TITLE: Conversations
SERIES: Imperfection Deviation
AUTHOR: Macx
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to me, sadly. They are owned by people with a lot more money :)
Author’s Voice of Warning (aka Author’s Note):
English is not my first language; it’s German. This is the best I can do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize The spell-checker said everything's okay, but you know how trustworthy those thingies are....
FEEDBACK: Loved
BETA: okama_myrrhibis


Sometimes you need to talk about it to get a better perspective...

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It was a hot day. The sun was burning in the August sky. There was hardly any insect life. All lay still, waiting for the sun to set, for temperatures to drop.

“Did you ever really freak out?“

Sam looked up from his frozen mocha and frowned a little at the question. “Over Bee?”

Beads of perspiration hung on the clear plastic cup that contained his beverage. Sam had opted for short sleeves and light pants. He liked sun and warmth, had grown up in it, but today was especially hot.

“Yeah,” Will now said.

The ex-Army Ranger stirred his tall coffee, two sugars, no milk. They were sitting outside a tiny store in the middle of the desert. It had a wrap-around porch, was painted in fading blue and white, and there was no one around but them for miles. The owner was a thin old man of undetermined age, bushy eyebrows over alert eyes, bent over from ‘old war wounds’ as he always claimed, and who couldn’t care less who sat on his porch.

Sam had been the one who had found this place on his long rides with Bumblebee. It had fantastic coffees and the ice cream was to die for. Will had been rather reluctant to leave the base and with it his safety against prying eyes, but Sam had convinced him that there would be no one around.

And there wasn’t.

Cars passed by only now and then. They seemed to shimmer and blur on the heat-beaten road. The road was a good mile from the little shop and casual looks wouldn’t reveal Will’s ‘skin problem’. He had opted for long sleeves despite the heat and a pulled down baseball cap. The sunglasses hid another portion of his face. In the shade of the porch the glyphs all but disappeared from curious eyes.

“I freaked,” Sam now said, thumb running through the water droplets on his cup. “Multiple times. First time in Mission City. I mean, he had gotten his legs blown off!”

Will nodded. He had been there. Busy with staying alive, with saving people, the whole damned planet, but he had been there.

“I didn’t know how painful it was; if it was painful at all. I didn’t know if he might die of it. I had no clue.” Sam shrugged. “I also freaked at having an alien car. It was a small freaking. More of a mild panic sometimes. I was afraid the government might take him away, that he might tire of being just a car, of sitting in the parking lot and waiting for me at school. Silly stuff.”

“Not silly,” Will contradicted softly. “Normal.”

Another shrug. Sam stirred his mocha. “Up until the day I stumbled around Bobby B’s dealership I was a normal guy.” He chuckled. “At least as normal as you are with seventeen, hormones running wild, no girl-friend in sight, and the joke of the jocks.”

Will nodded again. He knew seventeen and high-school, senior year. He had been a jock, he had had a girl. Still, he knew.

“Then came the technopathy. That was a full freak-out. I could feel him, hear him, touch him… all of them. After I got a handle on that… getting together wasn’t really such a problem.” Sam smiled.

Will chuckled. “I bet.”

“It’s not like you just switch from human to mech, Will. I had the advantage of getting to know him technopathically before we found there’s something more. I couldn’t even say what the ‘more’ is. It’s just… nice. To have someone close, to be understood, to share something.”

“And the sex ain’t bad either,” Lennox teased.

Sam didn’t really flush, but there was a little head-ducking involved. “It’s not sex,” he finally said. “It’s something else. It touches something inside me.”

“And it feels good.”

Another head duck. “Yes. Very.”

Will gazed at his coffee. “I’m still not sure what this is between me and Ironhide.”

“A connection?” came the guess.

“In a way. We share something. It’s not technopathy. It’s more… physical, without being physical for real.”

“And it freaks you?”

“Sometimes. It feels good, Sam. Never doubt it. It’s really good.”

