Da Wrecka wrecks the Spore
by Da Wrecka

Scene: another Celebrity Deathmatch-like ring stands in the centre, with a mas grande screaming crowd around it. Chibi-Usa stands in the centre of the ring, waving and throwing kisses to the mob, baying for her blood but too shit-scared to do it themselves.

    Announcer: And here we are, for another exciting one-on-one, in 'Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill the Spore!' We have a new challenger
today...(a teenage male strides into the arena, carrying a bazooka and leering at the crowd in a way that says, 'Come on then!') all the way from Liverpool, England...Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Wrecka! Wrecka, got a few words?
    Wrecka: yeah, I got a few words ta say. I don't know a <bleep>in thing about Chibi over dere, but I thought it'd be fun to kick 'er arse, y'know what I'm sayin?
    Announcer: Err, no.
    Wrecka: (starts to get... a BIT steamed) LISTEN TO ME YOU <bleep>IN WANKERS, YEAH YOU <bleep>IN YANKS AND JAPS 'OO DECIDED SAILOR MOON WASN'T COMIN TO DE UK! I'VE <bleep>IN 'AD IT TO THE <bleep>IN BACK TEETH WIV IT, AND I'VE 'AD ENUFF! GET SAILOR MOON OVER TO DE UK, OR I'LL TEAR OFF YA <bleep>IN <bleep>S AND STUFF 'EM DOWN YER FROAT!
    Announcer: Err, yeah, sure buddy.
    Wrecka: You want some? Come on then! I'll take you on! I'll take you all on!
    Announcer: Easy, pal, you're here to beat on the Spore, not the crowd!
    Wrecka: (calms down) yeah, you're right. (starts singing as he strides into the ring) Vindaloo, vindaloo, vindaloo, vindaloo na na! Oway, oway oway oway! (vaults into the ring)
    Referee: Okay, you know the rules. The rule is: there are no rules. Now kick ass!
    (Chibi-Usa spits on the floor. Wrecka does likewise, but somehow manages to miss the floor. :)
    (Chibi runs screaming at Wrecka. He pulls out a huge axe and swings at her. She jumps back and grabs her Luna-P thing)
    Spore: Luna-P Change! (Luna-P changes into her hypnotising umbrella and she twirls it in Wrecka's face)
    Wrecka: Cor, bright in 'ere. Good thing I've got dese, den. (Pulls out a pair of shades) That's better! (Chops the umbrella in half)
    (The Spore throws some hearts at Wrecka, but Wrecka just spits on them and they fall)
    Wrecka: Come on then, that the best ya can <bleep>in do? Come ooooooon! Ya fatheaded slag! (Swings axe at the Spore's head. She jumps to one side)
    Commentator: Well, this is a battle royal. Wrecka has clearly done his homework, and he knows just what the Spore can throw at him. And the Spore clearly doesn't know a thing about... err... whatever they're called down where he comes from!
    Wrecka: (shouting) SCOUSERS, YER DUMB TWAT!
    Commentator: Err, yeah, sure.
    (Wrecka starts swinging at the Spore again, and she starts jumping backwards to avoid his swipes)
    Wrecka: Ya cahn't <bleep>in run ferever! Call yer ma, yer not comin 'ome!
    Usagi: (from the sidelines) GOOD!
    Ami: (to Usagi) but she's your daughter!
    Usagi: Says who? (to Wrecka) Cut her head off!
    Wrecka: I've <bleep>in 'ad enuff! (pulls out a chaingun) Suck hot lead, yer pink whore! (starts firing at Chibi-Usa. Chibi-Usa explodes into a million bits)
    Wrecka: (turns to the crowd) Thank you! Another one gets wrecked by Da Wrecka! Thank you!
    (The parts of Chibi-Usa join together and turn back into her. She creeps up behind Wrecka and whacks him over the head with the hammer she conjured up before)
    Wrecka: ow (collapses and starts to crawl out of the arena)
    Chibi-Usa: Next!

