Our heroic battle against the Pink Spore IV

Death of a Spore

by Pikachu025
edited by Tenchi wielding the Illumina sword

(Scene: Celebrity Deathmatch Arena. Usagi, Ami, Rei, Makoto, Minako, and Mamoru are sitting in front-row seats. Tenchi and Kittykat are sitting near them. Other Lakacua and Project C.U.R.E members are seated in rows 2 through 5. On the other side of the ring, members of Project C.U.T.E. hold up signs saying, "We Love Chibi-Usa!" and "Pika-Pounding Time!" C.H.I.P. members are sitting between the two parties so they don't get at each other. They're holding up their usual "Chibi-Usa's Hair Is Pink" banners. Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond are giving usual commentary.)

Gomez: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another Celebrity Deathmatch! I'm Johnny Gomez.
Diamond: And I'm Nick Diamond. Tonight, we have 3 spectacular matches. The first pits Carmen Elektra against Jenny McCarthy. Both were annoying as hell on the long-gone MTV favorite, "Singled Out".
Gomez: Very true, Nick. Now, each wants to tear the other's eyes out as they try to prove who is responsible for the show's downfall.
Diamond: Fight 2 is 'N Sync vs. the Backstreet Boys, for obvious reasons. A tag-team battle for supremacy as the best cure for crowds of teenage girls.
Gomez: Which brings us to our Main Event! The Move-mirroring Master of the razor disk, Pikachu025, versus the Pink-haired Princess Pest, Chibi-Usa!
Diamond: Look at all those people cheering for Pikachu! The Sailor Senshi, Tuxedo Mask, and several dozen members of Lakacua and C.U.R.E.!
Gomez: On the other side, ALL of Project C.U.T.E and Project C.H.I.P. They're drooling like idiots, waiting to see their messiah climb into the ring.
Diamond: Anyway, let's get to the first fight.

(Elektra destroys McCarthy by clawing her with 4-inch [10 cm] fingernails. Then the second fight is called a draw after hordes of screaming teenagers beat 'N Sync to death after they pull out the Backstreet Boys' throats. Two birds with one stone, I guess.)

Gomez: Wow, these fights have been unbelievable! However, both pale in comparison to our Main Event!
Announcer: In the blue corner, the Pink-haired Princess of Crystal Tokyo, the Sweet-tooth Senshi, Chibiiiiiii-Usa!! And in the red corner, the Master of Malevolent Mirror Moving, Wielder of the Razor Disk, Pikachuuuuuu025!!!
Mills Lane: I've explained the rules to you both, I want a good, clean fight. LET'S GET IT ON!

(The bell rings. Chibi-Usa runs at Pikachu, Pikachu stands there.)

Diamond: Pikachu isn't even moving! He's not going to last long like this!
Gomez: What? He's picked her up and thrown her into the stands! The audience is throwing her back into the ring!
Chibi-Usa: You're mine, pimple boy!
Pikachu: Bring it on, little shiitake. I hope you're well-insured, because you'll need every cent you can get when I'm done with you!
Usagi: Do my dirty work for me, Pikachu!
Mamoru: Are you serious? You're supposed to protect her!
Usagi: Well, haven't you had the urge to twist her head off and burn what was left?
Mamoru: Sometimes...
Diamond: Chibi-Usa is doing something... she's using the Pink Sugar Heart Attack!
Gomez: Looks like those are worse than useless, they're traitorous! Pikachu is absorbing them, then sending them back at Chibi-Usa using his mirror!
Pikachu: Time for a little rip-off action...
Diamond: What in the hell is Pikachu doing? He's going nuts down there!
Gomez: Actually, that's just a prelude to an attack... but what attack?

(Author's note: Before copying any attack the Sailor Senshi use, Pikachu says "Mirror" as the first word. This will all tie in to the rest of the story.)

Pikachu: Mirror Thunder.... Crash!
Diamond: Wow, amazing! A bolt of lightning just zapped Chibi-Usa! She's REALLY PISSED NOW!
Makoto: Hey, he took my attack!
Chibi-Usa: Die!!!!
Gomez: She is too annoying! I feel like murdering the little spore myself.
Diamond: That would probably be considered fungicide, right?
Gomez: Yeah, you're right.
Pikachu: FUNGICIDE! FUNGICIDE!
Senshi, Mamoru, Lakacua, C.U.R.E. all chant: FUNGICIDE! FUNGICIDE!
Diamond: I think I've started something huge!
Entire Audience, except Chibi-slaves: FUNGICIDE! FUNGICIDE! FUNGICIDE! FUNGICIDE!