“Then there’s no harm.”

“But it’s…” Will exhaled and shook his head. He took a long swallow from his coffee. “I don’t know who I am, Sam. I don’t know what I feel.”

“There’s nothing wrong in sharing with one of them, Will. It’s not a commitment.”

“Feels like it.”

“Because you’re human.”

“Did you commit to Bumblebee?”

Sam nodded silently. “Yeah,” he then said. “It’s different for us, though. It’s… more than sharing. It’s not a spark bond, but it feels like it sometimes. I know what’s between Jazz and Barricade. I touched it often enough. This is… similar. Not the same, but similar. It’s really good and fun, but also intense and warm and just us.” He made a vague gesture. “Hard to explain.”

“I get it.” Will squinted into the sun, glasses still on his nose. “Humans and mechs have different emotions. I loved Sarah. A lot. It was head-over-heels and just as intense. The sex was great, actually. And when she got pregnant it was like everything was suddenly perfect.”

“Ironhide’s not Sarah. Just like Bee’s not Mikaela.”

“I know that!” Lennox growled. “I’m not saying he is or that I want him to be! I don’t want him human, Sam. That wouldn’t be right. I just… it’s not that I miss something… I’m too busy being weird and freaky all by myself. It’s nice to share a bed with someone, but lately I keep thinking of the consequences of allowing someone that close.”

“Ironhide’s not just someone, Will. He understands more than any human would.”

“Aside from you.”

Sam shrugged. “Maybe.”

Will chewed on his lower lip, clearly agitated. He looked at one hand, the runes faint and lazy against the tanned skin.

“I freaked the first time when his name showed up,” he finally said. “It was there, on my wrist, like some blatantly obvious hint at something I was too stupid to understand. I freaked more when his touch became comforting. How the runes reacted to it. How I felt when he did it.”

“Nice?”

“Really nice. No sex involved.” Lennox shook his head. “Just nice. Getting touched. Having him there. Talking without saying much. I was too scared of myself to acknowledge him any more than I already did. And his closeness was… good for me.”

Sam watched dust blow across the desert ground. “I know how it feels.”

“And then he overwhelmed me with the sharing stuff. From one moment to the next we left out several steps in the relationship and had landed in bed, so to speak.”

“Will…”

He threw up a hand and waved off the comment. “Yeah, yeah, no sex. I understand that. It’s not sex. Humans have sex, biological imperative and messy fluids and all. But I am human, Sam. I have these messy fluids. My biological imperative doesn’t include making out with giant robots, though.”

Sam snorted with laughter and then broke out in bursts of it. “Gawd, that sounds so bad,” he hiccupped.

Lennox chuckled. “Yeah, it does. Like we’re sitting in a dark corner and groping each other.”

Another fit of laughter almost had Sam choking. Will gave him a few pats on the back.

“Would be easier, though. To understand all this,” he finally added. “The size is a problem. The metal stuff. The alien way of thinking.”

“You’d kiss a robot?”

A shrug.

Sam grinned. “You would!”

“Hey!”

Lennox glared at the smirk on the younger man’s face.

Sam leaned back a little, eyes on the blue sky. “They’re different. The two of us are different. We both have different ways of being with two aliens who find we match them somehow. Of course I have an advantage with the technopathy, but you can become a protoform, be Ironhide’s size. You can share, which is natural for them.”

“You have almost a spark bond. You understand what everything means,” Will countered.

“We have different partners,” Sam pointed out. “Ironhide would probably freak over technopathic contact.”

“So would I,” Lennox muttered. “I still wonder how I got myself into this, why I did it. Am I that needy?”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Are you?”

A huff. “No clue. I hadn’t gotten laid since… Sarah,” he confessed, wondering why he discussed his sex life, or lack thereof, and relationship with Ironhide in such detail with the only human being who could actually have an idea what he was talking about.

Okay, that was the answer already: there was no one else and Sam wouldn’t call him weird or perverted.

