He didn't really know why he had come here. Released from the hospital, from under the watchful and worried eyes of Watari Yutaka, their part-time doctor, he had walked the silent streets of Meifu until he had arrived in front of the large palace that signified the residence of the most powerful of all entities in this realm. Enma-Daiou. The Lord and Judge of the Dead, the ultimate power that decided where a soul would finally end up.
Tsuzuki's eyes traveled up the richly decorated façade, coming to rest on the massive double doors barring the entrance. There were no guards, but they also weren't needed. No one in their right mind came here unannounced or with ill intent.
Well, he was unannounced and here he was.
And he had questions that needed answering, questions that only one person could possibly know the answer to.
Enma-Daiou.
Tsuzuki had never stood in the lord's presence, had never seen him. He was a simple employee, one who hadn't had more than a little pay raise in the seventy odd years he now worked for the Shokan Division. It was Konoe who was required to report to his ultimate commander, not one of the lowly shinigami.
Strangely, Tsuzuki felt no fear or apprehension as he climbed the steps and approached the door. Ever since he had nearly succeeded in taking his own life, using one of his shikigami, a kind of calmness had settled.
It was the calm before the storm, some said.
His friends were keeping a close eye on him, but they hadn't been there when he had discharged himself from the hospital, coming here.
Hisoka would probably be mad. Tatsumi would give him lectures and maybe cut his pay for a day or two. They would know by now since Watari was bound to report his discharge.
It couldn't be helped.
The door creaked and suddenly swung open before him. Tsuzuki looked into the darkness lurking behind it. He wasn't scared. He wasn't even apprehensive anymore.
He entered.
The doors closed after him but instead of plunging him into total darkness, the room around him lit up and revealed itself. Richly decorated in gold and red, just like he had expected it, with a throne in the middle of it, raised on a small platform.
It was empty.
Tsuzuki stopped in front of the throne, back straight, shoulders squared. He knew Enma-Daiou was here. He could feel his presence, like some background thrum, powerful and everywhere.
"Tsuzuki," a voice whispered.
His eyes narrowed a little.
"Welcome."
Something formed out of the shadows at the back of the room and solidified in a humanoid form.
"Enma-Daiou," he said.
Something inside him stopped him kneeling or even bowing. Something that was rebellious, pissed off and angry. It was a small core of steel that had attracted twelve shikigami, that had kept him alive throughout the horror of his life and death.
"You tried to escape from my realm, didn't you, Tsuzuki?"
Of course I did, he thought angrily. I tried to escape the darkness that I am, the horror of my existence, my uselessness. I'm an angel of death, I bring nothing but suffering. Me, the one who took his own life. Who am I to judge over people?
"You are not the judge, Tsuzuki," Enma told him calmly. "Nor are you the juror. You are my executioner. Nothing more, nothing less."
Tsuzuki's eyes widened and he inhaled sharply. Was he reading his mind?
"You are an open book to me, my shinigami. All of you are. My servants. I do not allow any one of you to simply end an existence I granted."
"You have no right!" he whispered harshly.
"Don't I? I am the Lord of Hades, the head of this Ministry. I think that entitles me to it." There was amusement in the voice.
Tsuzuki curled his hands into fists.
"Yours was a rash decision, Tsuzuki. Brought on by that mere human. You are stronger than him, but you chose to fall for his words, believe in his lies."
Lies? Muraki was a manipulative bastard, but those words hadn't been lies!
“What am I?” he demanded.
The shadowy figure finally stepped in plain sight. Tsuzuki looked at the timeless being, facing the one who was in charge of this realm with more calm than he would ever have thought. He had never met Enma-Daiou in person and though there was a radiance of power around him, the richly dressed figure in the flowing robes was nothing extraordinary at first sight. Too beautiful to be human with eyes that were bottomless, straight, black hair, a smooth face, and a pale, flawless skin. Maybe it was only a shell, maybe he wasn’t looking at the truth, but it didn’t matter.
“You are my shinigami,” Enma-Daiou answered, the voice rich and male and very calm. "My tool, my servant, my executioner."
“And what else? What am I really? I’m not human! I know it! And you know it!” Tsuzuki accused. Amethyst eyes narrowed, grew hard.
The eternal being tilted his head.
“I have demon blood in my veins and you know about it! You know everything…”
A musical laugh. “Thank you for that much credit, Tsuzuki.” Enma-Daiou walked closer. “But as I said, you are what you are. It doesn’t matter where you came from.”
Tsuzuki steeled himself, refusing to back down. Even though this was the highest of all beings in this realm, his lord, his ultimate commander, he wouldn't show fear. Something inside of him curled and reacted to the proximity, even more now than before. It hissed softly, spoiling for a fight.
“It does matter. It matters to you who I am. You wouldn’t have kept me here for all that time, accepted what I am, if it wasn’t. You manipulated me.”
His voice was cold, hard, matter-of-fact. Those who knew Tsuzuki only caught glimpses of what lurked beneath that cheerful, easy façade of someone who hadn't risen any higher than an angel of death in the Shokan Division for seventy-odd years. Still, there was more to this slender man. A lot more. Some of it now showed its first peeks.
A smile answered the challenge. “I manipulate everyone, Asato,” Enma-Daiou murmured softly.
The inhuman eyes were cold jewels and Tsuzuki felt a flash of disgust at the personal address. “So what am I?”
Timeless eyes met amethyst ones and the smile widened. "You are a shinigami, a timeless being, a guardian, a harbinger of death, an unstoppable force."
