Where I Belong
TITLE: Where I Belong
AUTHOR: Tiffany Flowers (tiffanyflowers2@hotmail.com)
RATING: PG-13 (for language)
ARCHIVE: SJRA, Heliopolis and Tiff and Alex's Archive. All others ask.
DISCLAIMER:

Don't own them, wish I did. Thanks to Showtime, Gekko, Double Secret, MGM, RDA and AT for the wonderful characters for the fans to write about. No infringements were intended by this author. I only own the idea of the story and the radio station, KHBC.
CATEGORY: S/J Romance and angst.
SUMMARY:

The events after "Entity" leaves Sam feeling lonely and unsure of where she belongs and gets a little help from a friend.
SEASON/SEQUEL: Season 4. There will be a sequel to this story.
SPOILERS:

Entity, Divide And Conquer, In The Line Of Duty, Children Of The Gods and The Nox.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Thanks goes out to my archiver, Alexandra, and also to my wonderful beta reader, my mother. She hardly reads my fics, but I actually talked her into beta reading this for me. Thanks gals!!!! KUDOS!!!! :-)
~*~ Thought
 ~@~ Lyrics
{ } Flashbacks
Sam's P.O.V.
SONGOLOGY:

"Feels Like Home" by Chantal Kreviazuk. Lyrics found at Ness's site. No infringements were intended by this author. Thanks to Chantal Kreviazuk for a great song.
FEEDBACK: Most appreciated.
Copyright 2001 TIFFANY FLOWERS
I lay here, staring up at the tiles of the infirmary's ceiling, bored out of my mind. Janet says that she wants to keep me here just to make sure that I won't have any side effects from the Entity.
I try to shift my position, only to suck in a sharp breath in pain and stop. I close my eyes against the sudden onslaught of pain. I can still feel the effects of the Zatnikatel shots that Colonel O'Neill had to use against the Entity. If I close my eyes long enough, I can still see the torn look in his eyes before the shot he fired at me.
Opening my eyes, I try to reposition myself again. I am able to ignore the pain and sit up a little more this time. I look to my right and see the tray table that holds a couple of space books. Daniel must have stopped by earlier, while I was asleep. I grin at the thought.
"Hey." A voice says, making me look up to the doorway.
"Daniel," I say, smiling. "How are you?"
"I was just going to ask you the same thing," Daniel replies, smiling back. "You're looking better."
"Thanks," I say. "I feel better. Still a little sore, but okay."
"That's good." Daniel says, his bright smile suddenly gone. He removes his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose.
"Daniel," I say, noticing his mood change. "What's wrong?"
Daniel explains that no one has seen the colonel since my consciousness was returned to my body. And no one knows where to find him. I just sit there and wonder where the colonel could be. Daniel also tells me about the only time that Jack confided in Daniel after the incident. He tells me that Jack felt bad for having to shoot me twice. I just stare at Daniel with sadness and surprise.
"I should go," Daniel says. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. See you later, huh, Sam?"
"Bye, Daniel." I say, trying to keep my voice steady. I lay my head back on the pillows once Daniel is gone, tears threatening to fall. I lay there for what seems like an hour, when Janet walks into the room.
Janet says that she'll let me go a day early, if I promise to take it easy. I give her that promise and go to a curtained area to change into a pair of blue fatigues. As I come out from behind the curtain, Colonel Jack O'Neill is standing in the room, his head hung slightly.
"Colonel," I say simply. "How are you?"
"I'm okay, Carter," he replies, looking up into my eyes. It's the same look he gave me in the corridor before firing the Zat gun at me. "What about you?"
"Doctor Fraiser is releasing me today," I tell him. "as long as I promise to take it easy."
"Ah," he says softly. "Look, Carter. About this whole thing. The Zat and all that. I'm so, very sorry."
"It's okay," I say, accepting his apology. "You had no choice. You did what was right, Colonel."
"Yeah," Jack says quietly. "I guess so."
As I walk out of the infirmary, the colonel follows me to my lab. I enter the room and look around, getting the feeling that I don't belong here in this room. I walk out of my lab and head to the Control Room, Colonel O'Neill still following me. As I walk down the corridors, I notice the sympathetic looks on the airmen and officers' faces as I walk by them. They pity me. They feel sorry for me.
Once in the Control Room, I see the techs, sergeants and other SGC staff look up from their work to see me enter the room. I just look around and get the same feeling I had gotten in my lab moments before. I turn and begin to walk up the stairs to the Briefing Room, when a voice stops me in my slow-paced tracks.
"Good to have you back, Major Carter." Master Sergeant Walter Davis tells me with a sympathetic smile on his face.
"Thank you." I reply quietly, barely above a whisper, then head upstairs to the Briefing Room, Jack still in tow. I finally make it to the Briefing Room and look down at the Stargate. Jack stands next to me, doing the same thing, then looks at me.
"Sam," he whispers. "are you sure you're okay? You look distracted."
"Fine, Sir." I say, not wanting to talk at this moment. I just stare at the Stargate. I turn my attention to General Hammond's office and see that he's watching us. I turn to Colonel O'Neill, give him a forced, reassuring smile, and then head into the general's office. I close the door behind me before Jack can follow me inside the office.
"General," I say, standing at attention. He waves me to a chair and I take it. "Request permission for some leave. I need to step away for a while, Sir."
"How long are we talking about, Major?" General Hammond asks me.
"At least," I pause for a minute. "a week, General."
"Understood, Major," General Hammond says. "You have it. Dismissed."
I get up and leave his office and enter the Briefing Room to a waiting Colonel O'Neill. He stands up from "his" chair and gives me a questioning look. I just shake my head "no" and walk out of the Briefing Room, heading to the elevators, getting the same sympathetic looks on my way up to the surface. No one on the surface knows about the situation with me, so I don't get the same looks from them. Only smiles and a few heartfelt "See you tomorrow, Major," comments from the SF's at the main gate to Cheyenne Mountain Complex.