“I enjoy it, plain and simple. I like it, Ironhide likes it…”

“No harm done,” Sam concluded. “Which is pretty much the philosophy of Cybertronians. It’s casual. Committed and casual. No danger, no harm, no foul, no nothing.”

“Just one confused human.”

“You’re less confused than you think, Will.”

“Am I?” the former Major asked.

“Yeah. We wouldn’t be talking otherwise. Have you ever thought of initiating sharing yourself?” Sam suddenly asked.

“Huh?”

“You said it’s usually Ironhide. He starts it.”

“Uh-huh. I mean… I wouldn’t know where to… touch.”

“Ask him.”

Lennox felt himself flush. He was too inexperienced in these matters for his liking. Forty years on this planet and he felt like a teenager before kissing for the first time.

Sam just grinned at him, unrelenting, clearly enjoying this.

“Dating Sarah was easier,” Lennox finally muttered. “She was bossy and knew what she wanted and she really overran me. Army Ranger training and all. Ironhide’s… he’s laid back and he’s waiting for something to happen.”

“Like you making up your mind?”

“Probably.” A shrug. “I already told him that I like it. I’m not running away screaming.”

“You just have deep conversations with me.”

Lennox chuckled. “Yeah.”

“Does it help?”

“In a way.”

“Good.”

Sam let his eyes wander over the blue sky once more, then back to the desert. His frozen mocha was empty, so was Will’s coffee. Around the porch Bumblebee was waiting patiently for the two humans. He hadn’t tried to peek and he hadn’t listened in. He was a solid, reassuring presence in Sam’s mind.

This was how such a relationship should be, he thought. Safe and secure. Able to trust the other one, have a true partner. Ironhide was giving Will the necessary time to adjust because there was no technopathy, but a lot of cultural clashes and different understandings of the subject matter. Sam had long ago stopped thinking like a human about this. He had stopped used words like ‘love’ and ‘sex’, had replaced them with the Cybertronian equivalent. It was like learning a new language that consisted of emotions instead of solely words. Cybertronians understood the meaning of love in all its different shades, but they didn’t experience it like humans. Bee had never said it to Sam, but Sam knew that the mechanoid felt something equally strong.

It was so difficult to explain to another, so hard to put into words that didn’t get across what this meant. There was no translation, just the fact.

And Ironhide had told Will already that he thought of them as compatible. They had shared. It was close and scary and wonderful and hard to accept and so very, very new to Will.

::He’ll understand one day:: Bumblebee sent.

::Part of him does already. It’s just a lot. The accident was only a year ago, Bee. All that fell together and almost smothered him. Ironhide means well and he wants Will close, but Will is still struggling::

::Ironhide is patient::

Sam smiled. Yeah, he was. You wouldn’t believe it, but the weapons specialist had an incredible patience when it came to Lennox and the changes between them.

::And Will has you:: Bumblebee added.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

They drove back after another frozen mocha and an iced latte. The old man in the shop didn’t even blink at their continued presence, about Will looking like he was in the middle of a snow field instead of a desert.

Bumblebee was playing the radio on the way back, easy listening. Sam was driving, though not really. His hands were on the wheel, his mind half leaning against Bumblebee’s, half keeping an eye on their passenger. Will had tipped back the seat, closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. He wasn’t. He was wide awake, as Bumblebee had informed his friend.

Back at the base Lennox waved thanks, promised to go out for another iced caffeinated drink with him paying the next time, and disappeared into the cool, dark interior of the base. Sam discovered Optimus not far away and gave him a wave. Serene blue optics looked from him to the disappearing Lennox, then Optimus nodded back.

Nothing more was said in any way, verbally or otherwise.

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The whole of yesterday had been nice, Lennox had to confess. Nice and relaxing, despite the rather serious contemplations of his relationship with Ironhide. He was still thinking about it, more than before.

Because one part of the whole mess hadn’t figured into it before. It was something he had forgotten about.