(Pikachu025 takes out his famous razor disks, 3.5" floppy disks with extra-sharp metal parts. Some have small vials of poison or acid attached to them.)

Gomez: Pikachu is using the razor disk attack! I love this attack!
Diamond: He's throwing the disk, and it's headed for Chibi-Usa's throat!
Gomez: Wait, the disk is angling up, coming back, and it just cut off both of her what-the-hell-do-you-call-'ems! She's been de-horned!
Chibi-Usa: WAAAAAAAAH!! I spent four hours getting these the way I like them! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Pikachu: CRY ME A RIVER! YAAAH!
Diamond: Pikachu is picking up Chibi-Usa! He just slammed her into the canvas, now he's holding her up into the air... what's he planning?
Pikachu: MIRROR SUPER ATTACK!

(A furious attack ensues, using about every attack the Senshi use, plus a lot of attacks exclusive to Pikachu himself. Chibi-Usa is soaked in her own blood, dying a slow death. She crawls toward the edge of the ring, toward Usagi.)

Chibi-Usa: Help... me... Usagi... mommy...
Usagi: Eww, don't bleed on my clothes! Get off here!
(Usagi kicks her over to Mamoru)
Pikachu: Well, now to finish her off...

(Pikachu launches a powerful attack, toward Chibi-Usa, at the moment he launches it, Mamoru holds up Chibi-Usa to make her an easier target. The misdirected attack hits Mamoru, and he falls to the ground.)

Pikachu: Well... that was not was I originally intended, but I guess that's two birds with one stone. He deserved it anyway.
Gomez: Pikachu just zapped Mamoru with his attack, and he even seems quite content with it! But what are the others doing over there?
Diamond: It looks like Usagi is holding Chibi-Usa while the Senshi beat her up a bit more. Chibi-Usa is struggling to get away, thinking that the Chibi-worshipers might protect her!
Gomez: Chibi-Usa has broken free of their hold, and she's running to the Chibi-slaves!
C.U.T.E members: Pikachu, you're never going to win! We will fight you to the death to protect the Beautiful One!
Pikachu: Judging from how ugly I am, if THAT'S beautiful, I must be divinely handsome! Mirror Love Chain Encircle!

(A chain flies from Pikachu, binding the C.U.T.E. members to their messiah.)

Diamond: Now those meatheads are at Pikachu's mercy, but he probably doesn't know the meaning of the word!
Pikachu: DIE, SATAN-SLAVES! Razor Disks, fly!

(The disks decapitate the people protecting Chibi-Usa. Pikachu jumps to tackle the spore, and ends up lying on top of her. NO, THIS STORY IS NOT LIKE THAT, it's not perverted or anything.)

Pikachu: Oops, I must have squashed her. Hmm, she's not moving, oh well. I... oops!
Gomez: Pikachu can't get up! He keeps slipping on something!
Pikachu: This is not what it appears to be, nothing to see here, I'm not doing anything sick to her.
Mamoru: Hey, get off! I'm the one who does her... err... I mean, I, uh...
Usagi: SO, THIS IS WHERE ALL THAT SICK CRAP STEMS FROM!
Pikachu: Help me first, then fight all you want! Come on, I'm starting to like this...

(Rei and Makoto pick Pikachu up, Ami and Minako help him into the ring, Usagi and Mamoru keep fighting.)

Diamond: The fight is over! Pikachu025 is the winner!
Lane: The winner, Pikachu025!
Gomez: Looks like the future is a lot brighter, now that we don't have to deal with her.
Pikachu: WAIT! But, wouldn't she just get born again?
Ami: The way those two are fighting, it looks quite unlikely.
Usagi: I've tried for years to make her give up the idea of doing "private things" to you, and you've only hindered my progress like this!
Mamoru: I only did it a couple of times!
Usagi: GRRRRRRRRR!!

(Usagi kicks Mamoru in the crotch, he falls to the ground, moaning.)

Pikachu: That's my sign to finish him off for good! Thunder Blast!

(Pikachu blasts Mamoru with a huge ball of lightning, burning him to a crispy critter)

Pikachu: Yeah! Now I took out two evils on one day, how much better can you get?
Someone call the clean-up guys, and get me a Gatorade and a towel!
Diamond: Well, that's it.
Gomez: And we are desperately out of time! I'm Johnny Gomez.
Diamond: And I'm Nick Diamond.
Gomez: Saying good fight, good night.

Finis
[The End]
That means it's frickin' over, okay?