TITLE: Compromises
SERIES: Imperfection Deviation
AUTHOR: Macx
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to me, sadly. They are owned by people with a lot more money :)
Author’s Voice of Warning (aka Author’s Note):
English is not my first language; it’s German. This is the best I can do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize The spell-checker said everything's okay, but you know how trustworthy those thingies are....
FEEDBACK: Loved
BETA: okaymi_myrrhibis


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Ironhide had spent a lot of time researching humans lately. He had never seen the need to know more about this race than what was necessary to interact with their allies. He knew more about political military history of the planet than about human beings as such, the biological entity. They were organic, smaller and lived a rather short life compared to a mech. That was about it.

With Will Lennox that had changed. Not right away, of course. Will had been a fellow warrior, part of their team, but nothing more. Their friendship had deepened and Ironhide had learned about human relationships through his friend. Like marriage and reproduction. It was alien to him, but he listened to Lennox talk about his ex-wife and their daughter. He had never met them, only seen both females from afar. It had been rather fascinating.

Then the accident had occurred and Lennox had been forever changed. Body, mind and spark. With the changes, Ironhide had discovered a change in himself. He had always viewed Will as compatible to himself. They were like-minded, as the humans said. They shared something already without delving into the more complicated version of Cybertronian sharing. Ironhide had never let what could be called ‘attraction’ cloud his interactions with the other soldier. Will had been beyond his reach. No amount of explanations could have brought him closer.

Then the shape-changing had come forward. It had developed rapidly, just like Ironhide’s decision to take a last step and chance it. Interpreting human behavior was hard sometimes, impossible at one moment, and very easy to read the next. They were complicated creatures and just as it was difficult for them to interpret Cybertronian emotions, Ironhide knew it went the other way around, too.

Will had become something that allowed Ironhide to share. Lennox was still effectively human and humans couldn’t share, but as a mimicked protoform it was possible. He knew he had overrun Will with it, but sometimes the direct method was better than words. In Will’s case, no amount of words could have explained this. It was alien and new to the hybrid.

Sharing was a matter of trust and affection. It didn’t relate to sexual activity as seen with the humans, but it could be interpreted as such by a being that had no correct translation for the act. Mechanoids didn’t need to reproduce by interacting with their sparks, that was a fact. Spark bonds formed for different reasons. They were so rare, they wouldn’t be able to guarantee the survival of the Cybertronian race.

So Ironhide accessed the internet to find out about human bonds, about humans as such. Lennox still had trouble accepting that what they shared was not what he thought it was. Ironhide started to understand when he came to the section about touch.

Humans touched.

He had seen it before. A clap on the shoulder, a handshake, slapping one’s arm, bumping into each other… so many ways of casual touch. Then there was intimate touch. And kissing.

Not something mechanoids did. There were no nerve endings to transmit the touch as they did for humans. Their mouths weren’t shaped for intimate touch. Ironhide himself had never felt the need to be held or to hold someone for purely affectionate reasons. But he understood something else now: the runes’ reaction to him touching Will’s skin. They had swirled around his finger like a swarm of glow worms.

Humans liked touch. They liked closeness. The runes, more than anything, spoke of that craving, of Will missing something. Lennox had never said it out loud, though.

Both of them were making compromises, but at the moment it seemed that the human side was pushing away needs that the mechanoid hadn’t even been aware of.

It placed Ironhide in a strange situation. Where Will had trouble adjusting to the expression of sharing, Ironhide was trying to bridge the gap when it came to touch. Their size was a problem, too. He couldn’t embrace Will; he would if it were possible. The few times he had stroked a finger over his friend’s back had been when the runes had strengthened. Now it made so much sense.

He went to Ratchet for help.

The medic knew about the relationship, about sharing with each other, and while he had cautioned Ironhide against overwhelming Will, he hadn’t tried to talk him out of it. Like every mechanoid, Ratchet respected a sharing.

“I’ve been looking into possible solutions for you, but I’m afraid that at the moment there is none. The holo-projectors are not equipped to relay touch. Changing that would require a lot more energy on your part to uphold the hologram, Ironhide. It would severely drain you.”

Which was not advisable. Each mech had a holo-projector, used to create a driver should the need arise, but it was a flimsy projection. Insubstantial. To give the hologram touch would require modifications that endangered the robot in question.

“Has Will shown any ill effects?” Ratchet now wanted to know.

Ironhide frowned. “Not to my knowledge. I’m not going to hurt him, Ratchet.” He knew he sounded slightly pissed off.

“I never said so. His body structure is different from us, as well as from humans’. Underneath what we see as a protoform shell is organic tissue, Ironhide.”

“I’m aware of that,” the weapons specialist grated. “And we are fine. Sharing doesn’t hurt him!”