He shook his head. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. “I know all of that! Stop playing with me, Enma-Daiou! What am I?” Tsuzuki demanded more loudly. “Tell me! Even Muraki knows more about me than I do!”
Enma-Daiou sighed regretfully. “A mere human, yes. He’s been quite meddlesome. I wish he hadn't brought all of this up. Sadly he has. The whole family is a thorn in my side. All quite too much interested in the occult, using magic, and sadly none of them ever sold themselves to a devil or a demon. It would have solved a lot of problems. Well, it can't be helped.”
Tsuzuki drew a shuddering breath. So Enma-Daiou was very much aware of the doctor. “He knows I’m part-demon.”
“It doesn’t matter what you are, Tsuzuki, nor does it matter what he thinks he knows.”
“It does!” Power fizzled and he clamped down on it. He wouldn't lose himself, not in front of Enma. “It does,” he repeated more calmly. “Am I a half-breed? Or is it from a prior line?”
Enma-Daiou kept smiling. “It’s not important.”
“Tell me!”
Again the power twitched and Tsuzuki bit down on it with an effort.
The smile widened. "What if I do? What will you do then?"
He hesitated. Do? He wouldn't do anything, but at least he would *know*!
"I want to know," he whispered harshly.
And power licked at his surface thoughts, begging him to use it.
"And then you suddenly know, but will you really know more? Will you know what to do with that knowledge, can you use it? Can you use your own potential? The answer is no." The robed figure gazed at the high ceiling, still smiling.  "Tell me, Asato, do you want to usurp my position?" Enma-Daiou asked mildly.
He stared at the entity in shock. "What? No!"
A chuckle. "Of course not. You always denied the power inside you, so why use it in such a manner? And you hate the politics of my job even more than you hate your lineage." The dark eyes seemed to glow a little. "My decision concerning you has been standing for a long time now, Tsuzuki Asato. I knew who you were when you were born and when you denied. I was fascinated by your potential, but you always shied away. It was too bad. Then you finally touched the other side of your power, achieved what no one else would have dared to try. You tamed the darkness of GensouKai, the wild spirit. You’ve felt it, you’ve touched it…“ Enma closed the distance. "You've used it as a last way out. You know I would never allow this. You are mine, Asato. Mine to command."
Tsuzuki stood like rooted to the spot, his anger still raging through him, touching exactly that power he always feared using because of its destructive force, coaxing it to the forefront. The almost hypnotic words seemed to trigger something inside of him, awaken it, make it aware.
“No,” he breathed in denial as he felt what was happening.
“You inherited the darkness, Tsuzuki,” the ethereal figure in front of him continued with the same calm. “Yet you pushed it into the recesses of your mind, afraid and incapable of handling it. I let you. I waited.”
He shook his head, unable to move. His whole body was locked up in fear at what was happening to him. He felt the echo inside of him, that strangely familiar presence, grow in strength, looking for something…
Timeless eyes bore into his and he heard the power growl and snarl, wanting out.
“I waited,” Enma-Daiou repeated. “I waited for you to find the balance you so badly needed to live through this, but even when it was within your reach, you turned away and fled. You felt its call and you chose to ignore it out of fear. You chose to be a coward and escape me and my grasp, and yourself. You used the only one who would never deny you this freedom because he has been longing for it for ages.” Enma smiled. "So he returned a favor. Well, let me do the same."
Tsuzuki felt tears gather in his eyes. Tears of pain and rage and shame, tears of frustration and desperation. From one second to the next the hard surface cracked, showing the weak human underneath, the one who had killed himself to escape a life of pain.
“Stop it!” he begged.
“You, my shinigami, are human, and you are so much more. It doesn’t matter where it came from, what enhanced your bloodline, but it’s there and you should accept what you are, achieve your balance.”
A flawless hand reached out, the richly decorated sleeve of the exquisite robe sliding over pale skin, and Tsuzuki tried to shy away, but he was paralyzed.
Cool fingers touched his forehead –
-- and the world exploded.
The darkness within him, the power he had always harbored even when he was still alive, soared, free and unbound. It flooded his mind, pulled his consciousness with it, and Tsuzuki screamed.
Pain ripped through him, scorching his every cell, setting nerves on fire, and he fell to his knees, crying in agony. It wasn’t more but a weak, almost too soft sound in the roaring of energy and unleashed potential, but someone heard it. His soul, lost and alone and unable to really deal with the massive force inside him out of his inherit shame and fear, was suddenly caught by something strong and equally powerful.
Tsuzuki whimpered as he saw the shadow rise above him, protective and aggressive in one. It hissed and snarled and pushed the figure of Enma-Daiou away, filling Tsuzuki's field of vision only with itself.
"No," he begged, unable to say if he had even spoken out loud. "No, please… no…"
And he kept falling.
This was what could level buildings in no time. This was what could destroy everything. This was his greatest horror and he had no control over it.
He had never wanted this power.
He hated it.
It would consume him as it doomed everything around him.
Suddenly arms held him, fingers curled around his own, clutching him tightly, and he instinctively sought more of the offered shelter, of the strangely familiar presence. Tsuzuki sobbed in relief as he was stabilized, balanced, within the raging storm, and he let himself be guided by his helper, too weak to do much of his own.
Words were whispered into his ears, words of encouragement, holding a soothing quality. He sank more into the other presence, part of him noting the darkness that surrounded them both, stemming from the stranger. It was a new kind of darkness, comforting and strangely warm.
