Dr. McKay. I wish you the best."

Rodney shifted uncomfortably, muttering something. Sheppard was next to him, not touching but still in so very close contact. Chris smiled more, then turned and walked down the stairs again. John exchanged a quick look with Rodney.

//I'll accompany them to the North Pier//

//I know. Go. I'll watch from here//

And they were gone, filing out of the Gateroom and using the transporter to get to the Chimera's parking spot.

Rodney drew a deep breath, then turned to his station. Elizabeth watched him, a small smile on her lips.

*

John had accompanied the seven men back to their ship. Lorne and five Marines had come along, and they stopped at the large gateway that led onto the North Pier. Sheppard continued until they were at the ramp. All but Chris and Ezra were aboard and the blond turned, looking seriously at John.

"You and your people did a great job, Colonel. I wish you and Dr. McKay the best. I hope we could help you at least a little bit."

"You could," John replied seriously. "We figured some of it out already, but I think this'll help."

"Dr. Beckett knows everything Nathan does. Trust him when there is a problem."

"Already do."

They shook hands and Larabee nodded briskly, then walked up the ramp, Ezra at his side. John waited until the ramp started to close, then he walked back to where Lorne was waiting.

*

The tension was almost palpable. Rodney was at one of the stations of the command center, eyes glued to the screen. Zelenka was at his side, his laptop open, just as tense.

"Atlantis," Larabee's voice could be heard, "we're ready."

"Chimera, this is Atlantis," Elizabeth replied, her voice tight. "Good luck."

"Thank you again, Dr. Weir. For everything."

And then the Chimera started to lift off. Graceful, slow, without a problem. The ship flew a circle around Atlantis, then shot up through the atmosphere and into space.

"Chimera approaching portal," one of the technicians reported.

Rodney's eyes were tracking the ship's every move and he seemed to tense even more, if that was at all possible.

"Good luck," Zelenka murmured.

"Atlantis, we're about to cross through the portal," Larabee could be heard.

"God speed, Commander," Weir whispered.

And then the Chimera was sucked into the portal.

*

"We have no idea if they got through," Elizabeth said softly.

"No," Rodney confirmed. "The moment the Chimera entered the portal, we lost track of her."

"So we can only pray."

He nodded, face grave. "We could send another probe through. The portal is still open. The probe would fit."

"Do it," she decided. "If we can get some information we should at least try it."

Sheppard was already out of his chair and heading for the 'Jumper bay. Rodney hurried after him, shooting the other man a sharp look in case he protested his company.

John didn't.

Elizabeth just smiled.

* * *

The Puddlejumper hovered at a safe distance to the portal. Rodney was busy checking his readings and readying another probe.

"It's already smaller than the Chimera," he said.

John gazed at the sight outside the window. There was no visible event horizon, but the 'Jumper was less even to steer, which indicated the closeness of the portal. Rodney had told him how far to go and when to stop and keep the 'Jumper steady. He trusted in McKay's advice.

"Will the probe fit?"

"Yes. No problem. But it's gotten more active, more volatile, and the forces at work are immense. I'm not sure the probe makes it through in one piece."

"Let's try," Sheppard only said.

Rodney nodded and deployed the probe. It shot away, heading for the portal. There was a breathless moment as it was sucked into the gravity field, then a small explosion lit up Rodney's screen and could be seen as a bright flare in space.

McKay stared at the screen in shock, stomach twisting. "Oh…"

Sheppard's expression was grim. "What happened?"

"It, ah, well, the gravity field seems to be a lot stronger. The probe wasn't shielded and it, ah, was torn apart."

Hazel eyes met blue and Rodney swallowed.

"Do you think…?"

"No," John answered firmly. "They made it."

"But…"

"Rodney, they made it."

Rodney gazed out the 'Jumper's front window again. "I hope so," he murmured, then forced himself back to his screen.

"Colonel Sheppard, this is Weir," Elizabeth could be heard.

"This is Sheppard. The probe was deployed successfully, but it was destroyed by the gravity field of the portal."

John glanced at his lover, brows rising a little. Rodney sighed and activated his radio.

"Dr. Weir, this is McKay. We can't send any more probes through. The internal forces of the portal would tear everything apart, unless we protect it with the equivalent of the Atlantis force field.

"I understand. Come back home," Elizabeth only said.

"Coming home," John confirmed and smoothly steered the Puddlejumper back toward the planet.

McKay was uncharacteristically silent and the Colonel reached out, touching the other mind.

//I'm fine// Rodney answered.

//You're not//

//I'm fine!//

//I'm not// John countered. //Because I'm just as worried as you are. We have no idea if they made it, or if they arrived in their home galaxy, or in what shape they arrived//

Rodney gazed solemnly at him. <The portal delivered them to their home. We have the data of the first probe. We just don't know if they went there in one piece or if we sent them home in pieces>

//Rodney…//

//I'm fine//

John reached out and hugged him tightly, feeling his own sadness at the thought of the death of the seven men break through. Rodney gave him a gentle hug in turn.