He would have stopped if Will had ever experienced anything even close to pain. Ironhide was very much aware that Lennox wasn’t one hundred percent mech even if he looked like one. Somehow, it made the whole experience even more special; made Will more special.

“But he still has human feelings.”

“I suppose.”

Ratchet frowned a little. “It’s difficult to bridge the gap between two species that are so different in size.”

“Tell me about it,” Ironhide muttered. “Increasing his size results in an immediate change of his body structure to the protoform exo-skeleton. Touching him when he’s human… I’m afraid I might hurt him.”

“So far, you haven’t. And drawing on my experience with Sam and Bumblebee, nothing has happened at all in the past.”

“That’s different. Sam can uplink,” the other mech argued.

“Still you decided on Will for a partner. You made that choice, Ironhide.”

“And I stand by it.”

“Unless I can minimize the holo-projector’s need for energon, there will be no changes in that regard. The question is would you be comfortable acting human in a holographic form?”

Ironhide shifted. “We both had to learn a lot. I can do that, too.”

“Commendable.”

“Oh, shut up, Ratchet,” came the growl.

The medic chuckled. “I’ll keep on working on that project. You’ll be the first to know when it works safely enough.”

Ironhide nodded and left the med bay. He knew it was dangerous. Energy drains were not to be taken lightly. But if it helped Will feel better he would do it.

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Will had fallen asleep in his cab. He had been exhausted and Ironhide knew he had been pushed to the limit, testing his abilities like he would a new recruit back on Cybertron. The difference was, Lennox was still human, even if he looked far from it. He had taken a few bad hits and Ironhide knew they should have stopped sooner, but Will was relentless, too. He wanted to learn. He wanted to handle his abilities.

“What use am I if all I can do is stand there and be a liability?” had been his heated argument. “I can’t transform! I don’t have any guns on me! I’m defenseless! Teach me!”

So Ironhide taught him. Close combat had led to several intense situations with Will fighting through pain and exhaustion to show the other that he was useful. Ironhide knew he was; Will was a soldier, a warrior, and he knew how to survive. It didn’t need big guns or special powers to do that. Will’s instincts were right on target; that was what he needed out there in a war.

But he also understood the need to be more than just Will Lennox, hybrid human. He had lost so much and gained little in return. Humans were tenacious in that matter. Lennox more than others, he believed.

Moving a little, Lennox muttered something, then quieted down again. Ironhide had parked away from the base, his engine silent, his interior sound proof. He wanted to give his friend the time he needed, however long that was. Recharge for humans was different. For the hybrid nothing much had changed. He still slept like humans did, though sometimes he was up for much longer and functioned just the same. He also should have been in bed, but Ironhide didn’t have the heart to wake him right away. While bruises didn’t show on Will’s changed skin, the mech knew that his friend was severely bruised.

Will sighed softly and his body tilted a little, then slid down onto the seats. His eyes briefly opened, but he wasn’t awake, then he curled up as best as he could in the cab and continued his slumber. Ironhide was always amazed in what situations and positions humans could find sleep. As a soldier Will had had to make due with what any given situation handed him. Right now the situation could be changed, but that meant waking the exhausted man.

Ironhide took note of his energon reserves, found them satisfactory enough to proceed, then activated the holo-emitter. Without a sound his holographic form came to life, so to speak. He had never taken the time to fine-tune it, make it look human

His general appearance was humanoid, with two arms and legs and a head. The body looked smoother, without clothes but not naked in any sense, and dully reflected the light around him. The basic color was black. If anyone had to choose a description, it would have been 'metal', but it wasn’t. He had no substance. He was a holographic image, created by his processor. Still, the image had a robotic, metallic look. He had two eyes, intense blue in color, but he was missing all other features. No lips, no real nose, nothing. It was like someone had wrapped his lower face in a black bandage. He had five fingers, but they ended in tips with no apparent nail structure. Just a conical shape.

Ironhide knew he had to work on his image, so to speak. He wouldn’t be able to blend in, should he choose to do so, but at least it worked. He switched on another function, felt the sudden drain on his energon reserves. He set an alert to remind him when things became dangerous, then reached out for his partner.

Will’s eyes flew open and his hands moved in a defensive gesture, catching the hardlight hologram in the face. Blue flared in the brown depths.

“What the fuck?!” he exclaimed.

Ironhide had caught the hand and held it firmly, meeting the ice blue flames in his friend’s eyes. Runes flared, crawling over the tanned skin, and where Ironhide’s hologram touched them, they seemed to send little tingles through the projection. It was like a feedback loop into his processor and Ironhide shifted uneasily, though he didn’t let go.

“Will, it’s me.”

“Ironhide?!”

“Yes.”