//I won’t let you go//
It was a clear voice now, strong and cool and still so very soothing for the troubled shinigami. Tsuzuki closed his eyes, breath hitching, trying to stifle new sobs, but it was impossible. Tears streamed down his face and he felt ashamed of his weakness.
//You are not weak//
He was cushioned by the other, his only hold in this stormy sea of newly awakened powers, and finally his consciousness just gave out.
Tsuzuki slipped into the darkness of his mind.

* * *

Feline eyes in a youthful, usually smiling face regarded the sight in front of him. Spiky white hair shone in the sun. Sitting Indian-style, the long, black and white striped tail twitching, the short hairs standing up on end and giving it twice the normal size, Byakko wondered what to think of it. The surge of power had been unmistakable Tsuzuki’s, but it had held such a desperate, almost forced quality, Byakko’s fear for his friend had immediately peaked.
As Tsuzuki’s first shikigami it usually fell to him to stay close to his so-called master, a man who insisted he was, if at all, their equal, and not even worthy of their loyalty. All his twelve shikigami begged to differ, but getting through that hard head that was filled with so much self-consciousness and guilt, his self-perceived worthlessness, was near-impossible. All twelve of them knew that Tsuzuki was far more than he seemed, but few had ever had a true glimpse of his power. Those who suspected had never told him anything; it was something he had to discover and accept at his own pace.
It looked like someone had helped that development process along.
The one now cradling the unconscious shinigami in his arms belonged to those who had known, and probably the only one who knew just what lurked behind that friendly, cheerful and sometime very childish façade.
“What happened?” Byakko broke the silence.
Eyes hidden by a tinted visor met his and Touda smiled coldly. “He was triggered.”
Byakko knew that.
“By Enma himself,” the other shikigami added.
“Well, shit,” the tiger muttered.
“Apt description.”
“Why?”
Touda snorted, attention back on the man in his arms. He was sitting on the ground, back against a large boulder, Tsuzuki cradled in a protective hold. One hand, sheathed in a dangerous, metal glove, tenderly caressed the man he had sworn eternal loyalty to.
“Because he’s a bastard,” the serpent finally replied.
“I know that,” Byakko grumbled, which got him a smirk from the other. “Hey, I’ve been with Tsuzuki almost from day one and let me tell you, something was going on even back then. He was hiding from himself and the world, but Enma-Daiou knew exactly who he had made a shinigami. He’s got plans.”
“Of course he does.” Touda tenderly finger-combed the longish strands. “Tsuzuki is special in many ways.”
“Uh-huh. So… Enma triggered him and he ended up here. Do I need to ask why?”
In a way he knew. Touda’s very presence here, as well as his status as a shikigami serving Tsuzuki, spoke volumes. Byakko had only once asked how his friend had found the black serpent, who had, theoretically, been locked away for all eternity inside Tenku, with no one even having a clue where he was. His name had been erased from all lists. Not just deactivated but completely removed.
But Tsuzuki had found him. Somehow, the slender young man who seemed to be such a far cry from a powerful angel of death, had walked into the palace with determined strides and right to the cell where Touda was kept. The very person who could get lost in a heartbeat had gone to a well-hidden place and offered his hand, his very soul, to a dangerous criminal.
To everyone’s shocked surprise, Touda had offered the same in return without hesitation. Submitting to the will of the Emperor to be released only if he wore the control devices, the lethal shikigami had joined the ranks of Tsuzuki’s allies. He was fiercely and undeniably loyal to Tsuzuki. Even if everyone else was against him, even though he was with his back against the wall, he would never forsake that loyalty.
Tilting his head, Byakko gazed thoughtfully at the pair in front of him.
“You felt him.”
“I always do.”
“We all do, to a degree,” the tiger murmured. “But you… he called to you and you answered. It’s what Enma wanted. Darkness calls to darkness.”
There was a briefly startled expression in the visored eyes that was clearly visible on the rest of the face. Then Touda growled softly.
“Enma had no right to force the issue.”
“You knew it would happen.”
A shrug. “I knew it could happen. The moment we met, I realized it. The attraction was immediate.”
Byakko nodded, tail twitching a little. “So… it’s done now?”
“It’s raw, painful and new,” Touda answered, in a rare open mood at the moment. “He needs to heal first for it to have the wanted effects.”
Feline eyes bore into the visor. “And you?”
“That is of no consequence.”
The red eyes darkened in reproach. “It is, Touda. It always was, but now it’s even more important for the two of you. Tsuzuki will feel it and he will need you.”
“He always had me.”
Byakko smiled. “Yeah, he always did.” His tail twitched again and he grabbed it, running gentle fingers over the still upset fur.
Tsuzuki moaned softly, drawing their attention to the slender figure, looking so small and vulnerable. Touda’s black-clad form, his hidden eyes, his metal-clawed fingers, appeared threatening in comparison, but Byakko knew that the other shikigami would sooner die before he hurt the young man safely in his arms.
Amethyst eyes cracked open, blinked, then blinked again, and finally locked on the one above him. They widened, one hand twitched, and then a tentative smile stretched over the pale lips. Byakko could almost see the healing lines, the way wounds knitted and broken scars closed once more. The darkness inside Tsuzuki, that incredible power, called out and received and answer from the other force so close to him, and they twirled around each other in an intimate dance. Byakko watched in fascination but without the slightest trace of jealousy.
“T… Touda?” Tsuzuki whispered, voice weak and unsure.
Those dangerous but extremely gentle claws caressed the soft skin of his face. “Yes.”