(Fifteen minutes later)

    (There is a rumble outside the arena. Someone goes to look, then scrambles out of they way as an M1 Abrams tank smashes through the door)
    Wrecka: (from the tank) I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN, YER NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN, I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN, (points to Chibi-Usa) YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!
    Chibi-Usa: (squeaks like a cornered rat)
    Wrecka: Ahahahahahahahaha! (Fires)
    (The ring explodes into a thousand bits. Wrecka peers through the smoke, and spots something pink.)
    Wrecka: DAMN SPORE! STAY DOWN! (Fires at pink thing. Pink thing blows up, splattering blood and bone over the crowd)
    Crowd, all at once: (start retching)
    One spectator: AGH! NO! I'VE BEEN CONTAMINATED BY THE SPORE! AGH! SOMEONE HELP ME! (collapses on the ground and starts thrashing around, then starts to mutate into Chibi-Usa)
    Wrecka: <bleep>IN SPORE! I'M GONNA <bleep>IN FRAG YA TO HELL AN BACK! (Fires at mutant Chibi-Usa)
    (Other spectators start to mutate into Chibi-Usa. Wrecka jumps out of the tank and starts hacking at them with his big axe.)
    Chibi-Usa 1: Agh! My head! (dies)
    Chibi-Usa 2: ow (dies)
    (Shitloads of Chibi-Usas get beheaded, mangled and otherwise exterminated by Wrecka)
    Wrecka: (looking at remains of last Chibi-Usa) Eat my shit!
    Commentator: Yet another exciting edition of 'Kill The Spore'! Tune in, same time, same place, for more action! (The Spore'll probably be back by then)

Da Wrecka wrecks the Spore Part 2
by Da Wrecka

Celebrity Deathmatch again...

    Nick Diamond: And here we are for another exciting battle in 'Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill the Spore!' In the blue corner, we have two seperate extremes of the Lakacua family, Tenchi wielding the Illumina sword, the founder and president of Lakacua, and one of the most recently confirmed Chibi-haters, Da Wrecka!

    All the members of Lakacua and Project C.U.R.E. cheer the two Chibi-kickers. All the members of Project C.U.T.E. and Project C.H.I.P. boo the two Chibi-kickers.

    Gomez: In the pink corner, we have the one, the only, the Princess Pest of Crystal Tokyo, Chibi-Usa! Standing next to her is her number one fan, Phoenix!

    Same sorta thing happens. The Chibi-slaves cheer, the Chibi-kickers and Project C.H.I.P. boo.

    Diamond: Hey, what's going on? Looks like the two Chibi-kickers are having a conference. Jesus knows what kind of diseased methods of fungicide they're dreaming up together.
    Gomez: Yeah, when two minds festering with hatred get together, who knows what kind of diabolic evils they can dream up. Hang on, they've broken their conference and they're heading towards the centre with Chibi-Usa and Phoenix.
    Ref: Ok, I want a good clean fight. No shots below the belt, understand?
    Wrecka: (sniggers) Gonna be 'ard fer the Spore, she's too <bleep>in short to get over my belt.
    Chibi-Usa: I'm gonna get revenge for that last match!
    Wrecka: Yeah, sure, maybe in a parallel universe, but not in this reality. Thought ya woulda learned by now. (Smacks forehead) I'm sorry, I fergot. Ya need a brain to learn anything.
    Ref: Enough already, kick some ass!

    Chibi-Usa spits on the floor, as does Phoenix. Tenchi and Wrecka exchange glances, then do likewise, missing the floor completely ^_~. They all head back to their respective corners, Phoenix and Chibi-Usa clearing spittle from their faces. :->
    The competitors eye each other, psyching themselves up for battle. Wrecka pulls out the axe he used to kill all the Chibi-Usas in his last match against the Spore, and growls at the Chibi-slaves. Chibi-Usa pulls out her Moon Stick. Tenchi whips out the Illumina sword. Phoenix pulls out a chainsaw. Wrecka puts his axe away and pulls out a BIGGER chainsaw. Phoenix looks a bit ill.