***************************************
I've been home now for a while and I've been lost in thought and memories.
~*~ Why? ~*~ I think sadly. ~*~ Why would someone who cares about somebody more than they're supposed to, shoot them? ~*~
I don't really understand it. I keep telling myself that he did it to save the base, but my feelings betray that. I know he did it to save me, or release me, from the Entity. Having my consciousness held in freeze mode reminds me of Jolinar. I never wanted to go through that again and Jack knows it. I think that's why he did what he did.
{I stood in the corridor and raised my arms, while looking at the colonel, General Hammond, Daniel, Teal'c and several SF's. Judging from the looks on their faces, the Entity must have been showing fury through my blue eyes. I looked up at the grey ceiling above me and saw bolts of energy shoot up through my hands and fingers.
Suddenly, I felt a surge of energy race through my body. The energy was different than the energy the Entity was shooting through the ceiling. It went back to its previous actions, and then I don't remember anything. My world was black.}
"COLONEL!" I scream, sitting upright quickly. I pant heavily, trying to get my bearings. I look around my dark apartment and then turn on a light. I walk to the hall closet, open the door and take down a shoebox and remove the lid. I notice that my backup 9mm is still in the box and loaded, ready for use. I take the sidearm out of the holster, remove the safety, cock it and walk back to the couch.
I don't know how long I've been sitting here, gun in my hand, but I'm pulled out of my daze by the pounding on my front door. I tell whoever it is to go away. I don't even seem to notice Jack O'Neill walk into my living room moments later and stare at me with shock and horror on his face, and in his chocolate brown eyes.
"Oh, my God." I hear him whisper under his breath, but I don't pay it or him any mind or attention. I'm focused on the gun in my hands.
"Carter," Jack says softly, trying to get my attention. "What are ya doin'?"
"It's not worth it," I mumble. "I'm not worth it. You should have let me die."
"Sam," Jack says, trying to move closer, but he then realizes that I still hold my gun and stops. "don't do this. I know you don't want to do this. You can't die on me. We need you."
"Who's 'we', Colonel," I snap suddenly. "Daniel, Teal'c, Janet. YOU!"
"Yes," Jack says softly. "We all need you, Sam. You're important to all of us."
"I'm not important to you," I retort angrily. "I never was! You shot me!"
"Sam," Jack says, holding up his hands, palms facing me. "I did it to save you."
"Why," I ask. "Why bother? I never fit in at the SGC. I was never wanted in the first place and you know it. You didn't even want me on your team!"
I am now crying and holding the gun tighter. I see tear splashes on the weapon, but I don't bother to wipe them off. I feel, rather than see, Jack sit in the chair across from me.
"Sam," Jack starts, and then pauses. He looks at his hands, and then continues. "I know at first I was against your joining the team, but now I can't see the SGC without you. You're the heart of the SGC. Without you, the place wouldn't be the same."
"BULLSHIT!" I scream, standing on my feet, gun still in my hand. Jack just sits there being calm.
"Sam," Jack says, getting to his feet. "Give me the gun. It's not worth it. Don't do this. I know what you're going through."
"No," I say, pointing the gun at him. "You can't possibly imagine what I'm going through."
Jack takes a step back, shock evident on his face. I just hold the gun steady, aimed at his chest. I watch him, trying to guess his next move.
"Then tell me," Jack says, taking a step forward. "Tell me what you're going through."
"You don't care," I spit out. "You never did."
"NO!" Jack shouts, causing me to jump slightly. "I do care. I care about you a lot more than I'm supposed to. You know that, Sam."
"I don't believe you." I say, before a sob escapes from my throat. Jack tries to walk forward, but I point the gun at him again. He stops in his tracks.
"Sam," Jack says again. "Help me understand what you're going through. I want to help you."
Hearing those five words causes me to fall to my knees, the forgotten weapon between them. Jack rushes to me and takes away the 9mm, putting it as far from us as he can. He gathers me into a hug and I grasp onto him, shaking with body racking sobs.
He holds me for a long time, not saying anything. He has one hand on my back, the other in my short, blonde hair. He just allows me to cry, to be me, to be Samantha Carter. Not Samantha Carter the soldier,, just Samantha Carter the woman.
After I pull myself together, I look up at Jack and he's looking at me with concern. I just look at him, unable to say anything. He tucks what hair he can behind my ears and holds my face to look up at his. I stare into his brown eyes.
"Sam," he whispers. "I need you, want you and I can't live without you. I love you, Samantha."
"I love you too, Jack." I whisper back.
Jack stands up, pulling me to my feet. We sit on my couch and talk. I explain to Jack the feelings I had been having since Daniel told me that Jack had to fire the second shot with the Zatnikatel. I explain to him that I felt bad about what he had to do, how that feeling made me feel worse when I saw him in the infirmary the day of my discharge and how I felt he shouldn't be put in that position again. I also tell him that I don't feel like I belong at the SGC sometimes. I tell him I'm not sure where I belong.
Jack puts his hands on my face, his thumbs rubbing against my tear stained cheeks. I close my eyes at his touch. When I open my eyes, I see that Jack's chocolate brown eyes haven't left my face. I then feel his thumbs on my pink lips.
Moving his thumbs, Jack places his lips against mine, causing my stomach to do a back flip and my heart to pick up its pace. I feel his tongue trace the outline of my lips, asking for permission to enter and I don't resist.
I wrap my arms around his neck and lace my fingers in his greying hair. Jack does the same as we lay out flat on the couch. I feel his weight shift as one of his hands moves to my belt and undoes it. He then undoes the button and zipper of my jeans, pulls my black T-shirt out and runs his hands along my stomach.
I run my hands down his neck to his chest, then down his sides and to his back. I grab the material that is his shirt and pull it out of the belt line of his khakis. Then I run my fingers over the flesh of his back, causing him to shudder.
"Cold?" I ask, breaking the kiss between us.
"Nope." He answers with a grin.
I look at the shirt Jack is wearing and begin to unbutton it. He doesn't stop me. I get the shirt open and take it off of him, tossing the shirt to the floor. I run my fingers over his lightly hair covered chest. He just watches me and I look at him as he runs his hands up my sides, trying to remove my shirt. I sit up a little so he can accomplish his task. He throws my shirt to the floor with his and then runs his fingers over my chest, shoulders and arms.
I place my hands on his face, bringing it to mine. I consume his lips, my tongue filling his mouth as his fills mine. I feel him pull me up into a sitting position and puts one arm behind my back, while the other arm goes under my legs. I feel him carrying me some-where. That somewhere is my bedroom.
He lays me gently onto my bed and then kisses his way down my neck to my stomach. He stops just above my jeans. I feel his fingers trail down my stomach, over my hips and grab my jeans and underwear hems. He pulls them down towards my ankles, and then removes them completely.
He then takes the rest of his clothes off and comes back to me. I feel the weight of his body over mine and I welcome it. He places his arms on either side of my head and props himself on his elbows. He looks into my eyes and I smile the first true smile since before the Entity incident.
"I want you, Sam." Jack whispers huskily, his thumbs caressing my temples lightly. He places light, feathery kisses over my face before consuming my lips in a hungry, passion filled kiss. I lace my fingers in his hair again and kiss him back with the same hungry, passion filled kiss.