Byakko held his breath as the inhuman eyes widened fractionally, as memories came back to their friend, and then Touda suddenly found himself with an armful of sobbing human. He closed his arms around him held him tight, resting his chin on the dark strands of hair that stuck out in every direction.
Byakko met the shielded eyes and smiled calmly, still stroking his tail as if to soothe himself.
“Hurts,” Tsuzuki managed and shivered.
“I know,” Touda murmured, never faltering in his caress.
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
Tsuzuki buried himself in the safety and warmth of the one being who responded to his despair more than any other of his shikigami. Byakko watched the harsh lines around the black serpent smooth out, the indifferent face reflecting the pain the shinigami in his arms radiated. Tsuzuki moaned softly again, twitching a little, and ripples of pain raced through him. His body was adjusting to the newly-found power.
“I could kill him for what he did,” Touda rumbled.
Tsuzuki’s hands clenched into the black clothes. “No,” he breathed. He sniffled a little. “No, Touda. Please, no…”
Never stopping his caress, Touda gazed at him. “He did it deliberately. He wanted to finally trigger you.”
“Please…” Tsuzuki repeated.
The serpent sighed softly. There was no way any one of them could deny their master anything. Those eyes had power.
“Okay,” he agreed. “I won’t rip him apart.”
Tsuzuki relaxed a little, smiling, and snuggled into the gentle embrace once more. “You’re here,” he murmured.
“I’m always here.”
Byakko smiled tenderly at the softly voiced answer.
“You’re closer now.” Tsuzuki swallowed a little. “I can… feel you.” He winced once more, but the pain seemed less intense now.
Touda rested the clawed hand on Tsuzuki’s head, features neutral.
“It feels… nice. Better. Warm.”
Byakko had to grin at the serpent’s expression when he was called ‘nice and warm’.
Tsuzuki finally raised his head and sat up, slow and almost deliberate. There was a shift in his features and suddenly he reached out, cupping the shikigami’s face, his own expression serious, serene.
“Thank you for your acceptance,” he whispered.
Byakko sat silently, waiting, holding his breath. Touda placed a hand over the one on his cheek and curled his fingers around it.
“I would accept no other.”
Tsuzuki’s smile was brilliant, chasing away the lines of pain. It was the smile they all cherished, what drew them so magically to the young man. Byakko felt his own heart lift at the sight and when the amethyst eyes suddenly fell on him, the smile growing even more, he felt himself respond in kind.

* * *

He lay on the flat, warm ground, listening to the wind, watching the clouds in the ageless sky. Around him, in the desert-like landscape, nothing moved. Tsuzuki had no idea why and how he had ended up in GensouKai, and why here of all places, so far away from the places his shikigami usually frequented. He only knew that he felt incredibly at peace at the moment, and it had a lot to do with the silent, dark presence at his side.
Touda sat cross-legged next to him, dark coat moving in the breeze, and he hadn’t spoken a word in hours. It wasn’t really necessary.
Tsuzuki glanced at the most dangerous shikigami he called a friend -- and now his balance. Like himself, Touda had had no choice. Enma-Daiou had forced the subject, unleashing Tsuzuki’s true power. The raw force had searched for its counterweight and had found it in Touda.
So much alike, so very much in need of a partner, so very lonely in its life. Two wounded souls had finally acknowledged their attraction and found peace, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle, interlocking -- inseparable. Touda couldn’t erase decades of guilt, shame and pain, self-inflicted as well as from the outside, but he could ease it, help it start healing.
Visored eyes suddenly looked at him, picking up on the old memories of a childhood spent in misery, in despair, with growing self-hatred, to the time Tsuzuki had given up on himself. Tsuzuki smiled a little, raising one hand to clasp Touda’s. The gesture was accepted without protest, and the shinigami closed his eyes, the contact making him relax.
He didn’t want to return to Meifu. Enma-Daiou had done something to him that would have consequences and that would probably be visible to the others. All of them were shinigami and they would feel it, they would be aware of it.
He didn’t want to be different! He had always been different and now… now even more so.
No, please… Why had Enma-Daiou done it? Why?!
Agitation flooded through him and his stomach clenched. Tsuzuki tried to calm himself and felt Touda’s presence move like an inky cloud, cool and soothing and so very, very solid. Tsuzuki shuddered a little and his mind relaxed under the touch.
He now had the darkness inside him out in the open, readily there for him to use. He had a measure of control because Touda guided him, restrained him, or completely froze the lethal force inside him if necessary.
He also felt more stable, no longer threatened by the darkest of memories, though they still teased his waking mind now and then. Still, there was something warm and very solid he could lean on. Someone who understood, who had been there, who had seen it all.
How long would this peaceful feeling last when he returned to Meifu?
Tsuzuki felt something inside of him trickle with despair.
“You have all the time you want,” Touda rumbled softly, picking up on his thoughts once more.
“Tatsumi will probably cut my pay for staying away from work,” he sighed.
“I doubt it.”
Amethyst eyes opened and Tsuzuki suddenly sat up, running a hand through his hair. A slight shiver went through him.
Too much had changed within such a short time. His attempt to end his life as a shinigami hadn’t been that long ago and even though a lot had happened since then, taking his mind off matters, his meeting with Enma-Daiou had brought up all that old pain once more.
He wasn’t human. Had never been, would never be. Part of him had demonic blood in it and this part was what made him both so terrifyingly strong and incredibly weak. He had been called names as a child, beaten, shamed and worse. He had hated himself, his eyes, his very existence, but he had never found a way out. As a shinigami he had pushed his human life away, but it had always come back to haunt him one way or another. And when Muraki had entered his life…
Tsuzuki shivered a little and his peace was disrupted by the tremors from within his soul. He felt Touda’s presence close in, wrapping itself so carefully around him, he had to smile. The shikigami had never shown such tender care for him, at least this openly, and it was a new experience.