His whole body was changing. He was changing. What was a hybrid system now might one day become totally alien when compared to a human. Sam was already genetically no longer from Earth. His make-up was different and Ratchet had a few theories. With Will the theories were coming with proof – he had left the human genetic pool, too. His cells were a mix of Allspark and organic stuff, as if partial humanity had been added as an afterthought. When he shape-changed, his body was even more alien.

And he had stopped aging the normal human way. Ratchet had found no sign of cell degradation anywhere in his body the last few times he had been checked. He was frozen in time, like the Cybertronians, and the hybrid cells showed no sign of deteriorating either.

So he was… ageless.

Lennox knew the implications of that and they frightened him even more than having a kinda-not-really-sexual relationship with Ironhide.

Sharing, he repeated to himself. They were sharing. Totally different kinda thing.

One day he might even think about it that way. For now, a year into his change and a few months into this new relationship, he was still too much set in his human way of thinking.

Because he was human and always would be, no matter what his body decided came next.

“So you’re stuck with me,” he said concluded neutrally, looking at the black mechanoid next to him.

Almost on the same level. Ironhide was standing, Will was on top of the low building at the other end of the airfield.

“I can think of worse,” was the teasing reply.

“Oh, thank you!” was the sarcastic reply. “I feel so loved.”

Blue optics gleamed with amusement.

“But seriously,” Will added, not really looking at his friend. “If Ratchet is correct, I’m becoming more and more like you guys. Still organic, but part of me decided that living your life-span might be a perk.”

Ironhide regarded him solemnly. “I won’t say no to that perk.”

“Sure?”

“I would mourn your passing, Will Lennox. Like any comrade’s.”

“I see.”

Ironhide tilted his head. “Would you regret being with me that long?”

“No,” Lennox answered quietly, seriously. “It’s… I can’t say I won’t get annoyed or we get on each other’s nerves and start flinging insults. For humans, fights are normal. It’s healthy to get the emotions out in the open, clear your head, clear the very air. You know where you stand.”

“I think that can be arranged,” came the wry rumble.

Will snorted. “I think so, too.”

A single digit carefully touched him, gentle and careful. It stroked over his tense back and Lennox leaned almost unconsciously into the touch. It was nice. Unexpected-still-had-to-get-used-to nice.

“Compromises,” he said softly, repeating what had been said so often before.

“Compromises,” Ironhide confirmed.

“I can live with that.” Already do. So many of them. And I care less about each new one. Because it works, Will mused to himself. No technopathy needed.

Runes swirled lazily over his skin and his eyes fell on the delicate ‘bracelet’ of glyphs around his wrist.

Near-forever sounded scary. The loss of so much looming on the horizon made Will want to cower in a corner and cry for days. He wanted to lose it, scream and rant, but the prospect of having something steady and permanent at his side gave it all a lighter note. Not much, but a little.

Ironhide let his finger run over the marked forearm. The glyphs danced in his wake.

Lennox exhaled sharply and pulled his morose thoughts back. This was now. Today. He had never given his future more of a thought than was truly necessary. He wouldn’t start pondering it regularly now either.

Ironhide opened his hand in an offer and Will climbed onto the palm. He was lowered back to the ground, smiling briefly as a thank you. They walked back to the base where Ironhide went back to his weapons lab, off to tinker with whatever he had set his mind on next. Will switched on the TV, got himself a bag of chips and a large bottle of too sweet, very unhealthy soft drink, and let mindless shows wash over him. The runes were almost docile now, barely moving, tattoos without life on his body.

Maybe he could get Epps to play chess with him tonight. It would be a nice distraction. His former second-in-command usually wiped the floor with him, but it was nice to spend time with people from his past.

I need to get a job, he thought wryly. I’m starting to sound like my own grandfather.

Laughing to himself, he went in search for Sam. The younger man was about to start on organizing his move to the base. He would need help and Will needed something to do.