***************************************
The next morning, I wake up to the smell of fresh brewed coffee. Jack is standing in the doorway, smiling at me, coffee cup in hand. Jack is back in his khaki's from last night and is shirtless.
"Morning." Jack says. I sit up, wrapping the sheet around my chest.
"Morning," I say, smiling back. "Is that for me?"
"Yep," Jack says, walking over and handing me the cup. "Hungry?"
"Yeah sure, ya betcha." I joke, grinning up at him.
"Got breakfast ready for us then." Jack says, grinning back. He leaves the room so that I can get dressed.
Ten minutes later, I walk out of my room in fresh jeans, pale pink sweater and socks. I notice Jack has made himself at home and it feels right somehow. I lean against the doorjamb, watching him, a smile on my face. He turns around and smiles at me. A smile that I fell in love with a long time ago.
"I hope you're hungry for pancakes." Jack says, putting a plate of pancakes on the breakfast bar in front of me.
"Your world famous 'whole wheat and banana' pancakes by chance?" I ask with a huge smile. He smiles back at me and nods a "yes" answer.
I'm about to dig in, when the phone rings. I walk over to the phone, which is next to the refrigerator. As I pick it up, I feel Jack's hands on my shoulders and his lips on the back of my neck.
"Hello," I say into the phone. "Oh, hey, Janet. What's up?"
I listen to Janet talk and I answer her the best I can, being that Jack is kissing my neck. I tell her that I have company and that I'd call her back later. I return the phone back to its holder and my attention to Jack. I turn around in his arms to face him and put my arms around his neck, bringing our bodies closer together, staring into his dark brown eyes.
"Better eat before it gets cold." Jack says, sitting me down in my original spot. He takes the stool next to me and we eat our breakfast, talking about last night and how we don't have any regrets.
  