“I always cared for you,” Touda murmured softly, tightening his hold.
“I know.”
And he was so thankful for it.
“We all care.”
He swallowed. Not just the shikigami who were his pride, but also his friends in Meifu. He needed them all, but what now? What now that he was truly different?
“You’re not different from before.”
Tsuzuki closed his eyes. “Maybe.”
Touda forced him to look into the visored eyes, two fingers under his chin, unconsciously mimicking a gesture of Enma-Daiou’s not long ago.
“No, not maybe. Really. What Enma-Daiou did was disgusting and underhanded, but he only freed your soul to finally seek what it needed, to use your potential which we are all aware of. You’re not different, Tsuzuki Asato.”
“Thanks,” came the soft whisper. “I’m sorry to be such a burden at times.” He lowered his eyes.
Touda snorted. “Stop that!” His voice was sharp, laced with anger.
Tsuzuki winced. “Sorry.”
Shit, his emotions were all over the place, going up and down, and the darkness inside him roiled with it. Touda’s power responded, calming him, and Tsuzuki moaned softly. It was a strange touch, reigning in the dark side but also encouraging it to stay out of the closet.
“You are no burden. You are what you are and you have to accept it!” Touda growled, glaring at him.
Tsuzuki swallowed.
//There is no guilt and shame in your existence// a voice whispered inside his soul. //We are all imperfect beings. Take strength from that, Tsuzuki//
“Touda…” he stammered.
The shikigami smiled almost tenderly and Tsuzuki answered it shakily.
“Thank you for everything.”
Touda nodded briskly.
Both men sat together, Tsuzuki finding his peace again by the other’s closeness. He felt having to apologize for this… connection, for something neither had a chance to test and agree to, but Touda's reaction was predictable. And to be completely honest, he liked it. It had never been so harmonious to touch the resonating force inside him.
“This will take some getting used to,” he murmured. "Sorry that it had to happen to you."
Touda glowered at him for the repeated apology and Tsuzuki sighed sadly. Finally the shikigami placed a metal-clad hand onto Tsuzuki's neck, stroking it lightly. Goosebumps rose on the soft skin.
"This is not unpleasant for me, Tsuzuki. It's easy to get used to."
Amethyst eyes regarded him carefully, hopefully. "Really?"
Touda gave him a smile so unlike his usual ones, Tsuzuki felt warmth curl inside him.
"Yes, really."
"Thank you," the shinigami breathed.
Touda didn’t answer, he just briefly tightened his grip in reassurance. Tsuzuki was not alone any more. He had never been, he had friends, but his soul had always been lonely. Now it felt the echo of another soul, so much like himself, and they took strength from each other.

* * *

“He what?!”
The strong, female voice resounded in the palace and Byakko tried not to wince. His feline hearing was cringing from the noise.
“How could he? With that cold-blooded snake!”
The owner of the voice was a tall, black-haired woman with fiery eyes and the same fiery attitude and temper. Suzaku, Protector of the South, Phoenix shikigami, and one of the twelve Divine Commanders serving Tsuzuki, stared at the hapless tiger, who was her equal in rank and power.
Byakko just shrugged. “It happened. If you’re asking me, it had to happen, Suzaku. I mean, look at the echoes of their powers…”
“Tsuzuki is nothing like that snake bastard! He’s a caring human being!”
There was nothing good between Touda and Suzaku. She hated him with a vengeance, especially since the episode in Kyoto. Touda had been ready to follow Tsuzuki’s order to kill him. Suzaku had never forgiven him that.
“Tsuzuki is warm and kind and…” She stopped as a presence registered on her senses and the female shikigami turned around, dark eyes widening. “Tsuzuki!”
Dressed only in his black pants and white shirt, tie and jacket lost somewhere, hair tousled, Tsuzuki Asato looked young and vulnerable and sweet. It was a deceptive façade. Behind that innocence lurked a strength that each and every shikigami respected and had witnessed before.
Suzaku threw her arms around the shinigami, hugging him closely. “Are you all right?” she asked.
He returned the hug, smiling a little. “Yes.”
Her eyes flew over his body and she almost patted him down as if to look for hidden injuries.
“He isn’t hurting you, or is he?”
The smile stayed. “No, Suzaku. Touda would never hurt me.”
Her manicured fingers caressed his face and the Phoenix nodded sadly. “I know. I just wish… I just wish it could have been me. I love you, Tsuzuki. You know that. We all do, but for this to happen to you with Touda… He's the most incompatible of all of us!”
“It’s okay.” He caught her hand, covering it with his as they rested against one cheek. “I’m fine. I appreciate your love, your strength… without all of you I would never have made it to this day…”
She shook her head, features soft and gentle. Anyone seeing her now wouldn’t believe that this was the feared warrior and Divine Commander of the South. Tsuzuki brought out the softer sides – in all of them.
“No. You do have our abilities and powers at your command, but it’s the master’s power that shapes a shikigami, not the other way around. The strength of your heart is reflected in our battle skills.”
Black and amethyst eyes met, and Tsuzuki’s eyes reflected his soul-deep gratitude.
Byakko watched silently from where he sat on a low wall, smiling to himself. He felt the gentle waves of power around their friend, and there was no mistaking the harmony. Suzaku might not appreciate who was now balancing Tsuzuki, but it worked.