Will stared at the hand that was very physically restraining him. “W-what? How?”

“Ratchet’s idea.”

“Uhm…” Lennox tugged a little at his trapped hand and Ironhide released it. “Why?”

“To offer you the physical closeness you need?”

The human stared, unable to comprehend. “Come again?”

“You miss the touching,” Ironhide only said.

“When did I ever say that?”

“Never in words, but I’ve noticed how often you pat my hood or touch me in different ways. I can’t give that back to you. Your species likes touching. You react to it.”

“Well, yes, but… can all of you do that?”

“No. We all have holo-projectors, but Ratchet only upgraded mine to function this way. This gives me a smaller physical form and the ability to interact directly with you. The hardlight version requires a higher energy consumption, for which I have to cut back on other functions, like transformation.”

“Then stop it, ‘hide. You don’t have to do it,” Will ordered flatly.

Ironhide let a rumble pass through the cab. “My current energy supply is quite enough to uphold the hologram for a few more hours.”

He reached out and caught the wrist again. There wasn’t a real sensation, just the fact that he was touching the human. Unlike the sensor net in his armor, the hologram was a remote unit without benefits. Runes danced around his touch and he deliberately encircled the wrist with the ones spelling his name. Something trickled through his processors, something almost warm and nice.

“Ironhide, I was aware of our limitations when I went into this… partnership,” Lennox said. “I never expected you to conform to my size or to my needs like that.”

“I see it as a field test of a possible strategic advantage.”

Will laughed. “What? It’s a hologram!”

“A useful advantage, especially when I am able to simulate a human.”

It got him a snort. “You look like some half-finished model of one. Your face… everything…”

“It will take time to modify myself. It’s easy to simulate a human form without substance. Hardlight takes more processor space and energon.”

Lennox reached out and touched the face of the projection, looking surprised.

“It feels… real.”

“If you say so.”

Will smiled a little and traced one cheekbone, then let the caress run down the neck to the shoulder.

“How much do you feel?”

“Less than a pat on the hood.”

“I see. Too bad.”

Ironhide squeezed the wrist he held. “Compromises are never perfect.”

“I’m aware of that. So this doesn’t do anything for you?”

Ironhide studied the runes running smoothly over the hand he held, then looked into Lennox’s eyes. Brown again. No more blue pin points of light.

“It allows a compromise,” he only repeated. “That’s enough. I will be able to be there for you in a different way should you require it.”

Lennox nodded slowly. “That about defines the whole thing,” he murmured.

“Will?” Ironhide asked, voice suddenly serious, intent.

Lennox looked up.

“This might not be as close as sharing, but it is more than I can give otherwise. Never doubt my willingness to be there for you.”

The human smiled. “I know. And I’m glad. Thanks. Now stop it. You’re draining yourself for nothing.”

“I have an alert set on my energon consumption,” Ironhide only said. “As for the ‘nothing’, I believe this accomplished something.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

Lennox laughed softly. “Okay. It did. Something at least.”

Ironhide released the wrist. “We should get back to base. You need to sleep, recharge from the training.”

Will nodded, eyes still on the unfamiliar hologram. Ironhide deactivated the hardlight component, then let the image dissolve. He hadn’t used up more than a fifth of the energon Ratchet had calculated he would need to uphold such an image over a prolonged time, like an hour. Maybe their medic could come up with an even better consumption rate. Ironhide would start working on ways to make this projection more lasting himself.

Driving back was done in silence. When Will got out, he trailed one hand over the black fender, smiling reminiscently. He didn’t say anything, just patted the alien metal, then walked off into the base.

Ironhide transformed and watched him go, aware that the small steps they were taking were both painful and filled with hope. He hadn’t lied when he had told Ratchet he had been aware of their limitations. And he would be willing to make more compromises should they help him and Will. His partner was making so many already for something neither knew where it was going.

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In his living room, Lennox sank onto the couch, shivering with the memory of the touch. So different, so strange, so decidedly more alien than a large metal finger brushing over his back. While Ironhide, like all Autobots, was a stranger to the ways of casual human touch, he had tried to learn. Just like Will himself had learned. They were trying to make something work that a human might call a relationship, what Cybertronians translated as compatible partners, and and neither term was quite adequate.

Like Sam, Will had stepped into new territory. It was an expedition into a world he had never touched before. All his former experience didn’t help him. All he had been taught when he had been raised, what the military had hammered into his head, all that he had been told was wrong… it no longer applied.

Go with the flow, Sam had told him.

It had gotten him this far. It had given him so much already.

Now Ironhide was trying to comfort him even more by working on a solid – no, hardlight - hologram.

Will smiled a little and rubbed a hand over the runes on his wrist.

“Thanks,” he softly whispered.