ONE MONTH LATER
I've been busy working on paperwork, missions and more paperwork. Jack and I have gotten even closer. We spend as much time together as we can. Even General Hammond seems happy for us. The general hasn't said anything to his CO's or anyone else he has to answer to. Good thing for the both of us, as it could cause problems militarily, such as being court-martialed.
SG-1 is on stand down until Daniel and Teal'c are back to full health. Our last mission didn't go very well. We got into a firefight with some Jaffa. Teal'c obtained a few minor burns from a staff weapon, while Daniel got shot in the left thigh and right shoulder blade. But at least no one died this time. Unlike the Nox planet.
Jack and I are now laying on the couch at his house, listening to the radio. He has his left arm under my back, fingers in my hair, while his right arm is over my stomach.
"This is KHBC, Colorado Springs, Colorado," the DJ says cheerfully. "This next song goes out to Jack from Samantha."
I feel Jack grin against my head. His left hand still in my hair. We close our eyes and listen to the song playing.
 
~@~ Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life             ~@~
 
I can feel Jack's heart beating against my right side of my back. His right hand begins to lightly caress my stomach and ribs, causing my skin to prickle into goose bumps.
 
~@~ If you knew how lonely
My life has been
And how long
I've been so alone
And if you knew how long I wanted
Someone to come along
And change my life
The way you've done
 
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way
Back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way
Back where I belong
 
A window breaks
Down a long, dark street
And a siren wails
In the night
But I'm alright
'Cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see
Through the dark there is light
 
If you know how much
This moment means to me
And how long I've waited
For your touch
And if you knew how happy
You are making me
I never thought that
I'd love anyone so much
 
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way
Back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way
Back where I belong
 
It feels like I'm all the way
Back where I belong         ~@~
 
When the song ends and another begins, I look at Jack. He has tears streaming down his face as he holds me close to him and I look at him with respect for showing me this rare display of emotion openly.
"This song tells you how I feel, Jack." I explain to him softly. "You made that possible for me. I love you."
"I love you so much, Sam," Jack says, getting himself under control. "Will you...."
I look at him, wondering why he stopped. He is reaching into his pocket and pulls out a small, black, velvet box. He opens it and there is a three-piece diamond ring in the box. I suddenly sit up and he does the same, but then he kneels in front of me. I look at him with a shocked look.
"Sam," Jack says with a serious tone. "will you do me the honor of being my wife?"
"Yes," I blurt out without having to think. "Yes, Jack, I will."
He places a V-shaped piece of the ring on my finger, and then kisses me. We lay back on the couch in each other's embrace.
Before I fall asleep, I look at Jack, who is asleep. I then turn my attention to the radio and hear the song, "I'll Stand By You" playing. I turn my face to Jack and kiss his cheek. He wakes up and smiles at me. He and I listen to the song and fall asleep together in each other's arms. This is where I belong. I know this now.
I am home. I am right where I am wanted, loved, needed and belong. To me, Jack feels like home. Where I belong.
 
THE   END
 
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