Tsuzuki wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close, resting his head against her, and Suzuki did the same.
“Thank you, Suzaku,” he whispered.
“You’re more than welcome.”
“I love you, too.”
Her smile was warm, happy and without reservations.

* * *

Rikugo watched the slender young man standing at the high windows of his study, watching the world sprawling before him. From his study, Rikugo had an unrivaled view of the city and an unobstructed one into the sky. It was a quiet place, the silence only broken by Genbu’s shuffling, the wooden stick clicking against the stone floor, and the occasional mumble. The astrologer had learned to ignore it.
He wasn’t ignoring Tsuzuki, though. The shinigami who had been his master for so long now appeared lost and alone. No, not master. His friend, Rikugo corrected himself. Tsuzuki hated to be called ‘master’ or anything of the like. He didn’t want them to obey, just cooperate or help him when he needed them.
Rikugo smiled a little. It wasn’t the normal concept of a shinigami/shikigami relationship. Caught and conquered by a shinigami, the shikigami would be loyal and obedient to him or her. Tsuzuki… well, he had never been like others. He had always been special.
Walking over to the slight form, the astrologer joined the angel of death at the window.
“You are unusually quiet, Tsuzuki,” he remarked.
Not as tall as the shikigami, Tsuzuki had to look up to him, and he gave the other a tired smile.
“There’s a lot I need to think about. I’m sorry if I’m bothering you, Rikugo.”
Ancient eyes in a youthful face, partially hidden by his reading glasses, gazed at the pale, slightly worn face.
“You don’t have to apologize for anything, my friend. You are no bother.”
And he had told him so before. Tsuzuki really had a very low self-esteem, even after so many decades. Still, none of his shikigami would ever desert their master or dare to attack him thinking he was weak. He showed weakness, yes. He was sometimes downright pathetic, but there was a core of steel behind that façade, a strength that was unbroken. Rikugo had been drawn to that core of power like all the others, fascinated and fearful in one. All of them had tested Tsuzuki one way or the other, and he had never failed. All twelve of them were powerful, leaders and commanders, battle-honed and swift in their attacks, but none of them had any illusion about defeating this unpretending human.
Not even Sohryu.
Rikugo pushed the thought of the Protector of the East aside. They didn’t really see eye to eye, and they evaded each other if possible.
“Is there any way I can help?” Rikugo now asked.
A sigh. “I doubt it, but thank you. You’re all so nice to me.”
Of course. What else should they be? Tsuzuki disarmed them, warmed them, filled them with life. Rikugo had never felt anything like this man’s soul. He had never felt his own strength grow like it because of his partnership with Tsuzuki Asato. They loved him, they served him, they protected him because he was their source of life and wonder.
He placed a hand on one slender shoulder, noting with dismay that Tsuzuki was thinner than the last time he had seen him. The latest events up to the point where he had been ready to end his life had left their traces.
“There is nothing evil in being who you are, Asato; in needing what you need. I was aware of the bond you and Touda had developed, and while I agree with Suzaku that I would have preferred anyone to him, I can feel it’s doing you a world of good. Don’t think about it.”
He was given a warm smile, the kind of smile that lifted his spirit, comforted him, touched him… the smile that each and every single one of the twelve shikigami treasured.
“Thank you.”
“As for what Enma-Daiou did or didn’t, what he said or withheld… he had his reasons.”
“Probably.” Tsuzuki leaned a little against him, like a child seeking comfort.
The ancient being wrapped a robed arm around him, honored by the simple gesture.
“It doesn’t change my past life or my reason for choosing death either,” Tsuzuki murmured. “Knowing I’m not human… even in life it wouldn’t have eased my mind.”
“You are human.” The second set of eyes opened, red and round and inhuman, gazing at the currently very vulnerable young man. “Being human isn’t a matter of genetics, Asato.”
The violet eyes looked away. “It would have helped not to look like a freak, too.”
The astrologer smiled. “Yes,” he confessed. “It would have. But your life and your death led you here, and here you have made a difference. He framed the narrow face, gazing into those brilliant eyes. “You are important, Tsuzuki Asato. To all of us. We don’t care about what your blood says because your heart is what we listen to, and it’s your soul we are bound to.”
Tsuzuki swallowed, eyes glistening wetly. Rikugo pressed a gentle kiss onto the smaller man’s forehead, then let him go. Wide eyes looked at him.
"You want to know what you are," Rikugo went on, voice soft and gentle. "You are everything, Asato. Our spirit, our life, our wonder. We'll always be with you. Stay here as long as you want. You’re always more than welcome in our home.”
With that he left the other man alone, smiling a little to himself. Tsuzuki would be fine. He was finally achieving the balance he needed, even with the most unlikely of partners, and there was nothing more Rikugo wished for.
Tsuzuki was important to him, to all of them. Not because of some higher plans or nether purposes like it seemed for Enma-Daiou. He was theirs to protect, to love and to live for. It was their accepted duty, one they all performed without regret or second thought. It didn't matter where Tsuzuki had come from, who had borne or fathered him. His spirit was wonderful, clear and innocent and inspiring.
That was what and who he was.

* * *

Tsuzuki spent a few days in GensouKai, feeling his spirit unwind, relax, become more settled. Touda was around, giving him silent strength, and it seemed he was healing. Whatever wounds had been inflicted upon his soul, they were now slowly closing. He often stayed with Rikugo, taking strength from just sitting in the astrologer's study, gazing at the sky, feeling Tenkuu around him as the palace breathed and lived around them. Something inside him was settling, accepting what had happened, accepting that there was a difference he would never be able to hide. Not just his eye color but something much deeper, in his very being.
