by Rich Wilson
To the tune of "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel (I believe). Unfortunately, I could find only one lousy MIDI, so the timing may not be great.
"The problem's 'cause of her big pink head," Pluto said to me
My daughter always behaves quite unnaturally
and I want to keep her from flirting with her daddy
There must be fifty ways to kill the pink spore
She said, "instead of a stitch you'd need quite a suture"
As she explained the dire consequences to the future
But I repeat myself: I want to kill that moocher!
There must be fifty ways to kill the pink spore
...fifty ways to kill my daughter
Make her breathe less, VesVes
Feed her rotten tuna, Luna,
Don't me why, Fish Eye, just take it from me
Smack her with her fan, Wiseman, just follow the plan
Don't be a patsy, Catsy, just set us all free
Make her neck leak-ah, Ririka
Get your hands dirty, Birdie
No need to worry, Massanori, just listen to me
Slap her with your fin, Kirin, we're bound to win
You hate her too, Hotaru? See what your glaive can do
She said, "Now you will understand all my pain"
It took me quite a while to get her to open up and explain
I said, "What is it about *me* that you disdain?
Isn't this about the pink spore?"
The real reason to send her back in time, I learned,
Is completely my fault for getting Sailor Pluto getting burned
'Cause when the future queen heard that for friends Pluto yearned
It was a nifty way to get rid of Chibiusa
.... I made Pluto baby-sit my daughter
Set her on fire, Sapphire
Shave her head bald, Emerald
Shove her in a burrow, Tamasaburo, after serving "bad tea"
Hit her with the bus, Rubeus, then go wash off her guts
Give her a poison dose, Elios,
and make us all free
Kill something heinous, Uranus
Wipe out a goon, Neptune
No time to be coy, elephant boy -- mess with her head
Put her in the stew, Mamoru, or I won't go near you
Stab her in her ribbies, ChibiChibi,
Until she is dead
by Rich Wilson
While painting our office hallway late into last night, "You're a Mean
One, Mr. Grinch" was playing on the radio. By 1:30 AM, fumes and
exhaustion had me singing this little song (even though I don't mind
Chibiusa too much):
You're a Mean One, Chibi U.
sung to the tune of, "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch"
You're a mean one, Chibi U.
You really are a spore
You're as cuddly as a daimon, you're as charming as a boar, Chibi U.
You are the "small lady" whom all of us abhor!
You're a monster, Chibi U.
You obnoxious li'l vole
Your brain is full of insults, you've got acid in your soul, Chibi U.
spoken I'd like to hit you with a
singing thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!
You're a vile one, Chibi U.
You put us all in peril,
You have all the tender sweetness of a raving Queen Beryl, Chibi U.
spoken Given the choice between the two of you I'd take the, um,
singing raving Queen Beryl!
You're a bad kid, Chibi U.
We really must protest
You keep putting down your mother and cause her much distress, Chibi U.
spoken Every boy who asks you out is attacked by youmas
singing For them, that is best!
You nauseate me, Chibi U.
With pink hair that looks like mold
You're a crooked little missy and your attitude is cold, Chibi U.
spoken Your behavior is an appalling example of what happens when
children never grow up and live at home, until they are over
singing nine-hundred years old!
You're a foul one, Chibi U.
You're the worst monster we've got
Your heart is full of nasty tricks, it's time that you were caught,
Chibi U.
spoken The three words that best describe you are as follows,
and I quote,
singing "You big snot!"