The Puddlejumper descended toward Atlantis.

* * *

It was one of those sunny days that weren't too hot. There were clouds in the sky, lazily moved by a gentle breeze, and the temperatures were warm enough to wear a t-shirt, but cool enough not to break out in a complete sweat within seconds.

Rodney sat underneath one of the trees near the landing site, a fond smile on his lips. Whoever knew him wouldn't believe how relaxed and happy he looked. A Rodney McKay who wasn't hyper-actively running around, talking a mile a minute, gadgets in hand, shouting at his people to stop lazing around, demanding an immediate update on matters… it was hard to believe. After the last weeks, Rodney felt more than ready to shed that guise for a moment and give in to something else.

The ever-developing connection between him and John Sheppard.

The Chimera had disappeared three weeks ago and while everyone who had been working so closely and so long with the seven men was worried, many tried to get back to normal. There was no word from them and maybe there never would be. Rodney had calculated that if they sent an unmanned probe or shuttle from the Chimera's home galaxy to the Pegasus galaxy, they might hear from them in maybe, possibly, if they were lucky, three years. That was a calculation from the last Jump point on the map JD had given them of the place they had come from to Atlantis, without interference, without turbulence, without getting destroyed, and with an unlimited fuel supply.

To take their minds off things, John had asked for an off-world mission and that had been quite entertaining and relaxing, but not as much as their visit to the mainland. That had been Rodney's idea after he had felt his lover's itch. The Kiowata wanted to stretch its legs.

So here they were. A man and his horse. Rodney smirked at that thought, but there was a warm expression in his eyes as he watched the dark brown, long legged beauty canter over to him. John looked decidedly windblown. His black mane was ruffled, the hazel eyes alight with the freedom he felt, something he liked to share with Rodney. The head with the sharp horns lowered and McKay ran a tender caress over the velvety snout.

//Had enough?//

//No// was the delighted reply. //I was thinking about the beach further down. You wanna come?//

The pricked ears, the raised tail, the impatience John radiated, had Rodney chuckle.

//I'll fly, you run//

//You can ride//

//No way. You start to gallop and I'll end up with a dozen broken bones on the ground//

John nuzzled him. //I'd never let you fall. We walk//

//Flying is faster//

//I'm not going in there as a Kiowata! Please?//

Rodney groaned and got up, collecting the clothes Sheppard had dumped next to him. Everything went into a backpack. Rodney eyed the tall Kiowata dubiously. He had been on Sheppard's horseback on M7B-377, but it had been a haphazard affair and he wasn't a natural rider. He also wasn't athletic enough to hoist himself up.

//There's a rock over there// Sheppard walked a few paces into the direction. //You can get up easily//

And Rodney did. Not easily, at least in his book, but he managed, and he sat on the broad, warm back, feeling unwell and self-conscious.

//Relax. I won't run//

And John started to walk.

//Easy on the death grip, Rodney//

"Huh? Oh. Yes." Rodney tentatively let got of the black mane he had been clutching.

//It's like on M7B-377. Just relax. Trust me//

He breathed shakily. "I trust you," he whispered.

//You don't trust yourself?//

//I've never been on a horse before//

//I'm not a horse, so that's good then//

Rodney groaned. "And I know I'm gonna be sore," he muttered.

He had been on the planet. Very sore. But it had been easier traveling. By the time they arrived at the shore, Rodney was a little bit more relaxed and actually enjoying himself.

//See? It's not so bad//

Rodney slipped off the broad back and stumbled a little, grabbing for support. "Whoa! Damn, you're big!"

//You never complained before//

Blue eyes glared. "So bad, John. You really have to work on your repertoire."

He was nuzzled and had to smile involuntarily. The softness was addictive. He patted the square cheek and John blew warm air into his hair, making Rodney shiver.

"Go. Run," he said softly.

John whinnied and turned on his hind legs, then he was off like a flash. Rodney couldn't but smile as he watched the dark brown Kiowata thunder across the dunes and down the beach, water spraying up as sharp hooves dug into the hard beach sand. Rodney felt exhilaration wash over him like a wave and he closed his eyes, becoming one with John as they raced across the sand. Rodney sat down, the backpack beside him, and he watched.

Yes, this was freedom. Absolute freedom.

And power. The power of muscles, the strength of a Kiowata, and the bond between them.

//Love you// John whispered.

Rodney lay back in the sand, laughing happily, and he spread his arms, feeling the sand beneath him.

"I love you, John," he replied.

His answer was a delighted whinny from the other end of the beach.