But he was still Tsuzuki Asato. He wasn't a monster.
For the first time in close to one hundred years of existence, Tsuzuki felt that burden lift.
Not a monster.
He was human in every sense that counted.
When he finally returned to Meifu, Tsuzuki felt part of him clench in anticipation while another looked forward to getting back to work, to normality. Touda’s presence was still strong and he smiled as the serpent rumbled softly at him to relax.
//I am//
//Right// came the growl.
The presence of his shikigami in his mind, his very soul, was both new but also… familiar. It felt so right, like it should always have been like this. Touda was the complimenting piece that had been missing. It would take some getting used to the fact that he now had someone else there who only he could hear, he could talk to like this, and who didn’t really judge him.
Hisoka was there to great him, his green eyes unreadable, his face a mask. Both men just stared at each other, one smiling gently, the other starting to scowl.
“You okay?” Hisoka finally asked.
“Yes. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not worrying about you,” Hisoka muttered and fell into step beside him as they walked toward the large building that housed the Shokan Division.
Of course not, Tsuzuki thought with a secret smile.
Hisoka frowned a little as he carefully examined him visually.
“What happened to you?” he wanted to know.
Tsuzuki sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he gazed at the cherry trees. Part of him was nervously scanning for the presence of Enma-Daiou, though the logical side of his brain knew that the eternal being would never just walk up to him. Then again, Enma-Daiou was also unpredictable.
Nothing happened. Everything was peaceful.
“I don’t really know.”
“You’ve been gone for three days and you don’t know what happened?” Hisoka demanded.
Tsuzuki gave him an apologetic smile.
Hisoka glared more.
Finally the older shinigami leaned against one of the trees and gazed at the clouds. It was a beautiful day. Sunny, warm, with a slight breeze… perfect.
“I had a talk with Enma-Daiou,” he said, slight pain threading into his voice at the recollection of that moment.
Hisoka frowned, green eyes narrowing.
“I… wanted to finally know who and what I am. He wouldn’t tell me. He showed me.”
Memories teased at his mind and he pushed them away. The other presence bound to him over dimensions rippled.
//It’s over// Touda rumbled. //Just accept what happened//
Hisoka suddenly winced and Tsuzuki sighed.
“Sorry.”
“What… what was that?” the teen gasped.
“The result of my visit. Enma-Daiou… triggered what’s inside me. It nearly killed me, Hisoka.” Serious, violet colored eyes met wide green ones. “Someone caught me. Someone who harbors the same darkness inside him that I do. Someone who understands.”
“Who…?”
“Touda.”
Hisoka gaped at him. “Wha… what?!”
“It’s not bad, Hisoka,” Tsuzuki added calmly. “It’s actually… better than before. “He’s my control mechanism. I need him.”
Hisoka still stared at him, then his face darkened and he glared at the sky. “Fine!” he growled.
“Hisoka…” Tsuzuki tried, but the teen wouldn’t look at him. He was pointedly ignoring his partner.
Tsuzuki sighed sadly and pushed his hands into the pockets of his pants, starting toward the administration building again.
//He’s a child. He wouldn’t understand// Touda broke the silence around him.
//Hisoka’s no child. Physically he’s a teenager, but he’s older//
An exasperated sigh. //I know that, idiot//
Tsuzuki managed a little laugh. For a shikigami as old as Touda, Hisoka was truly just a child. And Tsuzuki himself wasn't any better. With close to a century of age he couldn't even scratch the surface of the immortal's.
//He’ll get over it//
//Over what?//
//My presence echoing in yours. It’s disturbing him//
Tsuzuki nodded to himself, feeling bad about making Hisoka feel bad. He had never thought about the empath and what he might pick up.
//Don’t blame yourself for what you cannot control!//
He nodded to himself. But maybe it was more than having this bond now. Hisoka had tried to gain a shikigami himself, needing to be as strong as Tsuzuki he thought. Tsuzuki had never thought of Hisoka as weak. His partner had a strength Tsuzuki himself had never had. But Hisoka just saw the twelve Divine Commanders and felt inferior.
A shikigami's strength comes from the strength of a shinigami's heart, not the other way around, he heard an old thought echo in his head.
Yes, he had their power at his command, but they were feeding off his own strength to be such formidable warriors.
//It's his own problem// Touda rumbled, disgusted.
//No. He looks at me and sees… you guys//
//Like I said – his problem. If he hasn't understood the workings of this partnership yet, he's an idiot. A child//
Tsuzuki sighed silently. Well, he had someone else to face, someone who scared him more than his partner sometimes. His boss, Konoe, and then there was Tatsumi. He swallowed a little. He really didn’t want to confront Tatsumi. The worst he now had to go through was a rant and a dressing down from Konoe. Tatsumi… well, he would be worse. Just one look from those blue eyes and he would be shaking in his shoes.
To his surprise, none of the above happened. Konoe wasn’t even in. Something about a meeting between Division chiefs or other. Tatsumi met him in the office, blue eyes looking at him, calm and collected, giving nothing away.
“Welcome back,” he said quietly.
“Tatsumi, I… I was…”
The smile grew warmer, chasing away the stern expression.
“I know.”
Tsuzuki swallowed. He knew? Tatsumi knew… what? Nervousness flooded him and he caught sight of Hisoka shooting him a frown. His partner had silently followed him and was keeping a modicum of distance.
“Tatsumi…?”