    Gomez: Chibi-Usa pulls out her Luna-P thing and turns it into... oh my God, she's turned it into a rocket launcher! It doesn't look good for the Chibi-kickers!
    Diamond: Hey, wait, what's that thing Wrecka's got? Oh, my God, he's just NAILED that Luna-P right between the eyes! Gotta love that corkscrew!
    Gomez: That's right, Nick. Looks like the long-range shenanigans are over, as the competitors race each other. Wrecka's taking on Chibi-Usa! Looks like she's really pissed about that last defeat at Wrecka's hands.
    Diamond: And Tenchi's taking on Phoenix. They've both been dying to get at each other's throats, and you can see that now! Tenchi's Illumina sword is just tearing through Phoenix' chainsaw like it's butter! But Phoenix has got a hold of Tenchi's throat. Looks bad for the president of Lakacua.
    Gomez: No, wait! Wrecka's got his hands on the Spore's neck, and what's he doing now? Wow, it looks like he's been paying attention to his leader's lessons, he looks like he's about to drop-kick her into orbit!
    Diamond: AND THERE SHE GOES! Wow, did you ever see a screaming comet? I have now!
    Gomez: Wait, Wrecka's doing something. What the hell is that thing he's got? Oh wait, it's some sort of retractable whip. And he's caught the Spore around the ankles, what in God's name is he doing?
    Diamond: Well, judging from that sharpened wooden stake he's holding, he's going to kebab her.
    Gomez: Wow, this I gotta see. And Wrecka pulls sharply on his whip, and Chibi-Usa is flying backwards towards the stake! Well, she's definitely from Hell, but is she a vampire? Looks like we're about to find out!
    Diamond: YOW! Even I felt that! A stake through the butt... not a pretty sight...
    Gomez: AND NEITHER IS THAT! Wow, Chibi-Usa's head has been torn from her body and is stuck on the end of the stake, while her headless body quivers on the bottom of it! This is brutal!
    Diamond: She sure deserved it, though.
    Gomez: You're not wrong there, Nick. Oh, man, that's gross! Wrecka's set a part of the ring on fire with his flamethrower, and he's grilling her head! Is he... he is! He's eating her head! That is way too disgusting even for me!
    Diamond: I agree totally. Let's concentrate on the Tenchi v. Phoenix grudgematch that's been simmering for years!
    Gomez: And Tenchi scores a lucky kick at Phoenix' head! But Phoenix gets up and charges Tenchi! Tenchi dodges... and goes smack on to Wrecka's chainsaw! Ow, man, Phoenix'll be feeling that in the morning!
    Diamond: No he won't, just take a look a that! Wrecka is turning Phoenix into kitty-sized kibbles! Now this is gross!
    Wrecka (holding up a chunk of Chibi-Usa flesh): Luna, fancy a bit of chow? (Luna retches at the suggestion) Just a thought.
    Gomez: And it's another fantastic victory for the Chibi-kickers! Uh oh, hold on, the Chibi-slaves are looking pissed...And they're storming the Chibi-kickers! The whole of Lakacua and Project C.U.R.E. are jumping in the ring to save Tenchi, but Wrecka seems happy just to stand there and kick butt!
    Chibi-kickers: You've done your job, Wrecka, let us have some fun!
    Wrecka: Sure thing, get stuck in! (slices another member of C.U.T.E. open whose innards spill on to the ground)
    Diamond: And we now have a huge general melee on our hands! All of the Chibi-kickers and all of the Chibi-slaves are fighting each other! Now THIS is an unexpected development! The Chibi-slaves are fighting to restore the honor of their Messiah, while the Chibi-kickers are just kicking ass! What a fight!

    (The fight rages for several hours. Eventually, every Chibi-slave has either been maimed, murdered or has run off like a whippet with a sphincter full of dynamite)

    Wrecka: (starts singing) We are the champions, you are the losers, we are the champions...
    (everyone else joins in) You are the losers, we are the champions, you are the losers...

    (A voice is heard, accompanied by a pink <shudder> light) You may have won the battle, but you have yet to win the war, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

The End
For now...