Blue eyes were warm with concern. “Are you okay?”
He cared. Tsuzuki could hear it in his voice, saw it in his face, and it embarrassed him to know that Tatsumi, despite giving him such hard times, despite yelling at him for spending too much of 'his' money or slacking off… well, Tatsumi would always forgive. He could care, he would worry, he would be there for him.
A hand touched his face, warm and reassuring, and he looked into the deep blue eyes of his former partner.
I just want you to be happy. He recalled the words when he had been trapped inside the novel. The Tatsumi in there had been a fictional character, created by the Count, but he had had the soul of the man now looking at him. His personality, his traits, his passion, ad his dreams.
Tatsumi loved him, wanted him to be happy, and the Shadow Master would do everything to ensure this happiness. Even deny his attachment, his friendship, their partnership. Tsuzuki hadn't understood back then, but a lot had become clear after the book incident.
Tatsumi protected him with each and every of his actions. He didn't want this sacrifice, but it had happened and no one could make it undone. He had to live with it, just like he had to live with so much.
“Uh, yes… fine…” he now murmured.
“Good.”
Their eyes were still locked and finally Tsuzuki dropped his gaze as well as his hand.
“I’ll… ah… better get to work."
"The chief said you have the rest of the week off. We don't want to see you here till Monday.”
"Okay," Tsuzuki said weakly.
Any other time he would have cheered and celebrated his off time, but right now he was too stunned.
Tatsumi nodded, the awkward moment still in the air. He gave Hisoka a brief look and a half-smile, then turned and walked into his office.
Tsuzuki exhaled slowly. Wordlessly he went over to his desk despite the fact that he was actually not on duty and looked at the neatly placed folders, the lack of forms to fill out or reports to finish. He looked at Hisoka.
“You didn’t have to do that,” he said quietly.
The serious youth grimaced a little. “I didn’t want to get buried in an avalanche from your desk. Don’t think I was doing you a favor, okay?”
Tsuzuki smiled gently. “Of course not.”
And as always the friendly, caring smile completely caught Hisoka off guard. He blinked, trying to uphold his mask of indifference. His partner had never been good at staying mad at him for a prolonged time, but it hurt Tsuzuki every time anyway. He didn’t want Hisoka mad at him; this had been his longest partnership ever. It worked, it was actually complimentary, and he didn’t want anyone else.
“Thank you,” came the soft addition.
Hisoka turned away, trying to keep his emotions under control, and stalked over to his desk to plop into his chair.
“Don’t be such an idiot,” the younger shinigami muttered and switched on his computer.
Tsuzuki wasn’t fooled by the act. He had never been. Still smiling, feeling strangely warm by the affection shown to him. Touda moved lazily, like a large cat, stretching and then curling up.
//Told you//
Tsuzuki caught the glance from Hisoka and gave him an apologetic smile. The youth huffed.
Yes, this would take some getting used to on both their parts. Hisoka had to either ignore Touda’s presence whenever the serpent shikigami came to the forefront, or live with the presence. Tsuzuki wished he could lessen the burden on his friend, but there was no chance of it. Hisoka was an empath and his shields were still in training.
Tsuzuki turned to his computer to check on mails and stuff like that.
"The boss gave you off," Hisoka reminded him gruffly. "I thought you'd be out of here by now, not actually working!"
He pointedly reached over and flipped off the screen.
"Hisoka…"
"Get out, okay? Let those who can't slack off work!"
Tsuzuki watched his young partner and smiled gently. "How about I'll start my day off work after today, help you with the office stuff, and we get some dinner together?" he asked.
Hisoka huffed. "Whatever!"
He moved away and Tsuzuki was alone. He sighed softly. Oh well…
Switching the screen back on, Tsuzuki listlessly scanned through his folders and finally chose some of the recent entries to check on. He might be evading work as much as was possible, but he never disregarded his duties as a shinigami. He had lost three days of work, of information, of possible cases, and he planned on catching up on them. Only a few more hours till the end of the day and tomorrow he could sleep in, relax, enjoy his off time.
He was in the middle of a file when someone suddenly placed a plate in front of him. A slice of apple pie sat on it. Tsuzuki’s eyes widened and he looked up, right into the neutral green eyes of his partner.
“Hisoka?”
“You missed Wakaba’s pie party yesterday. She saved you some leftovers.”
Stunned, he looked from the young shinigami to the pie, speechless.
“Th… thank you…”
Hisoka shrugged, but there was a smile in his eyes. He settled down on his chair and went back to work.
Tsuzuki kept smiling as he ate his favorite dessert.
"I get to choose the restaurant," Hisoka suddenly said and he looked up, meeting the cool, green gaze.
"Restaurant?"
"Dinner, remember?"
"Oh, right. Okay." Tsuzuki grinned like a little kid.
"And you're paying," Hisoka added.
Oh well, there were ups and then there were downs. "Okay," he said once again, not really caring.
Kurosaki Hisoka was his partner. He loved him, protected him, needed him. He would do everything for the younger shinigami, and if it went covering a probably expensive restaurant bill, well, it was worth it.
Tsuzuki cleaned the plate, feeling wonderfully sated and warm. He felt Touda close by, wrapped around him like a shield, a living and breathing and caring shield.
Maybe he should thank Enma-Daiou for this… but maybe he shouldn't. The master of this realm did nothing without expecting something to come from it, and whatever he thought would come from releasing Tsuzuki's inner power and force, the shinigami wasn't sure it was something he wanted to know.
For now, he would just try and get his life and partnership in order. Everything else would show in time.